lk];Sam]lk];piUc]lIyiUc]:' [rit].KYt].EA,l]kUw];Sat].KY]' (PI,AQk].KY]tI<){'
lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lWc]:Tuk],emLkn]' Three Pillars of Harmony
epL;pQn]nn]mG];hQt];Sac]:sgm];kUn];miUc];tc];la}AiUw]:enL:"
Am],nn]ekL:'Am],epL;hiuc]
epL;nan];n}.mG];etl}:hQt];Sac]:sgm];piUn]:tac],ekL.yw].hiuw]."
hQt];Sac]:sgm];piUn]:tac],ekL. n}.n}.'
pQn]hUw]eKL:pp].lik]:n}.km];lQw]yw]." pp].n}.pQn]tL,sg}:mG];'
hG];epL;l}:mI;lgc]:kp];Siuw],
Kw]:Agk],kn]'mQw];An]tiUw];Tuk],emLpiUn]:tac],ekL.nn].'
El:tI:nG];muk].sum];siUw];An]mG];sac]: eK;etKw]:hUm]:pL;sgm];' Am],nn]ekL:'
An]mG];etAgn]hUw]nn]."
So you work with people. Or you will soon be working with
others. Working with others is the topic of this book. This book is to help you
have more harmonious relations with others and within the groups you may
participate in or lead.
miUw]:An]kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]Kiuc]Sac]:tUc].niuc]sgm];kn]lIlIyU,nn].'
mn];mI;lgc];Tuk], emLkn]w}.yU,yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];sm].'
lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.etl}:TUp];hn]mI;tI:nG];sum];kUn];
emLh},emLtiuc]:lIlIKw]nn].yU,"
kUn];mac]ekL.tg},kI,tL,'mac]ekL.h},kgc]trm],' eSEl:mac],siUw];
n}.Sm].hgc].kGam];'hQt];nn]" tI:An]kUn];ekL.lG]ekL.nn].hQt];tgn]:PG]tgn]:mn];kGL,kU:ekL.yU,
n}.'mn];tiun];mI;w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]"
kUv];kL:'Sc]wL:Kw]vL;mI;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]etL,kn]n} siuc]'
epL;nn]ekL:'lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].l}:Kam],vL;tac];yL.kw];yw]."
mU,sum];'Am],nn]'muk]. sum];siUw];An]kYL.lItgn];TiSut];tc];nm]Kw]n}.'
sac]:etmI;kUn];la}Tan]:la}mQw];nn].' pn]
Pgn];lIKw]mL;la}Pa},la}tac];pqk],pqk],kn]hQt];nn]w}.yU,ekL:'
piUw]:Kw]Pgm].kn]hQt];El:sc],l}: Agk],pQn]mL;lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]'
w}.nn].yU,yw]."
When people function well with each other, there is harmony.
For example, harmony is found in a good musical group. Someone plays the
guitar, someone the drums, and someone sings. Where everyone does their part,
harmony exists. But if they are in conflict with each other, then harmony is
disturbed. The best organizations or groups may have different people
contributing in different ways, but they cooperate so harmony results.
kUn];km]Pgc]:n}.mI;eAL;sL,AL,nL,yG],tan],tan],'miUn]siUc].nc],nG];tp].Siuk];nn].yw]."PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]siUw];n}.n}.'
Kw]hqc];kqn],sG]Kqc]ygn].An]lgk];la};piUc]st];kan]nG];
Kw]nn].'hQt];hG]:Kw]hqc];KiUc],Km].w}."
Kw]n}.pQn]ekL.l}:Kam],liUk]:Aap]:pn]pun]:Pgn];w}.' Am],nn]'
yuk].tac],Kiun]sn].pn]w}.'hG]:pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]ekL.niuc]:nn]."
Kw]kU:ekL.n}.hU.pgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]w}.' lgc]:wL:'Kw]l}:tqp];tt];'
Am],nn]ekL:'l}:pUc]eKL:sI.Sc],tI:tac],ekL.nn].n}AiUw]:" nG];lgk];
la};piUc]PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]ekL.niuc]:n}.sm].' mI;An]wL:'
PU:Agn]hUw]n}.lUw],l}:emLhp]. Tgm],hQt];sgm];'n}yw]." pQn]hiuw]ekL:yL,'
(nc],An]mG];etsac]:TUp];hn]'epL;mG];l}:pQn]tI:sn].
PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]') PU:Agn]hUw]kt],Kqn],kqn],Kqc]mI;Pgn];lITiuc]tI;Tiuc]tac];ekL.niuc]:
n}.' hQt];Sac]:sgm];piUn]:tac],ekL.l}:lIlI'
lUv]:nG];la};tac];Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]nn].yw]."
mG];eK;etsac]:tQk];sG].piUn];tac],ekL.hQt];pn]An]mG];KG]:pQn]nn].yU,n}ekL:'
kUv];kL:kUn];siUw]; l}:Kam],tQk];sG].hG]:ygm];Pgm].hQt];sgm];n}.'Kw]hQt];kan]Kuv]:nL,vam].nL,"
PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],
kqn],Kqc]Kw]n}.'tiUw];hQt];Tiuc]tI:Tiuc]tac];mn];l}:lIlI'mqn]:miUw]:Kw]kgc].ka},kp];Siup],kn]tc];piUn]:tac],ekL.w}.nn].AiUw]:'
piUw]:nn]El:kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]KG]:sgm];lc]PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],
Kqc]nn].yw]."
Some people have considerable power, such as in the
military. These strong leaders are strong because the system within which they
operate makes them strong. They are appointed or promoted to be a leader.
Everyone understands that they make the decisions or give orders to others. In
a strong leader system, the leader is to be obeyed. However (as you may have
found out if you are in a strong leader position) an effective strong leader works well with others in a harmonious way.
You may force others to do what you wish, but people who are forced to
cooperate do a poor job. Strong leaders are more effective when they relate
well to other people, so that the people want to follow the strong leader.
PU:Agn]hUw]tac],siUw];n}.Kw]hqc];kqn],sG]Kqc]'
ygn].lUv]:hac]:Pac]tac];yam]:tUw]kw],Kw]mI;
w}.nn].yw]."kUn];kU:ekL.n}.ygm];hUn]lc]pn]eSmuc]:pG].mgc];pG].w}.hG]:Kw]pQn]mL;PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]ekL.niuc]:'
kgp]:piUw]:la};An]Kw]tUc].niuc]hQt];Sac]:yU,nn]."Kw]sac]:etpQn]PU:Agn]hUw]
kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]ekL.niuc]:' kgp]:piUw]:An]Kw]mI;pa};hU.hn]nm]nn]."
epL;wL:mI;mG];ekL.lQw]kUv];pQn]
ekL.hU.sgm];Sa}ca}cw];la};mn];kum],TUn]:l}:lIeSEl:'
Agn]hUw]l}:nn].epL;wL:n}siuc]' kUn];miUc]; tc];la}n}.'
etmuc]:pG].mgc];pG].hG]:mG];pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]ekL.niuc]:nn].w}.yU,yw]."
Other leaders are strong because of their personalities.
Everyone steps back and expects them to be a strong leader because of the way
they act. They may be a strong leader
because of their knowledge. If you are
the only one who knows enough about the situation to lead, people will expect
you to be a strong leader.
sum];km]:Pgc]:n}.'Kw]mI;w}.PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn]Kqc]ekL.niuc]:"
sum];mac]siUw];n}.'n}.mI; PU:Agn]hUw]miUn]nc],'!sum];pUt].'@(Boards)' siUw];An]Aup].piUc],Pgc];cm];kan]kL.Ka}'kan]wt].w}:
SLsiUw];sw]:'Am],nn]'kan]Aqn],kYIAUw],(NGOs)'siUw];nn].'
Kw]mI;PU:Agn]hUw]l}:pQn]nm].niuc]: sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt];nn].yw]."
siUw];PU:Agn]hUw]l}:pQn]nm].niuc]:sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt];n}.' Kw]
lUw],l}:hQt];Sac]:sgm];kUn];siUw];An]Kw]nm];Agn]nn]."
Kw]lUw],l}:Pgm].hQt];sgm];PU:Agn]hUw]
tac],ekL.siUw];nn].pL;nc],kaw],"miUw]:Pgc];An]muk].sum];sum];niuc]:n}.'
tiuk].lUw],l}:tm];eKL:
tqp];tt];tL,muk].sum];mn];la}la}mQw];w}.yU,siUc].nn]nn].'
ekL.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]n}.'piUc]lUc]mn]; tiun];lUw],l}:nm];hG]:muk].sum];mn];mI;tac];yiUc];pk];sp];w}.'
eSSiup],hQt];hG]:pQn]kan]pQn]can];w}. yU,nn].yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];sm].'
hG]:tm];w}.Kp].ma}la}la}An]'Am],nn]'hgc].hQt];pac]kum]nm]nm]'
sL.siUw];n}." Sc]wL:'mG];Agn]hUw]w}.tI:nG];Sa}ca}cw];la};'An]l}:pQn]nm].niuc]:sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt];
nn].n}siuc]'
mG];tk];etlUw],emLhQt];Sac]:sgm];piUn]:tac],ekL.l}:lIlInn].yw]."
Some groups have a strong leader. Other
groups -- such as "boards" which govern many businesses,
churches, or NGOs – have cooperative
leaders. Cooperative leaders need to work together with the people they lead.
They also need to cooperate with other leaders. While the group itself makes
the decisions, the leader is essential to keep the group focused and
productive, for example, by setting agendas or conducting meetings. If you lead
in cooperative situations, you will need to work well with others.
PU:Agn]hUw]siUw];n}.n}.'
pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]nn].yw].'kWp]:wL:Kw]:l}:mI;
An]piUn]:ma}Tiuw]tUv];hn]w}.wL:Kw]pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]n}nn]." tI:nG];sum];tc];la}n}.'
yc];mI;PU:
Agn]hUw]siUw];An]Am],sG]:PU:Agn]hUw]sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]nn].'tc];nm]yU,nc],kaw],"
PU:Agn] ekL.Am],sG]::PU:Agn]hUw]sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]ekL.niuc]:n}n}.'
pQn]ekL.An]mI;eAL;sL,hUm],cm];w}.' tI:An]piUn]:tac],ekL.tqp];tt];'Am],nn]ekL:'hQt];Sac]:'nn]."
tI:n}:n}.' mn];mI;ma}mI:puin]. Kam],(Principles)siUw];pQn]pun]:tL,ekL,Sac]:hQt];hG]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].'
An]lQw]miUn]kn]kUv];' An]PU:Agn]hUw]sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]nn].'el:tc];'
PU:Agn]Am],sG]:sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]Kw]et l}:kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];miUn]kn]"
tI:Et.mn];n}.' ma}mI:puin].Kam],siUw];n}.'pQn]tL,kUn];kU:ekL.
Aw]kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];'
mqn]:miUw]:Kw]l}:kp];ka},kn]tc];piUn]:tac],ekL.w}.nn].yw]."
These leaders are formal leaders because they are
identified as the leaders. There are also informal leaders in groups. An
informal leader is one who influences what others decide or do. The same
principles for building harmony apply to informal leaders as well as formal
leaders. In fact, the principles apply to everyone when they relate to others.
ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];nn].(principles)n}.' pQn]An]l}:Aw]kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];kL:
tI:nG];An]fic]:Ec:fic]:Tuc];pqk],piUc]:kn]eSmI;lgk];la};piUc]yum],mat]:pqk],pqk],kn]nn].El:Sc]'tI:mI;pa};muc]:hn]nG];km],PL,elL;kpqk],pqk],kn]nn].El:Sc]'
tI:mI;hac]:Pac]Agn]hUw]pqk],pqk], nn].El:Sc]'siUw];n}." kUv];kL:'la};Aw]ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];nn].km]kYac].hQt];sgm];(practiced) n}.Et.'
etpqk],piUc]:kn]tc];nm]tc];la}w}.yU,eS' etAic]niUw]fic]:Ec:fic]:Tuc];'SPL,wla};
Agn]hUw]'El:piun];muk].sum];'siUw];nn].yw]."
etL:nc],la};Aw]Piuk];km]kYac].hQt];sgm];nn].ekL:'
yc];etsac]:pqk],piUc]:kn]'Et,Aw]tI:ekL.niuc];tc];ekL.niuc]:nn].kGL,yU,"
The principles apply in different cultures with
different belief systems, world views, and leadership styles. But how the principles
are practiced will differ widely, depending on the culture, the type of
leadership, and the history of the group. The practices will also vary from
person to person.
ma}mI:piun].Kam],An]niuc]:n}.sm].'
PU:Agn]hUw]An]wL:n}.' lUw],l}:mgk],lat]:Sac];Sac]; lac];pn]piUn]:tac],ekL.'
lgc]:miUw]:An]mn];Pgm].l}:sG]'El:tc];miUw]:mn];Am],Pgm].l}:sG]nn]."
kUv];kL:'
la};Piuk];km],kYac].hQt];sgm];ma}mI:piun].Kam],nn].n}.'sac]:pqk],piUc]:kn]kGL,'nc],An]Sa}ca}
cw];la};mn];pqk],piUc]:kn]nn].yU,yw]." An]Enw}.tI:tG]:n}.sm].'pQn]la};An]siUw];KG]:lat]:wL:'
!Am],'@(miUw]:Am],Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];')(disagreeing)n}nn].'lUv]:tc];eKL:kGam];pqk],pqk],kn]nn].'
One principle is that the leader needs clearly tell others
when they agree and when they disagree. But practicing that principle is done
in different ways in different situations. Here are some different ways of
saying "no" (disagreeing) in different settings:
!eSL;rI;(Sorry)AL;nL,Et.KL:yw].'nG];pIn}.Et.hw];Am],sac]:hQt];An]nn].KL:"yUw]eK;pIetmL;hiuw]'@An]wL:n}n}.'epL;pQn]nG];tI:pac]kum]Aup],AUw];kn]nG];miUc];yUAqt].S](US)n}.siuc]'--mn];pgc],wL:'!Am],hQt];'@n}nn].yw]."
“I’m very sorry, but we can't do that this year. Maybe next
year." -- That means "no" in a US meeting.
!eAL:KL:&'--sG]:eAL:'--Am],sG]:"@--epL;wL:n}n}.'mI;eKL:kGam];km];liun];Sut];nn].
kUv];TiUk]:np].Sgn],Aw]" El:'
mG];lUw],l}:yU,sm]sm]eSTgm],hG]:yin];eKL:SQc]:AUn]:AUn]:
Agn],km];liun];Sut];nn].yw]."
"Yes! ...Yes. .....no." -- Only the last word
counts, and you may need to listen closely for a very soft last word.
!pQn]pa};wUn].A}a,tI,yiUw],(idea)lIyU,AiUw]:n}.'@epL;wL:n}Et.'--'kL:sUw]:p},wL:mn];pQn]
pa};wUn].Aa},tI,yiUw],'!yG],lUc]'@n}nn].'
kU:ekL.hU.sgm];lgc]:wL:eKL:tgp],mn];pQn]' !Am],hQt];'@ nn].yU,"
"That's a good idea!" -- As it was not called a "great"
idea, everyone knows the answer is "no".
!sw]:'yUw]eK;hw];lUw],l}:yiUn].w}.km];Agn],niuc]:yUw].?'@--epL;wL:n}siuc]'--pQn]la};
lat]:wL:'!Am],hQt];'@n}pn]tI:PU:Agn]hUw]tI:nG];miUc];yU,Aqt].S]'(US)ekL.niuc]:nn].yw]."
"Sir, perhaps we should just hold off on that for a
little while?" -- Saying "no" to a leader in the US.
ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];mI;nG];pp].n}.'luk].tI:ciUn]:tiun];Sgc],tI:nn].mL;"
ciUn]:tiun];An]niuc]; n}.sm].'pQn]Sa},kUw],pa};sG]mU,sum];Puc]kUn];(Social Psychology)nn].yw]." Sa},kUw],pa};sG]mU,sum];
Puc]kUn];n}.'
lQp]:hQn];lgc]:An]kUn];hw];ekL.niuc]:tc];niuc]:hQt];hiuw]kp];ka},kn]'n}nn]."
kQw], lgc]:An]wL:kUn];hw];ekL.niuc]:tc];ekL.niuc]:hQt];huiw]kp];ka}kn]n}n}.'
mn];yam]:mI;mL;la};KUn]. Sgk]:hLeSlQp]:hQn];w}.Aan],hQc]Aan],miun],mn];yw]."
la};KUn].Sgk]:hLeSlQp]:hQn];siUw];nn]. n}.pQn]la};pa};Sa}'
An]KG]:pgc],wL:'Kw]yip];tiuw];KiUc]:la};KUn].Sgk]:hLla}la}mQw];' An]Kw]:pL;la};
sqt]:sam];tc];nm]lUc]nn].eS' tL,etEm;sqt]:Em;AUpa};hU.hn]'An]hw];mI;w}.lgc]:wL:kUn];
ekL.niuc]:tc];ekL.niuc]:hQt];hiuw]kp];ka}kn]'n}nn].yw]."
m}amI:piun].Kam],siUw];An]l}:hp].mk];mn]: w}.'lUv]:la};lQp]:hQn];la}la}mQw];yw].siUw];nn].kUv];'
etKw]:pL;w}.tI:nG];n}."tI:nG];pp].n}.n}.'
hw];l}:Aw]la};KUn].Sgk]:hLeSlQp]:hQn];w}.An]niuc]:nn].'
yip];sG].kGL,pQn]pgk]:pQn]KL,eS' hac]:
hqn];Kp].tm];pn]ma}mI:piun].Kam],An]lm],lgc]:nn].'w}.eAL:"
The principles of this book come from two sources. One
major source is social psychology. Social psychology studies how people relate
to each other. There have been thousands of research studies on how people
relate to each other. The research studies are scientific which means they use
a variety of research tools, including experiments, to refine our knowledge
about how people relate to each other. Only those principles that have been
confirmed in several studies are included here. In this book, a research
study is occasionally used to illustrate
an important principle.
la};lQp]:hQn];siUw];nn].pQn]sgm];la};pa}Sa}yw].n}ekL:'
kUv];kL:tI:pa};Sa}nn].yc];mI; pYSnL,Kgc].Km]w}.hc];mn];yU,"
pa};Sa}n}.pn]Kaw],lgc]:tac];mn];nn].kUv];' mn];Am],pn]tac]; muc]:hn]"
pa};Sa}n}.sac]:mgk],lat]:pn]hw];la};hQt];pQn]kL;lm];niuc]:n}ekL:'
mn];Am],pn]An] tL,etyip];tiuw];kL;nn].l}:" kL;lm];niuc]:n}.sac]:etAw]kGL,sG].tI:lgc]:tUc].niuc]AkYac].lu
nn].lG]'
Am],nn]tI:lgc]:tUc].niuc]mI;kL:Kn]TiUk]:tan],nn].lG]'siUw];n}.yw]."
kw]KL:wL:Et.'
piun].Kam],AkYac].lITiSut];piUn]:n}.'mn];Aic]niUw]lgc]:pQn]Krit]:yan],'nn].yw]."lgc]:pQn]Krit]:yan],n}.'mn];Aic]niUw]An]l}:pQn]mL;nG];puin];tc];nm]tc];la}nn].w}.'mn];km].Tqm]pn]piun].Kam],
mI;kL:mI:Kn]'
mQw];An]muk].sum];lG]ekL:sm]pQn]lUw],l}:mI;pun]:tL,la};Kiuc]Sac]:Kw]nn].'
El:tL, Kw]mL;yUc];sG]hw];hQt];lgc]:lIeSsg}:piUn]:tac],ekL.nn]."
nG];m}amI:piun].Kam],cw]:piuc];lgc]:pQn]K rit]:yan],km]:nm]nn].'miUn]siUc].nc],An]wL:'
hG]:Siuw]:yUw];' n}n}.'pQn]An]l}:tac];km].Tqm]w}. yw].eS'
Aw]tUc].niuc]Kuic]Sac]:nG];fic]:Tuc];kU:An]An]' w}.yU,yw]."
piun].Kam],Aman],JtL;Ti Sut];n}.'--pQn]An]wL:'
TL,wrL.JPL;sw]:hk].kUn];miUc];tc];la}kU:ekL.'El:hw];hL;siUw];n}.ekL:
tk];lUw],l}:hk].kUn];him];hgm];hw];nc],hw];hk].tUw]sw]:kw]hw];nn].'--An]n}.pQn]An]km].sg}:
pn]piun].Kam],lITiSut];'
pun]:tL,miUw]:An]kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]kp];ka},kn]ekL.etL,ekL.n}.' hG]:
epL;mI;lgc]:Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]"
The studies may be scientific, but there is a problem with
science. Science gives information but not perspective. Science can tell us how
to build a car but not how to use it. A car may be used for immoral activities
or for worthwhile activities. For me, the best
moral base is Christianity. Christianity is based on historical events,
supports the basic values necessary for any group to function, and motivates us
to do good and help others. It's most basic principles, such as being honest,
are supported in every functioning culture. It's most basic truths --such as
God's love for all people and we should love our neighbor as we love ourselves
-- provide the best basis for people to relate to each other with harmony.
Sa},kUw],pa};sG]n}.lItI:An]tqm]:Sp];lqc];En'
lgc]:kUn];hw];ekL.niuc]:tc];ekL.niuc]:
sac]:tum].tiUw].kn]siUc].hiuw]n}nn].yw]." kUv];kL:Sa},kUw],pa};sG]n}.sm].'
mn];Am],sac]:Tt]; Sin]pn]tI:An]wL:'
pQn]An]tqm]:Sp];lqc];pn]Pa},lgc]:ygk];kUn];nn].hiuw](nG];eKL:kGam];Pa},K
rit]:yan],n}.hgc].wL:'!SPL,wkUn];tiun];mI;ApYt]:'@)' Am],nn]ekL:'mn];pQn]An]tqm]:Sp];
lqc];pn]Pa},lgc]:lIkUn];nn].huiw].(nG];eKL:kGam];Pa},Krit]:yan],n}.hgc].wL:'!hun],hac]:JPL;sw]:'@
An]hw];hL;siUw];n}.l}:Kam],hQt];pQn]w}.nn].')
n}Et.ekL:'mn];Am],sac]:Tt];Sin]pn]l}:nc], kaw]," mI;lgk];la};piUc]kL:Kn]yG],miUn]nc],An]pQn]Krit]:yan],nn].An]lQw]kUv];'
sac]:hQt];pn] An]nn].l}:"
Psychology is good at describing how people affect each
other. But psychology cannot judge whether that is a descripton of the bad side
of people (in Christian terms, the "sinful nature of people") or whether it is a description of the good
side (in Christian terms, the "image of God" in which we are all
made). Only a value system such as Christianity can do that.
An]lIsUm];SiUw];sgm];eSepL;l}:tUk];sG]Aw]An]niuc]:n}.'
pQn]An]kw]KL:l}:TUp];hn] vL;Pgc];miUw]:kw]KL:pQn]ekL.Pgc];cam];Tam];kan]sw]:'
El:tc];pQn]PU:emLSa},kUw],pa};sG]ekL.niuc]: nn].yw].'An]nn].sm].'
pQn]An]wL:ma}mI:piun].Kam],Sgc]An]n}.' Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];kn]sm]kn]
w}.yU,tI:lp].lp].nn].epL;kL:hiuw]n}yw]." pQn]ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];An]Pa},Krit]:yan],Kw]'
pUc] Sgn]w}.pn]sQm]miUw]:la}hUw]pak],pIyw].nn].'
pQn]ma}mI:piun].Kam],An]Pa},Sa},kUw],pa};sG]l}:hLhn]wL:'
mn];pQn]An]sg}:An]Tqm]Tiuc]tI:lI:' pun]:tL,Tuk],emLkn]nn].Et.Et.'n}yw]."
One of the delightful surprises that I have found while
being both a minister and a psychologist is how closely the principles
underlying those two agree. The principles that Christianity has taught for
centuries are the principles that psychology is finding most helpful for
harmony. Of course, these principles are practiced differently in different
cultures, such as in the days of the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the
multiple cultures of the contemporary world.
tI:tc]:Et,pp].Piun]n}.n}.'l}:mI;w}.pw].mn];Sgc]lgc]:Sgc]tgn]:"
pw].mn];siUw];nn].n}.' pQn]piun].Kam],cw]:mn];Et.Et.nn].El:'epL;Am],pL;Kw]n}siuc]'ma}mI:piun].Kam],lgc]:Agn]hUw]nn].
ekL:'tiun];etAm],sac]:Agk],pQn]kan]pQn]can];Sc]l}:lL;lL;" ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];wL:mL;n}.'
tk];sac]:etmI;la};Piuk];kYac].km]hQt];Sac]:pqk]pqk],'kL:tI:nG];fic]:Ec:fic]:Tuc];pqk],piUc]:kn]nn].n}yU,ekL:'
ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];n}.n}.'
yc];tiuk].pQn]An]l}:yip];mn]:pn]:kqn],w}.nn].yw]."
There are two points to make in starting this book. These points are so basic that leadership
principles have no chance of working without them. These principles will be
practiced differently in different cultures, but the principles still hold.
pw].ma}An]niuc]:n}.sm].'
hw];pn]hqc];sG]kUn];tc];la}'hG]:Kw]K}:Enlgc]:An]Kw]hU.' El:
An]Kw]l}:Kam],sL;nG];sG]siUc].hiuw]n}nn]."
An]wL:hw];hQt];hG]:mI;Pgn];lITiuc]tI:Tiuc]tac];mn]; l}:'
tan],nm].kt].Kaw],lgc]:tac];An]pn]hw];w}.nn].kUv];n}n}.' mn];sG]:Et.sG]:wL:Am],
Pit];Am],piUc]:yw]." Sc]wL:kUn];tc];la}n}.'
Am],Agk],sG]KG]:la};can];pgc],Kaw],pn]' nc],An] pQn]An]mI;w}.Et.nn].n}siuc]'
epL;pQn]nn]ekL:' hw];ekL:yw].' piUn]:tac],ekL.nn].ekL:yL,'
etsac]:kGL,tm];eKL:tqp];tt];lITiSut];l}:siUc].nc],hiuw]?"
An]n}.tiUw];pQn]pYSnL,Kgc].Km]' tL,PU:Agn]hUw],kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]nn].'
nL,liUw]eSPU:Agn]hUw]l}:pQn]nm].niuc]:sG]lQw]Pgm].kn] hQt];nn].AiUw]:"
nc],hw];pQn]kUn];n}.'epL;hw];wUn].tL,etK}:EnKaw],lgc]:tac];mn];pn]'tI:PU:
Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]ekL.niuc]:nn].'
hw];nqt]:kiuc].kc].lgm]lam];wUn].tUv];'lgc]:wL:An]PU:
Agn]hUw]n}.ettgp],pn]Kiun];siUc].hiuw]n}nn].km];lQw]" epL:wL:mn];etL.Et.pQn]Kaw],caw];kUv];
n}siuc]'
PU:Agn]hUw]n}.Am],kYOik]:'sgc],hw];etl}:Kam],vL;En;tac];Pit];hiuw]?"
hQt];n}El:sc], wL:'kUn];tc];la}n}.eK;etAm],K}:EnKaw],caw];mn];'
kL:mI;tc];mUt];nn].pn]tI:PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]"
An]pp].n}.Kam],Aw]pun]:Pgn];w}.nn].sm].' pQn]hw];hQt];pn]tL,hG]:mI;lgc]:AL,mKam],'tI:An]wL:
kL:pQn]Kaw],lgc]:tac];An]kp];ka},kn]tc];mUt];n}.'hG]:l}:K}:Enpn]kn]'
nc]hiuw]hG]:epL;sac]:tm]; eKL:tqp];tt];An]pQn]l}:lITiSut];nn]."
hw];etAup],AUw];lgc]:n}.kGL,Tqc]:nm]nm]' tI:nG];
tgn]:kQw],lgc]:tac];yum],ym]'nn].yU,yw]."
One point is that we encourage people to share what they
know and how they feel. It is indeed true that we are only as effective as the
quality of information that we are given. If people do not feel free to report
things as they truly are, then how can we or the other people make the best
decisions? This is more a problem for a strong leader than with a cooperative
leader. Being human, when we think about sharing information with a strong
leader, we immediately wonder how the leader will react. If it is news the
leader does not like, will we be blamed? And so people may not share all the
news with some leaders. This book assumes that we work to ensure that all
relevant information will be shared in order to make the best possible
decisions. We will talk about this more in the section on Trust,
pw].ma}TiSgc]lgc]:tL,hG]:Tuk],emLkn]tc];piUn]:tac],ekL.n}.sm].'pQn]An]hw];w}.StilI
lIeSwUn].K}:sG]tUv];'tam],An]sac]:l}:Kam],Kaw];hiuc]'ygn].eKL:tqp];tt];An]niuc]:nn].yw]."tL,etwUn].hn]mqn]:tam],siUw];An]etkiuc].kac].pQn]mL;sgm];'
miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];' Am],nn]'wUc]: etmL;nn].mn];ca}:yU,"
kUv];kL:'hw];lUw],l}:wUn].K}:sG]tUv];' tam],siUw];An]sac]:etpQn]nG];'
liUn]etmL;'pIetmL;' El:Am],kL;pL;Tqc]:hL:pImiUw];nL:nn].kgn],yw]."
tI:tqk]:mn];sm].' Kp].ma}Pqn]kan]An]niuc]:n}.sgc],etl}:wL:mn];lIEt.Et.yU,n}hiuw]'
epL;wL:mn];pQn]kan]nG];pI n}.eS'
kUv];kL:mn];Sm].yUt];pqt]:hqc];ciun];tiun];lac];hw];nm]nL,nL,'Aw]muk].sum];epL;l}vL;
tac];tuk].yap],Kan]sG]Siup],lam];tam];put]:kn']
Et,Aw]yam];lQw]kGL,han].etL,Tiuc]hL:pInn] epL;n}?"
sgc],mn];etpQn]An]hQt];hG]:piUn]:hn]lIhw];hiuw].' epL;wL:hw];pn]ktietsg}:eSekL.
ekL.nG];liUn]etmL;n}eS' kUv];kL:Sm].Am],tgn].hQt];sgm];nc],nn]eSpgk]:n}.?"
Pgc];miUw]: mn];Am],mI;pYSnL,Kgc].Km]' tL,miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'
Am],nn]'wUc]:nL:wUc];liun];hw];nn].Sc]n} eStL.ekL:' An]kat]:kGL,n}.'sac]:pQn]etLpit].Kiuw]:liut];lUm].tL,hw];nG];pIetmL;nn].yw].'
piUw]:wL:hw];pn]ktilupqt]:tI:n}:"
The second point for harmony with others is that we
carefully consider the long-term consequences of a decision. It is easy to
think of what the immediate consequences will be for the next day or the next
week. But we also need to think of the consequences for the next month, the
next year, and even the next five years. For example: is a program really good
if it works this year, but drains so many resources that the organization has a
hard time continuing five years from now? Will it help how others view us if we
promise to help someone next month, but never do it? While it is no problem for
our next day or week, that failure could be a major stumbling block next year as
ours here we broke our promise.
n}.sm].pQn]An]lItqk]:niUc];An]niuc]:'
An]wL:' hw];lUw],l}:wUn].K}:sG]lgc]:tam],'siUw];
etsac]:pQn]nG];hL:pIetmL;'nn].n}yw]." mI;kUn];ekL.niuc]:n}.'
l}:hp].ciun];tac];lU,tL,hQt]; hUc];tiUk]:mG],lc]niuc]:pun]:tL,muk].sum];Kw]"
Am],Tac],Am],TiUm]Sc]eS' kUn];ekL.nn].n}.Am],
tUv];kGL,tL,hL:pImiUw];nL:nn].Sc]yw]."
Kw]Aw]ciun];nn].yw].eSKa}.Kw]:yU,nG];hUc];tiUk]:mG],'
tI:An]mn];lItL,miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];' tL,wUc]:nL:wUc]:liun];'tL,liUn]etmL;'
El:tL,pIetmL;' kUv];nn]." hQt];nn]eS'
Tiuc]miUw]:pUn].kGL,hL:pIyw].n}.'Kw]hU.mqn]:wL:Kw]TUp];pYSnL,Kgc].Kam]
An]niuc]:w}.n}"
tL,hUc];tiUk]:nn].Kw]l}:SQc]:ciun];nm]wL:nm]sgm];kU:pIkU:pI'tL,kL:f};fL.'el:
kL:hqc];siUw];yip];sG].tiuw];l}:'Aik],pL;kL:Em;kum];lum];lL;hUc];tiUk]:'sL.siUw];n}.nn]."
wa};eShL: pIpUn].kGL,nn].' Kw]l}:tUk];sG]Aam];Aw]An]wL:'
Kw]lUw],EPciun];pt].kYqt].w}.tL,kL:Em;kum];
lum];lL;hUc];tiUk]:nn].tc];nm]lUc]'n}" ciun];An]l}:mL;tI:hLciun];kgc]kac]nn].'
mn];pQn]An] tk];lUw]l}:Aw]sG].sa},km].Tqm]tI:hUc];tiUk]:nn].kUv];' Am],Aw]kGL,sG].sa},km].Tqm]tI:Kp].ma}
Pqn]kan]tUc].nuic]nn].l}:" Sc]wL:Kw]l}:wUn].K}:sG]w}.TL:' lgc]:tam],siUw];sac]:etpQn]mL;nG];
Kaw];tac];hL:pInn].'epL;n}Et.' Kw]epL;ettn];ygn];ekL.lU,ciun];nn].' hG]:pn]w}.pL;'ciun];
tL,kL:Em;kum];lum];lL;hUc];tiUk]:el:' tL,kL:ekL,Sac]:mn];nn].tc];nc],kn]yw]."
Here is an example of the need to think of the consequences for the next
five years. A person was offered a major donation for a new building for their
organization. Unfortunately, that person did not look 5 years ahead. They took
the money and moved into the new building – which had good consequences for the
next day, the next week, the next month, and the next year. Then five years
passed and they realize they had a problem. The building cost a lot of money
each year for electricity and other utilities as well as building maintenance.
After five years, a surprisingly large part of the budget was needed to
maintain the building. Money from fund raising had to be used to support the
building instead of supporting program activities. If they had thought about
the consequences in five years, they would have asked the donor to give money
to maintain the building as well as to build it.
kUn];AEm,rikn],Kw]'np].Sgn],w}.wL:'kzt].wL,SYic]tn],'
n}.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]yG],lUc]Sut]; nG];kL:An]miUc];Pgm].hUm]:AEm,rik'tgn].yam]:mI;mL;nn].n}AiUw]:"
mn];sa};n}.pQn]ekL.tac]tUw]'kGL,
Kuin]:pac]kum]tiUc],pac],Aup],AUw];kn]lgc]:tL,etlgt]:lqw];'
tI:l}:pQn]miUc];KUw]lUw],nI,tG]:RpitiSY Kw]w}.nn].yw]." wa};eSnn].n}.'
mn];pQn]sgm]pgc]Siuk];lUc]ekL.An]Agn]hUw]tp].Siuk];AEm,ri
kn],tiuk];tL,lgt]:lqw];Sw];eKL' pun]:kUn];AEm,rikn]nn]."
miUw]:mn];Agn]tp].Siuk];Kw]:kGL,nG]; pac]Siuk];nn].'
mn];wac];Pqn]w}.Am],kgm].kUv];wL:tL,'!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'wUc]:etmL;'El:liUn]et
mL;'@nn].kUv];" An]lm],lgc]:tgn];tac],liUw]piUn]:n}.'
mn];wac]:Pqn]w}.tL,'!pIetmL;El:hL: pIetmL;'@pL;tc];nc],kn]yw]."
miUw]:mn];l}:Kam],tac];An]Tt];Sin]tUv];' lUv]:An]Agk],
pQn]mL;wa};eSKaw];yam];An]wL:'!liUn]etmL;'@nn].n}.'mn];Am],p},sG]:sgm]pgc]Siuk];lUc]ekL.hQt];Agc],mqc],Tiuc]tI:lInn].Sc]"
pac]Siuk];An]mn];tiuk];nn].mn];Sum];km]:pL:nm]yw]." kUv];kL:'
miUw]:mn];l}:Kam],Tt];Sin]tUv];'
lUv]:An]Agk],pQn]mL;wa};eSmiUw]:pUn].kGL,Kaw];yam];An]wL:'
!pIetmL;El:hL:pIetmL;'@nn].'
mn];n}.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]yG],lUc]ekL.niuc]:w}.yw]." mn];pG].pL; yL,hG]:tp].Siuk];AEm,rikn],l}:luSum];kan].Sc]eS'
hQt];hG]:tp].Siuk];RpitiSYKw]hiUw].AUn]:nuc];
sG]kGL,;lg};lg};'eSEl:mn];hqn];tUw]:tn];w}.'
tL,tUc].niuc]Kiun]:tiuk];ep.pac]Siuk];km];liun];Sut];
nn].w}.yw]."miUw]:mn];l}:pQn]sgm]suic]:nn].'mn];mI;sG]Stilqt];lInL,nL,eS'
hU.sgm];lgc]:wL:'
An]mn];l}:Kiun]:pQn]sgm]siuc]:miUc];yU,Aqt].S]ekL.Agn]tac];Sut];piUn]:n}.'
mn];ettm];w}.pn] piUc]lIyiUc]:'
tL,hG]:sgm]siuc]:tac];la}Kw]ethQt];kGL,sgm];nG];Kaw];yam];'!hL:pIetmL;'El:hL:Sip];
pIetmL;'@nn].yw]." An]pQn]lgc]:yG],lUc]wL,SYic]tn],Agn]hUw]Agn]kn];nn].An]niuc]:sm].'
miUw]:mn];tm];eKL:tqp];tt];tc];nm]tc];la}n}.' mn];np].Sgn],wUn].K}:sG]tUv];'
An]etsac]: pQn]mL;nG];Kaw];tac];'!pIetmL;El:hL:pIetmL;'@nn].AiUw]:"
Americans consider George Washington the greatest leader
the United States ever had. He was first a delegate to meetings that discussed
being free from British colonialism. Later he was the general who lead the
American army in fighting for American independence. When he took the army into
battle, he planned for not only the "next day, next week, and next
month" More importantly, he planned for "next year and next five
years" as well. When he is judged just by the results after the "next
month", he was not a very successful general; he lost most battles. But
when he is judged by the results over the "next year and next five
years", he was a great leader. He kept the American army from being
defeated, gradually wore down the British army, and was ready to move to win
the last battle. When he became president, he was very conscious that what he
did as the first President of the US would set the model for what Presidents
would do in the "next five years and the next fifty years". Part of
Washington's greatness as a leader was that when he made decisions he considered
what would happen in the "next year and the next five years".
ma}mI:piun].Kam],tLlgc]:Tuk],emLkn]siUw];n}.n}.'
mn];sac]:etyap],tI:tL,etlQp]:hQn];' tL,tgc];'
El:tL,kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];nn].yU,'
Sc]wL:Am],Aw]Kw]Kp].Kgm]:w}.lIlI'nn]." kUv];kL:epL;wL:hw];Aw]Kw]SG],w}.nG];piUc]lIyiUc]:An]niuc]:n}siuc]'
etsac]:pgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]ca}:eS' yip];sG].tiuw];ca}:sG]ca}:eKL;yU,"
piUc]lIyiUc]:n}.etkm].sg}:pn]piUc]ekL,Sac]:tL,hw];An]nuic]:AiUw]:"
The principles of harmony can be difficult to learn,
remember, and apply if they are not organized. They are much easier to
understand and use if we place them into a model. A model provides a structure
for us.
hw];yip];tiuw];la};!lk];3lk];piUc]lIyiUc]:@An]pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.AiUw]:"
tL, lgc]:Tuk]:emLkn]n}.' mn];mI;w}.ma}mI:piun].Kam],lUc]Sam]An]"
lk];Sam]lk];siUw];n}.n}.' hUm]:hgm]; kn]eSkm].sg}:pn]cw]:piun].mn]:kuim];lI'
tI:An]kUn];tc];la}hQt];Sac]:kan]can];sgm];kn]nn].' miUn]nc],Sw]Sam]Sw]'
sac]:Tgk]:km].pac].w}.pn]han].An]niuc]:nn].yw]." kL:sUw]:Sw]lk];Sam]
Sw]nn].nim]siuc]:siuc]:mn]:tiuc]:tiuc]:w}.yU,n}.'han].nn].ekL:etnim]Sw];lIw}."
hw];sac]:hQt];
han].pL;tc];KLtw].Sgc]KLnn].l}yU,n}ekL:'kUv];kL:mn];l}:yap],nm]liUw]"
han].An]niuc]:n}.'
epL;mn];mI;KLtw].'An]lI'An]kium];KiUc],nqn]:lIw}.nn].'Sam]KLtw].'(Sw]/lk];)epL;n}'tk];etlIsG].Et.Et.wL:wL:yw]."
sc],wL:'tI:lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].ekL:etL:nc],nn]miUn]kn]yw]."
mn];ethQt];Sac]:pQn]kan]pQn]can];l}:lITiSut];
'mqn]:miUw]:Sam]lk];n}.kqn],Kqc]hqc];KiUc],w}.tc]; mUt];nn].AiUw]:"
We use the "3
Pillars Model" of harmony. There are three major principles for harmony.
Together these Three Pillars provide a firm base for people working together,
just like three posts can hold up a platform. As long as all three pillars are
sound, the platform is stable. And while it is possible to build a platform
with only two legs, it is much more difficult. A platform is truly useful if it
has three good, sturdy legs (or pillars). So it is with harmony: it works best
when all three pillars are strong.
lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]'
siUw];nn].sm].'
yum],ym]' liUc]:mn];' yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.'
The Three Pillars of Harmony are:
Trust Issues Interlocked Goals
!yum],ym]'@n}.pQn]Sw]lk];An]l}:hn]sqc]:lInL,eSpiUn]:mUt];nn]."
pun]:tL,hQt];Sac]:sgm]; kn]' lUv]:tac];Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]lIlIn}.'
kUn];tc];la}Kw]tk];lUw],l}:yum],ym]kn]" !liUc]:mn];'@An]wL:n}.KG]:pgc],wL:'
hw];Aw]sG]yiUc];pk];sp];w}.niUw]eKL:Tam]cw]:Et,mn];' siUw]; pQn]An]muk].sum];etlUw],l}:hp].tgp],etL,SU:kGL,nn].eS'
Am],pg},pn]hG]:muk].sum];l}:kGL,yap], m}:sG]sgm];epL;Am],kiuc],Am],tan],eS' hLel,Ep,sqk],siuw]:kUn];miUc];tc];la}w}.nn]."
!yiUc];ma} siUw];Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.'@n}.'mn];ca};miUn]kn]tc];'
yiUc];ma}siUw];l}:pQn]nm].niuc]:sG]lQw]Pgm]. kn]Aw]nn].n}ekL:'
kUv];kL:mn];kqn],Kqc]KiUc],Km].liUw]eSnn]." nc],hiuw]epL;etkt].kYL.lIn}.' hw];pn]hqc];hG]:kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]yiUc];pk];sp];w}.tI:niUw]'
yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.' tL,Kaw];pgt];tc];Kaw];yaw];siUw];nn].AiUw]:"
hw];ettqm]:Sp];lqc];Enpn]' lgc]:Sw]lk];siUw]; n}.kGL,sgm];lk];lG]lk];nn].' nG];tgn]:lik]:An]sqk],EPw}.tgn]:PG]mn];eKLeKLnn].yU,yw]."
"Trust"
is the most obvious pillar. People must trust each other to work in harmony..
"Issues" means that we keep the focus on the primary questions that
must be dealt with by the group, rather than letting the group be unduly
concerned with such things as labeling people "Interlocked Goals" are
like cooperative goals but much stronger. To be effective, we encourage people to focus on short- and
long-term interlocked goals. Each of these Pillars is described in a separate
section.
lk];Sam]lk];piUc]lIyiUc]:An]pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.'ethQt];hG]:mG];tiUw];kt].kYL.lItI:An]kp];ka},piUn]:tac],ekL.nn].yU,'pqk].wL:kp];kn]ekL.etL,ekL.kGL,pgk]:lG]pgk]:nn].ekL:lI'Am]nn]'etL,tc];sum];nn].ekL:lI'yU,yw]."
siUw];n}.n}.'etsg}:hG]:mG];l}:hQt];Sac]:sgm];kn]kGL,
lUv]:tac];Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]lIlInn].'km]:pL:nm]yU,"
kUv];kL:'lgc]:Am],Pgm].l}:sG]kn]n}. tiun];etepL,mL;"
eSAm],kL;'etL:nc],PU:Agn]hUw]lITiSut];n}.'yc];Am],sac]:kum];kgn];'mQw];
An]pQn]Pa},tac];ngk]:nn].l}:" piUw]:n}El:'
mac]pgk]:n}.hw];l}:TUp];hn]!An]pUk],lap]:lk];
hw];siUw];nn].w}.lk];niuc]:'@hQt];nn]yw]."
pun]:tL,lk];lG]lk];nn].n}.'hw];ettUv];sgm];'hG]:
epL;sac]:mk];ma}hU.sk];pUk]:siUw];nn].l}:eS'PQw]:Kw]pak]:Kw]pqt]:'eSyw].El:Tqc]:Tqm]hqc];pn]lk];nn].kGL,"siUw];pQn]!pUk],@An]lap]:tI:nG];'lk];3lk];piUc]lIyiUc]:nn].sm].'pQn]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]siUw];An]yL.tw]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]lk];niuc]:'yU,nn].AiUw]:"
hQt];nn] eS'hw];etwUn].K}:sG]tUv];'An]lk];Sam]lk];piUc];lIyiUc]:n}.'
etsg}:hw];kgn];lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]: tn]nn].siUc].hiuw]n}eS'
ethQt];hG]:mn];Am],sac]:yL.tw]Sw]lk];hw];kg}kGL,l}:nn].yw]."
The Three Pillars Model of Harmony will make you more effective in relating to other people,
whether one at a time or a group. They help you work together harmoniously most
of the time. But disagreements will occur.. And even the best leader cannot
control outside events. So, we sometimes find “termites eating one of our
pillars”, For each pillar, we are going to look at how to recognize the
termites, get rid of them, and strengthen that pillar. The “termites” in the 3
:Pillars Model are conflicts that undermine a Pillar of Harmony. Then we will
consider how the Three Pillars Model helps us manage conflict to keep it from
undermining the Pillars..
mn];tiun];mI;An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]kn]km]:Pgc]:nn].'
w}.tI:nG];lgc]:Agn]hUw]kt].kYL.kU: An]An]nn].yU," kUn];tc];la}Kw]n}.' k}.Kt];sG]Aan];hG]:Tuk],emLkn]n}ekL:'mn];Am],SU:lL:
lIpQn]l}:ca}:ca}:" tI:tqk]:mn];sm].'ekL.tg},tic],n}.sac]:emLtg},lQn]:lgk];nUt].(note)An]pqk], pqk],'nm]liUw]eSekL.hgc].kGam];nn].'wL:n}kgn],El:" kUv];kL:'lgc]:Am],Pgm].l}:sG]An]n}.n}.'mn];
pQn]An]lIhL.'Am],nn]An]ha}.sL.hL.?" epL;wL:mn];sg}:sum];h}tiuc]:l}:mI;nUt].SQc]lITgm],nc],
Kw]KG]:l}:nn].yU,epL;n}Et.'mn];lIyU," pQn]hiuw]ekL:wL:eSkgn],El:' epL;mG];Am],tgn].yam]:
sam];tUv];n}siuc]' mG];etsac]:emLhQt];hiuw]hLhn]lgk];nUt].An]lIliUw]nn].l}:lL,?"
piUw]:n} El:sc],wL:mn];pQn]An]hQt];Sac]:kan]can];sgm];piUn]:tac],ekL.nn].yw]."
Some disagreement exists in every effective relationship.
People try to be in harmony but it does not always work well. For example, the
guitar player may play a different note than the singer. But is this
disagreement good or bad? It is good if it helps the band find the best note
for the sound they want. After all, how can you find better notes if you never
experiment? So it is in working with others.
An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]kn]n}.mn];ha}.sL.yam];miUw]:siUc].nc],hiuw]?"
mn];pQn]An]ha}.sL.' mqn]:miUw]An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]kn]n}.'
mL;yL.kw];Aw]kUn];hw];sG]piw]yan]Pat],pqt]:tI:kan]An]
lUw],hQt];hG]:yw].nn].AiUw]:"
An]n}.pQn]lgc]:Kgc].Kam]tiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]nn]. yw]."
kL:nG];An]lk];Sam]lk];piUc]lIyiUc]:n}.' mG];etl}:hn]'An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]kn]nn].pQn]
mL;An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]'
mqn]:miUw]:mn];hQt];hG]:mI;tac];KIm}:sG]'(PiUw],tL.etmI;tac];yum],ym] nn].)'
hQt];hG]:sgm];hLel,ep,sqk],siuw]:'(PiUw],tL.etsgm];hLliUc]:mn];nn].)'eSEl:'
hQt];hG]:
mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]'(PiUw],tL.ethG]:mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.nn].)yw]."
siUw];n}.n}.sac]:yL.tw]Sw]lk];Sam]lk];nn].yw]." lUv]:An]lQp]:hQn];hG]:hU.'
mQw];An]yL. tw]Sw]lk];siUw];nn].eSEl:'
hw];sac]:hQn];hU.la};tL,ham]:tap]:Eh.SI;Kw]' Am],nn]ekL:' Aw]Kw]pin]:PUn]pqt]:'
sgm];An]lt];kGL,lUv]:lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}. AiUw]:"
hQt];nn]eSyw].'
hw];hL;pin],win],wa},Kiun];mL;hLlgc]:Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]"
When is disagreement bad? It is bad when the disagreement
distracts people from tasks needing to be done. This is destructive conflict.
In the Three Pillars model you will see that disagreement becomes destructive
when it causes Anxiety (rather than Trust), Labeling (rather than Issues), and
Competitive Goals (rather than Interlocked Goals). These can undermine the
Three Pillars. By learning what undermines the Pillars, we can learn how to
prevent them or reverse them through the Pillars of Harmony. Then we return to
harmony.
hw];yip];tiuw];eKL:kGam];hgc].wL:'!sum];@n}'
miUw]:Sc]wL:mn];mI;kUn];nm]kUn];la}w}.nG];mn]; nn].yw]."
An]n}.n}.epL;Aw]puc],man]mn];wL:Et.mqn]:yU,"pQn]hiuw]ekL:yL,'mac],pgk]:mac]lG]n}.'
kUn];hw];etAm],mL;mI;sgm];kn]w}.l}:nm]nm]pgk]:lQw]miUw]:lQw]kn]siUc].nn]"
kUv];kL:pQn]hiuw]ekL:'
m}amI:piun].Kam],siUw];n}.n}.'tiuk].Aw]kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];kGL,l}:yU,nc],kaw],'etL:nc],mn];etL.Et.mI;kUn];Sgc]ekL.sgm];kn]w}.nn].kuv];ekL:"
ma}mI:piun].Kam],hw];siUw];n}.' mn];lIsG].lIyip];'
miUw]:epL:lQc].ekL.niuc]:hQt];kan]sgm];luk]:lQc].ekL.niuc]:nn].lG]'
miUw]:sg}:Tqm]kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw] Ek:K}pYSnL,Kgc].Km]lgc]:Sun],tUw]Kw]nn].lG]'
El:Aik],'lIsG].lIyip];' tL,PUw]em;ekL.ePL, Pak]:kn]El:nL:hiUn];ey;tc];la}'Kw]nn].AiUw]:"
ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];n}.' tiuk].etpQn]kan]l}: lIyU,' pqk].Sm].wL:sum];nn].mI;w}.kUn];2'
20'Am],nn]'200ekL.nn].ekL:Am],pQn]Sc]" ma}mI:
siUw];n}.n}.pQn]kan]l}:lIyU,nc],kaw],'
pqk].Sm].wL:mG];pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]sum];ekL.niuc]:hiuw]'Am],nn]'
pQn]PU:Kw]:sum];ekL.niuc]:nn].n}ekL:yL,tL." Pgc];miUw]:wL:'
PU:Agn]hUw]n}.'pQn]ekL.mI;eAL;sL, AL,nL,yG],hUm],cm];w}.eSpiUn]:Sut];n}nn].'
PU:Kw]:sum];Kw]ekL:pQn]kUn];siUw];Kiuc]puc],sum];nn]. pn]hQt];nn]yU,nc],kaw],yw]."
lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.' pQn]An]hw];hL;
TiUk]:kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];' nc],kn]kU:ekL.tc];mUt];tc];SQc]:AiUw]:"
We use the terms “group” as if there were many people in
it. This is generally true. However,
sometimes many people may not be present together at any one time. The same
principles still apply, even if there are only two people together. Our
principles are useful when a boss works with an employee, when helping people
with personal problems, and for spouses and families. The principles work
whether the group is 2, 20, or 200 people. They also work whether you are a
leader or a member of a group. While the leader is the most influential person,
members also shape the group. The Pillars of Harmony apply to us all.
SePL;JtL;Kiuk].tgn];siUw];lIpgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]w}.'
Tuk],emLkn]'(Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]')
PU:Agn]hUw]siUw];AL,nL,yG],El:siUw];l}:pQn]nm].niuc]:sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt];'
ma}:mI:piun].Kam],'
EK.kn]tc];' km]kYac].hQt];sgm];'
piut],PiUv]eSpn]Kaw],lgc]:tac];mn];tI:piUn]:tac],ekL.'
!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'
wUc]:nL:wUc]:liun];' liUn]etmL;' pIetmL;' Tqc]:5pIetmL;'@
Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]'
piUc]lIyiUc]:lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]'---'
yum],ym]' liUc]:mn];' yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.'
KIm}:sG]'
el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:' yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]'
sum];kUn];Sgc]ekL.'
Special Concepts to Understand:
Harmony
Powerful and cooperative leaders
Principles vs. Practices
Openness to giving information to
others
"Next day, next week, next
month, next year, next 5 years"
Conflict
Three Pillars Model of Harmony:
Trust, Issues, Interlocked Goals
Anxiety, Labeling, Competitive Goals.
Group of two
