Build Hurmony & Manage Conflict - Three Pillars Moel (Richard L. Gorsuch, PhD) - Tai language excluded sixth tone

ekL,Sac]:hQt];hG]:Tuk],emLkn]

kgn];w}.lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]

(lk];Sam]lk];piUc]lIyiUc]:)

Build Harmony

Manage Conflict

(The Three Pillars Model)

rit].KYt].EA,l]kUw];Sat].KY]' (PI,AQk].KY]tI)'

lm];nG]; (Table of Contents)

lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lWc]:Tuk],emLkn]'

The three Pillars of Harmony

lk];ma}niuc]:'   Pillar One

hLhG]:l}:tac];yum],ym]' (Earn Trust)

kgn];w}.lgc]:KIm}:sG]' (Manage Anxiety)

lk];ma}Sgc]' Pillar Two

yiUc];pk];sp];niUw]liUc]:mn];' (Focus on Issues)

kgn];w}.An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:' (Manage Labeling)

lk];ma}Sam]'   Pillar Three

Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.sgm];siUw];yiUc];ma}' (Interlock Goals)

kgn];w}.yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]' (Manage Competitive Goals)

Kiun];pUk];Et,tc]:lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]' (Restoring Harmony)

Ek:lit]:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]' (Resolving Destructive Conflict)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

eKL:PUim].(k)'ma}mI:la};piUc]Kp].tam];' (Appendix A. Rules Of Order)

eKL:PiUm].(K)'eKL:kYam];lik]:Krit]:yan],' (Appendix B: Christian Scriptures)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lWc]:Tuk],emLkn]' Three Pillars of Harmony

epL;pQn]nn]mG];hQt];Sac]:sgm];kUn];miUc];tc];la}AiUw]:enL:" Am],nn]ekL:'Am],epL;hiuc] epL;nan];n}.mG];etl}:hQt];Sac]:sgm];piUn]:tac],ekL.yw].hiuw]." hQt];Sac]:sgm];piUn]:tac],ekL. n}.n}.' pQn]hUw]eKL:pp].lik]:n}.km];lQw]yw]." pp].n}.pQn]tL,sg}:mG];' hG];epL;l}:mI;lgc]:kp];Siuw], Kw]:Agk],kn]'mQw];An]tiUw];Tuk],emLpiUn]:tac],ekL.nn].' El:tI:nG];muk].sum];siUw];An]mG];sac]: eK;etKw]:hUm]:pL;sgm];' Am],nn]ekL:' An]mG];etAgn]hUw]nn]."

So you work with people. Or you will soon be working with others. Working with others is the topic of this book. This book is to help you have more harmonious relations with others and within the groups you may participate in or lead.

miUw]:An]kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]Kiuc]Sac]:tUc].niuc]sgm];kn]lIlIyU,nn].' mn];mI;lgc];Tuk], emLkn]w}.yU,yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];sm].' lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.etl}:TUp];hn]mI;tI:nG];sum];kUn]; emLh},emLtiuc]:lIlIKw]nn].yU," kUn];mac]ekL.tg},kI,tL,'mac]ekL.h},kgc]trm],' eSEl:mac],siUw]; n}.Sm].hgc].kGam];'hQt];nn]" tI:An]kUn];ekL.lG]ekL.nn].hQt];tgn]:PG]tgn]:mn];kGL,kU:ekL.yU, n}.'mn];tiun];mI;w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]" kUv];kL:'Sc]wL:Kw]vL;mI;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]etL,kn]n} siuc]' epL;nn]ekL:'lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].l}:Kam],vL;tac];yL.kw];yw]." mU,sum];'Am],nn]'muk]. sum];siUw];An]kYL.lItgn];TiSut];tc];nm]Kw]n}.' sac]:etmI;kUn];la}Tan]:la}mQw];nn].' pn] Pgn];lIKw]mL;la}Pa},la}tac];pqk],pqk],kn]hQt];nn]w}.yU,ekL:' piUw]:Kw]Pgm].kn]hQt];El:sc],l}: Agk],pQn]mL;lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]' w}.nn].yU,yw]."

When people function well with each other, there is harmony. For example, harmony is found in a good musical group. Someone plays the guitar, someone the drums, and someone sings. Where everyone does their part, harmony exists. But if they are in conflict with each other, then harmony is disturbed. The best organizations or groups may have different people contributing in different ways, but they cooperate so harmony results.

kUn];km]Pgc]:n}.mI;eAL;sL,AL,nL,yG],tan],tan],'miUn]siUc].nc],nG];tp].Siuk];nn].yw]."PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]siUw];n}.n}.' Kw]hqc];kqn],sG]Kqc]ygn].An]lgk];la};piUc]st];kan]nG]; Kw]nn].'hQt];hG]:Kw]hqc];KiUc],Km].w}." Kw]n}.pQn]ekL.l}:Kam],liUk]:Aap]:pn]pun]:Pgn];w}.' Am],nn]' yuk].tac],Kiun]sn].pn]w}.'hG]:pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]ekL.niuc]:nn]." Kw]kU:ekL.n}.hU.pgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]w}.' lgc]:wL:'Kw]l}:tqp];tt];' Am],nn]ekL:'l}:pUc]eKL:sI.Sc],tI:tac],ekL.nn].n}AiUw]:" nG];lgk]; la};piUc]PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]ekL.niuc]:n}.sm].' mI;An]wL:' PU:Agn]hUw]n}.lUw],l}:emLhp]. Tgm],hQt];sgm];'n}yw]." pQn]hiuw]ekL:yL,' (nc],An]mG];etsac]:TUp];hn]'epL;mG];l}:pQn]tI:sn]. PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]') PU:Agn]hUw]kt],Kqn],kqn],Kqc]mI;Pgn];lITiuc]tI;Tiuc]tac];ekL.niuc]: n}.' hQt];Sac]:sgm];piUn]:tac],ekL.l}:lIlI' lUv]:nG];la};tac];Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]nn].yw]." mG];eK;etsac]:tQk];sG].piUn];tac],ekL.hQt];pn]An]mG];KG]:pQn]nn].yU,n}ekL:' kUv];kL:kUn];siUw]; l}:Kam],tQk];sG].hG]:ygm];Pgm].hQt];sgm];n}.'Kw]hQt];kan]Kuv]:nL,vam].nL," PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn], kqn],Kqc]Kw]n}.'tiUw];hQt];Tiuc]tI:Tiuc]tac];mn];l}:lIlI'mqn]:miUw]:Kw]kgc].ka},kp];Siup],kn]tc];piUn]:tac],ekL.w}.nn].AiUw]:' piUw]:nn]El:kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]KG]:sgm];lc]PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn], Kqc]nn].yw]."

Some people have considerable power, such as in the military. These strong leaders are strong because the system within which they operate makes them strong. They are appointed or promoted to be a leader. Everyone understands that they make the decisions or give orders to others. In a strong leader system, the leader is to be obeyed. However (as you may have found out if you are in a strong leader position) an effective strong leader works well with others in a harmonious way. You may force others to do what you wish, but people who are forced to cooperate do a poor job. Strong leaders are more effective when they relate well to other people, so that the people want to follow the strong leader.

PU:Agn]hUw]tac],siUw];n}.Kw]hqc];kqn],sG]Kqc]' ygn].lUv]:hac]:Pac]tac];yam]:tUw]kw],Kw]mI; w}.nn].yw]."kUn];kU:ekL.n}.ygm];hUn]lc]pn]eSmuc]:pG].mgc];pG].w}.hG]:Kw]pQn]mL;PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]ekL.niuc]:' kgp]:piUw]:la};An]Kw]tUc].niuc]hQt];Sac]:yU,nn]."Kw]sac]:etpQn]PU:Agn]hUw] kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]ekL.niuc]:' kgp]:piUw]:An]Kw]mI;pa};hU.hn]nm]nn]." epL;wL:mI;mG];ekL.lQw]kUv];pQn] ekL.hU.sgm];Sa}ca}cw];la};mn];kum],TUn]:l}:lIeSEl:' Agn]hUw]l}:nn].epL;wL:n}siuc]' kUn];miUc]; tc];la}n}.' etmuc]:pG].mgc];pG].hG]:mG];pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]ekL.niuc]:nn].w}.yU,yw]."

Other leaders are strong because of their personalities. Everyone steps back and expects them to be a strong leader because of the way they act.  They may be a strong leader because of their knowledge.  If you are the only one who knows enough about the situation to lead, people will expect you to be a strong leader.

sum];km]:Pgc]:n}.'Kw]mI;w}.PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn]Kqc]ekL.niuc]:" sum];mac]siUw];n}.'n}.mI; PU:Agn]hUw]miUn]nc],'!sum];pUt].'@(Boards)' siUw];An]Aup].piUc],Pgc];cm];kan]kL.Ka}'kan]wt].w}: SLsiUw];sw]:'Am],nn]'kan]Aqn],kYIAUw],(NGOs)'siUw];nn].' Kw]mI;PU:Agn]hUw]l}:pQn]nm].niuc]: sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt];nn].yw]." siUw];PU:Agn]hUw]l}:pQn]nm].niuc]:sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt];n}.' Kw] lUw],l}:hQt];Sac]:sgm];kUn];siUw];An]Kw]nm];Agn]nn]." Kw]lUw],l}:Pgm].hQt];sgm];PU:Agn]hUw] tac],ekL.siUw];nn].pL;nc],kaw],"miUw]:Pgc];An]muk].sum];sum];niuc]:n}.' tiuk].lUw],l}:tm];eKL: tqp];tt];tL,muk].sum];mn];la}la}mQw];w}.yU,siUc].nn]nn].' ekL.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]n}.'piUc]lUc]mn]; tiun];lUw],l}:nm];hG]:muk].sum];mn];mI;tac];yiUc];pk];sp];w}.' eSSiup],hQt];hG]:pQn]kan]pQn]can];w}. yU,nn].yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];sm].' hG]:tm];w}.Kp].ma}la}la}An]'Am],nn]'hgc].hQt];pac]kum]nm]nm]' sL.siUw];n}." Sc]wL:'mG];Agn]hUw]w}.tI:nG];Sa}ca}cw];la};'An]l}:pQn]nm].niuc]:sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt]; nn].n}siuc]' mG];tk];etlUw],emLhQt];Sac]:sgm];piUn]:tac],ekL.l}:lIlInn].yw]."

Some groups have a strong leader.  Other  groups -- such as "boards" which govern many businesses, churches, or NGOs –  have cooperative leaders. Cooperative leaders need to work together with the people they lead. They also need to cooperate with other leaders. While the group itself makes the decisions, the leader is essential to keep the group focused and productive, for example, by setting agendas or conducting meetings. If you lead in cooperative situations, you will need to work well with others.

PU:Agn]hUw]siUw];n}.n}.' pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]nn].yw].'kWp]:wL:Kw]:l}:mI; An]piUn]:ma}Tiuw]tUv];hn]w}.wL:Kw]pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]n}nn]." tI:nG];sum];tc];la}n}.' yc];mI;PU: Agn]hUw]siUw];An]Am],sG]:PU:Agn]hUw]sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]nn].'tc];nm]yU,nc],kaw]," PU:Agn] ekL.Am],sG]::PU:Agn]hUw]sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]ekL.niuc]:n}n}.' pQn]ekL.An]mI;eAL;sL,hUm],cm];w}.' tI:An]piUn]:tac],ekL.tqp];tt];'Am],nn]ekL:'hQt];Sac]:'nn]." tI:n}:n}.' mn];mI;ma}mI:puin]. Kam],(Principles)siUw];pQn]pun]:tL,ekL,Sac]:hQt];hG]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].' An]lQw]miUn]kn]kUv];' An]PU:Agn]hUw]sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]nn].'el:tc];' PU:Agn]Am],sG]:sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]Kw]et l}:kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];miUn]kn]" tI:Et.mn];n}.' ma}mI:puin].Kam],siUw];n}.'pQn]tL,kUn];kU:ekL. Aw]kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];' mqn]:miUw]:Kw]l}:kp];ka},kn]tc];piUn]:tac],ekL.w}.nn].yw]."

These leaders are formal leaders because they are identified as the leaders. There are also informal leaders in groups. An informal leader is one who influences what others decide or do. The same principles for building harmony apply to informal leaders as well as formal leaders. In fact, the principles apply to everyone when they relate to others.

ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];nn].(principles)n}.' pQn]An]l}:Aw]kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];kL: tI:nG];An]fic]:Ec:fic]:Tuc];pqk],piUc]:kn]eSmI;lgk];la};piUc]yum],mat]:pqk],pqk],kn]nn].El:Sc]'tI:mI;pa};muc]:hn]nG];km],PL,elL;kpqk],pqk],kn]nn].El:Sc]' tI:mI;hac]:Pac]Agn]hUw]pqk],pqk], nn].El:Sc]'siUw];n}." kUv];kL:'la};Aw]ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];nn].km]kYac].hQt];sgm];(practiced) n}.Et.' etpqk],piUc]:kn]tc];nm]tc];la}w}.yU,eS' etAic]niUw]fic]:Ec:fic]:Tuc];'SPL,wla}; Agn]hUw]'El:piun];muk].sum];'siUw];nn].yw]." etL:nc],la};Aw]Piuk];km]kYac].hQt];sgm];nn].ekL:' yc];etsac]:pqk],piUc]:kn]'Et,Aw]tI:ekL.niuc];tc];ekL.niuc]:nn].kGL,yU,"

The principles apply in different cultures with different belief systems, world views, and leadership styles. But how the principles are practiced will differ widely, depending on the culture, the type of leadership, and the history of the group. The practices will also vary from person to person.

            ma}mI:piun].Kam],An]niuc]:n}.sm].' PU:Agn]hUw]An]wL:n}.' lUw],l}:mgk],lat]:Sac];Sac]; lac];pn]piUn]:tac],ekL.' lgc]:miUw]:An]mn];Pgm].l}:sG]'El:tc];miUw]:mn];Am],Pgm].l}:sG]nn]." kUv];kL:' la};Piuk];km],kYac].hQt];sgm];ma}mI:piun].Kam],nn].n}.'sac]:pqk],piUc]:kn]kGL,'nc],An]Sa}ca} cw];la};mn];pqk],piUc]:kn]nn].yU,yw]." An]Enw}.tI:tG]:n}.sm].'pQn]la};An]siUw];KG]:lat]:wL:' !Am],'@(miUw]:Am],Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];')(disagreeing)n}nn].'lUv]:tc];eKL:kGam];pqk],pqk],kn]nn].'

One principle is that the leader needs clearly tell others when they agree and when they disagree. But practicing that principle is done in different ways in different situations. Here are some different ways of saying "no" (disagreeing) in different settings:

            !eSL;rI;(Sorry)AL;nL,Et.KL:yw].'nG];pIn}.Et.hw];Am],sac]:hQt];An]nn].KL:"yUw]eK;pIetmL;hiuw]'@An]wL:n}n}.'epL;pQn]nG];tI:pac]kum]Aup],AUw];kn]nG];miUc];yUAqt].S](US)n}.siuc]'--mn];pgc],wL:'!Am],hQt];'@n}nn].yw]."

“I’m very sorry, but we can't do that this year. Maybe next year." --  That means  "no" in a US meeting. 

!eAL:KL:&'--sG]:eAL:'--Am],sG]:"@--epL;wL:n}n}.'mI;eKL:kGam];km];liun];Sut];nn]. kUv];TiUk]:np].Sgn],Aw]" El:' mG];lUw],l}:yU,sm]sm]eSTgm],hG]:yin];eKL:SQc]:AUn]:AUn]: Agn],km];liun];Sut];nn].yw]."

"Yes! ...Yes. .....no." -- Only the last word counts, and you may need to listen closely for a very soft last word.

           

!pQn]pa};wUn].A}a,tI,yiUw],(idea)lIyU,AiUw]:n}.'@epL;wL:n}Et.'--'kL:sUw]:p},wL:mn];pQn] pa};wUn].Aa},tI,yiUw],'!yG],lUc]'@n}nn].' kU:ekL.hU.sgm];lgc]:wL:eKL:tgp],mn];pQn]' !Am],hQt];'@ nn].yU,"

"That's a good idea!"  -- As it was not called a "great" idea, everyone knows the answer is "no".

           

!sw]:'yUw]eK;hw];lUw],l}:yiUn].w}.km];Agn],niuc]:yUw].?'@--epL;wL:n}siuc]'--pQn]la}; lat]:wL:'!Am],hQt];'@n}pn]tI:PU:Agn]hUw]tI:nG];miUc];yU,Aqt].S]'(US)ekL.niuc]:nn].yw]."

"Sir, perhaps we should just hold off on that for a little while?" -- Saying "no" to a  leader in the US.

           

ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];mI;nG];pp].n}.'luk].tI:ciUn]:tiun];Sgc],tI:nn].mL;" ciUn]:tiun];An]niuc]; n}.sm].'pQn]Sa},kUw],pa};sG]mU,sum];Puc]kUn];(Social Psychology)nn].yw]." Sa},kUw],pa};sG]mU,sum]; Puc]kUn];n}.' lQp]:hQn];lgc]:An]kUn];hw];ekL.niuc]:tc];niuc]:hQt];hiuw]kp];ka},kn]'n}nn]." kQw], lgc]:An]wL:kUn];hw];ekL.niuc]:tc];ekL.niuc]:hQt];huiw]kp];ka}kn]n}n}.' mn];yam]:mI;mL;la};KUn]. Sgk]:hLeSlQp]:hQn];w}.Aan],hQc]Aan],miun],mn];yw]." la};KUn].Sgk]:hLeSlQp]:hQn];siUw];nn]. n}.pQn]la};pa};Sa}' An]KG]:pgc],wL:'Kw]yip];tiuw];KiUc]:la};KUn].Sgk]:hLla}la}mQw];' An]Kw]:pL;la}; sqt]:sam];tc];nm]lUc]nn].eS' tL,etEm;sqt]:Em;AUpa};hU.hn]'An]hw];mI;w}.lgc]:wL:kUn]; ekL.niuc]:tc];ekL.niuc]:hQt];hiuw]kp];ka}kn]'n}nn].yw]." m}amI:piun].Kam],siUw];An]l}:hp].mk];mn]: w}.'lUv]:la};lQp]:hQn];la}la}mQw];yw].siUw];nn].kUv];' etKw]:pL;w}.tI:nG];n}."tI:nG];pp].n}.n}.' hw];l}:Aw]la};KUn].Sgk]:hLeSlQp]:hQn];w}.An]niuc]:nn].' yip];sG].kGL,pQn]pgk]:pQn]KL,eS' hac]: hqn];Kp].tm];pn]ma}mI:piun].Kam],An]lm],lgc]:nn].'w}.eAL:"

The principles of this book come from two sources. One major source is social psychology. Social psychology studies how people relate to each other. There have been thousands of research studies on how people relate to each other. The research studies are scientific which means they use a variety of research tools, including experiments, to refine our knowledge about how people relate to each other. Only those principles that have been confirmed in several studies are included here. In this book, a research study  is occasionally used to illustrate an important principle.

           

la};lQp]:hQn];siUw];nn].pQn]sgm];la};pa}Sa}yw].n}ekL:' kUv];kL:tI:pa};Sa}nn].yc];mI; pYSnL,Kgc].Km]w}.hc];mn];yU," pa};Sa}n}.pn]Kaw],lgc]:tac];mn];nn].kUv];' mn];Am],pn]tac]; muc]:hn]" pa};Sa}n}.sac]:mgk],lat]:pn]hw];la};hQt];pQn]kL;lm];niuc]:n}ekL:' mn];Am],pn]An] tL,etyip];tiuw];kL;nn].l}:" kL;lm];niuc]:n}.sac]:etAw]kGL,sG].tI:lgc]:tUc].niuc]AkYac].lu nn].lG]' Am],nn]tI:lgc]:tUc].niuc]mI;kL:Kn]TiUk]:tan],nn].lG]'siUw];n}.yw]." kw]KL:wL:Et.' piun].Kam],AkYac].lITiSut];piUn]:n}.'mn];Aic]niUw]lgc]:pQn]Krit]:yan],'nn].yw]."lgc]:pQn]Krit]:yan],n}.'mn];Aic]niUw]An]l}:pQn]mL;nG];puin];tc];nm]tc];la}nn].w}.'mn];km].Tqm]pn]piun].Kam], mI;kL:mI:Kn]' mQw];An]muk].sum];lG]ekL:sm]pQn]lUw],l}:mI;pun]:tL,la};Kiuc]Sac]:Kw]nn].' El:tL, Kw]mL;yUc];sG]hw];hQt];lgc]:lIeSsg}:piUn]:tac],ekL.nn]." nG];m}amI:piun].Kam],cw]:piuc];lgc]:pQn]K rit]:yan],km]:nm]nn].'miUn]siUc].nc],An]wL:' hG]:Siuw]:yUw];' n}n}.'pQn]An]l}:tac];km].Tqm]w}. yw].eS' Aw]tUc].niuc]Kuic]Sac]:nG];fic]:Tuc];kU:An]An]' w}.yU,yw]." piun].Kam],Aman],JtL;Ti Sut];n}.'--pQn]An]wL:' TL,wrL.JPL;sw]:hk].kUn];miUc];tc];la}kU:ekL.'El:hw];hL;siUw];n}.ekL: tk];lUw],l}:hk].kUn];him];hgm];hw];nc],hw];hk].tUw]sw]:kw]hw];nn].'--An]n}.pQn]An]km].sg}: pn]piun].Kam],lITiSut];' pun]:tL,miUw]:An]kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]kp];ka},kn]ekL.etL,ekL.n}.' hG]: epL;mI;lgc]:Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]"

The studies may be scientific, but there is a problem with science. Science gives information but not perspective. Science can tell us how to build a car but not how to use it. A car may be used for immoral activities or for worthwhile activities. For me, the best  moral base is Christianity. Christianity is based on historical events, supports the basic values necessary for any group to function, and motivates us to do good and help others. It's most basic principles, such as being honest, are supported in every functioning culture. It's most basic truths --such as God's love for all people and we should love our neighbor as we love ourselves -- provide the best basis for people to relate to each other with harmony.

           

Sa},kUw],pa};sG]n}.lItI:An]tqm]:Sp];lqc];En' lgc]:kUn];hw];ekL.niuc]:tc];ekL.niuc]: sac]:tum].tiUw].kn]siUc].hiuw]n}nn].yw]." kUv];kL:Sa},kUw],pa};sG]n}.sm].' mn];Am],sac]:Tt]; Sin]pn]tI:An]wL:' pQn]An]tqm]:Sp];lqc];pn]Pa},lgc]:ygk];kUn];nn].hiuw](nG];eKL:kGam];Pa},K rit]:yan],n}.hgc].wL:'!SPL,wkUn];tiun];mI;ApYt]:'@)' Am],nn]ekL:'mn];pQn]An]tqm]:Sp]; lqc];pn]Pa},lgc]:lIkUn];nn].huiw].(nG];eKL:kGam];Pa},Krit]:yan],n}.hgc].wL:'!hun],hac]:JPL;sw]:'@ An]hw];hL;siUw];n}.l}:Kam],hQt];pQn]w}.nn].') n}Et.ekL:'mn];Am],sac]:Tt];Sin]pn]l}:nc], kaw]," mI;lgk];la};piUc]kL:Kn]yG],miUn]nc],An]pQn]Krit]:yan],nn].An]lQw]kUv];' sac]:hQt];pn] An]nn].l}:"

Psychology is good at describing how people affect each other. But psychology cannot judge whether that is a descripton of the bad side of people (in Christian terms, the "sinful nature of people")  or whether it is a description of the good side (in Christian terms, the "image of God" in which we are all made). Only a value system such as Christianity can do that.

           

An]lIsUm];SiUw];sgm];eSepL;l}:tUk];sG]Aw]An]niuc]:n}.' pQn]An]kw]KL:l}:TUp];hn] vL;Pgc];miUw]:kw]KL:pQn]ekL.Pgc];cam];Tam];kan]sw]:' El:tc];pQn]PU:emLSa},kUw],pa};sG]ekL.niuc]: nn].yw].'An]nn].sm].' pQn]An]wL:ma}mI:piun].Kam],Sgc]An]n}.' Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];kn]sm]kn] w}.yU,tI:lp].lp].nn].epL;kL:hiuw]n}yw]." pQn]ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];An]Pa},Krit]:yan],Kw]' pUc] Sgn]w}.pn]sQm]miUw]:la}hUw]pak],pIyw].nn].' pQn]ma}mI:piun].Kam],An]Pa},Sa},kUw],pa};sG]l}:hLhn]wL:' mn];pQn]An]sg}:An]Tqm]Tiuc]tI:lI:' pun]:tL,Tuk],emLkn]nn].Et.Et.'n}yw]."

One of the delightful surprises that I have found while being both a minister and a psychologist is how closely the principles underlying those two agree. The principles that Christianity has taught for centuries are the principles that psychology is finding most helpful for harmony. Of course, these principles are practiced differently in different cultures, such as in the days of the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the multiple cultures of the contemporary world.

           

tI:tc]:Et,pp].Piun]n}.n}.'l}:mI;w}.pw].mn];Sgc]lgc]:Sgc]tgn]:" pw].mn];siUw];nn].n}.' pQn]piun].Kam],cw]:mn];Et.Et.nn].El:'epL;Am],pL;Kw]n}siuc]'ma}mI:piun].Kam],lgc]:Agn]hUw]nn]. ekL:'tiun];etAm],sac]:Agk],pQn]kan]pQn]can];Sc]l}:lL;lL;" ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];wL:mL;n}.' tk];sac]:etmI;la};Piuk];kYac].km]hQt];Sac]:pqk]pqk],'kL:tI:nG];fic]:Ec:fic]:Tuc];pqk],piUc]:kn]nn].n}yU,ekL:' ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];n}.n}.' yc];tiuk].pQn]An]l}:yip];mn]:pn]:kqn],w}.nn].yw]."

There are two points to make in starting this book.  These points are so basic that leadership principles have no chance of working without them. These principles will be practiced differently in different cultures, but the principles still hold.

           

pw].ma}An]niuc]:n}.sm].' hw];pn]hqc];sG]kUn];tc];la}'hG]:Kw]K}:Enlgc]:An]Kw]hU.' El: An]Kw]l}:Kam],sL;nG];sG]siUc].hiuw]n}nn]." An]wL:hw];hQt];hG]:mI;Pgn];lITiuc]tI:Tiuc]tac];mn]; l}:' tan],nm].kt].Kaw],lgc]:tac];An]pn]hw];w}.nn].kUv];n}n}.' mn];sG]:Et.sG]:wL:Am], Pit];Am],piUc]:yw]." Sc]wL:kUn];tc];la}n}.' Am],Agk],sG]KG]:la};can];pgc],Kaw],pn]' nc],An] pQn]An]mI;w}.Et.nn].n}siuc]' epL;pQn]nn]ekL:' hw];ekL:yw].' piUn]:tac],ekL.nn].ekL:yL,' etsac]:kGL,tm];eKL:tqp];tt];lITiSut];l}:siUc].nc],hiuw]?" An]n}.tiUw];pQn]pYSnL,Kgc].Km]' tL,PU:Agn]hUw],kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]nn].' nL,liUw]eSPU:Agn]hUw]l}:pQn]nm].niuc]:sG]lQw]Pgm].kn] hQt];nn].AiUw]:" nc],hw];pQn]kUn];n}.'epL;hw];wUn].tL,etK}:EnKaw],lgc]:tac];mn];pn]'tI:PU: Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]ekL.niuc]:nn].' hw];nqt]:kiuc].kc].lgm]lam];wUn].tUv];'lgc]:wL:An]PU: Agn]hUw]n}.ettgp],pn]Kiun];siUc].hiuw]n}nn].km];lQw]" epL:wL:mn];etL.Et.pQn]Kaw],caw];kUv]; n}siuc]' PU:Agn]hUw]n}.Am],kYOik]:'sgc],hw];etl}:Kam],vL;En;tac];Pit];hiuw]?" hQt];n}El:sc], wL:'kUn];tc];la}n}.eK;etAm],K}:EnKaw],caw];mn];' kL:mI;tc];mUt];nn].pn]tI:PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]" An]pp].n}.Kam],Aw]pun]:Pgn];w}.nn].sm].' pQn]hw];hQt];pn]tL,hG]:mI;lgc]:AL,mKam],'tI:An]wL: kL:pQn]Kaw],lgc]:tac];An]kp];ka},kn]tc];mUt];n}.'hG]:l}:K}:Enpn]kn]' nc]hiuw]hG]:epL;sac]:tm]; eKL:tqp];tt];An]pQn]l}:lITiSut];nn]." hw];etAup],AUw];lgc]:n}.kGL,Tqc]:nm]nm]' tI:nG]; tgn]:kQw],lgc]:tac];yum],ym]'nn].yU,yw]."

One point is that we encourage people to share what they know and how they feel. It is indeed true that we are only as effective as the quality of information that we are given. If people do not feel free to report things as they truly are, then how can we or the other people make the best decisions? This is more a problem for a strong leader than with a cooperative leader. Being human, when we think about sharing information with a strong leader, we immediately wonder how the leader will react. If it is news the leader does not like, will we be blamed? And so people may not share all the news with some leaders. This book assumes that we work to ensure that all relevant information will be shared in order to make the best possible decisions. We will talk about this more in the section on Trust,

           

pw].ma}TiSgc]lgc]:tL,hG]:Tuk],emLkn]tc];piUn]:tac],ekL.n}.sm].'pQn]An]hw];w}.StilI lIeSwUn].K}:sG]tUv];'tam],An]sac]:l}:Kam],Kaw];hiuc]'ygn].eKL:tqp];tt];An]niuc]:nn].yw]."tL,etwUn].hn]mqn]:tam],siUw];An]etkiuc].kac].pQn]mL;sgm];' miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];' Am],nn]'wUc]: etmL;nn].mn];ca}:yU," kUv];kL:'hw];lUw],l}:wUn].K}:sG]tUv];' tam],siUw];An]sac]:etpQn]nG];' liUn]etmL;'pIetmL;' El:Am],kL;pL;Tqc]:hL:pImiUw];nL:nn].kgn],yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];sm].' Kp].ma}Pqn]kan]An]niuc]:n}.sgc],etl}:wL:mn];lIEt.Et.yU,n}hiuw]' epL;wL:mn];pQn]kan]nG];pI n}.eS' kUv];kL:mn];Sm].yUt];pqt]:hqc];ciun];tiun];lac];hw];nm]nL,nL,'Aw]muk].sum];epL;l}vL; tac];tuk].yap],Kan]sG]Siup],lam];tam];put]:kn'] Et,Aw]yam];lQw]kGL,han].etL,Tiuc]hL:pInn] epL;n}?" sgc],mn];etpQn]An]hQt];hG]:piUn]:hn]lIhw];hiuw].' epL;wL:hw];pn]ktietsg}:eSekL. ekL.nG];liUn]etmL;n}eS' kUv];kL:Sm].Am],tgn].hQt];sgm];nc],nn]eSpgk]:n}.?" Pgc];miUw]: mn];Am],mI;pYSnL,Kgc].Km]' tL,miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];' Am],nn]'wUc]:nL:wUc];liun];hw];nn].Sc]n} eStL.ekL:' An]kat]:kGL,n}.'sac]:pQn]etLpit].Kiuw]:liut];lUm].tL,hw];nG];pIetmL;nn].yw].' piUw]:wL:hw];pn]ktilupqt]:tI:n}:"

The second point for harmony with others is that we carefully consider the long-term consequences of a decision. It is easy to think of what the immediate consequences will be for the next day or the next week. But we also need to think of the consequences for the next month, the next year, and even the next five years. For example: is a program really good if it works this year, but drains so many resources that the organization has a hard time continuing five years from now? Will it help how others view us if we promise to help someone next month, but never do it? While it is no problem for our next day or week, that failure could be a major stumbling block next year as ours here we broke our promise.

           

n}.sm].pQn]An]lItqk]:niUc];An]niuc]:' An]wL:' hw];lUw],l}:wUn].K}:sG]lgc]:tam],'siUw]; etsac]:pQn]nG];hL:pIetmL;'nn].n}yw]." mI;kUn];ekL.niuc]:n}.' l}:hp].ciun];tac];lU,tL,hQt]; hUc];tiUk]:mG],lc]niuc]:pun]:tL,muk].sum];Kw]" Am],Tac],Am],TiUm]Sc]eS' kUn];ekL.nn].n}.Am], tUv];kGL,tL,hL:pImiUw];nL:nn].Sc]yw]." Kw]Aw]ciun];nn].yw].eSKa}.Kw]:yU,nG];hUc];tiUk]:mG],' tI:An]mn];lItL,miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];' tL,wUc]:nL:wUc]:liun];'tL,liUn]etmL;' El:tL,pIetmL;' kUv];nn]." hQt];nn]eS' Tiuc]miUw]:pUn].kGL,hL:pIyw].n}.'Kw]hU.mqn]:wL:Kw]TUp];pYSnL,Kgc].Kam] An]niuc]:w}.n}" tL,hUc];tiUk]:nn].Kw]l}:SQc]:ciun];nm]wL:nm]sgm];kU:pIkU:pI'tL,kL:f};fL.'el: kL:hqc];siUw];yip];sG].tiuw];l}:'Aik],pL;kL:Em;kum];lum];lL;hUc];tiUk]:'sL.siUw];n}.nn]." wa};eShL: pIpUn].kGL,nn].' Kw]l}:tUk];sG]Aam];Aw]An]wL:' Kw]lUw],EPciun];pt].kYqt].w}.tL,kL:Em;kum]; lum];lL;hUc];tiUk]:nn].tc];nm]lUc]'n}" ciun];An]l}:mL;tI:hLciun];kgc]kac]nn].' mn];pQn]An] tk];lUw]l}:Aw]sG].sa},km].Tqm]tI:hUc];tiUk]:nn].kUv];' Am],Aw]kGL,sG].sa},km].Tqm]tI:Kp].ma} Pqn]kan]tUc].nuic]nn].l}:" Sc]wL:Kw]l}:wUn].K}:sG]w}.TL:' lgc]:tam],siUw];sac]:etpQn]mL;nG]; Kaw];tac];hL:pInn].'epL;n}Et.' Kw]epL;ettn];ygn];ekL.lU,ciun];nn].' hG]:pn]w}.pL;'ciun]; tL,kL:Em;kum];lum];lL;hUc];tiUk]:el:' tL,kL:ekL,Sac]:mn];nn].tc];nc],kn]yw]."

Here is an example of the need  to think of the consequences for the next five years. A person was offered a major donation for a new building for their organization. Unfortunately, that person did not look 5 years ahead. They took the money and moved into the new building – which had good consequences for the next day, the next week, the next month, and the next year. Then five years passed and they realize they had a problem. The building cost a lot of money each year for electricity and other utilities as well as building maintenance. After five years, a surprisingly large part of the budget was needed to maintain the building. Money from fund raising had to be used to support the building instead of supporting program activities. If they had thought about the consequences in five years, they would have asked the donor to give money to maintain the building as well as to build it.

           

kUn];AEm,rikn],Kw]'np].Sgn],w}.wL:'kzt].wL,SYic]tn],' n}.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]yG],lUc]Sut]; nG];kL:An]miUc];Pgm].hUm]:AEm,rik'tgn].yam]:mI;mL;nn].n}AiUw]:" mn];sa};n}.pQn]ekL.tac]tUw]'kGL, Kuin]:pac]kum]tiUc],pac],Aup],AUw];kn]lgc]:tL,etlgt]:lqw];' tI:l}:pQn]miUc];KUw]lUw],nI,tG]:RpitiSY Kw]w}.nn].yw]." wa};eSnn].n}.' mn];pQn]sgm]pgc]Siuk];lUc]ekL.An]Agn]hUw]tp].Siuk];AEm,ri kn],tiuk];tL,lgt]:lqw];Sw];eKL' pun]:kUn];AEm,rikn]nn]." miUw]:mn];Agn]tp].Siuk];Kw]:kGL,nG]; pac]Siuk];nn].' mn];wac];Pqn]w}.Am],kgm].kUv];wL:tL,'!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'wUc]:etmL;'El:liUn]et mL;'@nn].kUv];" An]lm],lgc]:tgn];tac],liUw]piUn]:n}.' mn];wac]:Pqn]w}.tL,'!pIetmL;El:hL: pIetmL;'@pL;tc];nc],kn]yw]." miUw]:mn];l}:Kam],tac];An]Tt];Sin]tUv];' lUv]:An]Agk], pQn]mL;wa};eSKaw];yam];An]wL:'!liUn]etmL;'@nn].n}.'mn];Am],p},sG]:sgm]pgc]Siuk];lUc]ekL.hQt];Agc],mqc],Tiuc]tI:lInn].Sc]" pac]Siuk];An]mn];tiuk];nn].mn];Sum];km]:pL:nm]yw]." kUv];kL:' miUw]:mn];l}:Kam],Tt];Sin]tUv];' lUv]:An]Agk],pQn]mL;wa};eSmiUw]:pUn].kGL,Kaw];yam];An]wL:' !pIetmL;El:hL:pIetmL;'@nn].' mn];n}.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]yG],lUc]ekL.niuc]:w}.yw]." mn];pG].pL; yL,hG]:tp].Siuk];AEm,rikn],l}:luSum];kan].Sc]eS' hQt];hG]:tp].Siuk];RpitiSYKw]hiUw].AUn]:nuc]; sG]kGL,;lg};lg};'eSEl:mn];hqn];tUw]:tn];w}.' tL,tUc].niuc]Kiun]:tiuk];ep.pac]Siuk];km];liun];Sut]; nn].w}.yw]."miUw]:mn];l}:pQn]sgm]suic]:nn].'mn];mI;sG]Stilqt];lInL,nL,eS' hU.sgm];lgc]:wL:' An]mn];l}:Kiun]:pQn]sgm]siuc]:miUc];yU,Aqt].S]ekL.Agn]tac];Sut];piUn]:n}.' mn];ettm];w}.pn] piUc]lIyiUc]:' tL,hG]:sgm]siuc]:tac];la}Kw]ethQt];kGL,sgm];nG];Kaw];yam];'!hL:pIetmL;'El:hL:Sip]; pIetmL;'@nn].yw]." An]pQn]lgc]:yG],lUc]wL,SYic]tn],Agn]hUw]Agn]kn];nn].An]niuc]:sm].' miUw]:mn];tm];eKL:tqp];tt];tc];nm]tc];la}n}.' mn];np].Sgn],wUn].K}:sG]tUv];' An]etsac]: pQn]mL;nG];Kaw];tac];'!pIetmL;El:hL:pIetmL;'@nn].AiUw]:"

Americans consider George Washington the greatest leader the United States ever had. He was first a delegate to meetings that discussed being free from British colonialism. Later he was the general who lead the American army in fighting for American independence. When he took the army into battle, he planned for not only the "next day, next week, and next month" More importantly, he planned for "next year and next five years" as well. When he is judged just by the results after the "next month", he was not a very successful general; he lost most battles. But when he is judged by the results over the "next year and next five years", he was a great leader. He kept the American army from being defeated, gradually wore down the British army, and was ready to move to win the last battle. When he became president, he was very conscious that what he did as the first President of the US would set the model for what Presidents would do in the "next five years and the next fifty years". Part of Washington's greatness as a leader was that when he made decisions he considered what would happen in the "next year and the next five years".

           

ma}mI:piun].Kam],tLlgc]:Tuk],emLkn]siUw];n}.n}.' mn];sac]:etyap],tI:tL,etlQp]:hQn];' tL,tgc];' El:tL,kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];nn].yU,' Sc]wL:Am],Aw]Kw]Kp].Kgm]:w}.lIlI'nn]." kUv];kL:epL;wL:hw];Aw]Kw]SG],w}.nG];piUc]lIyiUc]:An]niuc]:n}siuc]' etsac]:pgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]ca}:eS' yip];sG].tiuw];ca}:sG]ca}:eKL;yU," piUc]lIyiUc]:n}.etkm].sg}:pn]piUc]ekL,Sac]:tL,hw];An]nuic]:AiUw]:"

The principles of harmony can be difficult to learn, remember, and apply if they are not organized. They are much easier to understand and use if we place them into a model. A model provides a structure for us.

           

hw];yip];tiuw];la};!lk];3lk];piUc]lIyiUc]:@An]pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.AiUw]:" tL, lgc]:Tuk]:emLkn]n}.' mn];mI;w}.ma}mI:piun].Kam],lUc]Sam]An]" lk];Sam]lk];siUw];n}.n}.' hUm]:hgm]; kn]eSkm].sg}:pn]cw]:piun].mn]:kuim];lI' tI:An]kUn];tc];la}hQt];Sac]:kan]can];sgm];kn]nn].' miUn]nc],Sw]Sam]Sw]' sac]:Tgk]:km].pac].w}.pn]han].An]niuc]:nn].yw]." kL:sUw]:Sw]lk];Sam] Sw]nn].nim]siuc]:siuc]:mn]:tiuc]:tiuc]:w}.yU,n}.'han].nn].ekL:etnim]Sw];lIw}." hw];sac]:hQt]; han].pL;tc];KLtw].Sgc]KLnn].l}yU,n}ekL:'kUv];kL:mn];l}:yap],nm]liUw]" han].An]niuc]:n}.' epL;mn];mI;KLtw].'An]lI'An]kium];KiUc],nqn]:lIw}.nn].'Sam]KLtw].'(Sw]/lk];)epL;n}'tk];etlIsG].Et.Et.wL:wL:yw]." sc],wL:'tI:lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].ekL:etL:nc],nn]miUn]kn]yw]." mn];ethQt];Sac]:pQn]kan]pQn]can];l}:lITiSut]; 'mqn]:miUw]:Sam]lk];n}.kqn],Kqc]hqc];KiUc],w}.tc]; mUt];nn].AiUw]:"

We  use the "3 Pillars Model" of harmony. There are three major principles for harmony. Together these Three Pillars provide a firm base for people working together, just like three posts can hold up a platform. As long as all three pillars are sound, the platform is stable. And while it is possible to build a platform with only two legs, it is much more difficult. A platform is truly useful if it has three good, sturdy legs (or pillars). So it is with harmony: it works best when all three pillars are strong.

           

lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]' siUw];nn].sm].'

yum],ym]'    liUc]:mn];'   yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.'

The Three Pillars of Harmony are:

                        Trust                Issues              Interlocked Goals

!yum],ym]'@n}.pQn]Sw]lk];An]l}:hn]sqc]:lInL,eSpiUn]:mUt];nn]." pun]:tL,hQt];Sac]:sgm]; kn]' lUv]:tac];Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]lIlIn}.' kUn];tc];la}Kw]tk];lUw],l}:yum],ym]kn]" !liUc]:mn];'@An]wL:n}.KG]:pgc],wL:' hw];Aw]sG]yiUc];pk];sp];w}.niUw]eKL:Tam]cw]:Et,mn];' siUw]; pQn]An]muk].sum];etlUw],l}:hp].tgp],etL,SU:kGL,nn].eS' Am],pg},pn]hG]:muk].sum];l}:kGL,yap], m}:sG]sgm];epL;Am],kiuc],Am],tan],eS' hLel,Ep,sqk],siuw]:kUn];miUc];tc];la}w}.nn]." !yiUc];ma} siUw];Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.'@n}.'mn];ca};miUn]kn]tc];' yiUc];ma}siUw];l}:pQn]nm].niuc]:sG]lQw]Pgm]. kn]Aw]nn].n}ekL:' kUv];kL:mn];kqn],Kqc]KiUc],Km].liUw]eSnn]." nc],hiuw]epL;etkt].kYL.lIn}.' hw];pn]hqc];hG]:kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]yiUc];pk];sp];w}.tI:niUw]' yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.' tL,Kaw];pgt];tc];Kaw];yaw];siUw];nn].AiUw]:" hw];ettqm]:Sp];lqc];Enpn]' lgc]:Sw]lk];siUw]; n}.kGL,sgm];lk];lG]lk];nn].' nG];tgn]:lik]:An]sqk],EPw}.tgn]:PG]mn];eKLeKLnn].yU,yw]."

"Trust" is the most obvious pillar. People must trust each other to work in harmony.. "Issues" means that we keep the focus on the primary questions that must be dealt with by the group, rather than letting the group be unduly concerned with such things as labeling people "Interlocked Goals" are like cooperative goals but much stronger. To be effective,  we encourage people to focus on short- and long-term interlocked goals. Each of these Pillars is described in a separate section.

           

lk];Sam]lk];piUc]lIyiUc]:An]pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.'ethQt];hG]:mG];tiUw];kt].kYL.lItI:An]kp];ka},piUn]:tac],ekL.nn].yU,'pqk].wL:kp];kn]ekL.etL,ekL.kGL,pgk]:lG]pgk]:nn].ekL:lI'Am]nn]'etL,tc];sum];nn].ekL:lI'yU,yw]." siUw];n}.n}.'etsg}:hG]:mG];l}:hQt];Sac]:sgm];kn]kGL, lUv]:tac];Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]lIlInn].'km]:pL:nm]yU," kUv];kL:'lgc]:Am],Pgm].l}:sG]kn]n}. tiun];etepL,mL;" eSAm],kL;'etL:nc],PU:Agn]hUw]lITiSut];n}.'yc];Am],sac]:kum];kgn];'mQw]; An]pQn]Pa},tac];ngk]:nn].l}:" piUw]:n}El:' mac]pgk]:n}.hw];l}:TUp];hn]!An]pUk],lap]:lk]; hw];siUw];nn].w}.lk];niuc]:'@hQt];nn]yw]." pun]:tL,lk];lG]lk];nn].n}.'hw];ettUv];sgm];'hG]: epL;sac]:mk];ma}hU.sk];pUk]:siUw];nn].l}:eS'PQw]:Kw]pak]:Kw]pqt]:'eSyw].El:Tqc]:Tqm]hqc];pn]lk];nn].kGL,"siUw];pQn]!pUk],@An]lap]:tI:nG];'lk];3lk];piUc]lIyiUc]:nn].sm].'pQn]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]siUw];An]yL.tw]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]lk];niuc]:'yU,nn].AiUw]:" hQt];nn] eS'hw];etwUn].K}:sG]tUv];'An]lk];Sam]lk];piUc];lIyiUc]:n}.' etsg}:hw];kgn];lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]: tn]nn].siUc].hiuw]n}eS' ethQt];hG]:mn];Am],sac]:yL.tw]Sw]lk];hw];kg}kGL,l}:nn].yw]."

The Three Pillars Model of Harmony will make you  more effective in relating to other people, whether one at a time or a group. They help you work together harmoniously most of the time. But disagreements will occur.. And even the best leader cannot control outside events. So, we sometimes find “termites eating one of our pillars”, For each pillar, we are going to look at how to recognize the termites, get rid of them, and strengthen that pillar. The “termites” in the 3 :Pillars Model are conflicts that undermine a Pillar of Harmony. Then we will consider how the Three Pillars Model helps us manage conflict to keep it from undermining the Pillars..

           

mn];tiun];mI;An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]kn]km]:Pgc]:nn].' w}.tI:nG];lgc]:Agn]hUw]kt].kYL.kU: An]An]nn].yU," kUn];tc];la}Kw]n}.' k}.Kt];sG]Aan];hG]:Tuk],emLkn]n}ekL:'mn];Am],SU:lL: lIpQn]l}:ca}:ca}:" tI:tqk]:mn];sm].'ekL.tg},tic],n}.sac]:emLtg},lQn]:lgk];nUt].(note)An]pqk], pqk],'nm]liUw]eSekL.hgc].kGam];nn].'wL:n}kgn],El:" kUv];kL:'lgc]:Am],Pgm].l}:sG]An]n}.n}.'mn]; pQn]An]lIhL.'Am],nn]An]ha}.sL.hL.?" epL;wL:mn];sg}:sum];h}tiuc]:l}:mI;nUt].SQc]lITgm],nc], Kw]KG]:l}:nn].yU,epL;n}Et.'mn];lIyU," pQn]hiuw]ekL:wL:eSkgn],El:' epL;mG];Am],tgn].yam]: sam];tUv];n}siuc]' mG];etsac]:emLhQt];hiuw]hLhn]lgk];nUt].An]lIliUw]nn].l}:lL,?" piUw]:n} El:sc],wL:mn];pQn]An]hQt];Sac]:kan]can];sgm];piUn]:tac],ekL.nn].yw]."

Some disagreement exists in every effective relationship. People try to be in harmony but it does not always work well. For example, the guitar player may play a different note than the singer. But is this disagreement good or bad? It is good if it helps the band find the best note for the sound they want. After all, how can you find better notes if you never experiment? So it is in working with others.

           

An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]kn]n}.mn];ha}.sL.yam];miUw]:siUc].nc],hiuw]?" mn];pQn]An]ha}.sL.' mqn]:miUw]An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]kn]n}.' mL;yL.kw];Aw]kUn];hw];sG]piw]yan]Pat],pqt]:tI:kan]An] lUw],hQt];hG]:yw].nn].AiUw]:" An]n}.pQn]lgc]:Kgc].Kam]tiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]nn]. yw]." kL:nG];An]lk];Sam]lk];piUc]lIyiUc]:n}.' mG];etl}:hn]'An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]kn]nn].pQn] mL;An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]' mqn]:miUw]:mn];hQt];hG]:mI;tac];KIm}:sG]'(PiUw],tL.etmI;tac];yum],ym] nn].)' hQt];hG]:sgm];hLel,ep,sqk],siuw]:'(PiUw],tL.etsgm];hLliUc]:mn];nn].)'eSEl:' hQt];hG]: mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]'(PiUw],tL.ethG]:mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.nn].)yw]." siUw];n}.n}.sac]:yL.tw]Sw]lk];Sam]lk];nn].yw]." lUv]:An]lQp]:hQn];hG]:hU.' mQw];An]yL. tw]Sw]lk];siUw];nn].eSEl:' hw];sac]:hQn];hU.la};tL,ham]:tap]:Eh.SI;Kw]' Am],nn]ekL:' Aw]Kw]pin]:PUn]pqt]:' sgm];An]lt];kGL,lUv]:lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}. AiUw]:" hQt];nn]eSyw].' hw];hL;pin],win],wa},Kiun];mL;hLlgc]:Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]"

When is disagreement bad? It is bad when the disagreement distracts people from tasks needing to be done. This is destructive conflict. In the Three Pillars model you will see that disagreement becomes destructive when it causes Anxiety (rather than Trust), Labeling (rather than Issues), and Competitive Goals (rather than Interlocked Goals). These can undermine the Three Pillars. By learning what undermines the Pillars, we can learn how to prevent them or reverse them through the Pillars of Harmony. Then we return to harmony.

           

hw];yip];tiuw];eKL:kGam];hgc].wL:'!sum];@n}' miUw]:Sc]wL:mn];mI;kUn];nm]kUn];la}w}.nG];mn]; nn].yw]." An]n}.n}.epL;Aw]puc],man]mn];wL:Et.mqn]:yU,"pQn]hiuw]ekL:yL,'mac],pgk]:mac]lG]n}.' kUn];hw];etAm],mL;mI;sgm];kn]w}.l}:nm]nm]pgk]:lQw]miUw]:lQw]kn]siUc].nn]" kUv];kL:pQn]hiuw]ekL:' m}amI:piun].Kam],siUw];n}.n}.'tiuk].Aw]kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];kGL,l}:yU,nc],kaw],'etL:nc],mn];etL.Et.mI;kUn];Sgc]ekL.sgm];kn]w}.nn].kuv];ekL:" ma}mI:piun].Kam],hw];siUw];n}.' mn];lIsG].lIyip];' miUw]:epL:lQc].ekL.niuc]:hQt];kan]sgm];luk]:lQc].ekL.niuc]:nn].lG]' miUw]:sg}:Tqm]kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw] Ek:K}pYSnL,Kgc].Km]lgc]:Sun],tUw]Kw]nn].lG]' El:Aik],'lIsG].lIyip];' tL,PUw]em;ekL.ePL, Pak]:kn]El:nL:hiUn];ey;tc];la}'Kw]nn].AiUw]:" ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];n}.' tiuk].etpQn]kan]l}: lIyU,' pqk].Sm].wL:sum];nn].mI;w}.kUn];2' 20'Am],nn]'200ekL.nn].ekL:Am],pQn]Sc]" ma}mI: siUw];n}.n}.pQn]kan]l}:lIyU,nc],kaw],' pqk].Sm].wL:mG];pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]sum];ekL.niuc]:hiuw]'Am],nn]' pQn]PU:Kw]:sum];ekL.niuc]:nn].n}ekL:yL,tL." Pgc];miUw]:wL:' PU:Agn]hUw]n}.'pQn]ekL.mI;eAL;sL, AL,nL,yG],hUm],cm];w}.eSpiUn]:Sut];n}nn].' PU:Kw]:sum];Kw]ekL:pQn]kUn];siUw];Kiuc]puc],sum];nn]. pn]hQt];nn]yU,nc],kaw],yw]." lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.' pQn]An]hw];hL; TiUk]:kQp];yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm];' nc],kn]kU:ekL.tc];mUt];tc];SQc]:AiUw]:"

We use the terms “group” as if there were many people in it. This is generally true.  However, sometimes many people may not be present together at any one time. The same principles still apply, even if there are only two people together. Our principles are useful when a boss works with an employee, when helping people with personal problems, and for spouses and families. The principles work whether the group is 2, 20, or 200 people. They also work whether you are a leader or a member of a group. While the leader is the most influential person, members also shape the group. The Pillars of Harmony apply to us all.

SePL;JtL;Kiuk].tgn];siUw];lIpgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]w}.'

Tuk],emLkn]'(Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]')

PU:Agn]hUw]siUw];AL,nL,yG],El:siUw];l}:pQn]nm].niuc]:sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt];'

ma}:mI:piun].Kam],' EK.kn]tc];' km]kYac].hQt];sgm];'

piut],PiUv]eSpn]Kaw],lgc]:tac];mn];tI:piUn]:tac],ekL.'

!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];' wUc]:nL:wUc]:liun];' liUn]etmL;' pIetmL;' Tqc]:5pIetmL;'@

Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]'

piUc]lIyiUc]:lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]'---'

             yum],ym]' liUc]:mn];' yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.'

KIm}:sG]' el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:' yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]'

sum];kUn];Sgc]ekL.'

Special Concepts to Understand:

            Harmony

            Powerful and cooperative leaders

            Principles vs. Practices

            Openness to giving information to others

            "Next day, next week, next month, next year, next 5 years"

            Conflict

            Three Pillars Model of Harmony: Trust, Issues, Interlocked Goals

             Anxiety, Labeling, Competitive Goals.

            Group of two

lk];lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]lk];ma}niuc]:

Harmony Pillar One

hLhG]:l}:tac];yum],ym]

Earn Trust

           

epL;kUn];miUc];tc];la}yum],ym]mG];n}'Kw]etKG]:Pgm].hQt];sgm];mG];"Kw]SUc],pn]Kaw],lgc]:tac];mn];'el:hp].tgp],Kiun];tI:An]mG];sI.Sc],kGL,nn].AiUw]:"etL,nc],Kw]Am],pgc],sG]tI:An]wL:'ygn].Sc]El:l}:tqp];tt];eKL:nn].kGL,n}ekL:'Kw]yc];tiuk].etPgm].hQt];sgm];yU,"miUw]:An]kUn];miUc]; Kw]yum],ym]yw].n}n}.'pQn]An]Kw]lam];Tac],w}.wL:'kUn];ekL.Kw]yum],ym]n}.tiuk].hQt];pn]]An]lITiSut];tL,tc];SQc]:nn].yU,'n}nn].yw]."

When people trust you, they are willing to cooperate with you. They share information and respond to directions that you give. If they do not understand why a decision is made, they may still cooperate. When people trust, they assume the person being trusted is doing that which is best for all.

muk].sum];An]Am],mI;tac];yum],yn]kn]n}.'hQt];Sc]ekL:Am],kt].Am],kYL."kUn];miUc];tc];la}Am],k}.SU:KG]:pn]Kaw],lgc]:tac];mn];tI:Kw]'piUw]:n}El:Kw]Am],sac]:tm];eKL:tqp];tt];lITiSut];An]niuc]nn].l}:" kUn];tc];la}n}.Am],SU:KG]:yin];Tgm],AI:Sc]tI:ekL.Kw]Am],yum],ym] nn].'piUw]:n}El:'Kw]ethQt];pn]An]ekL.nn].lat]:'mqn]:miUw]:!Sc]wL:'@ElAik]:miUw]:!Sc]wL:@n}nn].cw];la};lQw]kUv];' Sc]wL:Kw]l}:Kam],tQk];sG].hQt];nn].kUv];yw]." PU:Kw]:sum];muk];sum]; An]mI;tac];yum],ym],kn]lQk].ek,eA,mac]nL,n}.'Kw]eK;etAm],epL;tqt]:etL;lI'tI:An]Kw] etTuk],lIhQt];hiuw]kp];ka},kn]nn].eS'Kw]etsgm];hLPU:Agn]hUw]ekL.lIliUw]nn].hQt];nn]w}."

A group without trust is ineffective. People are not willing to share information, and so the best decisions cannot be made. People are not willing to    listen to a person they do not trust and so they will do what that person says if, and only if, they are forced to. The members of the group that lacks trust may be unsure of how to relate to each other -- and they will look for a better leader.

tac];yum],ym]n}.'pQn]lk];An]pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].lk];niuc]:" epL;Am],mI; Sw]lk];lk];n}.epL;n}siuc]'muk].sum];sum];niuc]:n}.tk];etAm],epL;mI;lgc]:nim]Sw];eS'hQt];hG]:Tiuc]tI:Tiuc]tac];mn];l}:lInn].lL;lL;" epL;Am],mI;tac];yum],ym]n}.'kUn];Sgc]ekL.kUv];ekL:' yc];etAm],sac]:hQt];kan]sgm];kn]hG]:Tiuc]tI:Tiuc]tac];mn];l}:lIlI"

Trust is one of the Three Pillars of Harmony. Without this pillar, a group lacks the stability to work effectively. Without trust, two people cannot work together effectively.

tac];yum],ym]n}.l}:hQt];hiuw]Piun].PU;Kiun]:'

How trust is developed

           

miUw]:l}:liUk]:tac],PU:Agn]hUw]mG].ekL.niuc]:Kiun]:mL;n}.' kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]etyum],ym]PU: Agn]hUw]mG],nn].yU,' Sc]wL:Kw]mI;tac];yum],mat]:' nG];lgk];la};liUk]:tac],kUn];ekL.nn]." sgc], Kk].tgn]:kan]liUk]:tac],n}.' pQn]la};An]Sc],Tuk],'tL,hG]:epL;sac]:l}:kUn];kYL.kUn];lIekL.niuc]: nn].yU,huiw].?" epL;kUn];tc];la}yum],wL:Kk].tgn]:kan]nn].lIyU,n}siuc]' Kw]etEt,yum],ym] PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]nn].yU,yw]." An]n}.n}.man],mqn]:miUn]kn]tc];An]kUn];mG],ekL.niuc]:'tiuk].et hLKw]:hUm]:sgm];muk].sum];sum];niuc]:nn].yw]."

When a new leader is selected, people trust the new person if they have faith in the method by which that person was selected. Was the selection process an appropriate one for getting a good person? If the people believe the process was good, then they begin by trusting them.  The same is true for a new person joining the group.

           

pqk].Sm].wL:PU:Agn]hUw]mG],'Am],nn]'kUn];Kw]:sum];mG],ekL.niuc]:n}.'mn];l}:mI;An]kUn];Kw]: sum];Kw]yum],ym]mn];w}.sQm]miUw]:Et,yw].n}ekL:' kUn];ekL.nn].n}.' tk];lUw],Siup],hLhG]l}:tac]; yum]ym]nn].tik];tik];yU," tI:tqk]:mn];sm].' sum];nn].etpn]Kaw];yam];tL,hG]:PU:Agn]hUw]mG], nn].EnSak]:eS,pn]'lgc]:wL:Kw]lIyum],yU,n}nn]." miUw]:Pgc];siUc].nc],nn]n}.' kUn];miUc];tc]; la}Kw]etAgn]kn]pG].tUv];w}.sm]sm]yw]." Am],mI;PG]ekL.lG]sac]:l}:Kam],piUn]:Siup],yum],ym]pQn] PU:Agn]hUw]ekL.niuc]:w}.l}:' Sc]siUw].wL:' PU:Agn]hUw]siUw];nn].Am],hLhG]:l}:tac];yum],yn]epL; n}Et." Am],mI;PG]pn]tac];yum],ym]tI:PU:Agn]hUw]ekL.niuc]:nn].w}.' mn];pQn]An]Kw]pn]Kaw]; yam];tI:PU:Agn]hUw]mG],nn].Enlgc]:An]wL:'Kw]lIyum],l}:yU.n}nn].kUv];"

Even though a new leader or group member is initially trusted by members of the group, the new person must earn continued trust. For example, the group will give a new leader time to prove they are trustworthy.  During that time, the people will be watching closely. No one contines to be trusted as a leader unless they earn that trust. No one gives trust to a leader; they just give the new leader time to show if they are trustworthy.

           

tac];yum]ym]n}.l}:ekL,Sac]:hQt];w}.'niUw]AkYac].tac];yam]:kUn];nn].yw]." nG];kL:kUn]; An]kw]yam]:hUp].TUp];ham].pL:nm]n}.' [n}.pQn]An]sL.Et,lat]:lgc]:kUn];ekL.Aac]:Aic]nn].' km];Agn]tac];Sut];"Tiuc]mL;tac],Agc]:tac],tI:nn].'SUtqm]:wL:!hw];@n}tL." np].Sgn],wL:mn]; pQn]An]Kiun];tqm]:tL,yL.mgt],pqt]:eKL:kGam];An]wL:'!kw]@An]pL;w}.nG];Piun]lik]:n}.nn].n}eSkm];"{ hU.w}.An]kUn];mac]ekL.n}.k}.El,lat]:ca}:ca}:wL:'!yum],kw]El:@'n}nn].tL." mn];hqc]. ca}:nL,El:epL;pQn]eKL:kGam];siUw];nn].la}la}kUv];Et.' etAm],mI;tI:pgc],mn];Sc]" PiUw],tL. etAw]eKL:kGam];lat]:la}la}siUc].nn]' kUn];tc];la}Kw]muc]:yiUc];Aan];l}:hn]' An]kUn];ekL. niuc]:EnSak]:eS,pn]lgc]:wL:Kw]n}.lIyum],'lUv]:tac];hQt];Kw]nn].Aw]AiUw]:" n}.kUv];Am]kL;' Kw]muc]:yiUc];Aan];hG]:kUn];ekL.nn].Siup],tUc].niuc]hQt];Sac]:sgm];'nG];la};hQt];piUc]Sac]:An]lIyum], nn].kGL,' kL:sUw]:Kw]tiuk].pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]' Am],nn]ekL:' pQn]PUKw]:sum];miUn]nc],pQn]kUn];hQt]; kan]Pak]:kn]'Am],nn]' t};ekL.kn]ekL.niuc]:nn]." mn];Am]sG]:kgm].kUv];wL:lUw],l}:pQn]An] lIyum],' etL,Tiuc]'!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'@Am],nn]ekL:'!wUc]:etmL;'@siUc].nn]kUv];" PiUw],tL.hG]: pQn]An]lIyum],etL,Tiuc]' !miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'@El:!wUc]:nL:wUc]:liun];'@El:!liUn]etmL;'@El: Aik],!pIetmL;'@El:!Tqc]:hL:pIetmL;'@nn].tL." kUn];ekL.niuc]:n}.tk];etl}:pQn]ekL.lI yum],yU,tL,eS,nn].yw].' pun]:tL,mn];hLhG]:epL;l}:An]piUn]:tac],ekL.yum],ym]nn]."

Trust is always built on behavior. Almost all people I have met [This is the initial first person reference.  In other places, you use “we”.  Consider rewriting to eliminate “I” from the paper]  know how easy it is for someone to say "trust me". It is so easy that the words alone are meaningless. Instead of words, people expect a person to prove they are trustworthy by what they do. And they expect that person to continue acting in a trustworthy manner as long as they are a leader or a member of the group such as a coworker or a friend. It is not a matter just of being trustworthy "next day, or next week." Instead it is being trustworthy "next day" and "next week" and "next month" and "next year" and "next five years." A person must always be trustworthy to earn the trust of others.

tac];yum],ym]Et,tI:An]w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]hUm]:kn]

Trust from shared values

           

tL,hG]:pQn]An]lIyum],n}.'mn];mI;w}.pgt];tgn]:lUc]Sgc]pgt];tgn]:yw]." tgn]:Agn]tac]; Sut];n}.sm].'mn];pQn]An]w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]hUm]:kn]nn]." kUn];tc];la}n}.'yum],ym]kUn];ekL. An]w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]miUn]kn]'tI:lgc]:tac];KiUc]:piUc]siUw];An]Kw]w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]nn]." epL; hQt];nn]sc],' Kw]ethU.l}:lgc]:An]wL:' Kw]sac]:yum],ym]kUn];ekL.nn].eShG]:tqp];tt];pn]' mQw];An]etKUp];cam],kn]sgm];An]Kw]w}.kL:Kn]hUm]:kn]nn].n}AiUw]:"

There are two major parts to being trustworthy. First there are shared values.. People only trust someone who values the same things they value. They then know that they can trust that person to make decisions that match their joint values.

           

PU:Agn]hUw]tac],siUw];n}.'Kw]w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]tUw]sw]:kw],'nm]liUw]eSAn]Kw]w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]kUn];tc];la}nn]."Kw]sG].sa},ciun];tL,tUw]Kw]el:tL,kUn];nL:hiUn];ey;Kw]nm]wL:nm]'kUv];kL:Kw]Am],pn]Am],sG].sa}tL,kUn];miUc];tc];la}" PU:Agn]hUw]ekL.niuc]:n}.'sac]:eK;etAgc], mqc],l}:tI:An]mgk],lat]:pn]kUn];miUc];tc];la}wL:'Kw]w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]miUn]kn]tc];Kw]etL,Tiuc]' !miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'wUc]:etmL;'El:liUn]etmL;'@n}nn].eS' kUv];kL:Sm].Am],pQn]kan]l}:han]. etL,Tiuc]'!pIetmL;'@El:!Tqc]:hL:pIetmL;'@miUw];nL:nn]." sQw];El:nan];kUv];'eSekL.ekL. ethLhn]mqn]:lgc]:wL:ciun];n}.l}:sG].sa},kGL,tI:lG]n}nn].yw]." miUw]:Kw]l}:hLhn]kGL,nn].'Kw]et Am],yum],ym]PU:Agn]ekL.nn].Sc]Tqc]:yw]."

Some leaders value themselves more then they value their people. They spend lots of money on themselves and their families, but not on the people. A leader may be successful in telling the people that they share values for the "next day, next week, and next month" but that does not work for "next year" and "next five years". Sooner or later, someone finds out how the money is being spent. When they find out, they will no longer trust the leader.

           

kUn];tc];la}n}.ethQt];nm]nm]' pn]ekL.An]w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]hUm]:kn]tc];Kw]'El: hk].Kw]nn]." Kw]hU.An]wL:' Kw]sac]:yum],ym]hG]:kUn];ekL.nn].tqp];tt];eKL:tqp];tt];pn]' siUw];An]tm]tUw]Kw]ekL:ettqp];tt];miUn]kn]nn].n}yw].' ygn].kgp]:piUw]:wL:' Kw]hUm]:kn]mI;w}. nm].nk];kL:Kn]miUn]kn]"

People will do a lot for someone who shares their values and who loves them. They know that they can trust that person to make the same kind of decisions they themselves would make because they share the same values.

           

kUn];miUc];tc];la}yum],ym]kzt].wL,SYic]tn],' kgp]:piUw]:Kw]l}:hn]wL:mn];w}.nm].nk];kL: Kn]hUm]:kn]tc];Kw]n}nn].yw]." kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]' An]hG]:epL;l}:lgt]: lqw];tI:miUc];RpitiSYKw]'nn].AiUw]:" wL,SYic]tn],n}.' pQn]sw]:h}:sw]:nL;ekL.mak],mI;lIpQn]ekL. niuc]:n}ekL:'mn];wUn].Sgn],wL:'tL,Agc],ep.eSl}:tac];lgt]:lqw];tI:RpitiSYKw]n}.'lm],lgc]:liUw]eSSUn]h}:nL;mn];nn].n}yw]." piUw]:n}El:mn];Kam],sun].' An]mn];piUc],w}.kU:siUw].kU:piUc]El: tc];ASak]:Pwmn];nn].eS'luk].Agn]hUw]tp].Siuk];" An]n}.pQn]Sak]:eS,Enpn]lgc]:An] wL:' mn];w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]tL,hG]:epL;l}:lgt]:lqw];tI:RpitiSYKw]nn].n}yw]." miUw]:mn];Kiun]: pQn]sgm]pgc]Siuk];n}.'mn];pQn]sgm]pgc]Siuk];tp].Siuk];pgt];hgc],nn].yw].' pqk].wL:mn];pQn]pQn]kUn]; pgt];san];n}ekL:" kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]lgm]lam];wUn].tUv];wL:' mn];w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]'tL,hG]: kUn];pgt];hgc],Kw]lgt]:lqw];nn].yU,hiuw]' Am],nn]ekL:' tL,kUn];pgt];san];Kw]lgt]:lqw];nn]. kUv];En,'wL:nc],n}w}.yw]." tI:Et.mn];n}.'An]mn];Kt];sG]hQt];kan]tp].Siuk];pgt];hgc],nn].' pQn]An]mn];nam];Agn]hG]:kUn];mUic];Kw]l}:hn]wL:' mn];w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]lgc]:lgt]:lqw];Kw]miUn] kn]tc];lgc]:lgt]:lqw];kUn];pgt];san];Kw]' nc],kaw],n}nn].yw]."

People trusted George Washington because they saw that he shared their values. The people valued being free from the British. Washington was a wealthy farmer, but he thought winning freedom from the British was more important than his farm. So he risked everything he owned and his life by leading the army.  That proved that he valued being free from the British. When he became general, he was general of the Northern army even though he himself was from the South. The people wondered if he valued people from the North being free or just people from the South being free. The fact that he worked hard for the Northern army led the people to see that he valued their freedom as well as Southerner's freedom.

           

miUw]:pQn]pac]Siuk];mL;nn].'wL,SYic]tn],Enlgc]:wL:mn];w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]kUn];Siuk];mn];siUw];nn].' lUv]:An]kGL,mI;w}.sm]sm]Kw]nn].eS'Kam],sun].miUn]nc],luk]:Siuk];siUw];nn].sun]. tUw]sG]Kw]eSmc]yU,nn].AiUw]:" mn];tiUw];Entac];hk].mn];mI;etL,Kw]' lUv]:An]kGL,yU,Sw]; sgm];kUn];Siuk];Kw]tI:nG];pac]Sw];' Pgc];miUw]:Kaw];kt];wL:kt];eSyap],Piut],Kan]sG]lUc]lac]nL, nn].'hQt];nn]w}.sgm];Kw]yw]." mn];sac]:miUw];Kiun];hiUn];eS' Kam],es;sQm],Sak]:SL,lUm]sG]tI: hiUn];mn];nn].l}:yU," kUv];kL:mn];yU,Sw];sgm];kUn];Siuk];siUw];nn].w}.' kgp]:wL:mn];mI;sG]tUv]; Tiuc]pn]tL,Kw]nn]." mn];lw]:lat]:Tiuc]ehLKun]tqn];Pgc];siuc]:miUc];(kgn]krqt].S]'Congress) eS'hG]:sg}:SUc],pn]Kw]KUw];nuc]:tac];m}el:Kw]:nm].tac];kin]siUw];n}.yw]." kUn];Siuk];Kw]sac]:l}: hn]An]wL,SYic]tn],w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]Kw]nn].'El:Kw]yum],ym]mn];"

When battles came, Washington showed that he valued his soldiers by being close to them and running some of the same risks as the soldiers themselves did . He further showed his love for them by staying in the soldier’s cold and difficult winter camp with them. He could have gone home and enjoyed the comforts of his home. But he stayed with his soldiers because he cared for them. He pleaded with Congress to get them clothes and food. The soldiers could see that Washington valued them, and so they trusted him.

yum],ym]Siuw]:Siuw]:yUw];yUw];

Trust as honesty

           

kUn];tc];la}n}.mI;sG]KG]:yum],ym]An]tac],ekL.lat]:nn].yw].' kUv];kL:Kw]hU.lgc]:wL: kUn];km]:Pgc]:n}.emLlqn]n}nn].yU,nc],kaw]," SUetsac]:hQt];hiuw]hU.l}:An]wL:'kUn];ekL.niuc]: n}.w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]hUm]:kn]tc];SUn}nn].lL,' epL;SUAm],sac]:yum],ym]l}:An]Kw]lat]: nn].epL;n}'?" tac];yum],ym]n}.sac]:hLhG]:l}:lUv]:An]Siuw]:yUw];' An]mgk],lat]:pn]kUn];miUc]; tc];la}Kw]Aman],JtL;mn];nn].kUv];" n}.sm].' pQn]pgt];tgn]:lUc]tgn]:Sgc]'An]kQw],lgc]:lI yum],nn].yw]." pgt];tgn]:kQw],lgc]:hG]:mI;tI:lIyum],kn]n}.' mn];Am],hQt];l}:ca}:ca}:Agn],kUv]; siUc].nn]tL,eS," mac]pgk]:mac]lG]n}.' An]pqt].lqn]nn].' sac]:eK;etpQn]kan]l}:tL,sUw]: Kaw];pgt];Agn],An]niuc]:' miUn]nc],tL,'!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'wUc]:etmL;'El:liUn]etmL;'@nn].l}: yU," An]l}:mI;mL;pYSnL,Kgc].Km]n}.mn];pQn]ygn].piUw]:wL:'An]pqt].An]lqn]n}.tiun];etepL,' sQw];El:nan];nn].kUv];yw]." epL;wL:An]pqt].lqn]nn].Am],epL,nG];'!liUn]etmL;'@'epL;n} ekL:' mn];tiun];etepL,nG];'!pIetmL;' Am],nn]ekL:'Tqc]:hL:pIetmL;'@nn].Am],hac].yw]." miUw]:kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]l}:lQp]hQn];hU.hn]mqn]:lgc]:wL:' eSekL.ekL.n}.pqt].lqn]Kw]w}.n}nn].' Kw]etAm],yum],ym]ekL.nn].Tqc];eSpgk]:eSpan]yw]."

People want to trust what another says, but they also know that some people lie. How can you be sure that a person shares your values if you cannot trust what they say? Trust is earned by being honest: by telling people the truth. This is the second major part of being trustworthy  This part of being trustworthy is not always easy. Sometimes lying will work well for a short period of time - "next day, next week, next month". The problem comes in the fact that a lie is found out sooner or later. If it is not found out in the "next month", then it will be in the "next year or next five years". When people learn that someone has lied to them, they will no longer trust that person.

           

tL,hG]:Ew:pqt].An]emLpqt].emLlqn]n}.mn];lm],lgc]:nL,nL,' ygn].kgp]:piUw]:wL:mn]; yap],tI:tL,ethLhG]:l}:tac];yum],ym]kn]Tqc]:nn].yw].' Sc]wL:kUn];eSekL.ekL.l}:lQp]:hQn]; hU.hn]kGL,wL:' mG];yam]:lqn]Kw]mL;pgk]:niuc]:yw].n}nn]." Kw]tiun];ettgc];Kuk];sG]l}:An]pqt]. An]lqn]nn].w}.yU,hQt];nn]" Kw]lgm]lam];wUn].tUv];w}.tL,eS,wL:' yUw]eK;mG];etpqt].lqn] Kw]Tqc]:km];niuc]:yU,hiuw]n}nn].yw]."

Avoiding lies is very important because it is so hard to earn trust again once someone has learned that you once lied to them. They will always remember the lie. They will always wonder when you might lie to them again.

            An]pqt].lqn]tc];la}n}.sac]:mL;nG];piUc]puc],hac]:la}siUw].la}mQw];tc];nm]lUc]" siUw];n}. sm].'pQn]piUc]puc],hac]:An]pqt]:lqn]'Sam]piUc]nn].yw]."

·       mgk],lat]:tI;kUn];la}la}ekL.la}lgc]:pqk],kn]piUc]:kn]nn].lG]'

·       Am],mgk],lat]:pn]nc],TiUk]:lUw],l}:lat]:kU:lgc]:kU:siUw].kU:mQw];nn].lG]'

hG]:Siuw]:Siuw]:yUw];yUw];An]wL:n}.' mn];Am],KG]:pgc],wL:kUn];kU:ekL.tk];lUw],l}:hU.sgm];kU: lgc];kU:piUc]kU:An]n}nn]." tL,pn]hU.sgm];siUc].n}n}.mn];Am],pQn]l}:' eSAm],kL;' epL;hqc]. lat]:pn]hUw]yg}:mn];kU:An]nm]nL,epL;n}' mn];etkGL,pQn]An]hQt];hG]:piUn]:Kan].yin];pqt]:" tI:tqk]:mn];sm].' Sc]wL:nG];nL:hiUn];ey;lc]niuc]:n}.'mI;pYSnL,Kgc].Kam]kn]w}.An]niuc]:epL;n}' Am],lUw],l}:mgk],pn]hG]:luk]:Agn],Kw]hU.sgm];hUw]yg}:mn];tc];mUt];' siUw];kL:An]TiUk]:lIl}:mgk], lat]:pn]kUn];lUc]ekL.sg}:Tqm]nL:hiUn];ey;lc]nn]." PiUw],tL.ethQt];nn]' hw];lat]:pn] luk]:Agn],Kw]' tan],An]Kw]sac]:hU.pgc],sG]sgm];l}:nn].El:An]Kw]lUw],l}:hU.nn].kUv];"

Lies come in many forms. Here are three forms of lies.

Telling people something that is not true.  

• Telling different people different things.
•  Not telling everything that should be told.

            Being honest does not mean that everybody must know everything about everything. To do this would be impossible -- and it would bore people with too much detail. For example, if there is a problem in the family, the children are not told all the details that an adult helping the family might be told. Instead, we tell the children what they can understand and what they need to know.

           

piUw]:n}mn];pQn]An]hQt];kan]sgm];PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]nn].yw]."epL;pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]ekL.nuic]:n}.'SUAm],sac]:mgk],pn]kUn];kU:ekL.kU:siUw].kU:piUc]nn].l}:" kUv];kL:SUtk];lUw],l}:lat]:pn] kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]tan],An]Kw]sac]:hU.pgc],sG]l}:nn].'El:An]Kw]lUw],l}:hU.nn].yU,AiUw]:"

So it is with leaders. As a leader, you cannot tell everyone everything. But you must tell people what they can understand and what they need to know.

           

hw];ethQt];hiuw]hU.l}:An]wL:' hw];epL;mgk],lat]:pn]piUn]:siUw];nn].' tan],TiUk]:mgk],hG]: Kw]l}:hU.sgm];nn].yw].n}?" lgk];la};An]niuc]:n}.sm].' hG]:Tam]tUv];tUw]sw]:kw],Kiun];eSwL:' sgc],Kw]etl}:vL;tUk];sG]Aam];Aw]' miUw]:kUn];tac],ekL.kGL,mgk],lat]:pn]Kw]nm]liUw]Tqc]:nn]. hiuw].?n}nn].tL." Sc]wL:Kw]etl}:vL;tUk];sG]Aam];Aw]'epL;n}Et.' etl}:wL:Am],p},l}:mgk], lat]:pn]hG]:Kw]l}:hU.sgm];tQm]TUn]:lIn}yw]." Kw]etTac],wL:SUlqn]Kw]w}.n}AiUw]:"Kw]etAm], yum],ym]SUTqc]:eSpgk]:eSpan]yw]." piUw]:n}El:' tgc];w}.tL.' yL,ephG]:kUn];tc];la}l}:vL; tUk];sG]Aam];Aw]' mqn]:miUw]:Kw]lQp]:hQn];hU.nm]liUw]kGL,Tqc]:nn]."

How do we know if we have told others what they should be told? One method is to ask yourself whether they would be surprised if someone else told them more. If they would be surprised, then they have not been told enough. They will think you have lied to them. They will no longer trust you. So, remember, people should not be surprised when they learn more

           

tI:kUn];ekL.pqk],pqk],kn]la}la}ekL.n}.'eK;etlUw],mgk],lat]:pn]hG]:Kw]l}:hU.sgm];pqk],pqk],kn]la}la}mQw];"lIyU,Am],pQn]Sc]'kUv];kL:'lItI:An]wL:Sc]siUw].Kw]etAm],l}:vL;tUk];sG]Aam];Aw]'miUw]:Kw]l}:yin];lgc]:tac];An]SUlat]:piUn]:tac],ekL.w}.nn].kUv];" epL;wL:Kw]l}:tUk];sG] Aam];Aw]'miUw]:Kw]l}:TUp];hn]An]SUlat]:pn]piUn]:tac],ekL.w}.nn].n}siuc]'An]Kw]yum],mat]:w}.nG];SUnn].'etyUp]:ygm];ha}la}kGL,pqt]:yw]."SUtk];Tuk],lImgk],lat]:pn]kU:mU,kU:sum];'tan],An]Kw]lUw],l}:hU.sgm];nn].nc],kn]kU:sum];'hQt];nn]tL,eS,eS'yL,hG]:Kw]epL;l}:vL;tUk];sG]Aam];Aw]'miUw]:An]Kw]l}:yin];Tqc]:lgc]:SUl}:mgk],lat]:pn]tI:tac],sum];w}.nn]." piUw]:n}El:'tgc]; Kuk];sG]l}:An]wL:' Am],hG]:l}:tUk];sG]Aam];Aw]miUw]:Kw]lQp]:hQn];hU.nm]liUw]kGL,Tqc]:nn].' tL."

Different people may need to be told different things. That's fine, but only if they would not be surprised if they heard what you told the other people. If they are surprised when they find out what you said to the other people, they will lose faith in you. You should always tell each group what they need to know but in a way that they would not be surprised if they heard what you told the other group. So remember: no surprises when they learn more.

           

kUn];tc];la}n}.k}.Tac],wL:' tL,sum];Kw]n}.Et.' mn];pQn]An]hp].Kam],l}:An]niuc]:yU,' Sc]wL:Kw]mgk],lat]:Aman],JtL;mn];w}.pn]nG];Kw]nc],kn]eS' pqt].lqn]piUn];tac],ekL.nn]." An]n}.mn];eK;etsac]:pQn]l}:' miUw]:An]kUn];tc];la}Kw]Aup],lat]:etL,kUn];ngk]:sum];nn]. yU," kUn];nG];muk].sum];kU:ekL.n}.Pgm].l}:sG]kn]w}.wL:'etmgk],lat]:K}:En!piun];pQn]mn];An]lQw] miUn]kn]@nn].'pn]tI:kUn];ngk]:sum];Kw]n}yw]."An]n}.lqp]:etpQn]la};tUc].niuc]hQt];Sac]:lqt];An]niuc]:yU,' eSEl:mn];etpQn]kan]sG].l}:tL,'!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'El:wUc]:etmL;'@nn].yU," mn];etAm],pQn]kan]l}:lIlIetL,Tiuc]'!pIetmL;'El:hL:pIetmL;'@nn].' ygn].kgp]:piUw]:wL:' kUn];Pa},ngk]:siUw];nn].' etlQp]:hQn];hU.An]SUpqt].lqn]Kw]w}.nn].mL;lg};lg};yw]." kUn];ngk]: tac],ekL.tac],kUn];siUw];nn].ekL:' etl}:yin];An]SUpqt].lqn]nn].eS' etAm],yum],ym] SUyw]." kgp]:piUw]:Kw]Am],yum],ym]SUEl:' kUn];miUc];tc];la}ekL:'etAm],SU:KG]:Pgm].hQt];sgm];SU' mqn]:miUw]:SUlUw],hG]:Kw]Pgm].hQt];sgm];nn]."

Many people have felt that it is acceptable for their group to tell the truth among themselves but to lie to others. This is most likely to happen when people are talking to outsiders. Everyone in the group agrees to tell the "same story" to the outsiders. This is seen as a clever move, and it works for the "next day and next week." It does not work well for the "next year and next five years" because the outsiders will eventually learn that you lied to them. Other outsiders will hear of your lying and will not trust you. Because they do not trust you, many other people will hesitate to cooperate with you when you need their cooperation.

           

An]pqt].lqn]etL,kUn];ngk]:n}.'mn];tum].ygn]:tiUw].nL,liUw]eS'An]yum],ym]kUn];ngk]:Kw]nn].AiUw]:" An]nn].n}.epL;Tiuc]miUw]:!liUn]etmL;'pIetmL;'El:hL:pIetmL;'@n}'mn];yc]; sac]:yL.tw]lqw]'tac];yum],ym]nG];Ek:kUn];siUw];Pgm].l}:sG]kn]eS'Agn]kn]pqt].lqn]piUn]:nn].lU;kgn],yw]." kUn];nG];muk].sum];nn].'l}:hn]An]kUn];Kw]:sum];Kw]nc],kn]' ekL.niuc]:tc];ekL. niuc]pqt].pqt].lqn]lqn]kn]w}.nn]." wa};nn].mL;'kUn];ekL.Et,sL.pqt].lqn]nn].'etlgm]lam]; wUn].tUv];wL:' yUw]eK;kUn];Kw]:sum];Kw]nn].ekL.niuc]:n}.' kGL,Pgm],l}:sG]sgm];kUn];Kw]:sum];tac], ekL.siUw];nn].eS'pqt].lqn]mn];sa};'Am],nn]ekL:'mn];nac];'yUw].n}nn].yw]." pqk].Sm].Kw]mI; eKL:lat]:kn]w}.wL:'!hw];pqt].lqn]kUn];ngk]:sum];kUv];'@n}siUc].hiuw]tan]lG]eSekL:yL,mn];tL.'An]l}:yin];lgc]:pqt].lgc]:lqn]mL;tI:kUn];ekL.niuc]:n}.'mn];epL;hQt];hG]:tac];yum],ym]yUp]:ygm];kGL,yw].' ygn].kgp]:piUw]:wL:Kw]Am],sac]:hQt];hiuw]lp].lgc];tqt];etL;l}:' lgc]:An]wL:kUn];ekL. nn].etpqt].lqn]AI:Sc]miUw]:lG]Tqc]:n}nn]." km];nn].tac];yum],ym]n}.lU.lqw]kg}PImn];kGL, yw]." eSEl:'epL;Am],mI;tac];yum],ym]nn].n}siuc]'tL,hG]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.mn];yap],nL,nL,"

Lying to outsiders affects more than just the trust of the outsiders. It also, over "next month, next year, and next five years", undermines trust among those who have agreed to lie. Each person in the group sees other group members lying. Then that person start wondering if one of the group members might agree with others to lie to him or her. No matter how much it is said that "we only lie to outsiders", hearing a lie from a person reduces trust because they are no longer sure when that person might lie. Trust is damaged. And without trust, harmony is very difficult.

           

mn];mI;la};lqn]An]yL.tw]lqw]tac];yum]mat]:w}.nG];pUin]:tac],ekL.nn].Tqc]la};niuc]:' An]nn].sm].' pQn]ktiAn]Am],tgn].PiUm],Tqm]hQt];yw].tUw]:sgm];eSpgk]:nn].yw]." kti An]wL:n}.'pQn]eKL:mgk],Enlgc]:wL:'SUethQt];eSsiUw].eSpiUc]nG];Kaw];yam];An]Sac],Tuk],nn].'n}yw]." epL;SUSm].Am],hQt];sgm];siuc]'eKL:mgk],EnAn]SUpiun]Agk],'ktiAn]SUpn]'nn].ekL:' etpQn]mL;An]pqt].An]lqn]yw]." kUn];miUc];tc];la}etAm],yum],ym]SUTqc]:eSpgk];eSpan] yw].'ATU;mn];tI:An]SUpn]ktiw}.siUw];nn]." ktimQw];An]Am],sac]:pG].pL;hQt];sgm];l}:siUw]; nn].'eK;etpQn]An]sg}:pn]kUn];ekL.niuc]:l}:'tL,!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'Am],nn]ekL:'wUc]:etmL;'@nn].yU,ekL:'etAm],sg}:tL,Kaw];yaw];l}:" eSAm],kL;'ktilut]:siUw];ham];la}nn].' yL.tw] tac];yum]ym]lqw]pqt]:pIyaw];Kaw];hiuc]nn].yw]."

There is one more type of lie that undermines faith in others: a promise that is never fulfilled. A promise is a statement that you will do something at an appropriate time. If you do not, then your statement - your promise - becomes a lie. People no longer trust you, particularly your promises. Promises that cannot be kept may help a person the "next day or next week" but not for the longer term. And broken promises undermine trust for a long time. 

           

pYSnL,Kgc].Km]An]kUn];ekL.niuc]:l}:TUp];'tI:tL,pG].pL;sgm];ktiAn]niuc]:nn].'pQn]An]Sa}ca}cw];la};mn];sac]:pin],lqk]:la}:nn]." hw];eK;etl}:pn]ktitL,etsg}:eSekL.ekL.nG];pI etmL;nn].n}ekL:'kUv];kL:miUw]:Tiuc]pIetmL;n}.'hw];Sm].Am],sac]:sg}:l}:" epL;pQn]nn]ktihw]; nn].etpQn]mL;lgc]:pqt].lqn]An]niuc]:eS' yL.tw]lqw]tc];yum],ym]Kw]mI;w}.niUw]hw];nn].kGL, pqt]:"la};tac];An]mI;SQn]:lQw]'pun]:tL,etpG].pL;lum];lL;tac];yum],ym]nn].sm].'hG]:K}:Enlgc]:Sa}ca}cw];la};mn];pin],lqk]:la}:nn].'pn]Tiuc]tI:kUn];ekL.An]hw];mI;ktiw}.nn].sgm];kGL,'miUw]:SUl}:lQp]:hQn];hU.mqn]:lgc]:pin],lqk]:la}:siUw];nn].tL."epL;wL:SUSac];lac];Enlgc]:pin],lqk]:la}:nn].' epL;n}' Kw]etAm],l}:vL;tUk];sG]Aam];Aw]'miUw]:SUAm],hQt];sgm];ktiSUpn]w}.nn].Sc] yw]." An]Kw]yum],mat]:w}.nG];SUnn].etsac]:yUp]:ygm];kGL,n}ekL:'tac];nm]eA,lgc]:yum],ym] An]etygm];kGL,n}.'mn];sac]:etlQk].ek,eA,mac]eStI:An]' Sc]wL:Kw]l}:tUk];sG]Aam];Aw] kgp]:An]SUAm],hQt];sgm];kGam];ktipn]w}.nn]." SUetSum];tac];yum],ym],eA,Sut];eSpiUn]: nn].yU,' Sc]wL:SUhQt];etL,Kw]'sgm];tac];Kiuk].tgn];mac]mQw];nn].eS'Enpn]Kw]lgc]:SUmI;sG]pG]. pL;lum];lL;Kw]pn]yU,' pqk].wL:SUAm],sac]:hQt];sgm];ktiSUpn]w}.nn].ekL:'n}El:"

One problem a person has with keeping a promise is that situations can change. We may promise to help someone next year, but when next year comes, we may not be able to help. Then our promise will become a lie and undermine their trust in us. The only way to maintain trust is to share the changes in the conditions with the person to whom we made the promise as soon as you learn of those changes. When you explain the changes, then they will not be surprised when you do not keep your promise. They will lose some trust in you, but the amount of trust lost will be much less than if they were surprised because you did not keep your promise. You will lose the least amount of trust if you give them some special treatment to show that you care about them even though you were not able to keep the promise.

           

mn];sac]:epL,pQn]mI;mL;tac];yap],Tqc]:tac],An]' miUn]wL:SUAm],sac]:K}:EnKaw],lgc]: tac];mn];pn]tc];SQc]:tc];mUt];'tan],An]piUn]:tac],ekL.lUw],l}:hU.eS' etpgc],sqc]:lqc];sG] sgm];An]wL:' hQt];Sc]El:SUtiuk].hQt];An]SUhQt];yU,n}nn]." ygn].Kw]Am],pgc],sG]sgm];An] SUhQt];Sac]:yUc];sG]Kiun]:yU,nn].El:' Kw]etEt,wUn].Sgn],wL:SUn}.mI;kL:mI;Kn]An]pqk]pqk],w}. n}eS'Kw]etAm],epL;yum],ym]SU" An]lItqk]:niUc];An]niuc]:n}.sm].' mqn]:miUw]:mI;lgc]:lUw],l}: Ka}.Tgn]eSekL.ekL.Agk],muk].sum];'miUn]nc],mQw];An]yiut];kan]pqt]:nn]." km]:nm]n}.'eKL:tqp]; tL,etyiut];kan]eSekL.ekL.pqt]:nn].' mn];k}.pQn]An]l}:Aic]niUw]piun].Kam],Kaw],lgc]:tac];' mQw];Am],TiUk]:K}:Enkn]nn].yw]." Kaw],lgc];tac];mQw];nn].n}.'mn];lUw],pQn]mQw];An]Am],tum]. tiUw].PG]' Am],nn]ekL:'mn];etsac]:pQn]An]lUw],l}:hQt];nc],pk];piUc]mI;nn].El:' sc],SiUc], Sim];Kaw],lgc];tac];nn].w}.pQn]eKL:lp]." epL;pQn]Sa}ca}cw];la};siUc].nc],nn]n}.'hw];lUw],K}:En Kaw],lgc]:tac];mn];tan],An]hw];sac]:K}:Ennn].kUv];' eSEl:' eKYL;Agn]:wgn];hG]:kUn]siUw]; An]hw];w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]miUn]kn]siUw];nn].epL;han].sG]" An]n}.mn];k}.pgc],wL:' kUn];ekL. An]l}:Kam],yiut];kan]pqt]:n}.'Am],sac]:EnSak]:eS,'Am],nn]'Am],sac]:Tt];Sac]TQc]Kiun];'lUv]:tc];lgc]:An]wL:kgp]:Sc]El:Am],TiUk]:lIyiut];kan]Kw]pqt]:n}nn].n}El:Sc]' mn];k}. pgc],wL:hw];Kt];sG]hG]:hU.tqt]:etL;lIlIyw].eS' sc],wL:An]yiut];kan]pqt]:n}.pQn]An]sm] pQn]lUw],l}:hQt];nn].n}yw]." epL;wL:mI;kUn];ngk]:sum];eSekL.ekL.' An]hw];sac]:mgk],lat]:  K}:EnkU:lgc]:kU:piUc]eShG]:sg}:Tt];Sac]niUw]eKL:ettqp];tt];nn].pn]'miUw]:p},l}:tqp];tt];lUc]; eShQt];sgm];kGL,nn].'epL;n}'mn];tiun];pQn]An]sg}:An]Tqm]lItL,eS," epL;SUpgc],Kaw],pn]Tiuc] kGL,wL:' SUhQt];etL,kUn];ekL.niuc]:lUv]tac];np].ym]lIlInn].eS' kUv];kL:yc];tiuk].lUw],l}: yiut];kan]Kw]pqt]:yU,n}siuc]' piUn]:tac],ekL.etsac]:tiUw];yum],ym]eKL:tqp];tt];nn].l}:AiUw]:" eSEl:' Kw]etAm],Tac],wL:'tm]tUw]Kw]etkiuc].kac].l}:Kam],yiut];kan]pqt]:km];lQw]nn]."

Another difficulty occurs when you  are not able to share all the information that others need to help them understand why you are doing the things you are doing. Because they do not understand your motivation, they begin to think you have different values, and so they trust you less. A good example is when someone has to be removed from the group, such as being fired from a business. Many times the decision to fire someone is based on information that should not be shared. Such information would needlessly hurt someone or there may be a legal requirement to keep the information confidential. In such a situation, we need to share what information we can and to convince others that we have upheld the shared values. This usually means that the person being fired was unable to present any evidence or arguments as to why they should not be fired and that we worked hard to be sure the firing was necessary. It often helps to have someone outside of the group who can be told everything to review the decision before it is carried out. When you report that you have treated the person with respect but that they still needed to be fired, others will be more able to trust the decision -- and they will not think they might suddenly be fired themselves!

!SQn]:ma}ciun];nG];pqc].@pun]:tac];yum],ym]SU'

Your “bank account” of trust

           

tac];yum],ym]n}.ekL:Sac]:w}.niUw]An]Siuw]:yUw];'El:An]w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]miUn]kn]tI:An]lQk].An]ng}.Agn],' El:tc];'tI:An]tqp];tt];'el:tUc].niuc]hQt];Sac]:lgc]:yG],lgc]:lUc] siUw];nn].nc],kn]" An]lIyum],l}:tI:An]lQk].An]ng}.Agn],siUw];nn].n}.'pQn]An]ekL,Sac]: pn]tac];yum],ym]kn]'ca};miUn]nc],Aw]ciun];eA,eA,SGac];SG],nG];pqc].ey;ciun];An]niuc]:eS'Et,Puv],SQn]:ma}ciun];nG];pqc].w}.An]niuc]:nn].yw]." eSEl:Aw]ciun];nn].Tqm]SG],elL;ciun];yum] ym]tiuk].kiut];mI;nG];pqc].nn]." epL;wL:An]SGac];SG],Ait];Ait];n}.pgk]:mn];mI;nm]mL;n}ekL:'mn]; etlImiUn]kn]tc];An]SGac];SG],yG],yG],nm]nm]lUc]km];niuc]:'nn].nc],kaw],yw]." tI:tqk]:mn]; sm].' An]kGL,Kuin]:pac]kum]An]SUwL:SUetAan];Kiun]:nn].n}.ekL:' pQn]An]sg}:ekL,Sac]:pn] tac];yum],ym]" sc],sG]Agk],kGL,hLsg}:kUn];miUc];SUKiUw];SU'tI:liUc]:lQk].liUc]:ng}.Agn],siUw];nn].kUv]; ekL:' yc];pQn]An]sg}:hG]:Kw]sac]:yum],ym]SUnm]liUw]tiUw];mL;nn].yU,yw]."

Trust is built by being honest and sharing the same values in small things as well as in major decisions and actions. Being trustworthy in small things builds up trust just as depositing small amounts of money in a bank builds up a bank account, and so adds to your bank balance of trust. Many small deposits are almost as good as one big deposit. For example, attending the meetings you say you will attend  helps build trust. Going out of your way to help your people even in small things helps them trust you more.

           

eSEl:epL;SUvL;hQt];Pit];An]niuc]:n}mn];etpQn]Sc]kGL,?" nn].mn];Aic]niUw]An] SUmI;tac];yum],ym]eS'!l}:SGac];SG],w}.nG];pqc].@nm]kL:hiuw]yw].n}nn].AiUw]:" miUw]:kgn],wn];Agn] pUn].mL;nn].' Sc]wL:kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]l}:TUp];hn]lgc]:wL:SUn}.lIyum],l}:yU,n}siuc]' SUet sac]:Ek:K}An]vL;hQt];Pit];nn].sgm];Kw]kGL,l}:ca}:yU,tan],tan],'(miUn]nc],'mgk],lat]:Aman], JtL;mn];pn]tI:Kw]kQw],lgc]:SUvL;hQt];Pit];nn].)" epL;wL:SQn]:ma}ciun];nG];pqc].pun]:tac];yum], ym]SUnn].mI;eA,epL;n}' Kw]et[Kiun];Em;Tt];Sac]Piun]lik]:la};n}.eS'tI:eKL:An]lUw],wL:' et'El:tc];'eK;et'n}nn].eSkm];"nc],An]etAgk],pQn]mL;mn];Am],epL;k}.tqt]:etL;nn].'eKL:An]wL:'!eK;et@'nn].sac]:pQn]eKL:Sc],Tuk],liUw]piUn]:yU,'{ El,hLtac],ekL.Tqc]:yw]." tI:n}:n}.' sc],wL:' mn];Tuk],lIKt];sG]hQt];hG]:hw];epL;lIyum],l}:kU:Kic],kU:Kaw];yw].' nn]sc], SQn]:ma}ciun];nG];pqc].pun]:tac];yum],ym]SUnn].ekL:etnm]mL;"

And what happens if you make a mistake? It depends on how much trust you "have deposited in the bank". If people have found you trustworthy in the past, you can generally work through the mistake with them (for example, by telling them the truth about your mistake). If your bank account of trust is low, they will [Review the paper for Will versus May.  As outcomes are usually uncertain, may could be more appropriate] look for someone else. It is, of course, better to try to be trustworthy all the time so your bank account of trust is large.

           

hG]:epL;Agc],mqc],Tiuc]:tI:lIn}.'SUtk];lUw],tUc].niuc]hQt];Sac]:nG];la};hQt];piUc]Sac]:An]lIyum],nn].tL,eS," lgc]:tUc].nuic]SUsiUw];nn].tk];lUw],l}:Enpn]kL:Kn]muk].sum];' El:eKL: kGam];SUsiUw];nn].tk];lUw],l}:pQn]An]man],An]mqn]:An]siuw]:An]sG]:tL,eS," kU:km];km];eS Kaw];yam];huic]huic]n}n}.' mn];k}.hQt];yap],nL,nL,' ATU;mn];km]:nm]'mqn]:miUw]:kUn];siUw];lQp]:hgp]: him];hgm];SUn}.pqt].pqt].lqn]lqn]yU,w}.siUc].nn]nn]." SUtk];etl}:tgc];w}.An]wL:' hw];n}. Am],sG]:wL:etL.Et.yU,Sw];tL,'!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'wUc]:etmL;'liUn]etmL;'@nn].kUv];'pQn]hw];yU,Sw];tL,'!pIetmL;'El:hL:pIetmL;'@nn].pL;yw]." kUn];siUw];Am],lIyum],n}.mn];tiun]; etepL," An]kUn];miUc];tc];la}mI;tac];yum],ym]SUw}.n}.'etmL;pQn]Sw]lk];kqn],Kqc]lk];niuc]:' tL,tI:An]SUetAgn]hUw]'El:tI:An]SUkp];Siup],Kw]:Agk],kn]tc];piUn]:tac],ekL.nn].yw]."

To be successful, you must always act in a trustworthy manner. Your actions must show the values of the group and your words must always be truthful. At times, that is difficult, particularly when others around you are lying. You should remember that we live not just for "next day, next week, next month" but also for "next year and next five years". Untrustworthy people will be found out. The trust people come to have in you will be a strong pillar for your leadership and for your personal relationships with others.

           

lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.etEt,pQn]mI;mL;'mqn]:miUw]:hw];pQn]ekL.lIyum],'nn].AiUw]:"

Harmony begins when we are trustworthy.

           

kUv];kL:kUn];ekL.niuc]:El:Sc]' Am],nn]' Sa}ca}cw];la};An]niuc]:nn].El:Sc]' sac]: mL;tum].tiUw].tac];yum],ym]kn]nn].yw]." hw];etsac]:hQt];hiuw]mk];ma}hU.sgm];l}:An]mn];et sac]:mI;eP;KQn]etL,tac];yum]ym]nn].lL,?" piUc]Pac]:hac]:lUc]mn];n}.sm].' pQn]An]KIm}:sG] nn].km];lQw]yw]." sgc],hw];etsac]:kgn];w}.lgc]:KIm}:sG]tL,tUw]hw];' Am],nn]' An]KIm}:sG] tL,piUn]:tac],ekL.nn].l}:yU,hiuw].?"

But a person or the situation may hurt trust. How can we recognize that trust may be in danger? The major sign isAnxiety. Can we manage Anxiety in our self  or another?

eKL:kGam];Kiuk].tgn];siUw];lIpgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]w}.'

            tac];yum],ym]'

hLhG]:l}:tac];yum],ym]'

w}.nm].nk];kL:Kn]hUm]:kn]'

lgc]:Siuw]:yUw];'(EK.kn]tc];'lgc]:pqt].lqn]')

tUk];sG]Aam];Aw]'(tI:l}:KUn].Sgk]:hLhn]lgc]:pqn].lqn]An]niuc]:nn].')

kti'

!SQn]ma}ciun];nG];pqc].'@pun]:tac];yum],ym]'

Special Words to Understand

Trust

            Earning trust

            Shared values

            Honesty (vs. lying)

            Surprise (from the discovery of a lie)

            Promises

            “Bank Account” of trust

kgn];w}.lgc]:KIm}:sG]' Manage Anxiety

lgc]:KIm}:sG]n}.Am],sG]:wL:l}:pQn]' ygn].kUn];siUw];Kw]:kQw],pL;sgm];nc],kn]'Kw]Am],epL; mI;tac];yum],ym]kn]nn].kUv];" mn];sac]:eK;etpQn]ygn].' An]pQn]Pa},tac];ngk]:nn].yU,"

Anxiety is not just caused by a lack of trust between the people involved. It may be caused by outside events.

lgc]:KIm}:sG]' n}.pQn]eKL:kGam];An]tqm]:Sp];lqc];En' lgc]:Kam],sL;nG];sG]kUn];ekL.An] kUw]Aa}epL;KQc]:epL;Kqc]'Am],nn]'Pit];sG]nL,nn].El:' kUn];ekL.mI;tac];m}:sG]w}.nm]nL,nL,nn]. yw]." kUn];siUw];KIm}:sG]w}.n}.'Kw]Am],mI;lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]etL,tI:tUw]Kw]" Kw]mI;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]: tn]etL,tUw]sw]:kw],'Am],nn]'etL,piUn]:tac],ekL.w}.yw]." kUn];ekL.nn].n}.' mn];kUw]An] etsac]:pQn]mL;nG];wn];miUw];nL:nn].w}.hQt];nn]" etL:nc],miUw]:Kw]KG]:wUn].tUv];tac],lgc]:tac], mQw];nn].n}ekL:' Kw]kum],l}:vL;wUn].Sgn],lgc]:nn].w}.hQt];nn]kUv];" kUn];siUw];mI;lgc]:KIm}:sG] nm]n}.Am],sac]:lp];sac]:ngn];l}:lIlI' kgp]:wL:Kw]kum],k}.El,wUn].Sgn],lgc]:pYSnL,Kgc].Km] siUw];nn].hQt];nn]yU,tik];tik];"

Anxiety is the word that describes a the feelings of a person who is nervous or upset and who is worrying a lot. Anxious people do not have personal harmony. They have conflict with themselves or others. The person is afraid of what might happen in the future. They think about it even when they want to be thinking of something else. People with high anxiety cannot sleep well because they are always thinking about problems.

AkYOw];An]KIm}:sG]'  Effects of Anxiety

            kUn];ekL.KIm}:sG]n}.' sG]piw]yan]Pat],kan]can];An]Kw]k}.hQt];eS,eS,nn].pqt]:'ygn]. pYSnL,Kgc].Kam]Kw]mI;hc];kUv];Kw]nn]." ekL.pQn]Em:luk]:Agn],eKL.n}.etKIsG]' tI:An]Sc]wL: luk]:Agn],ekL.nn].Am],Kqn];mL;n}nn].yw]." miUw]:Pgc];luk]:Agn]ekL.nn].pQn]K}:pQn]naw]w}.yU, siUc].nn]n}.' pqc],liUw]eStUv];lum];lL;hQt];pn]luk]:Agn],eKL.mn];nn].' tL,hG]:mn];nac];kGL, hLhQt];tac],siUw].tac],mQw];n}n}.'mn];tiun];yap],"

A anxious person is distracted from their regular work by their problems. A mother of a sick child will be anxious if the child does not get better. While the child is sick, it is hard for her to do anything other than treat the sick child.

           

epL;wL:kUn];hw];KIm}:sG]' El:m}:yap],sG]sgm];lgc]:pYSnL,Kgc].Km]Kw]nn].pUn].liUw]kGL,nL, epL;n}siuc]' tI:kan]An]Kw]k}.hQt];eS,eS,nn].etvL;tac];tuk].KKan]sG]yw]." kan]can]; Kw]l}:vL;tac];tuk].KKan]sG]ygn].piUw]:wL:' Kw]Am],sac]:wUn].Sgn],K}:sG]sgm];lgc]:An]kp];ka}, tc];kan]'An]Kw]kYam],Kt];sG]hQt];hG]:yw].tUw]:nn]." kUn];mac]siUw];n}.sL.Et,KIm}:sG]' ygn]. kgp]:An]Kw]'!hqc].KG]:l}:KG]:pQn]pUn].tI:nL,Am],tan],'@(Kw]Kt];sG]lUn].liUw]pUn].tI:AL;lL;nL,'tI:An]tL,hQt];hG]:kan]Kw]yw].kGL,lIlIn}nn].')eSyw].El:' ey:Kqn];vL;hQt];Pit];nm]nL, liUw]eS' miUw]:An]Kw]Am],mI;tac];KIm}:sG]sgm];kan]can];Kw]nn].AiUw]:"

When people are anxious and overly concerned with their own problems, their regular work suffers. Their work suffers because they cannot think about the job-related tasks they are trying to accomplish. Some people become anxious because they are "over motivated" (they try too hard) to do their job well) and make more mistakes than if they were not anxious about their work..

           

tL,kan]An]lG]eSAm],wL:'mn];tiun];mI;Kk].sn].hQt];Sac]:yUc];sG]Kiun]:hqc];lInn].yU,"tL,kan]yUw];yUw];ca}:ca}:siUw];nn].et.' hG]:epL;hqc].KG]:l}:KG]:pQn]pUn].tI:nL,Am],tan],n}n}.mn]; pQn]yap]," tI:tqk]:mn];' miUn]nc],wL:' hw];kiuc].kc].kGL,vL;tUw]St];ha}.mI;eP;yG],nn].n}El:' hw];etlqn]:Pa}nL,nL," lqn]:lqn]:Aqn],Aqn],n}.pQn]kan]yUw];yUw];ca}:ca}:Agn],tL,hw];kUv];' El:An]hQt];Sac]:yUc];sG]Kiun]:hqc];nL,nn].' mL;hQt];hG];hw];tiUw];lqn]:Pa}" kUv];kL:'epL;kan] nn].yap],' Am],nn]ekL:' Kgk];ygk];Kgn]ygn]nL,epL;n}siuc]' mn];sac]:hQt];hG]:hw];hqc].KG]:l}: nL,nL,nn].AUiw]:" tI:tqk]:mn];n}.' miUw]:hw];lUw],Sgn]pn]piUn]:tac],ekL.nn].lG]' Am],nn]' lUw],lQp]:hQn];kan]An]mG],nn].lG]' siUw];n}.hw];ethQt];l}:lIlI'miUw]:Sc]wL:hw];emLliuw]:sG]Sw]; sG]nn].kUv];" epL;wL:hw];hqc].KG]:l}:nL,nL,epL;n}' hw];El,k}.kYam],Aac]:Kt];sG]hQt];kan]nn].' hG]:sQw];yw].w};eSAn]mn];kuic],lIpQn]nn].El:' mn];k}.pQn]An]vL;hQt];Pit];la}la}An]tc]; nm]" epL;Am],nn]kL:'hw];m}:sG]lgc];kan]nn].eS'Aw]sG]piw]kGL,kgp]:An]hw];kUw]tUk];Sum];El: kUw]vL;hQt];Pit];nm]nn]." hw];l}:vL;hQt];Pit];nm]'kgp]:hw];hqc].KG]:l}:nL,nL,' tI:kan]yap]: yQn];An]Sgn]pn]'/lQp]:hQn];'An]mG],eSAn]An]nn].yw]."

For any task, there is an ideal level of motivation. For simple tasks, it is hard to be over motivated. For example, if we are suddenly confronted with a dangerous animal, we  run very fast. Running is a simple task for us, and high motivation makes us run faster. But if a task is difficult or complicated, then we can become too highly motivated. For example, when we need to teach others or learn a new task, we only do well if we are relaxed. If we are too highly motivated we often try to do the task faster than it should be done, and that often results in mistakes. Or we worry about the task, and are distracted by our fear of failure and make mistakes. We make mistakes because we are too highly motivated for the difficult task of teaching/learning something new.

           

An]KIm}:sG]n}.' pQn]An]Tqc]:elL;SG],tI:hqc];hQt];Sac]:yUc];sG]Kiun]:kUn];ekL.niuc]:yw]." kUn];siUw];KIm}:sG]w}.n}.' pQn]mL;An]hqc].KG]:l}:KG]:pQn]pUn].tI:nL,Am],tan],'tI:kan]yUw];yUw];El: ca}:TiSut];nn]." eSEl:tac];KIm}:sG]nn].' Aw]Kw]vL;hQt];Pit];tc];nm]lUc]" ngk]:eSn}.' kUn];siUw];KIm}:sG]w}.n}.' Kw]wUn].K}:sG]sgm];pYSnL,Kgc].Km]Kw]kUv];' tI:PiUw],tL.etpQn]An]wUn]. lgc]:kan]lgc]:can];Kw]nn]." epL;wL:PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]El:Sc]' Am],nn]ekL:' kUn];sgm];Kw]El: Sc]'KIm}:sG]w}.epL;n}siuc]' Kw]hQt];kan]vam].nL,nL,"

Anxiety adds to a person's motivation.  Anxious people become over motivated for any but the simplest of tasks, and that anxiety causes them to make mistakes. In addition, anxious people think about their problems instead of their job. When leaders or followers are anxious, they do poorer work.

           

kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]n}.eK;etEw:kUn];ekL.niuc]:' Am],nn]' kUn];sum];niuc]:'siUw];An] hQt];hG]:Kw]KIm}:sG]nn]." Kw]yc];etKG]:Ew:lgc]:tL,etwUn].K}:sG]sgm];An]wL:' kUn];ekL.nn].' Am],nn]' kUn];sum];nn].etKG]:l}:Sc]n}nn].yw]." AkYow];An]Ew:pa}:nn].hQt];hG]:Kw]Am], hp].Kam],pun]:Pgn];' El:Am],Agk],sG]KG]:l}:KG]:hQt];kan]Sc]yw].nn]." epL;wL:ekL.pQn]PU:Agn] hUw]n}.' pUc]eKL:sI.Sc],wL:hG]:Kw]'!m}:sG]eA,eA,'eSKt];sG]nm]nm]'@n}nn].' Kw]Sm].etkGL, pQn]An]m}:sG]sgm];eKL:sI.Sc],nn].'hQt];nn]yw]."

People may avoid a person or group of people who make them anxious.  They want to avoid even thinking about what the person or group might want. The effect of avoiding makes them unresponsive  and unmotivated on the job. If the leader orders them to "worry less and work harder", they then become worried about that order. 

An]hQt];hG]:l}:mI;tac];KIm}:sG]  Causes of Anxiety

            An]KIm}:sG]n}.mn];kGL,kQw],kn]tc];lgc]:yum],ym]' lgc]:Agn]hUw]' El:lgc]:kp];Siup],Kw]: Agk],kn]tc];piUn]:tac],ekL.nn].siUc].hiuw]?" epL;wL:kUn];hw];Am],yum],ym]kUn];tac],ekL.nn]. epL;n}ekL:' Kw]etEt,KIm}:sG]" Kw]kUw]tI:An]kUn];ekL.nn].ethQt];Pit];eSsiUw].eSpiUc]' Am],nn]' tI:An]wL:yUw]eK;Kw]ettUv];Kam]:pUt].pqt]:An]lm],lgc]:Sam]Kan];mn];nn].hiuw]' Am],nn]ekL:' sgc],Kw]etsac]:yum],An]kUn];ekL.nn].pn]ktiw}.siUw];nn].yU,hiuw]' siUw];n}." piUw]:n}El:' Kw]m}:sG]'tI:lgc]:An]kUn];ekL.nn].ethQt];Sc]n}nn].yw]." Kw]m}:sG]nL,AL;lL; El:' Aw]Kw]hqc].KG]:l}:KG]:pQn]pUn].tI:nL,Am],tan],pqt]:" miUw]:Kw]hQt];kan]An]Am],sG]:kan] yUw];yUw];nn].' Kw]vL;hQt];Pit];tc];nm]yw]."

What does anxiety have to do with trust, leadership, and relationships with others? If people do not trust another person, they become anxious. They are fearful that the other person will do something wrong or that they will overlook something important. They don't know if what the person tells them is true or if they can trust that person’s promises. So they worry about what the person might do. They worry too much and they become over motivated. They make mistakes when doing anything beyond simple tasks.

           

PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]n}.k}.sac]:vL;An]kw];ekYL;SUn];yUc];' ygn].piUw]:lgc]:lgk],cLhLhQt];eP; SG],tc];nm]nn].yw]." mqn]:miUw]:Pa},niuc]:n}.' lUc]pgc]siuc]:sum];lG]eSAm],wL:' l}:mI;tam],An] lgk],cLhLhQt];eP;SG],tI:Kw]pUn].pqn]pk];piUc]siUw];nn].'n}n}.' mn];Am],KG]:pgc],wL:' kUn];miUc];tc]; la}Kw]etl}:Aw]la};lgk],cLhLhQt];eP;SG],nn].eSAgn]hUw]kGL,n}lL;lL;" epL;yip];sG].lgc]: lgk],cLhLhQt];eP;SG],nn].An]lQw]kUv];siuc]' kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]eK;etl}:KIm}:sG]" epL;sgm]; lUv]:la};Agn]hUw]lIn}.' kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]yum],ym]PU:Agn]hUw]' El:' la};lgk],cLhLhQt];eP; SG],siUw];nn].ekL:' Am],SU:k}.l}:yip];sG].Sc]eSAn]"

Leaders may be tempted to lead by threats.  While any government has threats of punishment for breaking laws, that does not mean that people should only lead by threats.Using only threats might people anxious. With good leadership, the people trust the leader, and threats are seldom used.

           

pYSnL,Kgc].Km]An]l}:pQn]mL;tI:Aup].piUc],Pgc];cm];' lUv]:la};lgk],cLhLhQt];eP;SG],n}.' l}:hn]mI;mL;nG];piun];km],PL,w}.tc];nm]yw]." PU:Agn]hUw]kan]pa};miUc];km]:Pgc]:n}.Am],lIyum],'Kw] pqt].lqn]' Am],nn]ekL:'Kw]Am],w}.kL:Kn]piUn]:tac],ekL." miUw]:An]kUn];miUc];Kw]n}.Am],KG]:sgm]; lc]PU:Agn]hHUw]ekL.Am],lIyum],nn].El:' PU:Agn]hUw]n}.Sm].yip];sG].hqc];Siuk];yw].' kgp];pUiw]: nn]El:Kw]Aup].piUc],Pgc];cm];lUv]:tac];kUw]" lgk];la};mQw];nn].n}.'mn];pQn]kan]l}:'tI:tac]; muc]:hn]Kw];pgt];nn].kUv];" epL;Kaw];yam];hiuc]nan];pUn].liUw]kGL,n}.' kUn];miUc];Kw]etKIm}:sG]mL; 'eSEl:siuc]:miUc];ekL:l}:Kan]sG]' nG];pInL:etmL;' nG];hL:pIetmL;'El:Aik],pUn].Pa},pun].Tqc]: la}la}pInn].yw]." kgp]:piUw]:Kw]kUw]El:'Am],mI;PG]KG]:mgk],lat]:pn]PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]'kQw],lgc]:An] pQn]Et.mI;Et.nn].Sc]' Kw]kUw]An]PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]ethQt];hiuw]tgp],pn]Kw]Kiun];nn].AiUw]:" ygn].piUw]:wL:Kw]Am],l}:hU.sgm];lgc]:mn];pQn]Sc]Et.Et.nn].El:' PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]n}.' tqp]; tt];Am],Tuk],Am],mqn]:yw]." ygn].piUw]:Kw]KIm}:sG]El:'kUn];miUc];tc];la}n}.'vL;hQt];Pit];tI: kan]can];Kw]nn].yw]." kgp]:piUw]:n}El:sc],wL:' suuic]:miUc];siUw];l}:Aup].piUc],Pgc];cm];lUv]:tac]; kUw],nn].' Kw]Am],mI;pa};mak]:mI;An]kqn],Kqc]KiUc],Km].lI" tk];vL;hQt];Pit];nm]la}pUn].tI:nL, AL;lL;yw].' pQn]An]l}:vL;hQt];Pit];' ygn].piUw]:An]Pa},Kaw],lgc]:tac];(eKL:mun];)l}Kw]: sU;PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]nn].vam].' El:Aik],' ygn].kgp]:kUn];miUc];siUw];An]KIm}:sG]w}.nn].yw]."

The problem of ruling by threats can be seen in world history. Some political leaders have been untrustworthy lying or not valuing others. When people are not willing to follow an untrustworthy leader, the leader uses force, and thus rules by fear.  That method works – from the short-term perspective. But over time the people become anxious -- and the country suffers the next year, the next five years, and beyond. Because of their fears, no one wants to tell the leaders what is really happening; they are afraid of how the leaders will react. Because they don’t know what is really happening, the leaders make bad decisions. Because they are anxious, the people make mistakes in their work. That is why countries which are ruled by fear do not have a strong economy. Too many mistakes are made, mistakes caused by poor flow of information to the leaders and by anxious people.

           

mac]pgk]:mac]lG]n}.' An]kUn];tc];la}Kw]Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];kUn];tac],ekL.nn].'mn];Am],sG]: ygn].Kw]Kam],sL;nG];sG]w}.miUn]kn]' mn];pQn]ygn].An]Kw]Kam],sL;nG];sG]wL:'epL;etka},kGam];hLpn] tac];hn]Tiuc]Tqc]:tac],An]siuc]' kUw]mn];pQn]An]Am],np].ym]kn]nn]." An]etka},kGam];hL pn]tac];hn]Tiuc]Tqc]:tac],An]n}.'sac]:Aw]Kw]l}:KIm}:sG]' piUw]:n}El:Kw]Am],lat]:Am],tk]; SQc]Sc]yw]." miUw]:kzn],Aqp].f]kqn];nI,tI,'pQn]mL;sgm]siuc]:miUc];yU,Aqt].S]nn].'PU:sg}:wUn].K}:sG] pn]mn];kU:ekL.tc];mUt];n}.'np].ym]mn];yG],nm]Et.Et.wL:wL:yw]." piUw]:n}El:'miUw]:mn];sG]. K}:sG]tUv];lgc]:tL,etkm].Tqm]pn]' sum];kUn];miUc];kYO;pL;' siUw];kYam],Aan];Kiun];Sim];Aw]kun]miUc]; kYO;pL;tI:sw]:AL,nL,kqm]tUw]Kw]nn].n}.' Am],mI;PG]luk].San]Kt];eSekL." tI:Et.mn];n}.' wac];Pqn]tL,etkm].sg}:Tqm]pn]nn].lIkUw]lIkak],nL,' eSEl:Sum];kan].kGL,pqt]:yw]." lgc]: np].yam]An]PU:sg}:wUn].K}:sG]Kw]mI;etL,sgm]siuc]:n}.' pQn]An]hQt];hG]:Kw]Pgm].l}:sG]sgm]mn];n} ekL:' Am],sG]:ygn].kgp]:Kw]Kam],sL;nG];sG]wL:'wac];Pqn]mn];nn].pQn]wac];Pqn]lIAn]niuc]:n}Sc]' mn];pQn]ygn].An]Kw]Am],KG]:yU,Pa},Am],Pgm].l}:sG]nn].eS' Kt];kUn];ekL.Kw]np].ym]nn]. kUv];" epL;etl}:lat]:Tqc]:tac],la};siuc]'An]tL,etyU,Pa},Am],Pgm].l}:sG]eSKt];sgm]siuc]: n}.' sac]:etAw]Kw]l}:KIm}:sG]' ygn].tI:An]wL:' kUw]pQn]An]Kw]Am],Entac];np].ym]Sc], Tuk],lInn].'n}yw]." Kw]mI;lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]w}.tL,'!miUw]:n}.'miUw]:Puk]:'@nn].eSekL:' kUv];kL: Kw]ey:Kqn];l}:Sum];lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]tL,'!liUn]etmL;'pIetmL;'@nn].tc];nm]' mqn]:miUw]:wac]; Pqn]Kw]tUk];Sum];lut]:ham];kGL,pqt]:nn].yw]." epL;kUn];sum];niuc]:n}.' sgm];lc]PU:Agn]hUw]ekL. niuc]:'kgp]:An]kUn];ekL.nn].pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]n}nn].kUv];et.'l}:hgc].wL:pQn]'!wUn].Aw]sum];wL:' ( group think)'@n}nn].yw]." An]n}.tk];etAgn]hQt];eKL:tqp];tt];An]Am],tUk];Tuk], nn].tc];nm]"

Sometimes people agree with another not because they feel the same way, but because they feel it would be disrespectful to offer another view. Offering another view would make them anxious, and so they say nothing. When John F. Kennedy became President of the US, his advisers all highly respected him. So when he made a suggestion to support the group of Cubans who were trying to re-capture the island of Cuba from a dictator, no one raised any objection. In fact, the plan for providing support was terrible and it failed. The advisor’s respect for the President caused them to agree with him - not because they felt his plan was a good plan, but because they did not want to disagree with a man they respected. In other words, to disagree with the President would have made them anxious because they would not be showing proper respect. They had harmony “today, tomorrow” but they lost a lot more harmony “next month, next year” when the plan failed. When a group follows a leader just because that person is the leader, it is called "group think." This leads to poor decisions.

           

lgc]:KIm}:sG]n}.sac]:l}:pQn]mL;sgm];eSekL.ekL.' miUn]nc],kUn];ekL.An]Am],sG]:PU:Agn] hUw]sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]nn].yw]." muk].sum];lG]eSAm],wL:'sum];kUn];Sgc]ekL.El:Sc]'Am],nn]' nm]liUw]eSnn].El:Sc]'sac]:k}.pQn]sum];Am],lIyum],nn].kU:sum];yw]." kUn];nG];nL:hiUn];ey; lQw]kn]ekL.niuc]:'Am],nn]ekL:'t};ekL.kn]n}.'ekL:sac]:pQn]ekL.Am],lIyum]," An]n}.mL;hQt]; hG]:mI;tac];KIm}:sG]tI:niUw]kUn];tac],ekL.nn].'eSEl:' mL;kw];kan]An]tiuk].hQt];nn].yw]."

Anxiety can also come from someone who is not a formal leader. Any of a team of two or more can be untrustworthy. A member of a family or friend can be untrustworthy. This produces anxiety in others, and disrupts the work at hand.

           

PU:Agn]hUw]kt].kYL.Kw]' El:' PU:Kw]:sum];kt].kYL.Kw]n}.' Kt];sG]hQt];kan]pun]:tL,hG]: kUn];tac],ekL.epL;etAm],l}:mI;tac];m}:sG]nn].AiUw]:" Kw]eK;ethQt];siUc].n}Pa},niuc]:tgn]: niuc]:eS' pun]:nc],hiuw]lgc]:Agn]hUw]Kw]El:Sc]'sum];Kw]El:Sc]ettiUw];kt].kYL.mL;nn].yw]." kUv];kL:'An]hQt];Sac]]:yUc];sG]Kw]Kiun]:Et.Et.n}.sm].'pQn]An]Kw]hk].kUn];miUc];Kw]nn].El:'Am],KG]:hG]:kUn];miUc];Kw]l}:sG]Am],lIsgm];Sc]nn].yw]." tL,hG]:mI;lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]tc];kUn];miUc]; tc];la}n}.pQn]An]lm],lgc]:Sam]Kan];tL,Kw]"

Effective leaders and group members work hard to keep other people from worrying. They may do this in part so their leadership and group will be more effective. But their  real motivation is that they love their people, and do not want them to feel bad. Harmony with the people is important to them.

eKYL.ygm];lgc]:KIm}:sG]'  Reducing anxiety

            tL,hG]:epL;mI;Pgn];lITiuc]tI:Tiuc]tac];mn];n}.'hw];tk];lUw],l}:w}.fac].hU.mqn]:An]piUn]:tac],ekL.etKam],sL;nG];sG]siUc].hiuw]n}nn].yw]." Sc]wL:Kw]etl}:m}:sG]'Am],nn]' KIsG]epL;n}' hw];lUw]hLhG]:hn]lgc]:wL:' mn];pQn]ygn].Sc]n}nn].eSEl:' lUw],Et,hLhQt];hG]:lgc]:tac];KiUc]: piUc]tc];la}tiUw];lImL;nn]."

To be effective, we must be aware of how other people are feeling. If they are getting worried or anxious, then we need to find out why, and to takes steps to make things better.

           

siUw];n}.n}.pQn]Kk].yac]:siUw];An]ethQt];hG]:tc];KIm}:sG]ygm];kGL,km]:Pgc]:-"

Here are some steps to reduce anxiety:

            1.Tgm],tL,ma}Tiuw]tUv];hn]sgm];liUc]:mn];siUw];An]lp].w}.' An]hQt];hG]:mI;tac];KIm}:sG] mL;ygn].mn];nn].El:" Kiun];K}:Ensgm];nc],mG];l}:yin];An]Kw]lat]:nn].eS' Tam]sgm];wL:' sgc],mn];mqn]:hiuw]n}nn].tL.'(An]n}.hgc].wL:la};Tgm],tc];tUc].tiun],Kw]:hL')"

1. Listen to identify the underlying issues that are causing the anxiety. Restate what you hear them saying, and ask if this is correct (called active listening).

           

An]kUn];tac];la}Kw]l}:KIsG]ygn].mn];n}.' mI;lgc]:tac];Aac]:Aic]mn];tc];nm]w}.eS' lgc]:tac];mn];km]:Pgc]:n}.'pQn]An]Am],kQw],kn]tc];hw];Sc]nn].yw]." mn];eK;etsac]:pQn]' An]luk]:Agn],ekL.niuc]:eKL.naw]Am],yU,likin]wan]w}.nn].lG]' Am],nn]ekL:' muc];hiUn];Kw]hUw]: w}.nn].lG]" pI:ngc].Kw]ekL.niuc]:n}.vL;tac];yap],Piut],Kan]sG]w}.nn].lG]'sL.siUw];n}." Pgc];miUw]: mn];Am],sG]:hw];hQt];pQn]pYSnL,Kgc].Km]siUw];nn].siUc].nn]n}ekL:' tac];KIsG]nn].etL:yc]; tiuk].ettum].tiUw].kan]can];kUn];ekL.niuc]:yU,yw]." sc],wL:mn];lm],lgc]:Sam]Kan];nL,nL,'tI: An]tL,hG]:epL;l}:hU.lgc]:wL:'pQn]AI:Sc]hQt];hG]:l}:KIm}:sG]n}nn].''

There are many reasons that people become anxious, and some of those reasons have nothing to do with us. It may be that a child is sick, or that the roof of their home is leaking. A relative may be in trouble. While those problems were not caused by us, the anxiety will still hurt that person's work. It is important to know what is causing the anxiety.

           

An]Tgm],n}.' pQn]piUc]lUc]mn];tL,hG]:epL;pgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]:wL:' pQn]Sc]hQt];hG]:l}:KIm}:sG] nn].AiUw]:" pQn]piUc]lUc]pun]:tL,hG]:hU.pgc],sG]sgm];' An]wL:kUn];siUw];KIm}:sG]w}.niUc]liUc]:mn];An] niuc]:nn].'tac];nm]mn];mIla}ekL.n}nn].nc],kaw],yw]." epL;wL:mn];etL.Et.pQn]mG];El:kUn]; Tqc]:ekL.niuc]:nn].kUv];' epL;n}Et.'mG];lUw],Tgm]" Sc]wL:muk].sum];sum];niuc]:n}.Kw]:kQw],pL;sgm]; lUv]:la};tac];sqc]:lqc];lI'pL;mI;tc];PU:Agn]hUw]kt].Kqn],kqn],Kqc]nn].n}siuc]'siUw];pQn]PU:Agn] hUw]n}.etekL.Tgm],' Am],nn]ekL:'kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]ekL.la};can];pgc],Kaw],pn]Tiuc]PU:Agn]hUw] nn]." An]sG].tac],ekL.Tgm],sg}:pn]n}.'pQn]An]hG]:PU:Agn]hUw]Am],l}:SQc]:Kaw];yam];nm]nn]. AiUw]:"kUv];kL:'An]lm],lgc]:eSpiUn]:Sut];'tI:An]etsG].tac],ekL.Tgm],sg}:pn]nn].' PU:Kw]: sum];siUw];nn].n}.' lUw],hG]:pQn]ekL.lqp]:ethUm]:yap],hUm]:m}:sgm];kUn];miUc];Kw]' nn]sc],kUn];miUc]; Kw]etsac]:K}:EnliUc]:mn];pn]tI:PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]nn].yw]." kUn];miUc];Kw]n}.' Am],k}.SU:KG]:sgn] Aw]Kaw];yam];PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]nn].sG].' Am],nn]ekL:' Kw]hqc].np].ym]PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]pUn].tI:nL, AL;lL;El:' Kw]Am],KG]:sI.sm]:lgc]:pYSnL,Kgc].Km]Kw]nn].' Tiuc]tI:PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]km];Siuw]:" kUn];mac]siUw];n}.Sm].eK;etkUw]PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]"

Listening is essential to understanding what is causing the anxiety. It is also essential for understanding the number of people who are anxious about an issue. If it is just you and one other person, then you listen to them. If a group is involved with a clear, strong leader, the listening is done by the leaders or people reporting back to the leader. Using others to listen saves the leader time. But the most important reason to use others to listen is that members of the group are more likely to share their worries with certain people who then can share those issues with the leaders. People often do not want to take up the time of their leaders, or they have too much respect for their leaders to point out problems directly.  Other people may fear their leaders.

           

An]sg}:kUn];ekL.KIm}:sG]eSekL.ekL.l}:n}.sm].' miUw]:kUn];tac],ekL.Kw]'km]:nm]n}.An] pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]ekL.niuc]:' Am],nn]' ekL.An]PU:Agn]hUw]liUk]:pn]pun]:Pgn];nL:kan]w}.nn].' kGL,Tgm],tUv];lgc]:yap],Piut],Kan]sG]Kw]'nn]." epL;kUn];tc];la}Kw]mgk],lat]:K}:Enlgc]:tac]; yap],Piut],Kw]n}' mn];pQn]An]sg}:Kw]wUn].lt];Kam]:pUn].tac];yap],Piut],Kan]sG]Kw]nn].eS' etpQn]An]hQt];hG]:tac];KIsG]Kw]nn].lUm]sG]lUm]eKL;kGL," An]etpQn]tac];sg}:An]niuc]:nc], kaw],n}.' hG]:kUn];ekL.lm],lgc]:Sam]Kan];eSekL.ekL.nn].lat]:wL:'!sG]:AiUw]:' hw];pgc],sG]sgm]; lgc]:SUm}:sG]hQt];Sc]nn].yw]."kUv];kL:hw];yum],mat]:wL:'epL;pL;TL,wrL.JPL;sw]:sg}:n}.'SUetsac]:yU,lgt]:kGL,l}:tiun];Am],kat]:yw].'@n}nn]." tgc];w}.'An]wL:eKL:mgk],EnAn]n}.' et pQn]An]sg}:An]Tqm]l}:Et.Et.' wa};eSSUTgm],tI:kUn];ekL.nn].yw].nn].kUv];" Sc]wL:SU hqc].sQw];lat]:An]nn].sw].pUn].tI:nL,AL;lL;epL;n}' Kw]kUv];etTac],wL:'SUAm],p},pgc],sG] sgm];'[PiUm].Tqm]Tqc]:An]wL:"(Am],nn]ekL:'SUAm],Kw]:sG]KG]:pG].pL;tUv];Tiuc]Kw]pn]Et.Et.'?){'lgc]:pYSnL,nn].ha}.sL.nL,epL;tan],lG]n}" epL;tac];KIm}:sG]Kw]eKYL.ygm];lUc];kGL,' kgp]:piUw]:SU Tgm],pn]nn].epL;n}siuc]' An]k}.SU:pQn]n}.Et.' tI:An]Kw]vL;hQt];Pit];nn].eA,mac]kGL,' eSyw].' ASak]:PwKw]ekL:tiUw];lIKiun]:Kiun];mL;Et.Et.'nn].yw]."

Any anxious person is helped when others, especially a leader or someone appointed by the leader, listen to their troubles. When people tell their troubles, it helps them think through their problems and that eases their anxiety. It also helps to have someone important say "Yes, I understand why you are worried. But I have faith that, with God's help, you can live through it."  Note that this statement is only helpful after you have listened to the person. If you say it too early, they will just think that you do not understand [add: or that you don’t really care about them?] how bad the problem really is. When their anxiety is reduced because you listened, usually they do make fewer mistakes and their life does get better.

           

An]Tgm],Aw]n}.' pQn]An]pn]Kaw],lgc]:tac];mn];tI:SU' lgc]:wL:liUc]:mn];n}.pQn]Sc] Et.Et.'n}nn].yw]." mn];mgk],lat];pn]SU' An]wL:kUn];siUw];mI;pYSnL,Kgc].Km]An]n}.' mI; nm]la}ekL.nm]n}yw]." mn];Et,hQt];hG]:lgc]:KIm}:sG]nn].ygm];kGL,km];lQw]nc],kaw],yw]."

Listening informs you what the issue is.  It tells you how many people have this problem. It also begins to reduce anxiety.

           

2.Aw]Aey;pn]eSsiUw].eSpiUc]tI:niUw]liUc]:mn];nn].tL." miUw]:An]kUn];miUc];Kw]KIsG] kgp]:liUc]:mn];An]niuc]:nn].' siUw];pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]tk];lUw],l}:hQt]:pn]lgc]:nn].km];lQw]' Kw]tk];lUw],l}:Aw]Aey;pn]" epL;pQn]AmuyUw];yUw];ca}:ca}:Sut];mQw];nn].siuc]' An]Aw]A ey;pn]n}.' sac]:eK;etpQn]An]K}:EnKaw],lgc]:tac];' kQw],An]muk].sum];tiuk].Kiuc]pgc]hQt]; Sac]:w}.yU,nn].yw]." kUv];kL:' An]k}.SU:pQn]n}.'mn];sac]:mI;tac];Aw]Aey;la};mG],km]:Pgc]:" SPL,wla};Aw]Aey;pn]n}.' mn];etAic]niUw]lgc]:tac];An]hQt];hG]:l}:KIm}:sG]mL;nn].yw]."

2. Take some action on the issue. When people are anxious about an issue, leaders must work on it: they must take action. In the simplest case, the action may be sharing information about what the group is already doing. But usually there is some new action that can be taken. The type of action depends on the cause of the anxiety.

           

mn];yc];mI;la};hp].tgp],Kiun];tac],la};w}.Tqc]:An]niuc]:' An]hw];sac]:Aw]yip];miUw]:kUn]; miUc];Kw]mI;tac];KIsG]mL;nn]."hw];sac]:sg}:hG]:kUn];miUc];Kw]pgc],sG]tI:An]'miUw]:lG]pQn]Kaw];Tuk],l}:KIsG]'n}nn].AiUw]:" pYSnL,Kgc].Km]An]kUn];tc];la}Kw]mI;yU,An]niuc]:n}.sm].' miUw]:wUn].tUv];kGL,pL: nL:nn].' Kw]eK;etwUn].mqn]:siUw];mQw];ha}.sL.'An]Am],lqp];etpQn]mL;l}:Et.nn]." piUw]:n} El:miUw]:eSekL.ekL.n}.m}:sG]lgc]:An]wL:' PUn]lUc]ettUk];eSAw]KUw]hk];lqw]lgc]:sgm];nm]. kGL,pqt]:yw].'An]wL:n}nn].' hw];sac]:sI.sm]:Enpn]wL:'Kaw];yam];An]lUw],m}:sG]n}.' mn];mI; Kaw];lQw]kUv];' pQn]miUw]:yam];hw];l}:hU.wL:KUw]An]mI;pL:nL:hw];nn].' hk];lqw]lgc]:nm].kGL,Et. yw].nn].kUv];'(miUn]nc],wL:'yUw]eK;mn];Am],hk];lqw]lgc]:nm].kGL,nn].' Am],nn]ekL:'yUw]eK; piUn]:epL;etEm;KUw]nn].yw].TL:Agn]tac];hw];p},hgt]:tI:nn]:hiuw]')" sc],wL:nn]yw].' mn]; yc];ey:Kqn];etlIliUw]kgn],'Sc]hw];sac]:Tqm]SG],wL:'!epL;KUw]nn].hk];lqw]lgc]:nm].kGL,pqt]:n} ekL:'hw];etsgm];tac];kUt].Kw]:wan]:tac],wan]:nn].kGL,Aw]kGL:'@wL:n}nn]." n}.etEnlgc]: An]wL:' hw];epL;tn];mI;tac];PiUw],w}.tL,ethp].tgp],Kiun];nn].yw].'n}AiUw]:" An]lIPiUm].Tqm] SG],miUn]kn]n}.'pQn]An]wL:'!epL;KUw]nn].hk];lqw]lgc]:nm].kGL,pqt]:ekL:'hw];etTam]tUv];wan]: pL:nL:etmL;nn].wL:' tac];lIkGL,eSpiUn]:mUt];n}.pQn]SQn]:lG]n}kGL:'?@sL.siUw];n}.nn]."

There is one other response that we can make when people become anxious. We can help the people understand when it is appropriate to be anxious. One problem people have is that, when thinking ahead, they may think of bad things that are really not likely to happen. So when someone is worried that the rains may have washed out a bridge, we can point out that it is only time to worry when we know the bridge right ahead of us is really washed out (as it may not have been washed out or it may have been fixed before we got there). Of course, it is even better if we can add, "If the bridge is washed out, we will detour through this other village." This would show we had already thought of an alternative response. Equally good is to add, “If the bridge is washed out, we will ask the next village what is the best way to go.”

           

An]KIm}:sG]n}.sac]:pQn]ygn].lgc]:tac];An]pQn]Pa},ngk]:sum];' mQw];An]Am],mI;kUn]; ekL.lG]sac]:ham]:tap]:Eh.SI;l}:nn].AiUw]:' miUn]nc],' eP;tuk].KSPL,wfic]:tiun];pQn]nn]. yw]." PU:Agn]hUw]el:kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]etlgm]m}:sG]' tI:lgc]:An]eP;tuk].KKan]sG]nn]. sac]:tum].ygn]:tiUw].Kw]siUc].hiuw]n}yU," kUn];mUic];Kw]hU.An]wL:'PU:Agn]Kw]ekL:pQn]kUn];kUv];El:' Kw]Am],sac]:hQt];lgc]:lak],la};lIygc]:Aam];' siUw];nn].l}:n}" kUv];kL:Kw]tiun];yum],ym]wL:' PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]n}.ettn];w}.fac].hU.mqn]:pYSnL,Kgc].Km]siUw];nn].eSEl:' ettn];Ek:lit]: pn]l}:yU,n}yw]." epL;mn];sqc]:lqc];lItI:wL:'PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]l}:m}:yap],sG]sgm];pYSnL,Kgc].Km] nn].w}.nL,Et.yw].n}siuc]' kUn];miUc];Kw]etAm],epL;KIsG]sgm];' pqk].Sm].wL:mn];Am],sac]:hQt]; siUc].hiuw]l}:n}ekL:yL,Am],pQn]Sc]" miUw]:pQn]siUc].nn]w}.n}.' tL,pun]:Pgn];hp].tgp],Kiun];mn]; nn].' Tuk],lIpQn]An]hp].mk];ma}eSK}:Enlgc]:pYSnL,Kgc].Km]nn].yw],"

The anxiety may be caused by outside events that no one could prevent, such as a natural disaster. The leader and people will be worried about how the disaster will affect them. People know that leaders are human and cannot work miracles. But they do trust their leaders to be aware of these problems and to work on them. When their leaders are obviously concerned about the problems, the people are less anxious even when nothing can be done. In that case, the response should be to acknowledge the problem.

           

ma}mI:piun].Kam],An]lQw]miUn]kn]n}.' sac]:lIsG].lIyip];tI:hw];hQt];hLlgc]:kp];Siuw],Kw]: Agk],pun]:tL,tUw]sw]:kw],nn].yU,nc],kaw]" miUw]:An]t};ekL.ekL.niuc]:nn].lG]' kUn];hQt];kan] Pak]:kn]' Am],nn]' kUn];nG];nL:hiUn];ey;hw];ekL.niuc]:nn].lG]' sL.Et,mI;tac];KIm}:sG]nn].' Agn]tac];Sut];n}.hw];sac]:sg}:Tgm],pn]tUv];" wa};eSnn].'hw];etsac]:Aw]Aey;hQt];Sac]: pn]mQw];etpQn]An]sg}:An]Tqm]l}:lInn]." El:Aik],'Sc]siUw].tgc]:Tam]tUv];wL:' sgc],mn]; pQn]Kaw];Tuk],l}:KIsG]yw].hiuw]' n}nn].ekL:' mn];yc];etsac]:pQn]An]sg}:Tqm]yU,"

The same principle works for our personal relationships as well. When a friend, coworker, or family member becomes anxious, we can first help by listening. Then we can take some action that may help. And it may help to ask if this is the time to be anxious.

           

hQt];hG]:lp].lgc];w}.wL:' la};An]SUTgm],pn]tUv];n}.' mn];Am]kGL,pn]hqc];tac];KIm}:sG] nn].n}tL." SUetlUw],l}:Kgt],ygt]:lUp];lc]mn];pn]' pL;tc];An]tqm]:lik]:pgt];Agn],Pa}, hn]lIeSm}aw}.An]niuc]:nn].yw].'(n}.mn];etl}:pQn]wa};eSl}:Tgm],tUv];yw].nn].kUv];')"

Be sure that your listening does not encourage the anxiety. You should also end it on a positive note (but only after having listened).

tac];yum],ym]El:lgc]:KIm}:sG] Trust and Anxiety

            wa};eSAm],mI;tac];yum],ym]kn]yw].n}.' kUn];tc];la}Kw]etKIm}:sG]mqn]:miUw]:mn];pQn]mL; Sa}ca}cw];la};An]ca};ca};kn]Tqc]:nn].yw].' pqk].Sm].wL:'Sa}ca}cw];la};nn].epL,pQn]mL;nG];pInL: etmL;'Am],nn]'Tqc]:hL:pIetmL;nn].n}ekL:yL,tL." epL;SUktilupgk]:nuic]:yw].eS'wa};liun]; mL;epL;SUpn]ktiTqc]:pgk]:niuc]:n}.' Kw]etKIsG]wL:yUw]eK;SUetyL.ktinn].pqt]:nc],kaw],'n}" epL;SUmgk],lat]:kUn];ekL.niuc]:mQw];An]Am],sG]:Et.Et.nn].n}' wa};liun];mL;miUw]:SUAup],lat]: etL,Kw]Tqc]:nn].' kUn];siUw];nn].etKIm}:sG]sgm];eSwL:yUw]eK;SUetlqn]Kw]Tqc]:km];niuc]:yU, huiw]n}yw]." ygn].kgp]:piUw]:n}El:An]hLhG]:l}:tac];yum],ym]n}.'sc],wL:mn];lm],lgc]:Sam]Kan]; nL,nL," epL;wL:Am],mI;tac];yum],yn]kn]yw].n}ekL:' kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]etKIsG]sgm];eS' Kam],sL;nG];sG]wL:Kw]lUw],l}:Eh.kac]:tL,tUw]Kw]n}eSEl:' Kw]etvL;hQt];Pit];kgp]:An]Kw] hqc].KG]:l}:KG]:pQn]pUn].tI:nL,Am],tan],nn].yw]."

After trust is broken, people will be anxious when a similar situation happens again, even if the situation occurs in the next year or in the next five years. If you break a promise, then the next time you make a promise, they will become anxious that you may break that promise also. If you tell each person something that is not true, then the next time you talk to them, those people will become anxious that you may be lying to them again. This is why earning trust is so important. If trust is broken, people become anxious, they feel they need to protect themselves, and they will make mistakes because they are over motivated.

           

tac];yum],ym]kn]etSQc]:kGL,pqt]:nc],kaw],' epL;mn];lqp]:hac]:hw];ethQt];tL,yiUc];ma} tac],An]'mQw];Am],sG]:An]hw];mI;hUm]:kn]w}.tc];sum];nn]." kUn];tac],siUw];Kw]etKIm}:sG]sgm];' tI:An]wL:yUw]hw];ethQt];sgm];yiUc];ma}tac],An]nn].kUv];eS' Am],hQt];tL,yiUc];ma}An]Kw]mI; hUm]:kn]w}.nn].yUw].'n}yw]." epL;Am],hQt];kGL,sgm];yiUc];ma}mI;hUm]:kn]w}.siUw];nn].n}.'kUn];tc]; la}n}.etm}:sG]sgm];tI:An]wL:' Am],mI;PG]etsg}:hG]:Kw]epL;l}:hp].yiUc];ma}Kw]nn].Sc]n}yw]."

Trust will also be broken if we seem to be working for some goal not shared by the group.  Others will become anxious that we will follow that other goal and not the goals they share. Without working toward the shared goals, people become worried that no one will help them achieve their goals.

           

lgc]:KIm}:sG]n}.etygm];lUc];kGL,' miUw]:hw];Enpn]An]wL:'hw];hp].hQt];sgm];yiUc];ma}mI;hUm]: kn]w}.siUw];nn].Et.Et.wL:wL:' nL,liUw]eStac],siUw].tac],piUc]nn]." kzt].wL,SYic]tn],n}.' kiut];yiut];pqt]:'An]kUn];Siuk];Kw]tUp];miuw];eyL;Aam];pnn]kUn];mn];Sgc]ekL.'An]tiuk].hqm]kn]yU,nn].'lUv]:tc];An]sG]lm]S}:km],eShiut];SG],Kw]wL:'!kiut];&yL,hqm]kn]&'kw]KG]:hG]:SUhgm]hqc];w}.lIlItL,tiuk];mc]PU:KQn]AiUw]:'@wL:n}"kUn];mn];siUw];nn].'PiUw],tL.etsG]lm]etL,wL,SYic]tn],' Kw]tUp];miuw];eyL;Aam];pn]mn];yw]." An]Kw]KG]:l}:n}.pQn]An]nn].km];lQw]AiUw]:'pQn]An]tL, tiuk];PU:KQn]nn]." Kw]hk].kYOik]:sUm];Tuk],sG]Kw]tI:l}:hU.wL:' ekL.pQn]sgm]pgc]Siuk];lUc]Kw]n}.ekL: KG]:l}:An]nn].yU,nc],kaw],n}" An]wL,SYic]tn],Aw]Aey;sG].hG]:kuit];An]hqm]kn]nn].n}.' kGL,hQt];hG]:An]kUn];Siuk];Kw]yum],ym]mn];nm]Kiun]:mL;' eSEl:'pQn]An]eKYL.ygm];lUc];tac];KIm}: sG]Kw]'An]l}:pQn]mL;ygn].Kw]El,lam];wUn].tUv];wL:' sgc],mn];mI;yiUc]ma}hUm]:kn]w}.miUn]Kw]hiuw]n} nn]." mac]pgk]:n}.' tac];Tuk],emLkn]An]tiUw];yG],lUc]nn].' k}.El,l}:pQn]mI;mL;sgm];tac]; An]lItUk];sG]Aam];Aw]siUw];nn].AiUw]:"

Anxiety is reduced when we show we take the shared goals more seriously than anything else. George Washington stopped soldiers from cheering for two of his men who were fighting with each other by angrily shouting at them "Stop fighting! I want you to save all your energy to fight the enemy!" Instead of the men being angry with Washington, the men cheered him. That is what they wanted: to fight the enemy. They loved knowing that their General wanted that, too.  Washington's action in stopping the fight increased the soldiers’ trust in him, and so reduced anxiety caused by wondering if he shared their goals. Greater harmony sometimes comes in surprising ways.

           

lUv]:PU:Agn]hUw]ekL.yum],ym]tm];sG]l}:nn].eS' kUn];tc];la}Kw]mI;AL,mKam],mn]:sG] w}.tI:An]wL:' PU:Agn]hUw]Kw]n}.pgc],sG]sgm];lgc]:pYSnL,Kgc].Km]Kw]nn].yU,n}" Kw]yum],ym]tI: An]wL:' hw];mI;yiUc];ma}hUm]:kn]w}.miUn]kn]yU,n}eSyw].' Kw]ethQt];Sac]:kan]can];An]sac]: hQt];yw].l}:nn].kGL,tik];tik];" ygn].lgc]:tac];An]n}.El:' PU:Agn]hUw]kt].kYL.Kw]n}.'lqt]; Sqw];PG];Pa}ma}tgc];pYSnL,Kgc].Km]An]mI;hqc];hQt];l}:nn].eS'wac];Pqn]hp].tgp],etL,SU:kGL,yw]."tI:tqk]:mn];sm].' mI;kUn];ekL.niuc]:'l}:Kam],tc];plik]:Kw]sgp],Tam]hLciUn]:AmuAn]niuc]:nn].w}." kUn];tc];la}n}.kUw]wL:'yUw]An]nn].etsac]:mL;tum].tiUw].sum];Kw]huiw]n}w}.'ATU;mn];km]:nm]n}.'Sc]wL:kUn];ekL.nn].l}:tUk];Tgc],kGL,n}nn].yw]." miUw]:Kw]Tam]tUv];lgc]:nn].tI:epL:lQc].Kw] n}.' PU:Agn]hUw]ekL.n}.n}.epL;kGL,tUc].niuc]Aw]Aey;pn]w}.yw]." PU:Agn]hUw]n}.epL;kGL,TUp];p lik]:ekL.nn].yw].eS'tqp];tt];mk];mn]:w}.wL:ethQt];Sc]n}yw].'Sc]wL:kUn];ekL.nn].tUk];Tgc],kGL,n}Et.ekL:" mn];mgk],lat]:lgc]:wac];Pqn]nn].pn]tI:luk]:lQc].mn];siUw];nn].yw]." kUn];kU:ekL.ekL.n}.l}:tac];SL,sG]hc];PG]mn];w}.yw].' eSEl:Kw]lat]:wL:' !hw];mI;PU:Agn]hUw] kt].Kqn],lIEt.eh;&@n}" Sc]wL:l}:pQn]mL;nc],kUn];tc];la}Kw]kUw]mn];pQn]nn].epL;n}ekL:' ekL.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]n}.epL;hac]:hqn];Kp];Kiuc]mI;w}.' wac];Pqn]la};Aw]Aey;mn];la}la}la};yw]."

With a trusted leader, people are reassured that their leader understands their problems. They trust that we, sharing the same goals, will do what can be done. For this reason, effective leaders are quick to note potential problems and to have plans to deal with them. For example, one person was being investigated by the police. People were afraid of how that might hurt the group, particularly if that person went to jail. When they asked the employer about that, this leader had already acted. The leader had met with the police and had determined what to do if that person went to jail. He told the employees about the plan. Everyone was relieved, and said "What a great leader we have!" The leader had prepared plans of action in case things happened as people feared they might.

           

lgc]:KIm}:sG]n}.emLyL.tw]eS' naw].Sw]lk];pk];km].tac];yum],ym]nn].' Kgn];lUm]cak]: kiUc];kGL,pqt]:l}:nn].El:' pQn]An]lUw],l}:Ew:' Am],nn]ekL:' kgn];w}.nn].yw]." tac];yum], ym]n}.Aw]An]KIm}:sG]ygm];lUc];kUv];Am],kL;' yuk].tac],lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].Kuin]:pL;AiUw]:"

Anxiety undermines and weakens the Pillar of Trust, and needs to be avoided or managed. Trust lowers anxiety and promotes Harmony.

eKL:kGam];Kiuk].tgn];siUw];lIpgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]w}.'

            KIm}:sG]' (KIsG])

sG]piw]' (yL.Pat],kw];yan]')

hqc].KG]:l}:KG];pQn]pUn].tI:nL,Am],tan],'

Tgm],' (Tgm],Aw]')

wUn].Aw]sum];wL:'

An]hQt];hG]:pQn]'-'Am],mI;tac];yum],ym]kn]' An]pQn]Pa},ngk]:'

Aw]Aey;' (tUc].niuc]hQt];Sac]:')

miUw]:lG]sc],Tuk],l}:KIm}:sG]'

 Special Words to Understand

Anxiety

            Distraction

            Over motivated

            Listening

            Group Think   

            Causes: broken trust, outside events

            Action

            When it is time to be anxious

lk];lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]lk];ma}Sgc]

Harmony Pillar Two

yiUc];pk];sp];w}.niUw]liUc]:mn];

Focus on Issues

           

nL:kan]lUc]An]niuc]:n}.sm].' pQn]tL,yiUc];pk];sp];tUv];kUn];miUc];tc];la}w}.' sgm];tI: niUw]liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].yw]." An]n}.n}.'mn];tiun];man],mqn]:pun]:tL,Aup],AUw];kn]nG];Ek:kUn]; Sgc]ekL.' Am],nn]' kUn];20ekL.nn].yU," liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].n}.' pQn]cw]:piun].KiUc]:kiuk];sgm];' siUw];An]lUw],l}:Aw]lw]:lat]:kaw],Tiuc]' miUw]:SUetAan];tm];eKL:tqp];tt];pL;van],lqt];' nn].AiUw]:" liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].pQn]piun].Kam],' tL,liUk]:yiUc];ma}tc];la}El:'tL,lUik]:SQn]:tac]; ethgt]:Tiuc]tI:yiUc];ma}siUw];nn].yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];sm].' An]wL:tL,l}:lum];mG],An]mI;Agc]: tI:kGac]:lIes;kn]mUt];' Kn]mn];ekL:Tuk],'n}.w}.wL:pQn]yiUc];ma}mn];'n}kgn],El:" An]lUw],yU, n}.' etl}:tgp],wL:mn];pQn]hUc];tiUk]:lum];mQw];lG]' Sc]wL:epL;tUv];Aw]liUc]:mn];'siUw];miUn]nc], An]wL:'-'Sqn];lQk].yG],sum];hqc];kan]lum];mI;w}.sc],n}.' muc]:yiUc];Aan];pin],lqk]:la}:nG];sum];hqc]; kan]lum];' El:' ciun];SQc]:kL:lum];mG],n}.sac]:pQn]mgk]:kL:hiuw]' sL.siUw];n}.nn]."

A major task is focusing people on the issues. This is true for discussions between two people or 20 people. Issues are the basic elements that need to be addressed if you are to make a wise decision. Issues are basic to what goals are selected and to the way in which the goals are reached. For example, getting a new office with space for all and at a good price may be the goal. What kind of office building needs to be answered by looking at issues such as: size of current staff, expected changes in staff, and how much a new office might cost.

           

SUsac]:wUn].tUv];liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].' ca};miUn]nc],' SQc]TYon];h}tiuc]:'An]sum];kUn];h}, tiuc]:sum];niuc]:tiuk].tg},lQn]:yU,nn]." kUn];h},tiuc]:ekL.lG]ekL.nn].n}.'mI;pgt];tgn]:tL,h}.tiuc]: tg},lQn]:pgt];PG]tgn]:mn];w}." epL;wL:Kw]tc];SQc]:'tg},lQn]:pgt];tgn]:Kw]Kw]:kn]Kqm].lIn}ekL:' SQc]Tuk],hUlITgm],Agk],pQn]mL;" epL;l}:sqt]:sam];tUv];liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].tc];mUt];yw].n} siuc]' etsac]:tm];eKL:tqp];tt];An]Aw]liUc]:mn];'Tuk],emLkn]mL;tc];mUt];nn].yU,yw]."

You can think of issues as being like the tune that a group of musicians is playing. Each musician has their part to play. If all play their parts well, harmony results. If all the issues are examined, then a decision can be made which brings all the issues into harmony.

SPL,wliUc]:mn];la}la}mQw];' Types of issues.

            Tiuc]miUw]:An]ma}Tiuw]tUv];hn]liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].yw].n}.' lUw],Aw]liUc]:mn];siUw];nn]. mL;eSsgp],Tam]hLciUn]:mn];tUv];yU,yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];sm].' liUc]:mn];An]niuc]:n}.sac]:eK; etpQn]An]wL:' lum];mG],nn].Tuk],lIsm]kn]tc];lum];tac],lum];siUw];nn].mgk]:kL:hiuw]'n}nn]." n}.sm].pQn]liUc]:An]kQw],lUv]:lgc]:mn];tac];mn];nn].An]niuc]:" Tqc]:liUc]:mn];An]niuc]:n}.' etsac]:pQn]An]wL:' epL;lum];nn].mI;nG];Ek:kUn];yU,him];kin]sm]kn]la}siUw].la}mQw];n}' luk]: lQc].Kw]etKam]sL;nG];sG]sUic].hiuw]'n}nn]." n}.pQn]liUc]:An]kQw],lUv]:lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]: kUn];hw];nn].An]niuc]:" liUc]:mn];mQw];TiSam]nn].sm].' pQn]liUc]:An]kQw],lUv]:kL:Kn]nn]." kL:Kn]mn];An]wL:n}.sm].' pQn]An]l}:hn]wL:mn];lItL,kUn];kU:ekL.' tI:nG];Sa}ca}cw];la};kU An]tc];mUt];nn].yw]." An]hG]:pQn]Agc]:tI:tQt],yQn]lIhQt];kan]'n}n}.eK;etpQn]'kL:Kn] An]lum];mG],tk];lUw],l}:PiUm].Tqm]pn]An]niuc]:nn].yU," liUc]:mn];tc];nm]tc];la}n}.'mn];k}. mI;An]Kw]:kQw],pL;sgm];w}.' nm]liUw]eSliUc]:mn];Sam]liUc]:'siUw];An]wL:'-'lgc]:mn];tac];mn];' lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:' El:' kL:Kn]'siUw];n}." tI:tqk]:mn];n}.sm].' miUn]nc],tI:An]wL:' ciun];SQc]:kL:lum];mG],n}nn].' lgc]:tac];An]wL:hw];etlUw],mI;ciun];nm]kL:hiuw]n}n}.' Kw]:kQw],pL; sgm];w}." mn];Kw]:kQw],pL;sgm];w}.tc];kL:Kn]lum];mG],' An]pQn]pun]:tL,hG]:epL;sac]:st];hQt]; kan]can];l}:lIliUw]' n}nn].nc],kaw],yw]."

Once the issues have been identified, they need to be investigated. For example, one issue may be how close the new office should be to other offices. This is an issue of fact. Another issue might be how employees would feel about an office in each of several neighborhoods. This is an issue of people's emotions. A third kind of issue is that of values. A value is that which is seen as good for everyone in all situations. A quiet place to work may be a value that the new office should help fulfill. Many issues involve more than one of these three issues: fact, emotion, and value. For example, the cost of the new office involves the fact of how much money will be needed. It also involves the value of the new office for conducting better business.

           

lgc]:mn];tac];mn];"etl}:Tt];Tgc]tUv];lgc]:mn];tac];mn];siUw];nn].'lUv]:la};An]wL:'etsG]:Et.pQn]Et.yU,hiuw].'Am],sG]:Am],pQn]Et.hiuw]'n}nn].yw]."eK;hw];etAm],kYOik]:eKL:tgp],An]l}:mL;nn].n}ekL:' lgc]:tac];mn];An]niuc]:n}.sm].'hU.tiUk]:kL:etpQn]An]sG]:Et.' Am],nn]ekL:'Am],sG]:Et.nn].eSAn]An]yw]." hw];lUw],Aw]lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:hw]; nn].'EPAgk],w}.tI:lgc]:mn];tac];mn];nn].eS'nc],hiuw]hw];epL;etAm],l}:Kam],Agn]Pit];piUc]:tac];kGL,' ygn].lUv]:tac];muc]:mgc];'Am],nn]' lgc]:kUw]EhsiUw];An]hw];mI;w}.hc];kUv];hw];nn]."

Facts. Facts are evaluated by determining if they are true or not. We may not like the answer, but a fact is either true or not. We need to separate our emotions from the facts so that we are not misled by our own hopes or fears.

           

cw]:cL,ciUn]:tiun];lgc]:mn];tac];mn];siUw];nn].n}.' Aic]niUw]liUc]:mn];nn].eSetpiUc]: kn]la}la}mQw];w}." pun]:tL,liUc]:mn];km]:Pgc]:n}.' mn];mI;kUn];hU.sgm];lgc]:tac];tac];mn];siUw]; nn].w}.yU," hw];etL.Et.lUw],kGL,Tam]Kaw]tUv];kUuv];" tL,liUc]:mn];tac],An]siUw];nn].sm].' hw];eK;etlUw],l}:' tqp];tt];mk];mn]:lgc]:mn];tac];mn];nn].Aw]hc];kUv];" Sc]siUw].liUc]: mn];n}.' pQn]An]wL:kUn];hQt];kan]hw];yU,sc],n}.Sgc]ekL.nn].'KLyU,sm]w}.tI:pqk],pqk],kn]Sgc] tI:' An]sac]:pQn]Agc]:tI:lum];mG],etkGL,pk];tan],lG]n}nn].siuc]' eSekL.ekL.n}.lUw],Tam], tUv];tI:yU,kUn];hQt];kan]Kw]ekL.lG]ekL.nn].yw]." wa};eSnn].' Kw]etlUw],tqk]:kn]tUv]; tc];An]wL:kUn];hw];etlUw],l}:p}Kaw];tac];k}tan]lG]n}nn].eS' tqm]:lik]:la};can];pgc],Kaw], lgc]:tac];mn];siUw];nn].pn]"

The source of the facts varies depending on the issue. For some issues, there are people who know the facts. We can just ask them. For other issues, the facts may need to be determined. If the issue is how close current employees live to two different possible locations for a new office, someone needs to ask each employee where they live. Then they need to measure how far people would need to travel, and give a report of the facts.

           

etL,nc],lgc]:mn];tac];mn];siUw];An]sqc]:lInL,yw].nn].ekL:' yc];lUw],l}:tqm]:SG], nG];Sa}ma}mn];w}.yU," lgc]:tac];mn];siUw];sqc]:lInL,yw].nn].ekL:mac]pgk]:mac]KL,n}.mn];Pit];" An]tqm]:Sa}ma}w}.!lgc]:mn];tac];mn];siUw];sqc]:lInL,yw].nn].'@n}.' mn];pn]hG]:kUn];hw];sac]: l}:Tam],tUv];wL:' sgc],lgc]:tac];mn];siUw];nn].tiuk].man],mqn]:siuw]:sG]:l}:' tL,Sa}ca}cw];la}; An]pQn]yU,sc],n}.nn].hiuw]n}AiUw]:" mn];lItUk];sG]Aam];Aw]' tc];nm]pgk]:km];mn];nn].Et. nc],wL:yw].' mQw];An]!sqc]:lInL,yw].@n}n}.' k}.pin],pQn]An]Am],epL;sqc]:lISc]Et.Et. nn].hQt];nn]' la}pgk]:l}:km];nL,nL,"

Even facts that are obvious need to be listed. Obvious facts are occasionally wrong. Listing "obvious facts" gives people a chance to ask if those facts are true for the current situation. It is surprising the number of times that the "obvious" turns out to be not so obvious at all.

           

lgc]:mn];tac];mn];siUw];nn].n}.' Am],Tgk]:etL,nL:PG]eSekL." Pgc];An]hw];hL;tc]; la}etsc];Kan].yin];Kaw],ha}.sL.siUw];nn].w}.n}.' hw];Sm].lUw],l}:hU.lgc]:mn];tac];mn];An] sG]:Et.pQn]Et.siUw];nn].yU," ciun];SQc]:kL:lum];mG],nn].'pQn]An]lUw],l}:hU.sgm];yw].'pqk].Sm]. wL:mn];pQn]Kaw],ha}.sL.n}ekL:yL,tL." ekL.An]K}:Enlgc]:tac];mn];n}.pQn]PG]ekL:yw].' tk]; lIl}:tac],ekY;sU;mn];tI:An]mn];mgk],lat]:K}:EnsiUc].nn]' pqk].Sm].wL:mn];pQn]Kaw],ha}.sL. n}ekL:yL,El:" Sa}ca}cw];la};An]ha}.nL,eSpiUn]:Sut];n}.' pQn]miUw]:kUn];hw];tqp];tt];la}lgc]: la}mQw];tc];nm]lUc]' lUv]:An]Am],l}:hU.sgm];lgc]:mn];tac];mn];'siUw];sm]pQn]lUw],l}:hU.nn]. yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];n}.sm].' hw];sac]:etl}:vL;tUk];sG]Aam];Aw]' miUw]:l}:hn]wL:' mG]kQp];ciun]; kL:hUc];tiUk]:mG],n}.' mn];mqn]:ciun];nm]pUn].liUw]eSAn]hw];sac]:eK,kL:mn];l}:' n}nn].yw]." sc],wL:nn]yw].' kUn];tc];la}n}.'lqp]:etpQn]nc],An]wL:'epL;Kw]yum],ym]niUw]tac],ekL.kUv];' Kw]sgc],etK}:Enlgc]:mn];tac];mn];siUw];An]hU.yap],l}:yap],nn].pn]'yw]."

Facts do not reflect on anyone. While we all hate to hear bad news, we need to know the true facts.  The cost of the new office needs to be known even if it is bad news. Anyone who shares that fact should be thanked for doing so, even if it is bad news. The worst situation is when people make decisions without knowing some necessary facts. For example, we could be surprised with a bill for the new building that is more than we can afford to pay. Of course, people will be more likely to share difficult facts if they trust others.

           

mQw];An]lm],lgc]:eSKiuk].tgn];tL,lgc]:mn];tac];mn];An]niuc]:n}.sm].' pQn]An]wL:' epL;Aw]ey;tac],la};n}.etsac]:l}:Kam],Pgn];lIAik],Pgn];sL.mn];AI:Sc]la}la}'n}nn].yw]."la};sac]:Aw]Aey;la};lG]la};nn].n}.'mn];sac]:hQt];Agk],pQn]mL;Pgn];lIAik],sL.' tL,'!miUw]: Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'wUc]:nL:wUc];luin];'liUn]etmL;'pIetmL;'Tqc]:5pIetmL;'@nn].yw]." tI:tqk]:mn]; n}.sm].' miUw]:Tt];Tgc]tUv];kQw],lgc]:An]wL:' etsac]:hQt];hUc];tiUk]:mQw];lG]la}la}l}:n}nn].' eKL:Tam]An]niuc]:n}.etpQn]An]wL:' epL;pQn]Tap]:lQw]etlIhiuw]' Am],nn]ekL:Sgc]Tap]:n}. etlIhiuw]'n}yw]." lgc]:n}.lUw],l}:muc]:tUv];kGL,tI:Pgn];lIAik],Pgn];sL.' tL,Kaw];pgt];El: Kaw];yaw];' An]sac]:pQn]mL;tI:tac];liUk]:An]lG]An]nn].eS' sqt]:sam];tUv];" tI:tqk]: mn];sm].' Pgn];lIAik],Pgn];sL.tI:An]liUk]:hQt];hUc];tiUk]:Tap]:lQw]n}.' sac]:etpQn]An] sQw];Ka}.Kw]:yU,l}:'nn].El:Am],epL;l}:sG].sa},ciun];nm]nG];pIn}.nn]." tI:An]liUk]:hQt];hUc]; tiUk]:Sgc]Tap]:n}.' Pgn];lIAik],Pgn];sL.mn];sac]:etpQn]An]wL:'hw];sac]:Aw]KUw];lQc];hiUn]; ey;Ka}.Kiun]:w}.niUw]Tap]:Sgc]nn].' Pgc];yam];miUw]:vL;nm].TUm]:' An]sac]:pQn]l}:nG];Kaw];yam]; Tqc]:hLpIetmL;nn].' n}El:' n}.etpQn]An]hw];sac]:suhgm]ciun];liUw]'w}.tL,An]etlUw],tI: ekL:Sac]:hQt];hUc];tiUk]:Sgc]Tap]:nn].'n}yw]."

An important special kind of fact is what the consequences will be from choosing different actions. Each possible action may produce different results for “next day, next week, next month, next year, next 5 years.” For example in evaluating a possible building a question would be whether it should be one story or two stories. This is examined by looking at the short term and long term consequences for each choice. For example, the consequences for choosing a one story may be moving into it soon and having to spend less money this year. For choosing a two story building, a consequence may be that the furniture could be moved to the second story during a flood that may happen in the next 5 years and this would save the extra money that would be needed to build the two story building.

           

lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:"lUm];Tat]:sG]siUw];nn].n}.' pQn]An]kUn];hw];Kam],sL;nG];sG] w}.siUc].huiw]nn].yw]." siUw];nn].n}.Am],kgm].wL:pQn]An]KIm}:sG]nn].kUv];' mn];pL;tc];An] SiUw];ekYL,'El:An]han].sG]pQc];sG]nn].AiUw]:" mac]pgk]:n}.'lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:siUw];nn].k}. AUn]:AUn]:yQn],yQn],Agn],kUv];eS' mac],pgk]:n}.Sm].k}.haw]:hqc];nL,nL," lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun], tQn]:siuw];nn].n}.' l}:pQn]l}:mI;tI:kUn];hw];kU:ekL.tc];mUt];yw]." miUw]:An]hw];sac]:liUk]:wL:' hw];etAm],lat]:lgc]:lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun]tQn]:hw];EnPG]n}' l}:yU,ekL:' hw];Am],sac]:liUk]: lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:siUw];nn].l}:" Kw]luk].tI:piun];miUw]:miun].Siun];kgn],wn];Agn]hw];nn]. pQn]mL;yw]." kgp]:piUw]:lgc]:tac];An]n}.El:' Am],mI;kUn];ekL.lG]sac]:l}:Kam],En;' ygn].lUm]; Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:Kw]mI;w}.nn].Sc]"

Emotions. Emotions are how people feel. They include not only anxiety, but also joy and satisfaction. Sometimes emotions are mild and sometimes they are strong.  Emotions happen to all of us. While we can choose to not tell others about our emotions, we cannot choose our emotions. They come from our past history. For this reason, no one can be blamed for the emotions they have.

           

hqc];lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:siUw];nn].n}.' mn];pin],lqk]:la}:yap]," Kw]lUw]l}:mI;lgc]: tUw]TUp];mG],nm]nm]' An]etsac]:Pan],SGac];pn]' lUm];Tat]:sG]pqk],pqk],nG];hw];l}:nn].AiUw]:" tI:tqk]:mn];n}.sm].' wL:kgn],El:'miUn]nc]'eSekL.ekL.n}.liUc];etL,SUnL,n}El:" epL;SUvL; Kw]Tqc]:pgk]:etmL;nn].' SUetpQn]sG]Am],SiUw];Am],SL,etL,Kw]yw]." miUw]:lQw]n}.' Sgn],wL:mI; piUn]:mgk],lat]:En]SUwL:' miUw]:wn];nn].n}.mn];naw]w}.n}nn].El:' Tiuc]miUw]:SUl}:hn]Kw]Tqc]: km];niuc]:nn].ekL:'Kw]n}.lImiut]:lIkiuw];nL,nL,w}." miUw]:yam];lQw]' epL;SUetl}:hn]Kw]Tqc]:n} ekL:SUsG]lIyU,yw]." puc],man],mn];n}.sm].' hw];etL:lUw],l}:hp].Aw]'lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]: hw];siUw];nn].w}.hQt];nn]kUv];" An]n}.mn];tiun];mqn]:tiun];sG]:tI:tL,lUm];Tat]sG]hw];' El: tI:tL,lUm];Tat]:sG]piUn]:tc];la}nn].nc],kn]Et.yw]."

Emotions are difficult to change. They require new experiences that create different emotions in us. For example, suppose someone is rude to you. The next time you see them, you will feel bad towards them. Now suppose that you are told the person was sick that day, and that when you next see them, they are very friendly. Now you feel good when you see them. Generally, we just have to accept our emotions. This is true of our emotions and of other people's emotions.

           

hw];sac]:kum];kgn];' la};An]hw];hQt];hiuw]pYL.pg},En' lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:hw];siUw]; nn].l}:yU," kUv];kL:hw];Am],sac]:kum];kgn];' lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:An]hw];mI;w}.'An]lI' Am],nn]ekL:' An]ha}.sL.nn]."

We can control how we express our emotions. We just cannot control which emotions we have, good or bad.

           

lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:siUw];nn].n}.'pQn]liUc]:mn];lm],lgc]:nn].yw]." hw];KG]:mI;lUm]; Tat]:sG]lInn].eS' KG]:Ew:pqt]:lUm];Tat]:sG]ha}.siUw];nn].yU," SUlUw],pgc],sG]sgm];'liUc]:lUm]; Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:kUn];tc];la}nn].pn]' tI:An]Kw]l}:tqp];tt];hQt];kGL,kU:An]An]nn]." lgc]:mn];tac];mn];yUw];yUw];k}.pQn]n}.sm].' pQn]An]kUn];tc];la}n}.'mI;kac]sG]KG]:hQt];Sac]:sgm]; kUn];siUw];mI;eKL:tqp];tt];' mQw];An]hQt];hG]:Kw]l}:lIsG]sgm];nn].yw].' nn].sm].' pQn]kUn]; siUw];Pan],SGac];hG]:Kw]l}:mI;lUm];Tat]:sG]lInn].AUiw]:"

Emotions are important issues. We want to have good emotions and we want to avoid bad emotions. You need to understand the emotional issues of people for any decision made. It is a simple fact that people willingly work with others whose decisions make them feel good, that is, people who create good emotions in them.

           

mn];pQn]lgc]:mn];tac];mn];yUw];yUw];k}.pQn]nn].kUv];nc],kaw],' An]wL:lUm];Tat]:sG] tiun],tQn]:n}.' kiuk];pL;sgm];lgc]:tUc].niuc]An]pqk],pqk],kn]nn].eS' lt];Kam]:pUn].Kw]:kGL,nG]; fic]:Tuc];El:fic]:Ec:tc];la}Kw]'w}.yU,yw].n}nn]." hLhG]:hn]' Sqn];hqc];lUm];Tat]:sG]' An] hp].tgp],Kuin];mL;tI:Pgn];lIAik],Pgn];sL.' siUw];An]muc]:yiUc];Aan];w}.wL:' etsac]:pQn]l}: sgm];lUv]:la};sac]:Aw]Aey;tUc].niuc]hQt];Sac]:pn]' kU:An]kU:la};nn].tL."

It is also a simple fact that the emotions attached to an action differ across cultures and subcultures. Find out what the range of emotion responses will be for the consequences expected by each possible action.

           

kL:Kn]"la};An]liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].' hQt];hiuw]kQw]kp];kn]w}.tc];kL:Kn]mn];siUw];nn]. n}n}.ekL:' pQn]An]lm],lgc]:An]niuc]:nc],kaw]," hqc];nm].kt].Aw]Aey;l}:An]niuc]:n}.' l}:hn]wL:mn];pQn]An]Tuk],hiuw]' Am],nn]ekL:'An]Pit];hL.?" kUn];hw];kU:ekL.n}.Pgm].l}:sG] sgm];liUc]:kL:Kn]mn];km]:Pgc]:nn].tan],tan],yU,' tItqk]:mn];' An]wL:lgc]:Siuw]:yUw];n}.lI' n}El:' An]wL:epL;yuk].ygc]:AU:Em:SUn}.lI'An]wL:n}siUw];n}.nn]." kUn];kU:ekL.n}.w}.kL:Kn] tI:An]hG]:np].ym]kn]nn].yw]." kL:Kn]mac]mQw];n}.etlm],lgc]:Sam]Kan];tI:nG];fic]:Tuc];mac] siUw];nn].w}.eSEl:' Sm].Am],lm],lgc]:nG];fic]:Tuc];tac],An]siUw];nn].hQt];nn]" mn];sm] pQn]lUw]l}:Tam]wL:' kL:Kn]mQw];lG]n}.lm],lgc]:tL,fic]:Ec:(tc];la})Kw]nn].n}yU,' epL;wL:pQn] pun]:tL,liUc]:mn];'An]tiuk].sg}:Ek:lit]:pn]yU,nn].n}Et."

Values. How the issues relate to values is also important. Is a potential action seen as being right or wrong? Everyone agrees on some value issues, for example that honesty is good and that honoring your parents is good. Everyone values being treated with respect. Other values will be important in some cultures and not important in other cultures. It is necessary to ask what values are important to the sub-culture(s) for the issue at hand.

kL:Kn]siUw];nn].n}.mn];pin],lqk]:la}:yap]," mn];luk].tI:PL,SL,SnL,'El:fic]:Tuc]; hw];nn].Et,pQn]mL;" Kw]eK;etsac]:sUw];Agn]Aw]hw];'tUc].niuc]hQt];Sac]:kGL,nn].eS' hQt]; hG]:pQn]mL;lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:' An]hw];Am],kYOik]:nn]." An]w}.kL:Kn]AU:Em:hw];n}n}.' mn];etsac]:pgc],wL:' hw];sG].tiuw];Kaw];yam];El:ciun]Km];hw];pun]:tL,Kw]'liUw]eSAn]kGL,sG].sa}, tac],tI:tac],tac];nn].'An]n}.' sac]:hQt];pgc]pQn]lUm];Tat]:sG]Pa},hn]Pit];pin]:PUn]nn]. mL;yU,yw]." lUm];Tat]:sG]Pa},hn]Pit];pin]:PUn]siUw];n}.n}.' l}:KUn];Kw];elL;El;kn]w}.tc]; lUc];Tat]:sG]SiUw];ekYL,' An]hw];etl}:Kam],sL;nG];sG]' miUw]:hw];l}:hn]AU:Em:hw];tc];Sgc]n}.' l}:mI;An]pG].pL;lum];lL;tUv];Tiuc]pn]w}.lInL,' n}nn].AiUw]:"

Values are difficult to change. They come from our religion and from our culture. They may lead us to actions that cause emotions we do not like. Valuing our parents may mean that we spend time and money on them that we would rather spend some other way, generating negative emotions. These negative emotions get mixed with the emotion of joy we feel when we see our parents are well cared for.

           

Tiuc]miUw]:l}:ma}Tiuw]tUv];hn]liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].yw].n}.' lUw],l}:Aw]kQp];yip];tiuw];kGL, sgm];tI:nG];eKL:tqp];tt];An]ethQt];nn].yw]." tgc];ma}w}.An]wL:' mI;eKL:tqp];tt];km]:pL: eA,kUv];' An]sac]:yw].tI:eKL:An]wL:'!sG]:yw].'@Am],nn]'!Am]sG]:'@n}nn]." puc],man], yUw];yUw];mn];sm].' eKL:tqp];tt];tc];la}n}.' l}:hQt];kGL,nG];Ek:Kgp],wUc];piUc]kan]Aw]Aey;' An]pQn]l}:la}siUw].la}mQw];nn].yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];n}.sm].' eKL:Tam]kQw],lgc]:hUc];tiUk]:lum];mG], nn].' sac]:mI;An]tgp],pn]la}siUw].la}mQw];pqk],pqk],kn]w}.hQt];nn]yU," eKL:tqt];tt];An] niuc]:n}.' etpQn]An]wL:hG]:yU,tI:hUc];tiUk]:lum];kw].nn].kUv];lL:n}" Tqc]:An]niuc]:n}.etpQn] An]wL:'hG]:Ka}.Kw]:yU,lum];mG],lUc]An]kL:kL:nn].n}" Tqc]:An]niuc]:etpQn]An]wL:'hG]:Ka}.Kw]:yU, lum];mG],lQk].Agn],Ait];nn].'n}yw]." Tqc]:eKL:tqp];tt];An]niuc]:n}.sm].' sac]:pQn]An]wL:' hG]:mI;w}.lum];Sgc]lum];n}yU," miUw]:An]l}:Aw]liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].'Tt];Tgc]tUv];lIcam];yw].n}.' km];nn].lUw],Aw]la};tac];sac]:Aw]Aey;hQt];Sac]:pn]' An]mI;l}:la}siUw].la}mQw];siUw];nn].' mL;wUn].K}:sG]tUv];"

Once the issues have been identified, they need to be applied to the decision that to be made. Note that few decisions can be made as just "yes" or "no". Generally decisions are made between several possible courses of action. For example, the question of the new office building can be answered several different ways. One decision would be to stay in the old office building. Another would be to move into a new big, expensive office. Another would be to move into a new small office. Another decision would be to have two offices. When issues are being evaluated, the several actions that could be taken need to be considered.

           

Tiuc]miUw]:l}:hU.la};tac];siUw];Aw]Aey;pn]l}:nn].'sac]:Aw]la};lG]la};nn].mL;Tt]; Tgc]tUv];nc],n}yU,'-'Sc]wL:Aw]Aey;kGL,siUc].n}siuc]'Pgn];lIAik],Pgn];sL.mn];etmI;Sc]?" Pgn];lIAik],Pgn];sL.An]n}.n}.sgc],mn];Sac];lac];' Am],nn]ekL:' pQn]An]lam];tUv];Aw] nn].hL.'(n}.pQn]liUc]:kQw],lgc]:mn];tac];mn];nn].')?" la};Aw]Aey;hQt];Sac]:/Pgn];lIAik], Pgn];sL.An]n}.' ethQt];hG]:kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]l}:Kam],sL;nG];sG]siUc].hiuw]'(n}.pQn]liUc]:lUm]; Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:nn].)?" sgc],Pgn];lIAik],Pgn];sL.n}.' etmI;An]lItL,kUn];miUc];tac]; la}Kw]yU,hiuw]'(n}.pQn]liUc]:kL:Kn]mn];nn].')?'siUw];n}.nn]." tL,la};Aw]Aey;An]niuc]:n}.' liUc]:mn];nn].etsI.sm]:EnwL:' mn];etAgk],pQn]mL;An]vam].'n}" kUv];tL,la};Aw]Aey; pn]l}:'Tqc]:tac],An]nn].Et.'etpn]tac];hn]Tiuc]wL:' mn];etAgk],pQn]mL;An]lIn}yU,"

Once the possible actions are known, each can be evaluated: If this action were taken, what would be the consequence? Is this consequence clear or a guess (a fact issue)? How will this action/consequence make people feel (emotion issue)? Will the consequence be good for people (a value issue). For one action, the issue may point to a poor outcome. For another possible action, it may suggest a good outcome.

           

miUw]:Tt];Sac]niUw]liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].n}.' hG]:Aup],lat]:lgc]:Pgn];lIAik],Pgn];sL.' tL,Kaw];pgt];El:Kaw];yaw];nn].pL;tc];nc],kn]tL." mn]sac]:eK;etmI;' liUc]:mn];pqk],pqk], kn]la}la}liUc]:Kw]:kQw],pL;sgm];w}.'tI:pun]:tL,'!miUw]:Puk];miUw]:hiuw];'wUc]:nL:wUc];liun];'liUn]etmL;' pIetmL;' El;Tqc]:hL:pIetmL;'@siUw];n}.'An]lG]An]nn].kU:An]yw]." Tam]tUv];lgc]:wL:' liUc]:mn];siUw];pQn]tL,piUc]Kaw];yam];hL:pInn].An]lG]n}.' etAL,mKam],pn]eKL:tqp];tt];Tuk], mqn]:lI'tL,Kaw];pgt];Aik],Kaw];yaw];'tc];nm]nn].n}tL."

When reviewing the issues, talk about both short term and long term consequences.. Different issues may be involved for each of "next day, next week, next month, next year, and next five years". Asking what the issues are for each of these five different time frames will assure good decisions for the short and the long term.

pQn]PG]sg}:hLpn]liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].' Who helps with the issues

           

pQn]PG]ekL.km].sg}:pn]lgc]:Tt];Tgc]tUv];Kiun];nn].?" epL;wL:SUEl:kUn];tac],ekL.' ekL.niuc]:n}.l}:Kw]:kQw],pL;sgm];w}.n}siuc]' eKL:tgp],mn];n}.pQn]'!tc];nc],kn]'@nn].yw]." epL; pL;lUv]:PU:Agn]hUw]AL,nL,yG],ekL.niuc]:nn].n}Et.' An]Kgt],ygt]:mn];n}.etpQn]eKL:tqp]; tt];PU:Agn]huw]nn]." kUv];kL:'mn];Am],SU:k}.mI;kUn];ekL.lQw]ekL.lG]'etsac]:Tt];Tgc]tUv]; Kiun];l}:lITiSut];nn]." Am],mI;kUn];ekL.lQw]kUv];ekL.lG]'sac]:hU.sgm];nm]tan],nn].l}:"

Who provides the evaluation? If only you and one other person is involved, the answer is “both”. With a powerful leader, ultimately the decision is the leader's. But rarely is one person able to make the best evaluation. No one person can know that much.

           

mac]pgk]:mac]lG]n}.'kUn];tc];la}Kw]k}.Sim];pa};wUn].A}a,tI,yiUw],Kw]w}.nG];Kw]kUv];hQt];nn]"An]n}.n}.' mL;pQn]tL,An]l}:tqp];tt];vam].nn].kGL,pqt]:' piUw]:An]Am],l}:Aw]liUc]:mn]; siUw];nn].mL;tac],lat]:EneS'Tt];Tgc]tUv];Kiun];tc];mUt];" lItI:An]wL:'mn];mI;la};tac]; la}pL:la}Pa},w}.'tL,hUv];hG]:kUn];miUc];Kw]tiUw];Kw]:hUm]:pL;sgm];nn].yw]."

Sometimes people keep their ideas to themselves. This makes for poorer decision-making as all issues are not raised and evaluated. Fortunately, there are several ways to increase people's participation.

kUn];tc];la}n}.' lUw],hG]:Kw]Am],l}:mI;lgc]:AL;nL,Sc]eS' pn]tac];hn]Tiuc]Kw]lgt]: lgt]:lqw];lqw];' yL,hG]:mI;PG];hQt];hG]:Kw]l}:Pit];sG]nn]." An]n}.mn];sac]:pQn]l}:ca}:ca}:yU,' Sc]wL:' Tiniuc]:n}.'Kw]yum],ym]kUn];siUw];Kw]:kQw],pL;sgm];nn]." TiSgc]n}.sm].' Sc]wL:'ekL.pQn] PU:Agn]hUw]n}.ygn];tI:Kw]wL:'!lat]:kw]KL:/hw];pa};wUn].A}a,tIyiUw],SUEl:'etL:nc],mn];pQn]An]lak],la};nL,eSpiUn]:Sut];nn].ekL:Am],pQn]Sc]" wa};n}.mL;'hw];etAw]Kp].Kiuc]Kw]kGL,lg}; lg};KL:kGL:"@n}nn]." epL;kUn];nG];sum];ekL.niuc]:tc]:Et,lat]:wL:'!Aa},tI,yiUw],nn].Am],lI'@ wL:mL;n}siuc]' ekL.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]n}.' lUw],l}:lat]:pn]Kw]Tqc]:km];niuc]:wL:' !miUw]:lQw]n}.yL, nqt]:Tt];Sin]niUw]pa};wUn].A}a,tI,yiUw],nn].wL:' mn];lIhiuw]sL.hiuw]n}lU;kgn]," wa};n}.mL;hw]; etsc],kg},hQt];nn]kGL,KL:kGL:'@n}nn].yw]." AQn];Aan];An]n}.sm].' pQn]tL,pn]hqc];sG]kUn]; tc];la}Kw]'hG]:Kw]K}:Entac];wUn].Sgn],Kw]'hG]:epL;Am],l}:yiut];w}.Tim],w}.' ygn].kgp]:An]Kw]kUw] An]wL:' eSekL.ekL.n}.etlat]:lgc]:pa};wUn].Aa},tI,yiUw],Kw]eSmQw];mQw];hiuw]n}nn]."

The people need to feel free to give their views without anyone getting upset with them. This occurs most easily if, first, they trust the people involved. Second, the leader asks them to "Tell me/us even your strangest ideas now. We'll sort them out later." If anyone in the group starts to say, "That's a bad idea", the leader tells them again, "Don't judge the ideas as good or bad now. We will do that later." Sometimes the group will make it like a game, with a prize for the strangest ideas. The purpose is to encourage people to share thoughts without holding back because of what someone might say about their idea.

           

Am],Tac],Am],TiUm]Sc]eSEl:' An]!Aw]sum];wL:@nn].sac]:epL,pQn]mL;' kgp]:piUw]:wL: muk].sum];nn].l}:yin];A}a,tI,yiUw],lIkm]:Pgc]:eS' sG].Kaw];yam];Aup],AUw];lgc]:pa};wUn].A}a,tI, yiUw],nn].huic]pUn].nL," liUc]:mn];' Am],nn]' An]Tt];Tgc]tUv];Kiun];w}.tac],An]sUiw];nn].' l}:Kam],tUv];Kam]:pUn].kGL,pqt]:yw]." tL,etham]:Eh.lgc]:la};wUn].Aw]sum];wL:mQw];n}.n}.' Agn] tac];Sut];' hG]:pn]kUn];tc];la}Kw]l}:mI;km];lImn];km];Agn],niuc]:eS' wUn].sgm];eKL:Tam]nn].' kgn],Agn]miUw]:PG]ekL:p},Aup],AUw];lgc]:nn].tL." epL;hQt];nn]yw].' sG].Kw]Aw]Kaw];yam];km]; Agn],nuic]:eSEl:' tqm]:m}alik]:pgt];Agn],An]niuc]:' Am],nn]'Sgc]An]' kQw],lgc]:pa};wUn].A}a, tI,yiUw],Kw]nn].w}.n}El:" wa};eSkUn];kU:ekL.l}:mI;Kaw];yam];tL,wUn].Sgn],yw].nn].' km];n}. pn]kUn];tc];la}Kw]Aup],lat]:K}:Entac];wUn].Sgn],Kw]'An]Kw]hn]Tiuc]niUw]A}a,tI,yiUw],pqk],pqk],nn].El:" kgp]:piUw]:Kw]wUn].w}.TL:Agn]tac];' miUw]:p},Aup],AUw];Sc]nn].El:' pa};wUn].Kw]nn].' etAm]epL;l}:Kam],' An]A}a,tI,yiUw],piUn].tac],ekL.tum].tiUw].hqc];nn].Sc]yw]."

Unfortunately, "group think" can occur because the group hears a couple of good ideas, and then spends much time only on those ideas. Other issues or evaluations are overlooked. To prevent this kind of group think, first give the people a chance to think about the question before anyone talks about it. Then ask them to take some time and jot a note or two about their ideas. After everyone has had time to think, then let people share their thoughts on the different ideas. Because they think first, before any discussion begins, their ideas will be less affected by others’ ideas.

           

An]Tam]tUv];n}.mn];k}.pQn]An]sg}:An]Tqm]yU,El:' hG]:Tam]wL:'!kUn];siUw];Am],l}: mL;mI;tI:n}:n}.Kw]etwUn].Sgn],wL:siUc].hiuw]eA.?' Am],nn]'!kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]lat]:wL:hiuw] eA.?'@n}El:" Aw]la};n}.eS' hG]:liUc]:siUw];An]lm],lgc]:'tL,kUn];Am],l}:mL;Kiun]:Aup],AUw]; sgm];nn].ekL:' sac]:l}:Kw]:pL;w}.yU,nc],kaw],yw]." An]tL,hG]:epL;l}:hn]liUc]:mn];kL:mI;tc]; SQc]:tc];mUt];n}.' pQn]An]lm],lgc]:liUw]piUn]:Sut];yw]."

It is often useful to ask, "What might people think who aren't here?" or "What are people saying?"  That way the issues important to people who are not in the discussion can also be included. It is most important to see all the issues.

           

puc],man],yUw];yUw];n}.' liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].Kw]:kQw],pL;sgm];nG];la}la}nL:tI:' pqk]pqk],kn] nn].El:' kUn];siUw];mI;pa};hU.hn]kan]TUp];miuw];nm]'P},nL:tI:lG]nL:tI:nn].n}.' tiun];lUw],nm] nL,nL,yw]." kUv];kL:'epL;mI;kUn];Kw]:kQw],pL;sgm];nm]nL,pUn].AL;lL;ekL:' mn];Am],pQn]An] sg}:TqmSc]]nc],kaw]," etpQn]An]l}:Aw]Kaw];yam];hiuc]liUw]kGL,nn].kUv];" Sc]wL:liUc]:mn];siUw]; nn].Sac];lIw}.yw].n}Et.' tL,tm];eKL:tqp];tt];Tuk],mqn]:lIn}.' etlUw],kUn];eA,eA, kUv];" kUn];ekL.siuw]:sG]:mqn]:ekL.mn];n}.' epL;etmI;tac];hU.hn]An]lUw],nn].w}.yU,yw]." kUv];kL:' epL:wL:liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].'Am],Sac];lac];lIepL;n}Et.' etlUw],tac];sg}:tac];Tqm] pun]:tL,hG]:epL;lp].lgc]:wL:' liUc]:mn];kU:An]An]n}.l}:Aw]wUn].K}:sG]tUv];tc];mUt];yw].n} nn].yU," mn];etlUw],kUn];nm]nm]' lUw],Pa},nL:tI:van],lUc].lqn],Aqk];spiUt].tc];la}' nn].nm]nm]'yU,yw]."

Generally, issues involve several different areas, so knowledgeable people from each of the areas are needed. However, having too many people involved is not helpful; it just takes more time. If the issues are already clear, fewer people are needed for a good decision. The right person will already have the knowledge needed. But if the issues are unclear, help is needed to be sure all the issues are considered. More people from more areas of expertise are needed.

miUn]nc],l}:tqm]:tgc];ma}w}.'tI:nG];eKL:Aup],AUw];lgc]:yum],ym]nn].' kUn];tc];la}n}.et tiUw];yum],ym]kUn];tac],ekL.nm]' Sc]wL:Kw]l}:hU.' An]kUn];tac],ekL.Kw]ekL:wUn].K}:sG]tUv]; liUc]:mn];' An]tm]tUw]kUn];tc];l}aKw]ekL:wUn].wL:pQn]liUc]:lm],lgc]:nn].yw]." An]hQt]; Sac]:sgm];liUc]:mn];n}.pQn]An]yuk].tac],lgc];Tuk],emLkn]pn]"

As noted in the discussion of trust, people are more trusting of others if they know that others consider the issues the people themselves think are important.  Working on the issues promotes Harmony.

           

tI:Aup],AUw];kn]n}.' sac]:Aw]piUc]:Aw]lut]:' tI:lUw],yiUc];pk];sp];liUc]:mn];siUw]; nn].kGL,pqt]:" epL;hQt];nn]siuc]' pac]Aup],AUw];kn]n}.' K}a.pin],pQn]tL,hLel,Ep,sqk],siuw]: kUn];tc];la}nn].yw]." eSyw].El:' An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:n}.'yL.tw]Sw]lk];liUc]:mn]; siUw];An]pQn]lk];pk];km].lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]AiUw]:"

Discussions can lose the focus on issues. Then the discussions shift to labeling people. And Labeling undermines the Issues Pillar of Harmony.

eKL:kGam];Kiuk].tgn];siUw];lIpgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]w}.'

            liUc]:mn];'

lgc]:mn];tac];mn];' (lgc]:tac];mn];')

lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun],tQn]:' (lUm];Tat]:sG])

kL:Kn]'

ygn];tac];sg}:wUn].pn]'(sum];siUw];pQn]nm].niuc]:sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt];')

!Aw]sum];wL:'@

Special Words to Understand

Issues

Fact

Emotions

            Values

            Asking for input (cooperative groups)

            “Group think”

kgn];w}.An]ep,Ep,sqk],siuw]: M anage  Labeling

           

miUw]:kgn],hiuc]la}la}pIpUn].nn].' mI;PU:Agn]hUw]mG],ekL.niuc]:' Kiun]:Sim];AL,nL,miUc];wgc].ehL Km];rUw];mKw]" mn];n}.tUw];tn];w}.lIyw]." pk];piUc]mG],mn];hQt];Agk],km];Agn]tac];Sut];n}.' pQn]An]wL:' nG];miUc];mn];etAm],hG]:l}:mI;lgc]:sqk],EPAic]niUw]SImn];nn].Sc]n}yw]." epL; Aw]nG];miUc];km],PL,Kiut];kap]:pan]mG],miUw]:lQw]n}.wL:siuc]' nn].etpgc],wL:' pQn]lgc]:sqk],EPniUw]. liUt]:siUw].KiUw];Aic]niUw]SIPiw]nc]kUn];nn].'n}yw]." kUv];kL:mUiw]:Pgc];nc],nn]n}.' SImn];An] wL:nn].'pQn]SISgm],El:SIKQw]nn].AiUw]:" miUw]:nn].kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]n}.'tm];eKL:tqp];tt]; Aic]niUw]tI:An]wL:'sgc],kUn];ekL.nn].pQn]SIlQw]kn]tc];Kw]hiuw]n}nn].yw]." SISgm]Kw]n}.pn] kan]can];tI:SISgm],'eSEl:'SIKQw]Kw]nn].pn]kan]can];tI:SI,KQw]'siUw];nn].hQt];nn]" epL;wL: kUn];ekL.niuc]:n}.pQn]'!KQw]@'kUv];kL:Kun]Tt];Sin]n}.Sm].pQn]!Sgm],@'epL;nn]ekL:' eKL:Tt]; Sin]tqp];tt];pn]n}.' lqp]:etpQn]An]San]Kt];mn];nn].yw]." miUw]:nn].n}.l}:mI;pYSnL, Kgc].Km]An]niuc]:eS' EP:sgt],tUw]:nG];miUc];wgc].ehLKm];tc];miUc];w}." An]'kip].pgn];' tqm]:w}.tI: nG];pp].mn];'!lgc]:pan]miUc];wgc].ehLKm];rUw];mtUk];sUm]eSlUm].lqw]kGL,'@nn].'mn];la};can];pgc],Kaw],w}.wL:' kUn];30,000ekL.l}:ta}kGL,tI:pac]tiuk];' An]SI,Sgm],El:SIKQw]Kw]tiuk];kn]nn].wL:n}"

Many years ago a new leader took over the Roman Empire. He was ready. His first new law was that there would be no discrimination based on color. In the modern world, that would mean discrimination by color of skin. But in that time the colors were blue and green. People made decisions based on whether the person was the same color as they. Blues gave business to blues, and greens gave business to greens. If a person was "green" but the judge was "blue", then the judgment would be likely to go against him. It was a problem throughout the Empire. Gibbon in his book “The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire” reports that 30,000 people died in the fights between the blues and the greens. 

           

kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]n}.'l}:Kam],el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:w}.wL:pQn]SI!KQw]@'Am],nn]ekL:'!Sgm],@'n}yw]." hQt];hiuw]El:l}:pQn]mL;siUc].nn]lL,?" mn];tc]:Et,pQn]mL;' tI:pac]lgc];sap]:kn] etL,EK.mL.lqn]:nn]." mL.mac]tUw]n}.mI;KUw];hac]:KiUc]:St];SI,Sgm],' mac]siUw];Sm],mI;KUw];hac]:KiUc]: St];SIKQw]" piUw]:n}El:kUn];tc];la}n}.l}:suk];Pa},lc]mL.Sgm],hiuw]' Am],nn]' mL.KQw]hiuw]n} eSPa},Pa},w}.yw]." hQt];nn]eSwa};mL;n}.' mn];l}:pQn]An]elEp,sqk],siuw]:kn]nn].eS' EP:sgt],tUw]:kGL,nG];mU,sum];Puc]kUn];miUc];Kw]w}.yw]."

People were labeled “green” or “blue” How did that happen? It started from betting on horse races. Some horses had blue harnesses and others had green harnesses. So people backed either blue or green horses.  Then this labeling spread throughout society.

           

An]n}.n}.hgc].wL:'AkYOw];!el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:'("labeling")@n}yw]."kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]n}.l}:Kam],el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:w}.' epL;Am],pQn]SISgm],'n}ekL:pQn]SIKQw]nn].yw]." kUn];tc];la} l}:Kam],Tt];Sin]'lUv]:SIel,Ep,sqk],siuw]:Kw]nn].w}.TL:Agn]tac];eSwL:'-'Sgm],' Am],nn]' KQw]'n}" Kw]pn]kan]hQt];kan]sgm];kUn];kL.siUw];pQn]SIlQw]kn]tc];Kw]nn].kUv];' etL:nc],kUn]; kL.tac]ekL.n}.'ka},kGam];hLyiun]:pn]wL:' etygm];lUc];kL:mn];eSKa}pn]wL:n}ekL:Am],Aw]" sc], wL:nn]yw].' SImn];n}.' Am],kp];ka},liUc]:mn];siUw];mI;w}.nG];mU,sum];Puc]kUn];nn].Sc]Et.Et." mn];Agn]hG]:mI;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nn].kUv];eSetAm],hG]:mI;lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].Sc]"

This is called a "labeling" effect. People were labeled either blue or green. People were judged first by their label: blue or green. They gave business to merchants of their own color even if the other merchant offered lower prices. Of course, the color was not related to any of the issues of that society. But it led to conflict rather than harmony.

           

hw];Am],yip];tiuw];SISgm],' Am],nn]' SIKQw]pQn]nc],el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].Sc]yw].' wn];miUw]:n}.' kUv];kL:hw];tiuk].yip];tiuw];el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:tac],An]siUw];nn].tc];nm]lUc]yU," tI:tG]:siUw];n}.pQn]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:'mQw];An]yip];miUn]kn]km]:nm]'-'

We do not use blue and green as labels today, but we do use a lot of other labels. Here are some common labels:

            !hw];@El:tc];!Kw]@

SIPiw]niUw].nc]'

sum];saw];KiUw];Kw]'

kUn];mI;tc];kUn];Pan]'

kUn];sa};tc];kUn];yic];'

PL,SL,SL,SnL,'

Agc]:tI:kiUt],'

Tiuw]fic]:Tuc];'/kUn];mI;pic],vL,' El:tc];' Am],Tiuw]fic]:Tuc];'/kUn];Am],mI;pic],vL,'

"We" vs. "They"

            Color of skin

            Ethnic groups

            Rich vs. poor

            Man vs. woman

            Religion

            Place of birth

            Cultured / educated vs. uncultured / uneducated

mn];yc];tiuk].mI;w}.Tqc]:tc];nm]lUc]" SUsac]:mk];ma}tgc];elEp,sqk],siuw]:nn].lIlIyU,' kgp]: wL:mn];EPkUn];hw];pn]hG]:la}mU,la}sum];w}.nn]." siUw];n}.n}.'sc],wL:'mn];pQn]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]: An]lIsG].hG]:mqn]:Agc]:mqn]tI:mn];nn].yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];sm].' kL:nG];luk];Aap],nm].tL,kUn]; tc];la}Kw]n}.' k}.tqm]:An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:w}.wL:'!kUn];sa};'@Am],nn]'!kUn];yic];@n}yw]." epL;Am],tn];tUv];mqn]:elEp,sqk],siuw]:nn].eS' vL;Kw]:Pit];luk];mn];kGL,epL;n}' etl}: Ser,luepL;tan]lG]&"

There are many more. You can recognize a label because it divides people into groups. These are, of course, labels that are useful in the right place. For example, many public bathrooms are labeled "men" or "women". How embarrassing it is to miss the label and go in the wrong one!

AkYOw];el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:' Labeling effects

            kUv];kL:miUw]:hw];l}:yin];kUn];tc];la}Aup],lat]:kn]lgc]:mU,sum];n}.' mn];pQn]el,Ep, sqk],siuw]:hQt];An]w}.' tI:PiUw],tL.etAup],liUc]:mn];nn].' n}.pQn]piUc]hac]:Pac]sac]:mI;eP; nn].yw]." lgc]:tac];mn];An]wL:mI;eP;n}nn].' An]niuc]:sm].' kgp]:wL:kUn];hw];n}.kiuc].kc]. Tt];Sin]niUw]piUn]:tac],ekL.lUv]:An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].yw]." epL;wL:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]: Kw]nn].pqk],piUc]:kn]tc];hw];epL;n}' hw];Tac],wL:hw];kYL.lIliUw]Kw]nn].pqt]:" eSEl:Kw]ekL: Sm].Tac],wL:Kw]kYL.liUw]lIliUw]hw];wL:n}" An]n}.n}.' mn];k}.pQn]ca}:nL,nL,El:hw];epL;Am], tn];hU.mqn]:"

But when we hear people talking about groups -- labeling -- instead of issues, it is a danger sign. One reason it is dangerous is because people immediately judge others by the label. If their label is different from ours, then we think that we are better than they are. And they think they are better than us. This happens so easily we do not even realize it.

           

tI:n}:sm].mI;An]sqt]:sam];' Pa},Sa},kUw],pa};sG]mU,sum];Puc]kUn];hw];An]niuc]:" mn]; Enpn]An]hw];Tt];Sin]niUw]piUn]:tac],ekL.' lUv]:An]wL:' elEp,sqk],siuw]:hw];n}.lIliUw] eSKw]siUw];mI;el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:tac],An]nn].'wL:n}" la};sqt]:sam];mn];n}.hqn];w}.tc];puc], hac]:kUn];tc];la}Kw]nn].yw]." Aw]Kqp];puc],hac]:siUw];nn].EPSG],w}.hQt];pQn]Sgc]kgc]'-' kgc]niuc]: n}.tqm]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:w}.wL:!k@n}eStac],An]nn].wL:!K@n}" ekL.sqt]:sam];n}.'lUw],hG]: tqt];etL;lIw}.tI:lgc]:wL:' mn];mI;puc],hac]:kUn];ekL.lIsp];sG]nn].'pL;sgm];nm]tan],kn]tI: nG];kgc]!k@tan],tI:nG];kgc]!K@nn].w}." epL;hQt];nn]yw].ekL:' ygn];hG]:kUn];tc];l}Kw]Tt]; Sin]pn]' An]wL:puc]hac]:nG];Sgc]kgc]n}.mI;lgc]:sn]sp];sG]siUc].hiuw]w}.tan],lG]n}nn]." kUv];kL: miUw]:Kw]p},tn];tqp];tt];tm];Kn]puc]hac]:siUw];nn].n}.' ekL.sqt]:sam];n}.Aw]miuw];sI.kUn];ekL. niuc]:eSlat]:wL:'!SUpQn]'k'ekL.niuc]:nL:'@n}" mn];lat]:tI:Tqc]:ekL.niuc]:nn].wL:'!SUpQn]' K' ekL.niuc]:enL:'@hG]:wL:n}" kUn];siUw];etTt];Sin]niUw]puc],hac]:Kw]tc];SQc]:n}.' epL;Am],l}:Kam], elEp,sqk],siuw]:wL:pQn]'!k@n}ekL:pQn]!K@nn].w}.yw]." An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].' pQn] An]luk].hQt];kGL,km]:mn];Sc],etL,nn].kUv];" An]el,Ep,sqk]:siuw]:w}.nn].' mn];Am],KG]: pgc],wL:Sc]siUc].huiw]eSAit];"

Here is a social psychological experiment. It shows that we judge others with our label as better than those with another label. The experiment is set up with pictures of people. The pictures are put into two stacks: one labeled A and the other B. The experimenter makes sure that there are the same number of attractive people in stack A as in stack B. Then people are asked to judge the attractiveness of the pictures in both stacks.  But before they rate the pictures, the experimenter points to one person and says "You are an A". He tells the next person, "You are a B". All of the people judging the pictures are lab eled either A or B. The labeling is totally random. The labels mean nothing.

           

Sc]wL:kUn];hw];tc];la}Tt];Sin]niUw]piUn]:tac],ekL.' yL,hG]:kGL,sap]:lUv]:el,Ep,sqk], siuw]:siUw];nn].epL;n}Et.'kUn];kU:ekL.n}.etTt];Sin]wL:' puc],hac]:!k@El:!K@siUw];nn].mI; lgc]:lIsp];sG]tan],kn]PQc]kn]yU,n}yw]." kUv];mn];Am],pQn]nn]" PiUw],tL.ethQt];nn]' kUn];!k@n}.Tt];Sin]tqp];tt];wL:'puc],hac]:!k@siUw];nn].tiUw];lIsp];sG]wL:n}" kUn];siUw];l}: Kam],el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:w}.pQn]!K@nn].Tt];Sin]wL:' puc],hac]:!K@siUw];nn].ey:Kqn];mI;lgc]:lI sp];sG]'Sm].wL:n}yw]." etL:nc],miUw]:kUn];siUw];nn].mgk],lat]:Enlgc]:tUw]sw]:kw],n}.'Kw]wL:' !hw];l}:pQn]'k'ekL:lI'K'ekL:lI'mn];Am],KG]:wL:pgc],Sc]siUc].hiuw]eSAit];" hw];etTt];Sin]niUw] Kw]PQc],PQc],pQc];pQc];kUv];'@wL:n}eStL.ekL:'mn];Am],pQn]nn]mL;" mn];mI;SQn]:tac];lQw]kUv];' An]sac]:hG]:kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]Tt];Sin]PQc],pQc];sgm];JtL;lInn].'pQn]An]lUw],SiUc],Sim];el, Ep,sqk],siuw]:siUw];nn].w}.'kUv];yw]."

If people judge others without regard to labels, everyone would judge the A and B pictures to be equally attractive. That is not what happens. Instead, the A people judge the A pictures as more attractive. The people labeled B judge the B pictures as more attractive. Even when people tell themselves, "My being A or B means nothing. I'll judge them fairly", it does not happen. The only way to have people judge them fairly is to hide the labels.

           

la};sqt]:sam];An]n}.Enpn]An]wL:'hw];Tac],'!sum];hw];n}.kYL.lIliUw]eStac],sum];'@n}nn]." An]n}.hw];hgc].wL:elEp,sqk],siuw]:sp];Pa},n}yw]." An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:sp];P}a, n}.pQn]eP;An],EJt,yG],lUc]An]niuc]:AiUw]:" mn];KG]:pgc],wL:' epL;Am],wUn].Sgn]K}:sG]lIlIsiuc]' hw];k}.Kam],sL;nG];sG]wL:' sum];hw];n}.sac]:hQt];Sac]:tUc].niuw]lIliUw]tac],mU,tac],sum];Kw]nn].'n} eS' wL:sum];hw];n}.TiUk]:l}:SU;nm]eSpiUn]:mUt];' n}eSyw].El:wL:'sum];hw];n}.tk];lUw],l}: yip];AL,nL,w}.' n}El:Aik],wL:'sum];hw];n}.ethQt];etL,kUn];nG];tac],suum];nn].'tiUw];PQc],pQc]; JtL;liUw]eSAn]Kw]ethQt];etL,hw];AiUw]:'n}siUw];n}.yw]." kUv];kL:sUiw];n}.n}.Am],pQn]nn]mL; Et.Et." hw];n}.tiun];hQt];etL,kUn];sum];hw];'lIliUw]piUn]:tL,eS,nn].kUv];' pqk].wL:hw];kiuc], TiUk]:l}:hiuw]Am],TiUk]:l}:hiuw]' n}ekL:epL;Am],Sgn],Sc]yw].' mn];pQn]ygn].piUw]:hw];yum],w}.tL, eS,eSwL:hw];TiUk]:l}:n}nn]." Sc]wL:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:n}.'Am],pQn]pYSnL,Kgc].Km]Sc]mL;nG];' !miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'wUc]:etmL;'Am],nn]'liUn]etmL;'@nn].n}ekL:'mn];etpQn]pYSnL,Kgc].Km]miUw]:'!pIetmL;@Am],nn]!Tqc]:hL:pIetmL;@nn].Am],kat]:yw]."

This experiment shows that we think "our group is better than the other group". We call this labeling bias. Labeling bias is a great danger. It means that, without thinking, we just feel that our group can run things better than other groups, that our group deserves the most rewards, that our group should have the power, and that our group would treat people from other groups more fairly than they would treat us. But this does not happen. We always treat our own group better whether we deserve it or not -- because we always believe we deserve it.  If a label is not a problem "next day, next week, or next month", it will be a problem "next year" or "next five years."

           

pYSnL,ma}Sgc]kQw],lgc]:elEp,sqk],siuw]:n}.sm].' pQn]An]' hw];wUn].Tac],wL:kUn];siUw]; mI;el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:An]lQw]miUn]kn]w}.kU:ekL.n}.Kw]miUn]kn]mUt];'wL:n}" eSEl:kUv];kL:mn]; Am],hgn],tgn].pQn]siUc].nc],nn]eSpgk]:" sG]:Et.AiUw]:' lUv]:tac];hn]Pa},Sa},kUw],pa};sG]n}.' kUn];yic];Kw]El:kUn];sa};Kw]n}.'mn];pqk],piUc]:kn]w}." kUv];kL;'kUn];sa};Kw]ekL.niuc]:tc];ekL.niuc]: ekL:yc];pqk],piUc]:kn]'eSEl:kUn];yic];Kw]nc],kn]ekL:ekL:pqk],piUc]:kn]w}.yw]." SUetl}:hn] kUn];yic];siUw];Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];' lgc]:tac];mQw];An]pQn]kUn];sa};Kw]kUv];k}.wUn].Sgn],nn].' El: l}:hn]kUn];sa};siUw];Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];' lgc]:tac];mQw];An]kUn];yic];Kw]kUv];k}.wUn].Sgn],nn].' hQt];nn]w}.yU,nn]." tL,hG]:epL;sac]:l}:hn]tI:tqk]:niUc];mn];n}.' wUn].tUv];lgc]:kUn];siUw]; An]SUhU.sk];' An]pQn]kUn];nG];sum];saw];KiUw];SUnn].tUv];El:" sgc],Kw]miUn]kn]mUt];?" sgc],kUn];nG];sum];saw];KiUw];sum];lG]n}.miUn]kn]tc];mUt];hiuw]?" PiUw],tL.ethQt];kGL,sgm];la};tac]; el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].' hw];lUw],hLhG]:hn]wL:kUn];ekL.niuc]:n}.miUn]hiuw]w}.Et.Et.nn].AiUw]:"

A second problem with labeling is that we think that everyone with the same label is alike. And yet that is never so. True, women and men differ physiologically. But men differ from one another, and women differ from one another. You will find women who agree with what most men think and men who agree with what most women think. To see examples of this, think of people you know from your ethnic group. Are they all alike? Are the people of any ethnic group all alike? Instead of going by a label, we need to find out what the person is really like.

           

An]liUk]:kQp];kUn];tL,sg}:Agn]hUw]Agn]kn];muk].sum];sum];niuc]:n}.' sac]:Aw]la};Aic]niUw] el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:'Am],nn]ekL:'Aic]niUw]nm].kt].tac];Sun],tUw]ekL.lG]ekL.nn].wL:yU," nm]. kt].tac];emLSun],tUw]kUn];ekL.niuc]:n}n}.' mn];Am],tgn].sgm];lc]elEp,sqk],siuw]:sum];nn]. Sc]" etL,nc],nG];sum];hw];sum];lQw]kUv];El:Sc]' nG];sum];Kw]sum];lQw]nn].kUv];El:Sc]'mn]; sac]:etmI;kUn];lIAik],kUn];sL.w}.yU," epL;wL:hw];liUk]:pn]pun]:Pgn];nL:kan]'kUn];nG];sum];hw]; lgn].lgn].kUv];n}Et.' hw];etAm],l}:kUn];lITiSut];siUw];nn].w}." An]hw];sac]:l}:mI;kUn]; lITiSut];siuw];nn].w}.n}.' epL;wL:hw];liUk]:pn]pun]:Pgn];nL:kan]' kUn];nG];tc];Sgc]sum];nn]. nc],kn]' la};lQw]n}.kUv];"

Choosing people to help run an organization can be done by labeling or by personal ability. Personal ability never follows a group label. Within our group and within their group there will be both good people and bad people. If we appoint only people from our group, we will not have the best people. We can only have the best people if we appoint from both groups.

           

kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]km]:nm]np].Sgn],wL:' kUn];num],Kw]n}.' pQn]kUn];siUw];piut],PiUv]etL, pa};wUn].Aa},tI,yiUw],mG],tc];la}nn].n}yw]." kUv];kL:kUn];num],siUw];Am],piut],PiUv]etL,Aa},tI, yiUw],mG],nn].n}.mI;tc];nm]lUc]" eSAm],kL;'kUn];Tw]:tc];nm]n}.'piut],PiUv]etL,Aa},tI,yiUw], mG],AiUw]:" piUw]:n}El:' epL;hw];KG]:Kgt],Pgt],ekL,mI,tI,sum];niuc]:'tL,ettUv];lUpa};wUn].A}a,tI, yiUw],mG],nn].pn]epL;n}siuc]' hw];Am],sac]:liUk]:kUn];SG],nG];ekL,mI,tI,'Aic]lUv]:sUw]:KUp],ASak]: Kw]nn]." Sc]wL:hw];liUk]:Aw]kUn];num],lgn].lgn].eSKgt],Pgt],ekL,mI,tI,nn].n}siuc]'hw];lUw], l}:mI;kUn];ekL.An]sm]kn]tc];Aa},tI,yiUw],mG],nn].'pL;w}.km]:Pgc]:" PiUw],tL.ethQt];kGL,sgm]; el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn]. 'hw];lUw]l}:hQt];kGL,sgm];tac];An]wL:'kUn];ekL.niuc]:n}.miUn]hiuw]w}.Et. Et.'n}nn].AiUw]:" hw];lUw],kQp];Aw]kUn];siUw];piut],PiUv]etL,Aa},tI,yiUw],mG],nn].yw].' pqk].wL: sUw]:KUp],ASak]:Kw]lQk].yG],tan],lG]ekL:yL,mn];tL.Am],pQn]Sc]"

Most people think that young people are the most open to new ideas. But a large number of young people are not open to new ideas. And many older people are open to new ideas. So if we want a committee to look at new ideas, we cannot put people on the committee based upon their age. If we put only young people on the committee, we would have some who are closed to new ideas. Instead of going by a label, we need to go by what the person is really like. We need to pick people who are open to new ideas no matter what their age.

           

pYSnL,Kgc].Km]lUc]lac]ma}Sam]nn].sm].' pQn]An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:n}.Aw]hw];yan]k} kn]tI:lUw],hQt];Sac]:sgm];liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].pqt]:" hw];kGL,wUn].Sgn],K}:sG]sgm];lgc]:elEp, sqk],siuw]:nn].Aw]' tI:PiUw],tL.etwUn].sgm];liUc]:mn];siUw];nn]." hw];kum],Tgm],kUn];siUw];el, Ep,sqk],siuw]:miUn];kn]nn].kUv];eS' hQt];kGL,nc],Kw]lat]:nn].tik];tik];" kUv];kL:An]muk]. lQw]sum];lQw]kUv];' Tac],wL:mn];pQn]eKL:tqp];tt];lITiSut];yw].n}nn].' mn];eK;etsac]: pQn]nn]Et.yU,' Am],nn]ekL:' eK;etAm],pQn]eKL:tqp];tt];An]lITiSut];Et.Et.Sc] nn].yU,yw]." hw];Am],hU.sgm];l}:' Sc]siUw].wL:hw];Am],sqt];sam];tUv];liUc]:mn];siUw];nn]. epL;n}Et." piUw]:n}El:' epL;lgc]:elEp,sqk],suiw]:n}.Kw]pL;mL;tI:tm];eKL:tqp];tt];nn]. epL;n}ekL:' puc],man],mn];n}.hw];k}.vL;tqp];tt];vam]." eSAm],kL;'epL;Am],pL;Sw]lk];liUc]: mn];siUw];n}.n}suic]'mn];etAm],epL;mI;lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]"kkkkkkkk

A third major problem is that labeling keeps us from working with issues. We think about the labels instead of the issues. We just listen to people with the same label, and go with what they say. But what any single group thinks is the best decision may or may not really be the best decision. We do not know unless we examine the issues. So whenever labeling enters into decision-making, we generally make poorer decisions. And without the Pillar of Issues, there is less harmony.

           

lgc]:elEp,sqk],siuw]:n}.' l}:pQn]mL;miUw]:kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]sG].tiuw];siuw]:SQc]muk].sum]; nn].AiUw]:" epL;wL:kw]KL:sG].elEp,sqk],siuw]:An]niuc]:km];lG]ekL:'kw]KL:l}:vL;mI;An]elep, sqk],siuw]:sp];Pa},nn].'mL;sgm];kU:km];" epL;SUyip];tiuw];el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:An]niuc]:nn].km].lG] ekL:'SUl}:vL;mI;An]elep,sqk],siuw]:sp];Pa},nn].'kGL,sgm];kU:km];yw]." hw];hL;vL;hQt];nn] nc],kn]kU:ekL." piUw]:n}El:' Sc]wL:Am],l}:yip];sG].el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:w}.epL;n}siuc]'kUn];tc]; la}etTt];Sin]niUw]kn]PQc],PQc],pQc];pQc];lIw}.yU," An]hw];yip];sG].tuiw];liUc]:mn];n}.' pQn] An]sg}:hG]:hw];l}:' kac];kn]tc];An]yip];tiuw];ellEp,sqk],siuw]:nn].yU,yw]."

Labeling occurs when people use names of groups. Every time I use a label, I have labeling bias. Every time you use a label, you have labeling bias. We all do.  So if labels are not used, people will judge each other more fairly. Using issues helps keep us from using labels.

eKYL.ygm];An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:' Reducing labeling

            hw];Am],lUw],l}:yip];sG].el,Ep,sqk],suiw];sUiw];nn].Sc]yw]." PiUw],tL.ethQt];nn]' hw];sac]:Aup],lat]:liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].Aw]AiUw]:" hw];etL:yc];Am],lUw],lat]:tI:kUn];tc]; la}An]wL:' Kw]Am],lIAup],lat]:lgc]:elEp,sqk],siuw]:n}nn].lU;kgn]," hw];sac]:pin],lqk]: la}: pac]Aup],AUw];kn]n}.hG]:luk].tI:Aup],lgc]:el,Ep,eSpin],Aup],liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].yU,yw]." miUw]:SUl}:yin];An]wL:'!Kw]Am],KG]:hG]hw];hQt];An]nn].lUc]'@n}nn].' etL.Et.Tam]tUv];wL:' ygn].kgp]:Sc]El:?' mn];pQn]liUc]:AISc]?' sUiw];n}.El:" miUw]:SUl}:hLhn]liUc]:mn];yw].nn].' SUsac]:sI.sm]:EnlUv]:An]wL:' nG];!hw];@siUw];n}.km]:Pgc]:ekL:' mI;liUc]:mQw];n}.miUn]kn]nc], kaw],AiUw]:" El:An]wL:' nG];!Kw]@km]:Pgc]:n}.ekL:wUn].niUw]liUc]:mn];nn].miUn]hw];n}.nc],kaw],' n}nn]." wa};eSnn].n}.'SUpn]hqc];hG]:sum];nn].yip];km]hQt];Sac]:niUw]liUc]:mn];nn].kGL," An] pin],lqk]:la}:luk].tI:'An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:eSKa}.sU;liUc]:mn];n}.' pQn]An]sg}:yuk].tac],pn] lgc]:Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]"

We do not need to use labels. We can talk about issues instead. We do not even need to tell people not to talk about labels. We can change the discussion from labels to issues. When you hear "they don't want us to do it", just ask, "Why? What is the issue?" When you discover the issue, you can point out that some of "us" also have that same issue. And some of "them" think like we do about that issue. Then you encourage the group to work on the issues.  Changing from labeling to Issues promotes harmony.

           

SUsac]:sg}:hQt];hG]:An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:n}.ygm];lUc];' tI:lgc]:kp];Siup],Kw]:Agk],kn] kU:An]nn].yU," SUAm],tap]:lUw],l}:pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]nn].sc],hQt];l}:An]n}." miUw]:SUl}: yin];An]elEp,sqk],siuw]:kn]nn].'tgc]:Tam]hLtUv];liUc]:mn];An]lp].w}.nn].tL." An]n}. pQn]An]sg}:kU:mU,kU:sum];'Ew:lgt]:pYSnL,Kgc].Km]sUiw];An]pQn]ygn].elEp,sqk],siuw]:nn].yw]."

You can help reduce labeling in any relationship. You do not need to be the leader to do this. When you hear labeling, ask about the underlying issue. This helps all groups to avoid the problems of labeling.

           

mn];mI;la};tac];tL,eteKYL.ygm];An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].' w}.tac];niuc]:" miUw]:An] Kgt],Pgt]:muk].sum];tL,hQt];kan]' Am],nn]tL,Aup],AUw];kn]n}nn].' miUw]:lG]eSAm],wL:' Aw] kUn];tc];la}KUn];Kw];elL;El;kn]w}.tL." hG]:epL;mI;kUn];siUw];!hw];@El:kUn]siUw];!Kw]@nn].w}. km]:Pgc]:tI:nG];sum];lG]sum];n].tL.'eSyw].El:'hQt];Sac]:kGLsgm];lUv]:liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].El:'nn]sc],' An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:n}.etAm],epL,mL;" epL;wL:etsG].sum];siUw];nn].Tqc]:km]; niuc]:n}siuc]' Aw]kUn];siUw];!hw];@El:!Kw]@tI:nG];sum];An]Am],miUn]kn]nn].Kgt],Pgt],w}.sgm]; kn]El:'km];n}.ekL:Ew:lgc]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].Tqc]:nc],kaw],tL." nc],An]kUn];tc];la} Kw]hQt];Sac]:eSAup],AUw];sgm];kn]kGL,nn].' Kw]etlQp]:hQn];hU.hn]mqn]:An]wL:'!hw];@n}.mUin] !Kw]@nm]Et.Et.wL:wL:liUw]eSAn]el,Ep,sqk],suiw]:n}.pn]van],w}.nn].yw].'n}" epL;pQn] nn]ekL:hw];sac]:lQp]:hQn];hU.lgc]:wL:'!hw];@El:!Kw]@n}nn].'tI:Et.n}.mn];pQn]!hw];@kUv];"nG];mak],tLTL,wrL.JPL;sw]:n}.'hw];hL;siUw];n}.PQc],pQc];kn]tc];SQc]:' eSEl:pQn]kUn];nc],kn] tc];mUt];kUv];" El:An]PQc],pQc];tan],kn]n}.' yuk].tac],pn]lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].AiUw]:"

There is a way to reduce labeling.. Whenever groups are formed for work or discussions, mix people up. Have some of "us" and some of "them" in each group -- and work with issues so labels do not appear. The next time groups are used, put together a different group of "us" and "them" to work together - again avoiding labels. As people work and talk together, they will learn that "we" are more like "them" than labeling suggests. Then we can learn that "we" and "they" are actually "us". In the eyes of God, we are all equal and all human together. And that equality promotes harmony.

           

hw];l}:Aup],lat]:lgc]:yip];sG].tuiw];el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:' An]kUn];miUw];tc];la}Kw]'epL;hU. w}.yw].nn].yw]:" kUv];kL:An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:n}.' sac]:Piun].PU;yuk].tac],Kiun]:'tI:nG];muk]. sum];sum];niuc]:nn].mL;' tc]:Et,Aw]tI:An]Am],yip];sG].el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:Sc]nn]." kUn]; tc];la}etsac]:ya}:kn]ygn].niUw]liUc]:mn];An]niUc]:' lUv]:An]Pa},nuic]:n}.wL:kUn];tac],Pa}, nn].Pit];n}" hQt];nn]eS' kUn];nG];sum];lQw]kn]n}.'Et,yip];sG].tuiw];el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:An] wL:'!hw];@El:!Kw]@nn].yw]." n}.sm].' pQn]pUic]Pac]hac]:' lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]mI;eP;An], EJt,yG],lUc]lac]' An]tuik].Et,Piun].PU;Kiun]:mL;yU,nn].yw]." Ka}.pin],hLliUc]:mn];siUw];nn]. eSEl:' hQt];Sac]:sgm];yiUc];ma}Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.siUw];nn].'(kn]puk]:6)n}.'pQn]An]lUw], l}:mI;' tI:tL,etham]:Eh.SI;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nn].yw]." An]elEp,sqk],siuw]:n}.'Aw] Sw]lk];liUc]:mn];nn].Kgn];lUm]cak]:kiUc];AUn]:Agn],kGL,pqt]:'eSyw].' Sm].yuk].tac],SUn];eSL, hG]:mI;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]" An]eKYL.ygm];An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:n}.' pQn]An]yuk].tac],pn] lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]yw]."

We have been talking about using labels that people already know. But labeling can develop inside a group that starts with no labels. People may split on an issue with one side thinking the other is wrong. Then people within the group begin to use “us” and. “them” labels . This is a major danger sign of developing conflict. Shifting to Issues and working with Interlocking Goals (Chapter 6) is needed to prevent serious conflict. Labeling weakens the Pillar of Issues and promotes Conflict. Reducing labeling promotes harmony.

eKL:kGam];Kiuk].tgn];siUw];lIpgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]w}.'

            An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:SI,Sgm],tc];KQw]

!hw];@tc];!Kw]@

El,Ep,sqk],siuw]:sp];Pa},'

pin]lqk]:la}:pn]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].hG]:pQn]liUc]:mn];Aw]'

Aw]kUn];KUn];Kw];elL;El;kn]'

Special Words to Understand

Blue vs. green labeling

            "We" vs. "They"

            Labeling bias

            Changing labels to issues

            Mixing people

lk];lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]lk];ma}Sam] Harmony Pillar Three

Kw]:kn]kgc].Sam]kn]w}.sgm];yiUc];ma}  Interlock Goals

           

yiUc];ma}tc];la}n}.' pQn]lk];ma}lk];tac];k}mn];eKLeKL' tL,siUw];An]hw];wac];Pqn]et hQt];nn].yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];:'kQw],lgc]:yiUc];ma}yUw];yUw];Agn],An]niuc]:n}.sm].'pQn]An]Aw]hG]: l}:KUw];Kgc]KiUc]:Tgk]:pam].km].kqm]siUw];nn].yw]." mn];etmI;yiUc];ma}EP'siUw];pQn]An]tL,Aw]hG]: l}:eShgt]:Tiuc]tI:yiUc];ma}nn].w}.tc];nm]" yiUc];ma}EPsiUw];nn].n}.'etlUw],l}:yiUc];pk];sp]; w}.tI:An]wL:' Aw]hG]:l}:ciun];tL,Siuw].KUw];Kgc]KiUc]:Tgk]:pam],km].kqm]siUw];nn].eS'kGL,hG]:hgt]:Sqc], StUw];'Siuw].KUw];Kgc]KiUc]:Tgk]:pam],km].kqm]siUw];nn].'eSEl:'pgk],wa},mL;Kiun];hiUn];nn].yw]." yiUc]; ma}tc];la}n}.'pQn]nL:kan]siUw];An]kUn];ekL.niuc]:'Am],nn]'muk].sum];sum];niuc]:tm];ma}pun]:hG]:epL;l}:hp].mI;w}.tL,tUw]mn];sum];mn];nn].yw]." hw];hL;siUw];n}.'lUw],l}:hp].mI;w}.yiUc];ma}siUw];An] pQn]'pun]:tL,hG]:kUn];tc];la}Kw]mI;lgc]:Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]w}.tI:nG];sG]PG]mn];'nn]."

Goals are specific milestones of what we plan to do. An example of a simple goal is obtaining supplies. There would be sub-goals to obtain to reach the goal. Sub-goals might focus on obtaining the money to buy the supplies, getting to the store, buying the supplies, and returning home. Goals are the tasks that a person or group sets for itself to achieve. We all need to achieve some goals for people to feel in harmony.

           

SPL,wyiUc];ma}tc];la}' siUw];An]kUn];miUc];Kw]tm];ma}n}.'mn];lm],lgc]:Sam]Kan];Et." yiUc];;ma}siUw];tac];la}n}.sac]:hQt];hG]:kUn];hw];hQt];kan]kt].Kqn],kYL.lI' Am],nn]ekL:'vam].Tiuc]. KI:Pqc].nL,nn].AiUw]:" yiUw];ma}siUw];n}.n}.' sac]:Pan],SGac];hQt];pn]'lgc]:miut]:kiuw];pQn]t};ekL. AUv];lIkn]tc];piUn];tac],ekL.' Am],nn]' sum];tac],sum];siUw];nn].El:Sc]'Am],nn]ekL:' sac]:Aw]Kw]pin],pQn]' PU:KQn]kGL,pqt]:nn].El:Sc]'siUw];n}.yw]." yiUc];ma}siUw];nn].n}.sac]: hQt];Agk],pQn]mL;lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]'Am],nn]' lgc]:Kgc].Km]tUik]:tn]nn]."

The type of goals people set is important. The goals can either make people work better or more poorly. These goals can create friendships with other people or groups, or they can turn them into enemies. They can result in harmony – or in conflict.

yiUc];ma}tc];la}n}.'l}:tm];ma}w}.sgm];lUv]:'An]ma}Tiuw]tUv];hn]w}.nn].'El:An]Tt];Sac]tUv];tI:niUw]pYSnL,Kgc].Km]' Aik],liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].yw]." An]Agk],pQn]mL;' tI:An] Tt];Sac]tUv];n}.' pQn]yiUc];ma}tL,l}:hp].mI;w}.eKLeKLnn].km];lQw]yw]." kL:nG];kn]puk]:lik]: hUw]eKL:liUc]:mn];nn].' hw];yip];sG].piUc]lItqk]:niUc];'lgc]:hUc];tiUk]:lum];mG],lc]niuc]:nn].' w}.pQn] nc],yiUc];ma}mn];yw]." eKL:TT];Sac]niUw]liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].n}.'mL;pQn]An]sg}:hw];l}:hn]'tI: An]wL:lUw],l}:mI;hUc];tiUk]:lum];mG],n}n}.' sgc],mn];pQn]Aa},tI,yiUw],lInn].yU,hiuw]'Am],lIhiuw]'n} nn].yw]." Sc]wL:mn];pQn]pa};wUn].Aa},tI,yiUw],lIAn]niuc]:yU,n}ekL:'An]Tt];Sac]tUv];niUw] lgc]:An]PiUw],w}.siUw];nn].n}.' pQn]An]sg}:hw];tm];'lk];ma}lk];tac];k}km]:Pgc]:nn].'kGL,sgm]; SQn]:tac];hw];yw]." lk];ma}lk];tac];k}siUw];n}.n}.' pQn]yiUc];ma}EPmn];eS'sac]:etKw]:pL;' An]Siuw].lgk];lin]tL,hQt];hUc];tiUk]:lum];mG],nn].El:Sc]' An]hQt];wac];Pqn]piUc]ekL,Sac]:hUc]; tiUk]:w}.tQm]TUn]:lIcam];nn].El:Sc]' An]hLkUn];ekL,Sac]:eSekL.ekL.nn].El;Sc]' skGL, siUw];n}.tc];nm]lUc]nn]."

Goals are set by identifying and analyzing the problem and its issues. The result of that analysis is a specific goal to achieve. In the chapter on Issues, we used the example of a new office building as the goal. The analysis of issues then helps us see whether or not the new office building is a good idea. If it is a good idea, then the analysis of alternatives helps us set up some milestones along the way. These milestones are sub-goals, and would include purchasing the land for the new office building, completing a set of building plans, getting someone to build it, and so forth.

           

yiUc];ma}tc];la}n}.hQt];kan]liUw]pUn].Kaw];yam];'luk].tI:Kaw];pgt];etL,Kaw];yaw];" kUv]; kL:PiUw],tL.etwL:'!miUw]:Puk]:miUw];hiuw];'wUv]:nL:wUc];liuin];'liUn]:etmL;'pI,etmL;'El;Tqc]:hL:pI etmL;'@n}nn].' hw];tm];yiUc];ma}hw];sgm];puc],man]mn];kGL,tac],la};tac],tac];nn].Aw]kUv];' eSEl:wL:'-'!Tqc]:hL:pIetmL;' pIetmL;'liUn]etmL;'wUc]:etmL;' El:miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'@n}" miUw]:hw];tm];yiUc];ma}tL,hL:pInn].' hw];etl}:Tam]tUv];wL:'!lk];ma}lk];tac];k}' An]mI;sgm]; tac];kGL,tL,l}:hp].w}.yiUc];ma}An]nn].n}.'mn];pQn]lk];ma}lk];tac];k}'AI:Sc]la}la}?" mn];mI; lk];ma}lk];tac];k}AI:Sc]la}la}w}.'tL,pIetmL;?" tL,liUw]etmL;?" tL,wUc];etmL;?" tL,miUw]: Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];?siUw];nn].Sc]la}la}" lk];ma}lk];tac];k}' Tqc]:tac],lk];nn].sac]:eK;etpQn]' An]lUw],mI;w}.tL,'!Tqc]:Sgc]liUn]etmL;'@Am],nn]ekL:' tL,pgt];tgn]:Kaw];yam];eSAn]An] nn].'yU,yw]."

Goals work over time, from the short term to the long term.  But instead of "next day, next week, next month, next year, and next five years", we generally set our goals the other way: "Next 5 years, next year, next month, next week, and next day." When we set a five year goal, we then ask, "What are the milestones along the way to achieving that goal? What are the milestones for next year? For next month? For next week? For next day?" Another milestone may be needed for "next two months" or for some other time period.

           

yiUc];ma}tac];la}n}.l}:liUk]:Aw]' Aic]lUv]:lgc]:eKL:Tt];Sac]' niUw]:nm].nk];kL:Kn] kUn];siUw];Kw]:kQw],pL;sgm];nn].yw]." kL:Kn]mn];n}.Kw]:pL;An]wL:'ygn].lgc]:tac];Sc]El:muk]. sum];nn].sc],l}:mI;w}.n}nn].yw]." sum];nn].n}.' sac]:eK;etpQn]sum];lQk].wL:lQk].Agn],' An]mI;kUn];Sgc]ekL.Agn],kUv];hQt];kan]sgm];kn]' tL,Puk],mak],wak]:Kw]:nm].tac];kin]'Ka}KUw];Kgc] kun],Sin]'Am],nn]ekL:' tL,pn]hqc];sG]kUn];miUc];tc];la}hG]:sg}:Tqm]kUn];Pan]Kw]'El:tac],An] siUw];nn]." siUc].hiuw]ekL:yL,' tm];yiUc];ma}w}.An]wL:n}.' pQn]An]wL:ethQt];hiuw]hQt];yw].tUw]: Aw]l}:sgm];kL:Kn]mn];mI;nn].lIlIn}yw]."

Goals are chosen based on an analysis of the values of the people involved. The values include the group's reason for existence. The group may be as small as just two people who are working together  to grow crops, to sell things, or to encourage people to help the poor, etc. In any case, setting goals is how the values are accomplished.

           

kL:Kn]tc];la}El:yiUc];ma}tc];nm]n}.kp];ka},kn]w}.' miUn]nc],' ma}mI:piun].Kam],El:tc]; km]kYac].hQt];sgm];Kw]kp];ka}kn]w}.nn].yw]." ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];nn].n}.' lUw],l}:Aw]km]kYac]. hQt];sgm];kGL,' nG];la};tac];An]etSc],Tuk],Sc],etL,sgm];fic]:Tuc];muk].sum];nn]." kL:Kn] tc];la}n}.' lUw]l}:Aw]SG],km],kYac].hQt];sgm];'lUv]:An]tm];w}.yiUc];ma}siUw];Sc],Tuk],sgm];fic]: Tuc];nn]."

Values and goals are related like principles and practices. Principles need to be put into practice in a way that is appropriate to the group's culture. Values need to be put into practice by setting culturally-appropriate goals.

           

mn];mI;lgc]:tac];An]nuic]:tI:wL:' lUw],l}:hQt];etL,' kL:Kn]tc];la}El:yiUc];ma}tc]; nm]siUw];nn].' Siuw]:PG]Siuw]:mn];An]lG]An]nn].Pat],kn]w}.eKLeKL" kL:Kn]tc];la}n}.'sac]: Aw]tiut].ta};kn]w}.lUv]:tc];'An]mI;yiUc];ma}pqk],pqk],kn]nn].yU," epL;wL:kL:Kn]mn];n}.' pQn] tL,hG]:kUn];hQt];kan]Kw]l}:yU,kin]Sac]:Sw];lIliUw]nn].epL;n}siuc]' mn];etmI;yiUc];ma}tc];nm] lUc]An]etsac]:tm];ma}' tL,hG]:epL;pQn]An]sg}:An]Tqm]nn].yU,yw]." yiUc];ma}An]niuc]:n}. sac]:pQn]An]wL:' tL,etkm].Tqm]pn]pa};pic],vL,tac];emLlInn].tI:kUn];hQt];kan]Kw]'n}nn]." yiUc];ma}Tqc]:tac],An]n}.' sac]:eK;etpQn]An]lUw],ygm];tI:ciun];SQc]:nn].eS' hG]:epL;sac]: pn]kUn];hQt];kan]Kw]ciun];liUw]Tqc]:Ait];niuc]:nn]." siUw];n}.n}.' etL.Et.pQn]yiUc];ma}Sgc]An] nG];kL:yiUc];ma}mI;w}.Aan],muin],Aan],hQc]mn];' pun]:tL,hG]:l}:hp].kL:Kn]An]wL:etsg}:kUn];hQt]; kan]Kw]l}:yU,kin]Sac]:Sw];lIliUw]' n}nn].yw]."

There is a reason to treat values and goals separately. Values can be upheld  by many different goals. If the value is to help workers live better, there are lots of goals that could be set that would help. One goal might be a to provide a good education for workers. Another goal might be to minimize costs so workers could be paid more. These are just two of  thousands of goals that would achieve the value of helping workers live better.

SPL,wyiUc];ma}tc];la} Types of goals

            yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]"miUw]:kUn];ekL.niuc]:l}:ep.n}.'kUn];tac],ekL.nn].l}:Sum];yw]."hw];l}:TUp];hn]lgc]:siUw];n}.nG];la}Agc]:la}tI:nm]nL,nL," tI:pac]etL,lQn]:'miUn]nc],pac],etL, pit].mak],nc]mUn];n}.'pQn]An]KG]:EK.kn]Aw]'-'miUw]:sum];niuc]:ep.kGL,n}.'Tqc]:tac]sum];nn].Sum];" piUw]:n}El:' tI:An]yuk].tac],sn].kan]pn]nn].ekL:'epL;wL:mn];mI;kUn];KG]:l}:kan]An]nn]. nm]liUw]eSekL.niuc]:n}ekL:' mn];etL:etmiUn]nn]nc],kaw],yw]."

Competitive Goals. When one person wins, another loses. We find these in many places. Games like soccer are competitive: when one team wins, the other team loses. So are promotions when more than one person wants the job.

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.' pQn]ciUn]:tiun];lUc]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tUik]:tn]nn].yw]." yiUc]; ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.epL;mn];Suc]nL,n}siuc]' etAgn]pQn]Siuk];tiuk];kn]siUw];nn].' El: An]Am],hQt];etL,piUn]:lInn].yw]." mac]pgk]:mac]lG]n}.'pYSnL,Kgc].Km]siUw];nn].' pQn]mL;sgm];' !miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'@km];lQw]eS' mac],pgk]:mac]lG]n}.Kw]pQn]mL;nG];'!pIetmL;'@Am],nn]ekL:' !Tqc]:hL:pIetmL;'@nn].' kUv];kL:hQt];hiuw]ekL:Kw]tiun];etpQn]mL;Am],hac]."

Competitive goals are a major source of conflict. Highly competitive goals lead to wars and to treating others poorly. Sometimes the problems are "next day" and sometimes they are "next year" or "next five years", but they will happen

           

kn]puk]:7n}.'pQn]An]Tt];Tgc]sqt]:sam];tUv];' miUw]:An]yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw] n}.'mL;hQt];pQn]pYSnL,Kgc].Km]'nn].El:' miUw]:An]hw];sac]:yip];sG].tiuw];Kw]eS'sg}:hG]:kUn];miUc]; tc];la}Kw]Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]eShQt];kan]sgm];kn]kGL,nn].'yw]."

Chapter 7 examines when competitive goals cause problems and when we can use them to help people work harmoniously. .

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];Am],sp];Pa},PG]" yiUc];ma}Am],sp];Pa},PG]'n}n}.' pQn]yiUc];ma}kUn];ekL.niuc]:' Am],nn]'muk].sum];sum];niuc]:nn]." An]n}.mn];Am],kGL,kQw],Kgc].sgm];piUn]:tac],ekL.' Am],nn] tac],sum];nn].Sc]"kUn];ekL.niuc]:n}.eK;etsac]:mI;yiUc];ma}'Aan];sg}:lQc].lUkUn];Pan]ekL.niuc]: tL,wn];niuc]:wL:n}" pI:ngc].Kqn]:tgc].mn];ekL.yU,tac],wQc];nn].'Sm].eK;etmI;yiUc];ma}ettiUw]; w}.sG]es,tnL,lIetL,em;mn];'wL:n}" yiUc];ma}kUn];Sgc]ekL.n}.' Am],sp];Pa},PG]Sc]eSAm],kL; pL;tc];An]np].ym]etL,piUn]:tac],ekL.nn].nc],kn]yw]." muk].sum];tc];la}Kw]ekL:' eK;et sac]:mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];An]Am],tum].tiUw].tac],sum];nn].'w}.siUc].nn]nc],kaw]," es:miUc];miUc];niuc]:' Am],nn]ekL:'es:wQc];wQc];niuc]:n}.'eK;sac]:etKt];sG]hQt];Agk],pk];piUc]'An]wL:'lUw],hG]:kUn];miUc]; Kw]tiuw];mUk],hUw]Eh;lmqt].'(helmets)' miUw]:tiuk].KI,emL,etL,S},Ek,(motorcycle)nn].' wL:n}" An]n}.n}.' etAm],kGL,pin],lqk]:la}:AI:Sc]tI:nG];tac],es:miUc];El:tac],es:wQc];nn].Sc] eSmQw];' piUw]:n}El:' mn];pQn]An]Am],sp];Pa},PG]nn].yw]." yiUc];ma}siUw];Am],sp];Pa},PG]n}.' sac]:Aw]Tt];Sac]tUv];'lUv]:tc];An]Am],lUw],l}:wUn].K}:sG]etL,kUn];tac],ekL.' Am],nn]' tac],sum];lG]Sc]nn].yw]."

Neutral goals. A neutral goal is a goal of one person or one group. It has nothing to do with any other person or group. A person may have a goal of helping feed one poor person a day. A cousin in another city may have a goal of being kinder to his wife. The goals of these two people are neutral with respect to the other person. Groups may also have goals that do not affect another group.  One state or town may work for a law requiring people to wear helmets when riding a motorcycle. This would not change anything in another state or town and so it is neutral. Neutral goals can be evaluated without considering other people or other groups.

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];Am],sp];Pa},PG]n}.' mn];etAm],mI;pYSnL,Kgc].Km]Kiuk].tgn];Sc]eSmQw];' kL:sUw]:Kw]tiuk].kiut];mI;w}.nG];tac];Am],sp];Pa},PG]nn]." kUv];kL:' Sc]wL:nG];yiUc];ma}siUw];Am], sp];Pa},PG]'Sgc]An]n}.'mn];etl}:hp].w}.An]niuc]:kUv];epL;n}'-pQn]ygn].kgp]:wL:epL;ethQt]; tc];Sgc]An]n}.ciun];etSQc]:nm]nL,AL;lL;n}nn].'-epL;pQn]nn]ekL:' yiUc];ma}siUw];nn].n}. Am]sG]:An]Am],sp];Pa},PG]nn].Sc]yw]." Kw]l}:pQn]mL;yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn].yw]."

Neutral goals have no special problems  as long as they remain neutral. But if only one of two neutral goals can be achieved - because it would cost too much to do both - then the goals are no longer neutral. They have become competitive.    

yiUc];ma}siUw];l}:pQn]sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]Aw]" miUw]:kUn];Sgc]ekL.'Am],nn]'kUn];tc];nm]hQt]; sgm]; n]tL,etl}:hp].w}.yiUc];ma}Kw]mI;nn].n}.' siUw];n}.n}.pQn]yiUc];ma}siUw];l}:pQn]sG]lQw]Pgm]. kn]Aw]" etL:nc],nn]miUn]kn]nc],kaw],yw].'miUw]:sum];Sgc]sum];' Am],nn]ekL:'sum];tc];nm] Kw]hQt];kan]sgm];kn]tL,etl}:hp].w}.yiUc];ma}Kw]mI;nn].n}.' l}:wL:Kw]mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];l}:pQn] sG]lQw]kn]eSPgm].kn]Aw]' nn].yw]."

Cooperative goals. When two or more people work together to achieve their  goals, these are cooperative goals. Also, when two or more groups work together to achieve their goals, they have cooperative goals.

           

yiUc];ma}tc];Sgc]sum];n}.' Am],lUw],l}:pQn]yiUc];ma}mQw];lQw]miUn]kn]nn]." mn];etlUw], hG]:Kw]:pL;w}.yiUc];ma}-EPsiUw];l}:pQn]nm].nuic]:sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]Aw]nn].' An]niuc]:' Am],nn]' Sgc]An]nn].kUv];"

The goals of both groups need not be the same goals. They only need to include one or two cooperative sub-goals.

           

An]Pgm].kn]hQt];n}.' sac]:hG]:l}:hp].w}.yiUc];ma}siUw];nn].ca}:ca}:yw]." kUn];miUc];tc];la} Kw]hQt];sgm];kn]eStc];sg}:Tqm]kn]" wn];miUw]:n}.'kUn];ekL.niuc]:sac]:etkGL,sg}:tac],ekL.nn].' w}.eSEl:' kUn];ekL.ma}Sgc]n}.Sm].kGL,sg}:kUn];ekL.ma}niuc]:nn].'miUw]:Puk]:' miUn]KQc],Aw]wn];kn] w}.nn]." Aw]la};tac];nn].eS' kUn];ekL.lG]ekL.nn].n}.' l}:mI;nm].kt].hQt];kan]can];An] lUw],hqc];kUn];hQt];Sgc]ekL.nn].yw]." PU:Agn]hUw]lIKw]n}.' Kw]pn]hQc];hG]:Pgm].kn]hQt];" la}; Pgm].kn]hQt];n}.yuk].tac],pn]lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]"

Cooperation makes it easier to achieve goals. People work together and help each other. One person may help another today, and then the second person helps the first person tomorrow. That way each person is able to do work that requires two people. Good leaders encourage cooperation. Cooperation promotes harmony.

           

mac]pgk]:mac]lG]n}.' yiUc];ma}siUw];l}:pQn]sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]Aw]' n}.hgc].wL:'pQn]yiUc];ma}siUw]; !ep.etL,ep.@n}yw]." epL;wL:kUn];ekL.niuc]:l}:hgt]:Tiuc]tI:yiUc];ma}mn];n}ekL:'pQn]mn];ep.' kUn];Tqc]:ekL.niuc]:nn].ekL:l}:hgt]:Tiuc]tI:yiUc];ma}mn];nc],kw]El:'mn];ekL:ep." yiUc];ma}sUiw]; l}:pQn]sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]Aw]n}.' mI;kUn];pn]eKL:hp].hn]Tiuc]w}.tc];nm]tc];la}wL:' mn];pQn]tL, ekL,Sac]:hQt];lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]' El:pQn]eKL:Ek:K}lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nn].n}yw].' kgp]:piUw]: wL:'!PG]ekL:ep.kU:ekL.'@"

Sometimes cooperative goals are called "win-win" goals. If one reaches their goal and so wins, the other also reaches their goal and also wins. Cooperative goals are widely recommended for building harmony and as solutions to conflict because "everyone wins".

           

pQn]hiuw]ekL:yL,'mn];sac]:mI;'pYSnL,Kgc].Km]epL,pQn]mL;sgm];'yiUw];ma}siUw];Am],sp];Pa},PG]'nn].El:' siUw];l}:pQn]sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]Aw]nn].tc];nc],kn]" yiUc];ma}siUw];nn].eK;etsac]: kGL,pn]hqc];hG]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].w}.hQt];nn]yU,yw]." epL;wL:muk].sum];Sgc]sum];n}.Pgm].kn] hQt];sgm];kn]n}siuc]' tc];Sgc]sum];etkqn],Kqc]hqc];KiUc],Km].mL;tc];nc],kn]" kUv];kL:Sc]wL:kUn]; tc];la}n}.' yip];sG].An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:tI:nG];Sgc]sum];nn].epL;n}Et.'nn].EtpQn]An] kGL,pn]hqc];An]el,Ep,sqk],suiw]:sp];Pa},'nn].pqt]:yw].'(tUv];nG];kn]puk]:5)"

There is, however, a problem that can occur with both neutral and cooperative goals. Those goals may encourage Labeling. If two groups cooperate together, both groups are stronger. But if people use labels for the two groups, that will encourage labeling bias (see Chapter 5).

           

tI:tqk]:niUc];mn];n}.sm].' wUn].K}:sG]tUv];lgc]:kUn];Sgc]ekL.'Am],nn]' sum];Sgc]sum];' An]wL:Kw]lUw],l}:Kut];hgc]:KU;An]niuc]:nn].El:" mL;hw];Agn]kn]hgc].Kw]wL:'!k@El:!K@n}" epL;wL:!k@n}.Kut];pgt];tgc]:Agn]tac];nn].Kiuc]:niuc]:'hG]:!K@n}.Kut];Kiuc]:pgt];tgn]:Sgc]nn].'epL;n}n}.mn];pQn]An]kGL,pn]hqc];hG]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].yw]." Sc]wL:'!k@tc];!K@n}.pQn]Sgc] sum];epL;n}' eSekL.ekL.n}.etwL:'!kUn];ekL.nn].n}.hQt];tL,Kiuc]:pgt];tgn]:Sgc]nn].AiUw]:' epL;nn]Kw]n}.pQn]!K@'n}El:Sc]" kUn];siUw];pQn]!k@nn].Agn]kn]mL;tac];n}.mUt];mUt];' mL; hQt];tI;n}:'n}El:Sc]" hw];siUw];pQn]!K@n}.etKut];hgc]:KU;kYL.lIliUw]eSKw]!k@siUw];nn].kGL:'@ n}El:Sc]'sL.siUw];n}.nn]." An]n}.n}.' mn];pQn]An]Piuk];Sgn]pn]hG]:kUn];hw];yip];sG].la}; el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:' mQw];Am],lUw],KG]:hG]:pQn]hG]:mI;nn].yw].'(tUv];nG];kn]puk]:5)"

For example, consider two people or two groups that need to dig a ditch. Let's call them A and B. If A digs the first half and B digs the second half of the ditch, it encourages labeling. If A and B are two groups, someone may say things like: "That person is working on the second half, so they are B." "All A's come and work here." "We B's will dig a better ditch than the A's." This trains people to use the labels, which is what is not wanted (see Chapter 5).

           

la};tac];An]lIliUw]' pun]:tL,Aw]ekL,Sac]:hQt];hG]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.' pQn]la};An]yL. Tat]:sG]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].pqt]:yw]." miUw]:hQt];kan]sgm];kn]n}.'hw];Am],tgn].lUw],l}:sI. sm]:wL:ekL.n}.pQn]!k@Am],nn]!K@n}hc];PG]eSekL." PiUw],tL.etkGL,pn]ekL.lG]ekL.nn].' Kut];hgc]:KU;Pat],Pat],EPEPkn]n}.'hw];hG]:!k@El:!K@tc];Sgc]Kut];hgc]:KU;nn].sgm];kn]kGL,'kU:pgt];kU:tgn]:nn].Aw]" eSEl:hw];hQt];pg};yw].tUw]:kan]can];nn].pn]sgm];kn]' hG]:pQn] nc],sum];niuc]:sum];lQw]kn]nn]." n}.etpQn]An]hQt];pun]:tL,lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].yU,yw]."

 A better way to build harmony is to discourage labeling.  When working together, we never refer to anyone as A or B. Instead of each  having a separate part of the ditch, we have  both A and B work together on every part of the ditch. And we celebrate finishing the work together as a team. This makes for Harmony

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.'n}.pn]hqc];sG]kUn];KG]:hQt];kan]sgm];kn]El:' yc];pn]hqc];sG]liUw] eSAn]yiUc];ma}siUw];l}:pQn]sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt];nn].'kgn],yw]." yiUc];ma}sUiw];Kw]:kn]w}.'An]wL: nn].' pQn]An]Aw]yiUc];ma}kL:mI;tc];la}hUm]:kn]w}.lum];lum];nn].yw]." kUn];ekL.niuc]:' (Am], nn]'sum];niuc]:)n}.' sac]:l}:hp].mI;w}.yiUc];ma}Kw]' mUiw]:An]Sc]wLepL;:' kUn];Tqc]:ekL.niuc]:(Am], nn]'sum];niuc]:)nn].ekL:' l}:hp].mI;w}.yiUc];ma}Kw]nc],kn]nn].kUv];nn]."

Interlocked goals encourage people to work together even more than cooperative goals do. Interlocked goals are those in which the goals are completely joined. One person (orgroup) can achieve their goals if and only if the other person (or group) achieves their goals as well.

           

miUw]:pan]kw]KL:tiuk].Sik];hik];yG],Kiun]:nn].'hw];mI;tac];lQn]:An]lqn]:!Sam]KL@EK.kn]"kUn];ekL.niuc]:n}.l}:kGL,hUm]:sgm];t};ekL.mn];ekL.niuc]:eS' Sgc]ekL.pQn]nuiuc]:sum];lqn]:EK.kn]" hw]];hL;l}:suk];Kac];kn]w}.eSEl:'l}:mt].tin]hL;Sgc]ekL.sp];kn]' Aw]tin]Kgn]KGLekL.niuc]: mt].kuik];tin]Kgn]Sa}.Tqc]:ekL.niuc]:nn]." n}.pgc],wL:miUw]:hL;Sgc]ekL.suk];Kac];kn]w}.yU,nn].' hL;Aw]siUk]:KQn];mt].tin]hL;Sgc]Pa},Kac]:nG];nn].sp];kn]w}.' hQt];hG]:pQn]nc],mI;Sam]!KL@kUv]; nn].yw]." hL;l}:Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.' lUv]:tc];An]Aw]tin]hL;mt].kuik];kn]w}.nn]." kw]KL:sac]:etep.'Sc]wL:t};ekL.kw]KL:ekL:ep.nn].kUv];" n}.sm].pQn]Sa}ca}cw];la};!ep.etL, ep.@nn].yw].' ygn].kgp]:piUw]:wL:kw]KL:l}:ep.miUw]:t};ekL.kw]KL:ekL:ep.nn].kUv];" kUv];kL: An]n}.n}.' pQn]Sa}ca}cw];la};An]wL:'!Sum];etL,Sum];@nn].nc],kaw],' ygn].kgp]:piUw]:wL:kw]KL: l}:Sum];miUw]:Sc]wL:t};ekL.kw]KL:ekL:Sum];nn].yw]."

When I was growing up, we had "three legged" races. Each person joined with a friend to form a two person team for the race. We stood side by side, and the right leg of one of us was tied to the left leg of the other one. This means that when the two of us were standing side by side, we would tie a rope around our inside legs, creating three “legs”. We were interlocked by tying our legs together. I could only win if my friend to whom I was tied also won. It was a "win-win" situation because I won only if my friend also won. But it was also a "lose-lose" situation because I lost if my friend lost.

hqc];AL,nL,yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.' Power of interlocked goals

            yiUc];ma}siUw]:Kw]:kn]w}.'n}.tiUw];mI;hqc];AL,nL,yG],eS' yiUc];ma}l}:pQn]sG]lQw]Pgm],kn]hQt];' An]wL:n}n}.'mn];mI;lgc]:tac];mn];la}la}lgc]:nm]nL,nL," Kw]mI;Sa}ca}cw];la};!ep.etL,ep.@w}. hG]:pQn]yiUc];ma}siUw];l}:pQn]sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt];nn].eS' kUv];kL:siUw];nn].ekL:pQn]!Sum];etL, Sum];@nn].nc],kaw]," epL;kw]KL:KG]:ep.n}'kw]KL:tk];lUw],l}:sg}:hG]:t};ekL.kw]KL:ep.' epL;Am], nn]Et.hL;Sum];tc];nc],kn]yw]."

Interlocked goals are more powerful than cooperative goals for several reasons. They have the same "win-win" situation as cooperative goals, but they are also "lose-lose". I must help my friend win if I want to win, or we both lose.

           

epL;mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];l}pQn]sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt];n}.' An]Pgm].kn]hQt];nn].mn];Kqm].lI' piUw]:wL:mn];pQn]Sa}ca}cw];la};!ep.etL,ep.@" epL;wL:t};ekL.ekL.niuc]:n}.Am],Pgm].hQt];sgm];n} siuc]'kw]KL:sac]:kGL,hLtac],ekL.eSekL.ekL.mL;hQt];sgm];kw]KL:yU," Am],nn]ekL:' kw]KL:sac]: Kt];sG]lUiw]n}.Tqc]:eShQt];Aw]hc];kUv];kw]KL:l}:yU,'nn].yw]." yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.' Am],hQt];la};nn]." mn];mI;kUn];ekL.lQw]kUv];An]etsac]:sg}:hG]:kw]KL:ep." tI:nG];pac]EK.kn] lqn]:nn].kw]KL:Am],sac]:kGL,hLygn];tac];sg}:Tqm]tI:PG]eSekL.eSkUn];" eSAm],kL;' kw]KL: Am],sac]:Agc],mqc],lUv]:la};An]Kt];hQt];Aw]hc];kUv];sw]:kw],nn]." kw]KL:tk];lUw],l}:hQt]; sgm];t};ekL.kw]KL:nn].yw]."

With cooperative goals, cooperation is nice because it is a "win-win" situation. If one friend does not cooperate, I can get someone else to cooperate with me.  Or I can just work harder and do it myself. Interlocked goals do not work that way. There is only one other person who can help me win; I cannot just get help from someone else in the race. Nor can I succeed by working harder by myself. I must work with my friend.

           

An]!Sum];etL,Sum];'@nn].'mL;pQn]pgt];tgn]:nG];yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.'pQn]An]pn] hG]:Kw]l}:mI;nm].tgn];Pgn];lIyG],nm]tgn];liUw]' tI:niUw]yiUc];ma}siUw];l}:pQn]sG]lQw]Pgm].kn]hQt]; nn].yw]." kUn];tc];la}Kw]n}.ethQt];kan]sgm];kn]lIlI' Sc]Kw]hU.wL:epL;Kw]Am],ep.sgm]; kn]n}ekL:' Kw]etl}:Sum];sgm];kn]n}nn]."

The "lose-lose" part of interlocked goals gives them a major advantage over cooperative goals. People will work together if they know that they will either win together or lose together.

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.' pQn]KiUc]:yip];tac];tiun];lUc]tI;etekL,Sac]:hQt];hG]:Tuk],emL kn]nn].AUiw]:" miUw]:kUn];nG];sum];kU:ekL.l}:mI;w}.nG];cw];la};An]wL:' etAgc],mqc],hiuw]Am],nn] ekL:ettUk];Sum];sgm];kn]n}nn].' ekL.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]n}.' Am],tap]:lUw],l}:m}:sG]sgm];' lgc]: An]wL:sgc],kUn];miUc];Kw]ethQt];Sac]:sgm];kn]hiuw]'n}nn].Sc]yw]." Kw]tiun];ethLSQn];tac]; tL,hG]:kUn];kU:ekL.l}:hgt]:Tiuc]yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.nn].Am],hac]." yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}. mn];lUw],hG]:kUn];tc];la}Kw]' hQt];kan]sgm];kn]nG];tac];Tuk],emLkn]nn].El:' Kw]ekL:l}:hQt]; kGL,siUc].nc],nn]yw]."

Interlocked goals are a major tool for building harmony. When everyone in the group either succeeds or fails together, the leader does not need to worry about whether people will work together. They will find a way for everyone to reach the interlocked goals. The interlocked goals require people to work in harmony, and so they do.

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.' pQn]KiUc]:yip];tiuw];lUc]' pun]:tL,mc]ep.Kam]:pUn].' An]kUn]; miUc];Kw]kp];Siup]Kw]:Agk]kn]vam].nL,nn].AiUw]:" epL;wL:kUn];tc];la}Kw]l}:hU.wL:' Kw]ekL.niuc]: El:tc];ekL.niuc]:lUw],kn]w}.nL,epL;tan],lG]n}nn].' Kw]ethLla};tac];tL,hQt];Sac]:sgm]; kn]nn].yU,yw]."

Interlocked goals are a major tool for overcoming bad relationships between people. When the people realize how much they need each other, they will find a way to work together.

           

km]:nm]kU:mU,kU:sum];tc];mUt];n}.' Kw]mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.km]:Pgc]:nn].yw]." epL; lat]:lgc]:nL:hiUn];ey;sw]:h}:sw]:nL;ekL.niuc]:nn].' kUn];nG];nL:hiUn];ey;Kw]tc];mUt];n}.' etl}:kin]liUc],lU,liUc],' Sc]wL:Kw]l}:mak],Kw]:tw]:nm].Kgn],mak]:lI' Am],nn]ekL:'Kw]etl}: kin]yak]:kin]Pan]' Sc]wL:Kw]l}:pat],Kw]:Sim];mak],Am],Kgn],Am],mak]:lInn]." kUn];Kw]:sum]; hap],Tam];kan]PL,SL,SL,SnL,' siUw];An]tiuk].ekL,Sac]:Agc]:tI:w}:SLtI:niuc]:nn].' Kw]et l}:mI;nm].tgn];mL;tI:An]ekL,Sac]:nn].yw].'kUv];kL:Am],mI;kUn];Kw];sum];ekL.lG]etl}:nm];tgn];Sc]' epL;wL:Am],l}:hQt];yw].tUw]:tQm]TUn]:lIcam];kGL,nn]." ca};miUn]nn]nc],kaw],yw].' kUn];hUm]:kan]can];kL.Ka}kn]An]nuic]:nn].ekL:' Kw]etKiun]:yG],mak]:mI;sgm];kn]kGL,kU:ekL.tc]; SQc]:hiuw]' Am],nn]ekL:' nG];Kw]n}.etAm],mI;PG]l}:Kiun]:yG],mak]:mI;eSekL.nn]."

Almost all groups have some interlocked goals. In the case of a farm family, the entire family either all eat well if they have a good crop or they all eat poorly if the harvest is poor. All members of a religious group that is building a place of worship will benefit from its construction, but no members will benefits if it is not completed. Similarly, partners in a business will all prosper together or none of them will prosper.

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.'sg}:hw];hLhG]:l}:tac];yum],ym]kn]AiUw]:" epL;kUn];tc];la}hU. An]wL:' hw];etl}:mI;nm].tgn];Pgn];lI' miUw]:An]Sc]wL:epL;' Kw]ekL:l}:mI;nm].tgn];Pgn]; lInc],kaw],nn].kUv];' n}siuc]' pQn]Kw]kUn];tc];la}siUw];nn].hU.An]wL:Kw]sac]:yum],ym]hw]; l}:yU,' n}nn].yw]."

Interlocked goals can help us earn trust. If people know that we will benefit if and only if they also benefit, those people know they can trust us.

           

An]lItqk]:niUc];An]nuic]:kQw],lgc]:An]wL:' yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.sac]:ekL,Sac]: pn]lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]siUc].hiuw]n}nn].' tUv];Aw]kzt].wL,SYic]tn],'tL." mn];yU,Sw];hG]:Tuk], emLkn]tc];piUn]:AUiw]:" mn];n}.l}:Aic]piuc]:niUw]An]kgn]krqt].Tgk]:pam].km].kqm]pn]w}.nn].' miUn]nc],An]kUn];Siuk];Kw]ekL:l}:Aic]piuc]:w}.miUn]kn]nn].yw]." piUw]:n}El:'mn];El:kUn];Siuk]; Kw]tc];nc],kn]n}.' l}:hQt];Sac]:sgm];kgn]krqt].eShG]:epL;tqt]:etL;w}.tI:An]wL:' nc],hiuw] ciun];kgc]kac]siUw];An]lUw],yU,nn].hG]:epL;l}:El:' KUw];KiUc]:Tgk],pam].km].kqm]siUw];An]lUw]tc]; la}nn].ekL:hG]:epL;l}:An]hp].mn];mn]:pn]w}.nn]." eSAm],kL;' ygn].An]wL,SYic]tn],'kGL, Kam],tuk].KKan]sG]sgm];luk]:Siuk];mn];' Pgc];miUw]:Kw]mI;KUw];KiUc]:Tgk]:pam].km].kqm]eA,nn].El:' kUn];tc];la}l}:hU.wL:' mn];hk].Kw]eSetKt];sG]hQt];kan]pn]tL,Kw]n}nn].yw]." Kw]yum], ym]mn];AiUw]:" PU:Agn]hUw]n}.' lUw],l}:Aw]yiUc];ma}tL,tUw]sw]:kw],siUw];nn].'Kw]:kn]kgc].San] kn]w}.sgm];yiUc];ma}muk].sum];siUw];nn].yU,yw].' pun]:tL,hLhG]:l}:tac];yum],ym]nn]."

A good example of how interlocked goals build trust is George Washington. He lived with his army. He was dependent on the supplies from Congress, just as the soldiers were. So both he and the soldiers worked with Congress to be sure that the funds needed to obtain needed supplies were approved. And because Washington suffered along side his troops when they had few supplies, the people knew he loved them and would work hard for them. They trusted him. Leaders need to interlock their personal goals with the group goals in order to earn trust.

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.tL,Kaw];pgt];El:Kaw]yaw];'  Short and long term interlocked goals

            yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.'eK;etsac]:pQn]tL,'!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'wUc]:nL:wUc]:liun];'liUn] etmL;'pIetmL;'Am],nn]ekL:Tqc]:hL:pIetmL;'@nn].yU," yiUc];ma}tc];la}n}.etsac]:pqk],piUc]: kn]'lUv]:tI:An]lUw],l}:hp].hUp].TUp];etL,Kw]miUw]:lG]n}nn].ekL:' Kw]tiuk].etpQn]kan]l}:yU," pQn]hiuw]n}ekL:yL,'yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.tL,'!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'@n}.etpQn]kan]tL,!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'@nn].kUv];" yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.' lUw],l}:pQn]tL,'!wUc]:nL:wUc];liun];'liUn]etmL;'pI etmL;'El:Tqc]:hL:pIetmL;'@nn].pL;nc],kaw],yw]." piUw]:n}El:' yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.la}; Sc],Tuk],mn];nn].sm].' lUw],l}:pQn]tL,'!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'@nn].El:tc];tL,!Tqc]:hL:pI etmL;'@nn]."

Interlocked goals may be for the "next day, next week, next month, next year, or the next five years". Goals will be different depending on when they need to be met, but they still work. However, the interlocked goals for “next day” only work for “next day”. Interlocked goals are also needed for “next week, next month, next year and next five years”. So appropriate interlocked goals are needed for "next day" and for "next five years."

           

An]lItqk]:niUc];' tL,yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.tL,Kaw];pgt];'An]nuic]:n}.' pQn]An]wL:' lUw],hG]:kUn];kU:ekL.Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];eKL:tqp];tt];muk].sum];w}.Agn]tac];' pac]kum],p},Sut];yw].kGL, nn].'epL;pQn]nn]ekL:' An]wL:pac]kum]Sut];yw].kGL,'n}n}.pQn]yiUc];ma}An]Kw]:kn]w}.nn].yw]." kUn];ekL.niuc]:etsac]:l}:pgk]:miUw];hiUn];' wa};eSKw]hQt];hG]:yw].tUw]:'tan],Kw]sac]:hQt];km].Tqm] pn]eSAn]An]yw].nn].kUv];" kzt].wL,SYic]tn],n}.'miUw]:mn];pQn]sgm]siuc]:nn].'mn];mI;sum]; hqc];kan]' An]Alqk].sn];tL;hmIltn],El:etL;mt].S]kYqp].f]Sin];KLSgc]ekL.'Kw]:pL;sgm]; tc];nc],kn]w}.nn]." KLn}.k}.k}.Pit];kn]nL," miUw]:wL:hQt];huiw]ekL:KLAm],Pgm].l}:sG]kn]eS Ait];yw].n}nn].' wL,SYic]tn],hU.An]wL:' tL,hG]:An]KLPit];kn]Sut];yw].kGL,n}.'mn];lm], lgc]:liUw]eSAn]wL:' hmIltn],n}.ekL.ep.hiuw]'Am],nn]'kYqp].fSin];n}.pQn]ekL.ep.n}nn]. AiUw]:" piUw]:n}El:mn];Pit]:mgk],hgc].Aw]hmIltn],' kGL,mQt];pLsgm];mn];yw]." miUw]:An]hmIl tn],tiuk].p}yac]:Kiun]:hiUw];kGL,nn].' mn];l}:hn]kYqp].fSin];mI;w}.tI:nn]" wL,SYic]tn],Pit]: mgk],KLw}.tc];Sgc]ekL.AiUw]:" Kw]Sam]ekL.Kiun]:KI,hiUw];kGL,eSPa};Kw]:kGL,nG];kac]nm].hgc]:nn].yw]." hmIltn],El:kYqp].fSin];' KLl}:hn]wL:mn];mI;kn];mQt];pLw}.An]lQw]kUv];' mn];Am],mI;Sam] An]nn]." wL,SYic]tn],n}.Aw]kn];mQt];nn].eSlat]:wL:'!kw]etkGL,mQt];pLkgn],kGL:"Sgc]KiUw] Aup],AUw];kn]kQw],lgc]:pYSnL,Kgc].Km]n}.tUv];lU;" hw];etyU,w}.tI:n}:han].etL,KiUw]l}:eKL: ygn],yan];hLkn]'An]KiUw]tc];Sgc]etsac]:km].Tqm]pn]l}:nn].AiUw]:"@wL:nc],n}yw]." KLl}: eKL:ygn],yan];hLkn]nn].kGL,Et.yw].eSEl:'wa};nn].KLKUw]sgm];lgc]:nn].yw]." nc],An] wL:'PG]ekL:etAm],l}:pgk]:miUw];hiUn];'kL:sUw]:kU:ekL.p},Pgm].l}:sG]kn]nn].n}El:'n}.pQn]wL,SYic] tn],'Aw]lgc]:Pgm].l}:sG]kn]nn].'pQn]yiUc];ma}An]Kw]:kn]w}.An]niuc]:" Kw]sac]:l}:pgk]:miUw]; hiUn];Kiun];sw].sw].sQw];sQw];'-sac]l}:mI;Sa}ca}cw];la};!ep.etL,ep.'@nn].hiuw]'Am],nn]'Kw]et l}:yU,Sw];tI:nn]:w}.hiuc]hiuc]eS' sac]:l}:vL;Sa}ca}cw];la};!Sum];etL,Sum];@nn].kgn],yw]."

A good example of a short-term interlocked goal is to require everyone to agree to group decisions before the meeting can end. Ending the meeting then is an interlocked goal; one person can go home only after they have worked out something they can all support. George Washington as President had both Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson on his staff. They often fought with each other. Once when they disagreed strongly, Washington knew it that it was more important to end the fighting between them than whether Hamilton won or Jefferson won. So he invited Hamilton to go fishing with him. When Hamilton walked up to the boat, he saw Jefferson there. Washington had invited both men. All three got in the boat and went to the middle of the river. Jefferson and Hamilton saw there was only one fishing pole, not three. Washington picked up the fishing pole and said "I'm going to fish. You two talk over this problem. We will stay here until you have a compromise both of you can support." They did find a compromise, and they laughed about it later. As no one could go home until everyone agreed, Washington had made agreement an interlocked goal. They could go home early -- a win-win situation -- or they could stay a long time -- a lose-lose situation.

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.tL,Kaw];pgt];n}.' pQn]nm].kt].tac];emLhqc];yG],An]epL;l}:tUk]; sG]Aam];Aw]eSEl:' An]pn]hqc];sG]hG]:kUn];tc];la}Kw]hQt];Sac]:sgm];kn]'nn].yw]." yiUc];ma} Kaw];pgt];n}.lUw],l}:hG]:mn];sqc]:lqc];Sac];lI'eSEl:hG]:epL;sac]:l}:hn]sqc]:sqc]:lqc];lqc]:tI:An]wL:mn];pQn]'Sa}ca}cw];la};!Sum];etL,Sum];'@tc];'Sa}ca}cw];la};!ep.etL,ep.'@nn].nc],kaw],n}" epL;hQt];nn]'mn];etyuk].tac],pn]lgc]:Tuk],ekLkn]w}.nG];tac];hqc];yG],nL,nL,nn].yw]."

Short-term interlocking goals have a surprisingly powerful ability to encourage people to work together. A short-term goal needs to be clear, and needs to be clearly seen as a lose-lose situation as well as a win-win situation. Then it promotes harmony in a powerful way.

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.Kaw];yaw];n}.ekL:'hqc];yG],nL,nL,nc],kaw],yw]." Kw]'Aw]kUn];tc]; la}hQt];Sac];sgm];kn]' Aw]Kw]pQn]t};ekL.lIkn]el:tc];kUn];hQt];kan]Pak]:kn]lI'nn].nc], kaw]yw]." yiUc];ma}Kaw];yaw];tc];la}n}.'Kw]pL;w}.'tI:tqk],mn];miUn]:An]wL:'!hw];Am],p},sac]:Kiun]: pn]ciun];liUn]PG]l}:eSekL.'han].etL,hw];tc];SQc]:'Aik],pL;PU:Agn]hUw]hw];'hQt];hG]:l}:Ka}KUw];Kgc]liUw]tiUw];mL;5%'nn]."@!hw];lUw],l}:np].ym]muk].sum];Puc]kUn];tI:n}:AiUw]:'epL;hw];KG]:yU,tI:n}:" epL;wL:nG];hw];eSekL.ekL.n}.Am],Siuw]:yUw];n}ekL:'hw];tc];SQc]:etl}:Kam],piUn]:En;tac];Pit];SG],hw];yw]." epL;hw];Siuw]:yUw];kU:ekL.'eSEl:hk].Kw]n}Et.'Kw]ethQt];lIetL,hw];yU,"@An] wL:n}nn]." miUw]:tc]:Et,Aup],AUw];kn]tI:nG];pac]kum]nn].' epL;hw];pn]StikUn];tc];l}aKw]' kQw],lgc]:yiUw];ma}Kaw];pgt];tc];Kaw];yaw];nn].w}.nc],kn]n}n}.' mn];etpQn]An]hQt];hG]:mI;lgc]: Tuk],emLkn]tI:nG];pac]kun]nn].'El:tL,wn];miUw];nL:nn].tc];nc],kn]yw]."

 Longer-term interlocking goals are also powerful. They, too, bring people together and make them better friends as well as better coworkers. Long-term goals include, for example, "We can give no one a raise in this company until we all, including leaders, have increased sales 5%." "We need to have the respect of the community if we want to live here. If any one of us is dishonest, all of us will be blamed. If we are all honest and love them, they will treat us well." Starting a discussion at a meeting by reminding people of both a short-term and a long-term goal makes for harmony both at the meeting and in the future.

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.' mn];lm],lgc]:Sam]Kn];tL,miUw]:' sum];la}la}sum];Kw]hUp].Tup]; Aup],kum]kn]nn].nc],kaw]," epL;wL:Kw]l}:hn]'yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.tL,Kaw];pgt];nn].' tI:nG]; pac]kun]n}ekL:'Kw]ethQt];Sac]:sgm];kn]Pgc];miUw]:pQn]pac]kum]nn].yw]." epL;wL:Kw]l}:hn]yiUc]; ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.tLKaw];yaw];nn].siuc]' Kw]etyum],ym]kn]eStiUw];hQt];Sac]:sgm];kn]kYL.lI liUw]" Aw]kUn];la}mU,la}sum];mL;KUn];Kw];elL;El;kn]'yam];Pgc];miUw]:hQt];kan]sgm];kn]tL,yiUc]; ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.nn].n}.' etpak]:pqt]:An]kw];Eh.tp].tac];(el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:)'An]mI;nG]; Ek:kac]sum];tac];la}Kw]nn].eSyw].El:' etsg}:hG]:Kw]hQt];Sac]:sgm];kn]'lUv]:tac];Tuk],emL epL;kGam];kn]lIlIkGL,wn];tLmiUw];nL:nn].yU,yw]."

Interlocked goals are also important when several groups meet together. If they see short-term interlocked goals in a meeting, they will work together during the meeting. If they see long-term interlocked goals, they will trust each other and work better together. Mixing people from different groups while working on interlocked goals will break down the barriers (labeling) between the groups, and help them work together harmoniously in the future.

           

lgc]:Agn]hUw]n}.' mn];Aic]niUw]An]ma}Tiuw]tUv];hn]yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.' tL,Kaw];pgt]; tc];Kaw];yaw];siUw];nn].yw]." tac];yum],ym]n}.l}:Kiun]:Sc].yG],EP:nm]kiun];mL;' lUv]:An]hG]: mI;lgc]:Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.sgm];yiUc];ma}' tI:nG];Ek:kUn];Sgc]ekL.' El:Ek:kUn];nG];muk].sum]; sum];niuc]:'tc];nc],kn]nn]." kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]n}.tiUw];hQt];Sac]:sgm];kn]kYL.lIliUw]'mqn]:miUw]: Kw]l}hn]wL:'yiUc];ma}kUn];tac],ekL.siUw];nn].n}.'l}:Kw]:kn]kgc].San]kn]w}.tc];yiUc];ma}tUw]sw]: kw],Kw]yw].'n}nn].AiUw]:" epL;Am],pL;Am],mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.siuc]' tI:An]muk].sum]; hQt];kan]nn].mn];etmI;Pgn];lITiuc]tI:Tiuc]tac];eA,' eSAm],kL;' lqp]:etsac]:mI;pYSnL, Kgc].Km]Ek:ekL.etL,ekL.nn].nm]" yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.'pQn]Sw]lk];pk].km].lgc]:Tuk],emL kn]'An]hqc];kqn],Kqc]KiUc],Km].nL,nn].yw]." Kw]sac]:Aw]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tUik]:tn]nn].' pin],lqk]: la}:pQn]lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]"

Leadership is based on identifying both short-term and long-term interlocked goals. Trust is increased by interlocking  goals both between two people and between people in a group. People work better together when they see that the other person's goals are interlocked with their own goals.  Without interlocked goals, a group will be less effective and interpersonal problems will be more likely. Interlocked goals are a strong Pillar of Harmony.  They can change conflict into harmony.

eKL:kGam];Kiuk].tgn];siUw];lIpgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]w}.'

            yUic];ma}siUw];Am],sp];Pa},PG]'

yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]'

yiUc];ma}siUw];l}:Pgm].kn]Aw]'

ep.etL,ep.'

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.'

Sum];etL,Sum];'

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.tL,Kaw];pgt];tc];Kaw];yaw];'

Special Words to Understand

Neutral goals

            Competitive goals

            Cooperative goals

            Win-Win

            Interlocked goals

            Lose-Lose

            Short- and long-term interlocked goals

kgn];w}.yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw] Manage Competitive Goals

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.'pQn]!ep.etL,Sum];@nn].yw]." epL;pL;lUv]:yiUc];ma}siUw]; KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn].siuc]' Sc]wL:ekL.pQn]kUn];nG];sum];sum];niuc]:n}.l}:hp].mI;w}.yiUc];ma}mn];sa};' Am],nn]ekL:'mn];nac];nn].epL;n}' piUn]:tac],ekL.siUw];nn].Am],sac]:l}:hp].mI;w}.yiUc];ma}Kw] yw]." An]lQn]:tac];lQn]:EK.kn]n}.pQn]An]KG]:EK.kn]Aw]' kgp]:wL:epL;sum];niuc]:ep.n}' sum];tac],sum];nn].tk];l}:Sum];" yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.' sac]:pQn]ciUn]:tiun];lUc]An] hQt];pQn]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]' tI:nG];Ek:kac]kUn];ekL.etL,ekL.Kw]' Am],nn]nG];Ek:kac]sum]; tc];la}Kw]yw]." epL;wL:kUn];sum];lQw]kn]n}.mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}siuc]'mn];sac]:Agn] pQn]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]tI:nG];sum];nn]." yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.' sac]:yL.lukw];lqw] An]sum];etL,sum];Tuk],emLkn]'Am],nn]'An]kUn];Sgc]ekL.Tuk],emLepL;kGam];kn]nn].pqt]:"

Competitive goals are win-lose. With competive goals, if one person in a group achieves his or her goal, others cannot achieve their goals. Sports are competitive, because when one team wins, the other team must lose.  Competitive goals can be a major source of conflict between individuals or between groups. If people in the same group have competitive goals, that will lead to conflict within the group. Competitive goals can destroy the group’s harmony or the harmony between two people.

yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.mL;elL,liuc]:SG],tac];yum],ym]El:liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].'

Competitive goals attacking Trust and Issues

            yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.' mL;yL.tw]Ek:ekL.etL,ekL.kp];Siup],Kw]:Agk],kn]nn]. AiUw]:" PiUw],tL.etyum],ym]kn]n}.'hw];kGL,m}:sG]lgc]:An]wL:kUn];tac],ekL.nn].ethQt];Sc]n} pqt]:" mn];tiun];yap],tL,Aup],lat]:kn]kQw],lUv]:liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].Et.nc],wL:yw].' epL; kUn];tc];la}n}.kum],kGL,Aw]sG]yiUc];pk];sp];w}.' tI:An]wL:PG]etkm].Tqm]Kw]n}nn]." An]muk]. sum];sum];niuc]:mL;EPpQn]sum];EPla}la}sum];eSyw].' hG]:km].Tqm]Pa},niuc]:' Am],nn]ekL:tac], Pa},nn].' pQn]An]hQt];sgm];SPL,wfic]:tiun]pQn]mn];kUv];" yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.' nc],kaw],' kGL,pn]hqc];An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].'liUw]eSAn]Tt];Sc]tUv];liUc]:mn];" epL; wL:mn];mI;lgc]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].n}ekL:' mn];etmI;lgc]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:sp];Pa},nn]. nc],kaw],yw]." kUn];tc];la}Kw]n}.etEt,wUn].Tac],wL:' sum];Kw]n}.kYL.liUw]Kqn],liUw]sum];tac], sum];siUw];nn].' n}eSEl:wL:Kw]TiUk]:l}:SU;nm]liUw]n}" ygn].yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.'mL; yL.tw]lgc]:yum],ym]nn].eS' Sm].Pan],SGac];pn]tac];KIm}:sG]nn].El:' Kw]Aw]lgc]:Kgc].Km] tiUk]:tn]'mL;put]:tqn];SG],tI:lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].pqt]:" yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.' PiUw], tL.etyiUc];pk];sp];w}.tI:niUw]liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].' Kw]Sm].kGL,yiUc];pk];sp];w}.niUw]An]el, Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].El:' Kw]mL;tum].tiUw].hqc];eAL;sL,sum];nn].yw]." Sc]wL:yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]: EK.kn]Aw]n}.' l}:pQn]mL;nG];Ek:sum];tc];la}nn].epL;n}siuc]' Kw]Agn]hG]:pQn]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]: tn]sum];etL,sum];" Sc]wL:Kw]pQn]yU,nG];muk].sum];sum];niuc]:nn].Kiun];kUv];n}siuc]' Kw]Agn]hG]: sum];nn].pQn]sum];Am],Tiuc]tI:Tiuc]tac];Sc]eShG]:Am],mI;lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].yw]."

Competitive Goals undermine interpersonal relationships.. Instead of trusting one another, we worry about what the other person might do. It is difficult to talk about issues when people are focused on figuring out who will support them. It is only natural for a group to break into subgroups that support one side or the other. Competitive goals also encourage Labeling rather than Analyzing Issues. When there is Labeling, there is also labeling bias; people begin thinking their group is better than the other group and so their deserves more of the rewards. Since Competitive Goals undermine Trust and create Anxiety, they replace Harmony with Conflict. As Competitive Goals focus on Labels instead of Issues, they hurt the effectiveness of the group. If the Competitive Goals are between groups, they lead to inter-group conflict. If they are within a group, they lead to an ineffective group that is without harmony.

           

hw];epL;l}:lat]:lgc]:An]wL:' hqc];ciUn]:tiun];Alac];An]mk];Kan];w}.n}.'mn];kGL,hQt]; hG]:yiUc];ma}siUw];Am],sp];Pa},PG]'El:siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.nn].'l}:pQn]mL;An]KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn].pqt]:"epL;hqc];ciUn]:tiun];Alac];n}.mI;An]mk];Kan];mn];w}.n}siuc]' mn];etAm],kum],lItI:tL,etkm]. Tqm]sg}:pn]yiUc];ma}la}la}An]nn]." epLmn];pQn]nn]mL;ekL:' kUn];tc];la}n}.tk];etl}:Kam], tQk];sG].hG]:EK.kn]yw]." An]n}.ethQt];hG]:pQn]mL;lgc]:KIm}:sG]' El:An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:' An]ettum].tiUw].lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].yw]."

We have already said that limited resources make both neutral and cooperative goals become competitive. When resources are limited, there are not enough to support several goals. As a result, people will be forced to compete with each other. This will cause Anxiety and Labeling, which will hurt harmony.

           

liUw]eSnn].Am],kL;' tI:l}:mI;hqc];ciUn]:tiun];lac];An]mk];Kan];w}.n}.' liUc]:mn];siUw]; nn].etsac]:hQt];hG]:pQn]mL;' yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn].nc],kaw]," mac]pgk]:mac]lG]n}.'kUn]; tc];la}Kw]tUv];hn]sn].Kw]mI;yU,w}.nn].wL:'Kw]n}.pQn]tL,EK.kn]'ygn].kgp]:Kw]mI;pa};wUn].Aa},tI,yiUw],pqk],pqk],tI:niUw]kQw],lgc]:mn];tac];mn];siUw];nn]." n}.etpQn]lgc]:Am],Pgm].l}:sG]'mQw]; An]Ek:lit]:l}:ca}:ca}:nn].yU,' kgp]:wL:lgc]:mn];tac];mn];An]wL:n}.'pQn]An]hw];sac]:sqt]: kUt],Tt];tUv];nn]." kUv];kL:' lgc]:pqk],piUc]:tc];la}An]kiuk];pL;mL;sgm];' lUm];Tat]:sG]tiun], tQn]:pqk],pqk],' Am],nn]'kL:Kn]An]pqk],pqk],siUw];nn].w}.n}.' mn];ek:lit]:yap],Et.yap],wL: nL,nL,yw]."

 In addition to limited resources, Issues also may cause competitive goals. Sometimes people see their positions as competitive because they have different ideas about what the facts are. This is one of the easier disagreements to resolve because facts can be checked. But differences coming from different emotions or values are more difficult to resolve.

           

lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]An]kp];ka},kn]tc];liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].n}.' km];km];k}.l}:hn]miUw]: mn];mI;mL;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nG];Ek:yiUc];ma}Sgc]An]nn].yw]." An]km].Tqm]yiUc];ma}An]niuc]: El:Sc]' Am],nn]'tac],An]nn].El:Sc]' n}.mn];eK;sac]:ethQt];hG]:mI;An]el,Ep,sqk], siuw]:' Am],nn]ekL:'pYSnL,Kgc].Km]tc];nm]tc];la}" tL,eKYL.ygm];lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]tc]; la}n}.' hw];Agn]kUn];tc];la}Kw]sqt]:Tt];tUv];liUc]:mn];'siUw];An]mUk];eSL.lp].w}.yU,nn]." n}.ethG]:nL:tI:An]mI;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk];tn]nn].tiUw];sqc]:lqc];lI" epL;hQt];nn]yw].ekL:' kan]mn];n}.sm].' pQn]An]lUw],w}.nk];nk];nLnLeSwUn].K}:sG]tUv];' liUc]:mn];siUw];An]lm], lgc]:tL,tc];Sgc]sum];nn].eSyw].' hQt];Sac]:Kiun]:nL:kGL,sU;yiUc];ma}miUn]kn]An]niuc]:nn]." pac]Aup],AUw];kn]n}.' sac]:pQn]An]Tqc]:Tqm]AQn]hqc];muk].sum];pn]nn].yU,' Sc]siUw].wL:kan] An]nn].n}.'l}:hn]wL:mn];pQn]yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.nn].epL;n}" ekL.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]n}.et lat]:eSmQw];mQw];' miUn]nc],An]wL:' !hw];l}:mI;liUc]:mn];' An]pqk],piUc]:kn]nn].w}.Sgc]liUc]:' liUc]:lG]ekL:lm],lgc]:Sam]Kan];miUn]kn]KL:yw]." pYSnL,Kgc].Km]tc];la}n}.' puc],man],mn];Et.' mn];sac]:Ek:K}kGL,l}:ca}:ca}:yU,' epL;wL:kUn];hw];hL;tc];la}Agn]kn]hQt];Sac]:kGL,sgm];'niUw]liUc]: mn];An]lQw]miUn]kn]nn].Et." piUw]:n}el:'SG],hw];KL:mqc],El.mn];eShQt];kGL,siUc].n}" Agn] tac];Sut];n}.' hw];tc];SQc]:etAgn]kn]hQt];Sac]:niUw]liUc]:mn];An]niuc]:nn].sgm];kn]' wa}; eSnn].'hw];etAgn]kn]hQt];Sac]:niUw]liUc]:mn];Tqc]:tac],An]nn].kGL," pac]kum]hw];n}.et Sut];yw].kGL,' miUw]:An]wL:'hw];hL;tc];SQc]:Pgm].l}:sG]kn]mI;w}.yiUc];ma}An]niuc]:' Am],nn]ekL:' yiUc];ma}la}la}An]nn].eS' hG]:liUc]:An]PG]mn];mI;w}.siUw];nn].'epL;l}:Kw]:pL;sgm];nc],kn]tc]; mUt];kU:ekL.nn].KL:yw]."@An]wL:n}nn]." mn];tuin];lITiSut];yw].' epL;wL:hw];Ka}.pin],Aup], AUw];liUc]:mn];'siUw];mI;nG];yiUc];ma}An]niuc]:nn].' luk].tI:An]niuc]:Ka}.kGL,An]niuc]:hQt];nn]la} la}km];' liUw]eSAn]kum],ethQt];hG]:An]niuc]:yw].Agn]tac];nn]." An]Ka}.pin]Aup],AUw];kn]' km];niuc]:Sut].tac];lc]km];nuic]:Ka}.Kiun]:kGL,tac];nL:' hQt];nn]n}.' mn];pn]hqc];sG]tL.hLhG]:hn] yiUc];ma}miUn]kn]' An]ethQt];Sac]:kGL,niUw]liUc]:mn];tac];Sgc]An]nc],kn]nn].' eSAm],kL:' mn];pQn]An]yuk].tac],pn]lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].pL;nc],kaw],yw]."

Conflicts related to Issues often are seen when there are conflicts between two goals. Supporting one goal or the other may cause Labeling or other problems. To reduce these conflicts, we lead people to examine the underlying Issues. This will make the area of conflict clearer. The task is then to consider the important Issues from both groups seriously, and to work towards a common goal. This discussion can strengthen the group if the task is viewed as an Interlocked Goal. A leader may say something like, "We have two different issues, each of which is important. Problems are generally easier to solve if several people work on the same issue. So let's take turns.  First we will all work on one issue, then we will all work on the other issue. We will end the meeting when we all agree on a goal, or goals, that will meet everyone's issues." It is best to switch the discussion of each goal from one issue to the other several times, rather than doing one first. Switching the discussion back and forth encourages finding a common goal that works with both issues and also promotes harmony.

mc]ep.Kam]:pUn].yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn].' Overcoming competitive goals

            eKL:sI.sm]:siUw];An]tqm]:Sp];lqc];Enw}.pL:niUw]n}.' Agn]tac];Sut];n}.mn];tm];wac]; pn]'yiUc];ma}Am],sG]:An]KG]:EK.kn]Aw]'nn].eSyw].wa};mL;'tI:nG];Tqw]eKL:liun];Sut];nn].'mn];Tqm]elL;SG],pn]pL;'yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.tL,Kaw];pgt];An]niuc]:" eKL:mgk],EnmQw];n}.n}.' mn]; eKYL.ygm];tac];KIm}:sG]nn].eSyw].' hQt];hG]:tac];yum],ym]kn]l}:Kiun]:Sc].yG],EP:nm]kiun];mL;' lUv]:la};An]km].Tqm]liUc]:mn];pn]kU:liUc]:nn]." mn];pQn]la};Ew:An]ep,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn]. nc],kaw]," hQt];nn]eS' mn];pn]hG]:kUn];kU:ekL.'l}:hQt]:Sac]:kGL,sgm];liUc]:mn];tc];Sgc]An] nn].El:' mn];pQn]An]ham]:Eh.lgc]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].eSyw].' pn]hG]:kUn];tc];la}Kw] l}:Aw]liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].Aup],AUw];kGL," nc],An]kUn];kU:ekL.'l}:sg}:Tqm]tI:liUc]:mn];tc];Sgc] kGL,siUc].nn]n}.'mn];pQn]An]ekL,Sac]:pn]tac];yum],ym]kn]'nn].yw]." mn];eK;etsac]:eKYL. ygm];tac];KIm}:sG]nn].nc],kaw],' kgp]:piUw]:wL:' An]hG]:l}:mI;kUn];nm]nm]eSEk:K}pYSnL,Kgc].Km] An]niuc]:sgm];kn]kGL,nn].' puc],man],mn];n}.' mn];k}.l}:Agk],pQn]mL;An]lIliUw]nn].yU,yw]." lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.ekL:' luk].pUk];Kiun]:mL;sgm];tI:An]kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]sg}:Tqm]kn]'tL,et hQt];Sac]:kaw].Kuin]:nL:kGL,' etL,epL;l}:hp].mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];nn].nc],kn]sgm];kn]w}.nn].yw]."

The instructions described above first sets up a non-competitive group goal, and then, in the last sentence, adds a short-term interlocked goal. This kind of statement reduces Anxiety and increases Trust by supporting each issue. It also avoids Labeling. Then it has everyone working on both issues which prevents Labeling and has people talking about the Issues. As everyone helps on both Issues, it builds Trust. It may also reduce Anxiety because having more people working on a problem generally produces a better result. Harmony arises from people helping one another to work towards achieving the goals together.

           

An]hw];l}:lat]:EnmL;pL:niUw]n}.sm].'pQn]la};ekL,Sac]:lk];Sam]lk];pk].km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]'-' hLhG]:l}:tac];yum],ym]' hp].tgp],etL,SU:liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].' El:' yiUc];pk]; sp];w}.niUw]yiUw];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}." siUw];n}.n}.' pQn]ma}mI:piun].Kam],cw]:An]ham]:tap]:Eh.SI;w}.' yL,hG]:yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn].'l}:pQn]mL;pYSnL,Kgc].Km]yG],lUc]An]niuc]:"

What we said above is building the Three Pillars of Harmony: earn Trust, deal with Issues, and focus on Interlocked Goals. These are the principles that prevent competitive goals from becoming a major problem. 

           

lItI:An]wL:' lgc]:kp];Siup],Kw]:Agk],kn]'nG];Ek:kUn];Sgc]ekL.' Am],nn]'kUn];tc];nm] tc];la}n}.' mn];Aic]lUv]:yiUc];ma}sUiw];Kw]:kn]w}.'nn]." siUw];n}.yw].An]suc]sn]Aw]kUn]; miUc];tc];la}Kw]mL;sgm];kn]" epL;wL:mn];mI;yiUc];ma}KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn].n}siuc]' pQn]yiUc];ma}siUw]; Kw]:kn]w}.siUw];n}.kUv];An]lUw]l}:Aw]SG],sG]yiUc];pk];sp];w}.nL,liUw]eS' yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn] Aw]nn]."

Fortunately, every relationship between two or more people is based on some Interlocking Goals. These are what have brought the people together. When there is a Competitive Goal, these Interlocked Goals need to be the focus more than any Competitive Goals.

           

hw];sac]:lQp];hQn];Aw]tI:lQn]:tac];lQn]EK.kn]nn].' lgc]:An]mn];hQt];hiuw]'hG]:yiUc]; ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn].ekL:epL;l}:Kw]pL;w}.nG];yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.'nn]." pac],etL,pit]. mak],nc]mUn];EK.kn]nn].n}.'etmI;sum];lQw]kUn];sac]:ep.l}:" epL;wL:mn];mI;sum];pit].mak],nc] mUn];sQt];sum];'mL;Kw]:etL,nG];pg};EK.KQc],kn]lQn]:pg};niuc]:nn].n}' etmI;sum];lQw]kUv];etsac]: pQn]sum];ep.tI:Kgt],ygt]:mn];nn]." An]etL,lQn]:siUw];nn].n}.'pQn]An]l}:EK.kn]haw].hqc]; Et.Et.wL:wL:eSAm],kL;'pL;mI;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nn].w}.yw]." sc],wL:nn].yw].' tac]; lQn]:An]KG]:EK.kn]hqc];n}.' sac]:hQt];pQn]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]Am],sG]:nG];pac]etL,epL,mI;mL; kU:Pa},kU:tac];nG]:Ek:kUn];Kw]:sum];' An]tiuk].tw].KQc],Kt];Kiun];kn]nn].'km]:Pgc]:yw]." mn]; eK;etsac]:hQt];hG]:kUn];SUc]tac];lQn]:Kw]nc],kn]Pit];kn]nn].nc],kaw]," kUv];kL:'An]k}: SU:pQn]n}.Et.' kUn];tc];la}Kw]lQn]:pac],etL,nn].lIlIeS' Am],hG]:l}:pQn]mL;lgc]:Kgc].Km] tiUk]:tn]kU:Pa},kU:tac];sgm];tac],mU,tac],sum];Kw]nn].Sc]"

We can learn from sports about how to have Competitive Goals within Interlocked Goals. Only one team can win a soccer game. If there are seven soccer teams playing in a tournament, only one team can be the final winner. The games are highly competitive and involve conflict.  Of course, competitive sports can cause open non-game conflict between some members of the opposing teams. It may also cause fans to fight each other. But usually people play the game well without open conflict with the other team.

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.yw].' An]ygn].wL:'hQt];Sc]pac],etL,tac];lQn]:EK.KQc],kn] siUw];nn].' Am],SU:lL:lIya}:eSl}:pQn]mL;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk];tn]kU:Pa},kU:tac];pqt]:'n}nn]." kUn];lQn]:siUw];nn].Kw]hk].pac],etL,lQn]:nn].kU:ekL.'eSEl:An]etL,lQn]:EK.kn]n}.' Kw] w}.mn];ey:Kqn];lm],lgc]:liUw]eS' tL,ep.pac],etL,pac]niuc]:eKLeKLkUv];nn].AiUw]:" kUn];lQn]: Kw]KG]:etL,lQn]:EK.kn]eS' Kw]Am],KG]:l}:vL;Kam],Aw]Agk],pqt]:tI:pac],etL,'ygn].kgp]:An]wL: Kw]pUn].pqn]ma}mI:tc];la}nn]." nc],An]kUn];lQn]:Kw]KG]:lQn]:hG]:ep.nn].' Kw]Am],KG]:hG]:sum];Kw] l}:vL;tam],'ygn].kgp]:An]Kw]Pit];ma}mI:An]niuc]:n}Sc]" tc];Sgc]sum];n}.'mI;w}.yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw] kn]w}.An]niuc]:' An]wL:etL,lQn]:EK.kn]sgm];JtL;n}nn].'tc];nc],kn]" epL;wL:eSekL. ekL.n}.Am],sgm];JtL;epL;n}siuc]' mn];etkGL,pQn]An]yL.lqw]pac],etL,tL,kU:ekL.nn].pqt]:"

Interlocked Goals are why competitive sports seldom break down into open conflict. The players all love the game, and playing the game is more important than winning one particular game. As players want to play, they do not want to be thrown out of the game because they violated the rules. As players want to win, they do not want their team to be penalized because they broke a rule. Both teams have an Interlocked Goal of playing the game fairly. If anyone is unfair, then it ruins the game for everyone.

           

yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.' pQn]An]yip];sG].tiuw];tI:tm];wac];kan]' tL,hQt];hG]:tiUw]; mI;lgc]:lIKw]:sG]nn].El:'tL,tiuk];yUc];sG]kUn];hw];hG]:hQt];lItiUw];kGL,tik];tik];nn]." Kgm],pnI, An]niuc]:n}.' etsac]:hQt];pn]An]EK.kn]nG];Ek:kUn];Ka}sg}:siUw];nn].eS'hG]:l}:hU.wL:PG]l}:K}a KUw];nm]eSpiUn]:mUt];nn].yU," hUc];hQn];Kw]ekL:' etsac]:mI;An]EK.kn]nG];Ek:luk]:Agn]hQn]; Kw]nn].eS' hG]:l}:hn]wL:ekL.lG]lQp]:hQn];hU.emLsgm];tgn]:Sgn]pn]nn].l}:lITiSut];n}yw]." lgc]:EK.kn]siUw];nn].n}.' sac]:pQn]mQw];An]lIekYL,El:kiuc],TiUk]:hQt];nn].yU," tL,ethQt]; siUc].nn]n}.' tac];EK.kn]n}.lUw]hG]:pQn]An]ham]:Eh.'lgc]:KIm}:sG]Pgc];yam];miUw]:ekL,Sac]:tac]; yum],ym]kn]nn].eS' Kw]tk];lUw],l}:Ew:'lgc]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:Pgc];miUw]:tiuk].yiUc];pk];sp]; niUw]liUc]:mn];sUiw];nn].'eSyw].El:' Kw]tk];lUw],l}:mI;'yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.nn].yw]."

Competitive Goals are used in many settings to increase interest and motivate people to do better. A company may have a contest among salesmen to see who can sell the most. Schools may have a contest between students to see who has learned their lessons best. Such contests can be fun and worthwhile. To do so, the contests must prevent Anxiety while building Trust, they must avoid Labeling while focusing on Issues, and they must have Interlocking Goals.

           

SG],hw];Agn]kn]kQp];yip];tiuw];SePL;JtL;n}.' kL:tI:lQp]:hQn];pa};np].An]Sgn]pn]nG]; hUc];hQn];nn].tUv];" yiUc];ma}mn];n}.Et.'tL,hG]:luk]:Agn],kU:ekL.lQp]:hQn];hU.emL' tI:An]Aw] nm]pat]:tc];la}' Tqm]SG],elL;kn]kGL,km];An]An]nn].yw]." nc],hiuw]mn];epL;etlIKw]:sG] nn].' ekL.pQn]emLSgn]n}.sqk],luk]:hQn];Kw]w}.la}la}sum];'nc]hiuw]Kw]:epL;etsac]:EK.kn]nn]." kUv];kL:tI:n}:n}.' SUethQt];hiuw]ham]:Eh.yL,hG]:mI;lgc]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:kn]nn].?" Aw]Kw] Pat],kn]eSSG],nG];sum];pqk],pqk],' Am],sG]:sum];kw],sum];lQw]kn]nn].hQt];nn]kGL,kU:wn];tL." wn];Tiniuc]:n}.'Aw]Kw]siUw];nc]:tqw];lQw]kn]siUw];nn].hQt];pQn]sum];mn];kGL," Tqc]:wn];etmL; nn].sm].'Aw]luk]:Agn]siUw];nc]:Tqw]lQw]kn]siUw];nn].hQt];pQn]sum];mn];kGL," wn];TUn]:Sam] nn].n}.'Aw]luk]:Agn],siUw];siuw]:cw]:Kw]n}.hgc].pL;!k@etL,Tiuc]!v@n}.pQn]sum];niuc]:'!t@etL,!m@n}.pQn]Tqc]:sum];niuc]:'hQt];nn]kGL," Tiuc]wn];TUn]:SI,nn].n}.' sum];mn];n}.etAw]luk]: Agn]siUw];kiUt],nG];liUn]'!kYn],nGL,rI,@El:!fqp],PGL,rI,'@pQn]sum];niuc]:'siUw];kiUt],nG];liUn]!mat].KY]@El:!eA,ERp,@n}.sum];niuc]:'hQt];nn]kGL," la};Kgt],Pgn]:hQt];pQn]sum];n}.' mn];mI;la}la};la} tac];nm]nL,nL,yw]." lUv]:An]yip];tiuw];la};pqk],pqk],kn]nn].kGL,' wn];niuc]:yw].wn];niuc]: hQt];nn]n}.' mn];etAm],mI;sum];lG]l}:mI;w}.Kaw];hiuc]Tiuc]tI:epL;tn];' l}:pQn]An]pn]hqc]; el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:kn]nn].eS' l}:kGL,pQn]An]yL.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]yuc]:yc]:Suk].Sk].SUn] San]kn]pqt]:mUw];nn]."

Let's apply this concept to learning math in school. The goal is to have every child learn to add single digit numbers. To make it more interesting, the teacher divides up the class into teams so they can compete against each other. But how do you prevent Labeling? By splitting the students into different teams each day. The first day the teams are those who are in the same row of seats. The next day the teams are those who are sitting in the same columns of seats. The third day all those whose names begin with A to F are one team, G to O are another team, and so forth. The fourth day the teams are those who were born in January and February, March and April, and so forth. There are many ways of making up teams. By using a different way each day, no group exists long enough to encourage Labeling which would disrupt harmony.

           

pYSnL,An]sac]:pQn]mL;l}:nn].sm].' pQn]An]wL:' luk]:hQn];ekL.vam].eStac],ekL. nn].' etl}:Kam],piUn]:hn]wL:mn];kGL,mI;sgm];sum];lG]ekL:'kGL,pQn]ekL.ngc],sn]Aw]sum];nn].Tg} lc]tUk];Tum]:'n}" epL;pQn]nn]luk]:Agn]hQn];ekL.nn].etKIm}:sG]mL;yw]."nc],An]pa};np].n}. pQn]pa};yap],yQn];tL,luk]:hQn];vam].Kw]nn].' tac];KIm}:sG]nn].ethQt];hG]:Kw]KG]:l}:KG]:pQn]pUn]. tI:nL,AL;lL;eSEl:' Kw]yc];etsac]:vam].liUw]ha}.sL.liUw]nn].Tqc]:kgn],yw]." tI:n}:mI; la};An]emLSgn]ekL.niuc]:hQt];'hG]:lgc]:KIm}:sG]luk]:hQn];vam].Kw]ygm];lUc];kGL,nn].la};niuc]:" emL Sgn]nn].wL:' sum];niuc]:n}.etep.'miUw]:An]luk]:hQn];ekL.vam].liUw]piUn]:Sut];nG];sum];Kw]nn].' l}:lQp]:hQn];hUemL' Ek:K}pYSnL,Kgc].Km]nG];pa};np].An]niuc]:nn].kUv];'wL:n}" sum];An]mI;pL;' luk]:hQn];ekL.l}:Amt]:eA,eSpiUn]:mUt];tI:pac]sqt]:Tam]lik]:km];liun];nn].n}.' emLSgn] etTqc]:Tqm]pn]Kw]Amt]:liUw]' epL;wL:sum];Kw]hQt];yw].tUw]:sgm];Kaw];yam];An]pn]w}.nn].' wL:n}yw]." epL;pQn]nn]ekL:' luk]:hQn];siUw];mI;nG];sum];lQw]kn]kU:ekL.tc];mUt];n}.'l}:mI;yiUc]; ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.An]niuc]:yw]." nn].pQn]wL:' sg}:Tqm]hG]:luk]:hQn];ekL.vam].eSpiUn]:mUt];nn]. hQn];hU.emL'n}nn].yw]." Kw]sUm];kYOik]:sG]An]luk]:hQn];vam].ekL.nn].l}:mL;mI;nG];sum];Kw]'kgp]: wL:Kw]etsac]:l}:Amt]:liUc]Tqc]:nn]." nc],An]luk]:hQn];vam].ekL.nn].l}:mI;ekL.sg}:mn]; tc];nm]'w}.hQt];nn]n}.' lgc]:KIma}sG]mn];ekL:eteA,etygm];" luk]:hQn];tac],ekL.siUw];nn]. ekL:' l}:hQn];hU.emLkgp]:An]Kw]l}:Piuk];hQt];sam];yip];tiuw];KUw];Kgc]siUw];nn].yw]."

A possible problem is that the poorer student will be seen as holding back the team that child is on. That student will become Anxious. As math is a hard subject for poorer students, that Anxiety will over-motivate them and they will do even worse. Here is how one teacher reduced the Anxiety of the poorer student. The teacher said that a team only wins when the poorest student on the team learns the math problem. The team with the student who scored lowest on the last exam is given extra points if that team finises in a given time. Then all of the other students on the team have an Interlocked Goal: helping the poorest student learn. They like having the poor student on their team because then they can earn more points. As the poor student has helpers, Anxiety is lowered. The other students also learn because they are practicing the material.

           

lgk];la};lQw]miUn]kn]An]n}.n}.' sac]:Aw]yip];tiuw];tI:nG];sum];tac],sum];tc];la}nn]. l}:yU," pn]hG]:mI;tac];EK.kn]eSEl:'kUv];kL:'Aw]kUn];Kw]:sum];siUw];nn].pin]lqk]:la}:Ka}.sU; kn]kGL,wn];niuc]:yw].wn];niuc]:' pun]:nc],hiuw]An]el,ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].Am],l}:Piun].PU;Kiun]: Sc].mL;Sc]nn].yw]."

The same techniques can be used with other groups. Have contests, but with the members of teams changing from day to day so that no labels develop.

           

An]pn]SU;kn]n}.' miUw]:Et,sL.mn];'lqp]:etpQn]pa};wUn].Aa},tI,yiUw],lInn]niuc]:yU," epL;wL:Kgm],pnI,nn].tc]:Et,pn]SU;yw].n}ekL:' kUn];tc];la}Kw]n}.sG]KUm];w}.TL:eS'Agn]kn] Kt];sG]hQt];kan]nL,nL,yw]." mn];ca};mUin]pac]EK.KQc],kn]tc];nm]Kw]nn].nc],kaw],' pn]SU;n}. pQn]An]sg}:An]Tqm]tL,'!miUw]:Puk]:miUw]:hiuw];'wUc]:etmL;'@nn].eS'yUw]eK;etkum],pL;tL,'!liUn] etmL;'@nn].l}:yU," kUv];kL:'Kw]mI;pYSnL,Kgc].Km]nm]tI:nG];'!Tqc]:hUk];liUn]etmL;'pIetmL;' El:Tqc]:hl:pIetmL;'@nn].yw]." kUv];kL:' sUiw];n}.n}.pQn]lgc]:An]KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn]." mQk]:SUv],t};ekL.AUv];lIkn]'el:kUn];hQt];kan]Pak]:kn]' Kw]l}:pQn]sG]Am],lIsgm];pac]eK.KQc], kn]nn].yw]."Kw]n}.mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.An]wL:' pin],pa},sg}:Tqm]kn]hG]:l}:Kiun]:Sc].Kiun]: Suc]mL;'n}nn].eS' mn];Am],sG]:tL,tw].KQc],Kt];Kiun];kn]ca};miUn]hw];hQt];kGL,tI:nG];pac]EK.KQc], kn]siUw];nn]." n}.kUv];hiuw]kL;' nc],An]mI;kUn];ekL.niuc]:kUv];sac]:etl}:ep.nn].El:' pQn] An]kGL,hQt];hG]:kUn];tac],ekL.siUw];nn].sG]sL.yw]." piUw]:n}El:' nm].tgn];Pgn];lIAn]l}:mL; tI:EK.KQc],kn]siUw];nn].n}.' mn];etAm],Kam],Kaw];hiuc]Sc]kL:hiuw]' eSAm],kL;' epL;etlqn]: tac];k}yaw];Kaw];hiuc]nan];n}.' mn];etAw]hqc];nm].sG]kUn];tUk];tqm],' nL,liUw]eStI:An]wL:' mn];etyuk].ygc]:hqc]];nm].sG]Kiun]:nn].yw]."

Giving prizes seems like a good idea at first. When a company starts giving prizes, people are excited and work harder. Like many competitions, giving prizes is helpful for the "next day, next week,” and perhaps “next month." But they have problems for "next six months, next year, and next five years". But these are competitive. Friends and co-workers feel bad about competing. They have Interlocked Goals of helping improve each other, not opposing each other as we do in competitions. Also, as only one can win, it makes all the others feel bad. So the benefits of competition will not last, and in the longer run will lower morale more than raise it.

           

epL;etpn]SU;KYL;SU;kn]n}.' mn];lIpn]kGL,sgm];sn].mn];nn]." kUn];siUw];Kiun];sn]. mn];n}.l}:SU;kU:ekL.'siUc].nn]" An]n}.mn];pQn]la};Am],KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn].n}ekL:' mn];yc]; tiuk].l}:An]KYL;SU;pn]yU,nn].yU," AkYOw];nm].tgn];Pgn];lImn];nn].'sac]:Kiun]Sc].yG],EP: nm]kiun];mL;' lUv]:An]Aw]yiUw];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.nn].' Tqm],SG],pL;w}.sgm];An]niuc]:nn].yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];n}.sm].' epL;wL:kUn];kU:ekL.n}.ep.eSl}:SU;An]niuc]:' pun]:An]mn];hQt];hG]:KUp]; cam],Kiut];sn].tL,liUn]nn].' epL;n}siuc]'muk].sum];tc];sum];n}.l}:SU;Kiuk].tgn];An]niuc]:yw]." epL;pL;lUv]:yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.nn].n}.' kUn];hw];ey:KQn];Agk],sG]KG]:sg}:kn]hG]:mI;lgc]:Tuk], emLepL;kGam];kn]mL;nn].yw]."

It is better to give prizes based on a standard. Everyone who reaches the standard gets a prize. This is non-competitive, but still rewarding. The beneficial effects can be increased by adding an Interlocked Goal. For example, when everyone wins a prize for meeting the standard that month, then the whole group gets a special prize. With that Interlocking Goal, people will be more willing to help each other become harmonious.

           

PU:Agn]hUw]tc];la}n}.' lUw],l}:w}.StiEt.Et.wL:wL:yw].' Sc]wL:mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]: EK.kn]Aw]nn].epL,Kiun]:mL;n}." yiUc];ma}siUw];nn].sac]:hQt];hG]:pQn]pYSnL,Kgc].Km]' tI:nG];sum]; lQw]Kw]nc],kn]'nn].El:Aik],'Ek:kac]sum];tc];nm]tc];la}Kw]nn].yw]." yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK. kn]Aw]n}.' lUw],l}:pin],Kiun];hG]:Kiuc]:' lUv]:la};An]hQt];pn]yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.nn].' hG]: epL;tiUw];muc]:hn]l}:ca}:ca}:'eSEl:' hG]:mn];tiUw];lm],lgc]:Sam]Kan];liUw]eSyiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK. kn]Aw]nn]." Pgc];miUw]:An]'yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.' yuk].tac],pn]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn] nn].' yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.n}.Et.yuk].tac],pn]lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]"

Leaders need to be very careful when Competitive Goals arise. They can cause problems within a group and between groups. The competitive goals need to be offset by making Interlocking Goals more visible and more important than the Competitive Goals. While Competitive Goals promote conflict, Interlocked Goals promote harmony.

eKL:kGam];Kiuk].tgn];siUw];lIpgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]w}.'

            yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]'

ep.etL,Sum];'

lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nG]:Ek:yiUc];ma}Sgc]An]'

yiUw];ma}Sun],tUw]'

yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]kL:nG];yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.nn].'

Aw]Pat],kn]eSSG],nG];sum];pqk],pqk],Am],sG]:sum];kw],sum];lQw]'

SU;'

Special Words to Understand

Competitive goals

            Win-lose

            Conflicts between two goals

            Personal goals

            Competitive goals within interlocked goals

            Splitting into different teams

            Prizes

Kiun];l}:lgc]:Tuk],emLkn] Regaining Harmony

Ek:lit]:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]'

Resolve Destructive Conflict

            kUn];hw];tc];la}n}.' la};Aup],la};lat]:sLpqk],piUc]:kn]w}.la}la}la};" kUn];km]:Pgc]: n}.lat]:lgc]:mQw];pQn]An]km].An]Tqm]tL,piUn]:tac],ekL." Kw]eK;etlat]:wL:'!Aa},tI,yiUw], nn].Kqm].AiUw]:n}.'@Am],nn]ekL:wL:'!SG],hw];Agn]kn]hQt];'@Am]nn]ekL:'!hw];sUm];An]SUK}: Enn}.Et.yw].'@sL.siUw];n}.nn]." kUn];ekL.An]l}:yin];eKL:hn]Tiuc]siUc].n}n}.'etl}:Kam], sL;nG];sG]wL:mn];mI;ekL.km].Tqm]pn]w}.n}yw]." sum];An]kt].kYL.kU:sum];n}.' tiun];etmI;eKL: hn]Tiuc]mQw];pQn]An]km].An]Tqm]nn].tc];nm]w}." An]pQn]KQn]PQn]eP;n}.sm].' miUn],nc], l}:ma}tgc];w}.Agn]tac];nn].yw].' pQn]An]wL:epL;Am],mI;PG]Aup],lat]:lgc]:pYSnL,Kgc].Km]siUw]; nn].' Am],nn]ekL:'Am],ka},kGam];hLpn]van],nm]nm]' epL;n}'etAgk],pQn]mL;An]!wUn].Aw] sum];wL:'@nn].kUv];yw]."kUn];kU:ekL.n}.wL:mn];lIyU,'n}ekL:eKL:tqp];tt];An]muk].sum];hQt]; kGL,siUw];nn].n}.Am],tUk];Tuk],'kgp]:piUw]:Kaw],lgc]:tac];mn];Am],kun],TUn]:lInn].'El:'An]etL.Et.wUn].K}:sG]tUv];la};tac];hQt];Sac]:l}:mn];eA,eA,kUv];nn].yw]."

People talk in different ways. Some people say things that are supportive of other people. They might say: "That is a great idea" or "Let's do it" or "I am glad you are talking." The person who hears those comments feels supported. Every effective group will have many supportive comments. The danger, as noted before, is that if no one talks about problems or offers suggestions, "group think" results. Everyone feels good, but the group decisions are poor due to lack of information and to only considering a few ways of doing things.

           

la};Aup],lat]:sLma}Sgc]n}.sm].'pQn]An]wL:Am],Pgm].l}:sG]'sgm];n}nn]." SUsac]:hQt]; sUic].n}lUv]:la};tac];An]pn]van],' pL;Kaw],lgc]:tac];mG],' liUc]:mn];An]mG],' Kgp],wUc];piUc]kan] An]sac]:Aw]Aey;pn]l}:nn].'El:sL.kGL,la}An]la}mQw];siUw];nn]." kUn];km]:Pgc]:Et.et wL:' An]n}.pQn]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]'nn].n}yU," pqk].wL:pQn]nn]eSekL:yL,'mac]pgk]:n}.mn]; lm],lgc]:' tI:lUw],mI;An]kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]Am],Pgm].nn].eS'pun]:nc],huiw]hG]:epL;mI;AL,mKam], w}.'tL,lgc]:wL:ettm];eKL:tqp];tt];Tuk],mqn]:lITiSut];yU,'n}nn].yw]."

A second way of talking is to disagree. You can do this through suggesting new information, new issues, possible courses of action, and so forth. Some people will feel this is conflict. Even so, it is sometimes important for people to disagree in order to ensure that the best decisions are made.

           

An]kgn];Kiuc]:PQc]kn]pn]' nG];Ek:An]km].Tqm]El:An]Am],Pgm].n}.'mL;pn]hG]:mI;lgc]: Tuk],emLkn]" An]km].Tqm]n}.'pn]hqc];sG]kUn];tc];la}eSsg}:Kw]l}:hU.sgm];'miUw]:An]lUw],l}:Ka}. Aup],lat];liUc]:mn];tac],An]nn].yw]." An]Am],Pgm].n}.'mn];pQn]An]AL,mKam],pn]tI:wL:' liUc]:mn];El:yiUc];ma}lm],lgc]:Sam]Kan];siUw];nn].n}.'l}:Aw]wUn].K}:sG]tUv];mUt];mUt];yU,yw]. n}nn]." muk].sum];An]mI;la};kgn];Kiuc]:PQc],kn]w}.nG];Ek:An]km].Tqm]El:An]Am],Pgm].n}.'hgc]. wL:pQn]sum];mI;hqc];SUn];tUc].niuc]n}yw]." kUn];ekL.lG]ekL.nn].n}.'EPkn]SG],hqc];hQt];tL,Tuk], emLkn]nn].kGL,pgt];tgn]:PG]mn];" mac]pgk]:mac]lG]n}.'mn];lqp]:eK;etkGL,eKYL.ygm];lgc]:Tuk],emL kn]nn].pqt]:siUc].nn]yw].' mn];ca};miUn]nc],An]' miUw]:l}:yin];Tgm],SQc]KiUc]:h},tiuc]:Sgc]An] kUv];emL;mL;tI:sum];h},tiuc]:lUc]An]niuc]:eS'SQc]mn];Am],lqp]Kw]:kn]Tuk],kn]lInn].El:Sc]'Am],nn]ekL:' miUw]:Am],l}:hU.w}.wL:wa};nn].mn];etmI;mL;SQc]h},tiuc]:mQw];lG]Tqc]:nn].El:Sc]' epL;n}mn];lqp]:ygm];pqt]:lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nc],wL:nn].yU," kUv];kL:' An]Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];El: An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];n}.' sac]:sg}:ekL,Sac]:hQt];pn]lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]tI:nG];sum];kt].kYL. sum];niuc]:nn].yU,yw]."

A balance between supporting and disagreeing gives harmony. The support encourages the people and helps them know when to move on to another issue. The disagreeing assures that all the important issues and goals are considered. A group that has a balance of supporting and disagreeing is called a dynamic group. Each person contributes a different part to the harmony. Some times it may seem to reduce harmony just as hearing only two instruments of a larger musical group may not sound harmonious when heard alone or without knowing what music comes after. But agreeing and disagreeing can help build the harmony of an effective group.

           

An]Aup],lat]:n}.mqn]:miUw]:piUc]lUc]mn];pQn]' An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];' eSEl:tc]; An]Am],km].Tqm]nn].'mn];l}:pQn]mL;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]w}.yw]." tac];Aup],lat]:An]Am], Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];n}.'mn];sac]:tum].tiUw].muk].sum];Et.wL:wL:' epL;mn];kGL,ham]:tap]:Eh.SI;An] muk].sum];lUw],hQt];kan]can];sum];k}.hQt];eS,eS,nn]." epL;pQn]nn]siuc]' muk];sum];n}.l}:sG]. Kaw];yam];nm]eSAup],lat]:lgc]:An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];nn].yw]." n}.sm].'pQn]lgc]:Kgc].Km] tiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]nn].' piUw]:wL:An]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nn].kGL,yL.lqw]Kk]. tgn]:kan]yUw];yUw];man],man],An]muk].sum];mI;w}.nn]."

When the talk is mainly disagreeing and not supportive, conflict is occurring. Disagreeing talk is harmful to the group when it prevents the group from doing its regular work. Then the group spends its time talking about the disagreements. This is destructive conflict, as the conflict is destroying the group's normal processes.

           

lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]n}n}.' mn];Aic]niUw]mQw];siUw];An]elL,liuc]: SG],Sw]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]'nn].yw]." siUw];nn].n}.pQn]' tac];KIm}:sG]' An]el, Ep,sqk],siuw]:' nn].El:yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn]." lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]n}.l}:pQn]mL; miUw]:An]' Aw]tac];KIm}:sG]nn].mL;put]:tqn];SG],tI:yum],ym]kn]El:Sc]' Aw]An]el,Ep, sqk],siuw]:nn].mL;la}:SG],tI:liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].El:Sc]' eSAm],kL;' miUw]:An]yiUc];ma}siUw]; Kw]:kn]w}.nn].' l}:Kam],tc];yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]n}.'mL;Kw]:put]:Aw]Agc]:Aw]tI:mn];kGL, pqt]:nn].yw]."

Destructive conflict is based on that which attacks the Pillars of Harmony.. These are Anxiety, Labeling, and Competitive Goals.  Destructive conflict happens when Trust is replaced with Anxiety, Issues are replaced with Labels, and Interlocked Goals are replaced with Competitive Goals.

An]Ek:lit]:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]n}.' mn];etlUw],eKYL.lgc]:KIm}: sG]lUv]:la};An]hLhG]:l}:tac];yum]ym]nn].El:Sc]' Ka}.pin]pqt]:An]yiUc];pk];sp];tI:el,Ep, sqk],siuw]:nn].eSyiUc];sU;liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].El:Sc]' eSAm],kL;' Aw]sG]sp];w}.niUw]yiUc];ma} siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.Kaw];pgt];tc];Kaw];yaw];nn].eS'yL,Aw]sG]sp];yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn]. El:Sc]'siUw];n}." nG];kn]puk]:kgn],Agn]tac];tI:An]kQw],lgc]:KIm}:sG]'lgc]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:' El:lgc]:yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn].'mn];pQn]An]Kp].Kiuc]KQn],hac]:KiUc]:w}.pn]'tL,sg}:hw];Em;put]:Em;la}:Sw]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]siUw];nn].AiUw]:" An]n}.tk];etlUw],hQt];hG]: yw].Agn]tac];' miUw]:Kk].tgn]:kan]muk].sum];p},tn];Et,sL.lulqw]kGL,nn].yw]."

Resolving destructive conflict requires reducing Anxiety by earning Trust, shifting the focus from Labeling to Issues, and concentrating on short- and long-term Interlocked Goals instead of Competitive Goals. The previous chapters on Anxiety, Labeling, and Competitive Goals were designed to help us replace each of with the  Pillars of Harmony. This should be done before the group processes become destructive.

eKYL.ygm];lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]' Reducing destructive conflict

            Sc]wL:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nG];muk].sum];An]niuic]:n}.' epL;l}:Et,lulqw]mL;lg};lg};yU, nn].yw].n}Et.' ekL.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]n}.lUw],nqt]:Kt];sG]Kiun];Em;ekL,Sac]:'Sw]lk];pk];km]. w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]siUw];nn].PG];PG];sgm];km];lQw]" miUw]:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]n}.pQn]An]sac]: yL.lukw];lqw]nn].' mn];lqp]:etlUw],l}:hQt];kan]pn]tI:' lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn] nn].tc];Sam]lk];yU,yw]." tI:n}:n}.pQn]la};tac];Kk].tgn]:'siUw];An]eteKYL.ygm];pqt]:lgc]: Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]nn].'km]:Pgc]:" mn];pQn]kan]l}:lIlI' miUw]:mI;kUn];2' 20' Am],nn]'200ekL.nn].yU,"

If the conflict in a group has already become destructive, then the leader needs to move quickly to rebuild the Pillars of Harmony. When the conflict is destructive, all three Pillars of Harmony will probably need work. Here are some steps that often reduce destructive conflict: It works with 2, 20, or 200 people.

1.  Aup],kUn];ekL.lG]ekL.nn].eKLeKL"Tgm],tUv];An]wL:mn];pQn]AI:Sc]Aw]Kw]KIm}:sG]"yin];Tgm],Kw]pn]lUv]:tc];An]sg}:hG]:lgc]:KIm}:sG]Kw]ygm];lUc];nn]." wa};eSnn].' tI:eA, Sut];mn];'yac]:Agk],kGL,Tqc]:yac]:Agn],niuc]:eS'El,hLsg}:hQt];tL,eKYL.ygm];tac];KIm}:sG]mn];sa};'Am],nn]ekL:mn];nac];nn].pn]El:" (tUv];Aw]nG];tac];yum],ym]El:lgc]:KI m}:sG]'tI:Pa}niUw]nn].tL.')

2.  tL,hG]:hLhn]pYSnL,Kgc].Km]An]lG]An]nn].n}.' Tam]tUv];wL:liUc]:mn];siUw];nn].pQn] Sc]n}El:" tqm]:ma}tgc];w}.An]wL:'Kw]yip];tiuw]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:mQw];lG]w}.la}la}'n}eS El:wL:etmI;liUc]:mn];AI:Sc]la}la}sac]:Aw]la}:SG],tI:An]el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:nn].n} el:" (tUv];Aw]nG];liUc]:mn];El:lgc]:el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:'tI:Pa},niUw]n}.nn].tL.')

3.  liUk]:Aw]liUc]:mn];'Am],nn]'pYSnL,Kgc]Km]An]niuc]:'An]mI;yiUc];ma}Kw]:kn]w}.nn].eS'An]kUn];kU:ekL.sac]:hn]l}sqc]:lqc];lInn].El:"pin],pa},yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn].'lqk]:la}:pQn]yiUc];ma}siUw]:Kw]:kn]w}.nn].eSyw].'yuk].tac],nm].sG]KG]:hQt];Sac]:sgm];kn]pn]'tI:tG]:yiUc];ma}siUw]:Kw]:kn]w}.An]niuc]:nn].tL."(tUv];Aw]nG];yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.'El:yiUw];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]'tI:Pa},niUw]nn].tL.')

4.  sg}:kUn];tc];la}Kw]hQt];Sac]:niUw]liUc]:pYSnL,Kgc].Km]mn];siUw];nn].kGL,'Pgc];miUc]:Kw]sG]lusG]tUk];sgm];' yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.nn]."

5.  epL:wL:pYSnL,Kgc].Km]An]niuc]:n}.Ek:K}pn]kGL,yw].n}suic]'liUk]:Aw]pYSnL,Kgc].Km]Tqc]:An]niuc]:nn].eS'yiUc]:Sm].sgm];Kk].tgn]:kan]ekL,Sac]:lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]nn].'pQn]Km].pQn]tgn]:kGL,tL."

1.   Talk with people separately. Listen for what is making them Anxious.  Listening to them will help reduce their anxieties.  Then take at least a minor step to further reduce his or her anxiety. (See Trust and Anxiety above).

2.   For each problem found, ask what the Issues are. Note what labels are being used and what issues could replace those labels. (See Issuers and Labeling above).

3.   Select one issue or problem which has an Interlocked Goal that everyone can clearly see. Change any Competitive Goals to Interlocked Goals and promote working together under an Interlocked Goal (see Interlocked Goals and Competitive Goals above).

4.   Help the people to work on the issues of this problem while stressing the Interlocked Goals.

5.   When one problem is resolved, select another problem and repeat the process to build harmony step by step.

           

miUw]:An]tiuk].hQt];kGL,sgm];Kk].tgn]:kan]mn];yU,n}.'yac]:Kiun]:nL,kGL,tL,wn];miUw];nL: (AnL,kt].)tik];tik];' yL,wa},hUn]lc]kGL,sU;Kiun];An]pUn].mL;wn];Agn](AtQt].)nn].Sc]"

In following the process, be oriented toward the future, not toward the past.

epL;wL:kUn];tc];la}Kw]' Aup],lat]:lgc]:wn];Agn]lUv]:nG];tac];Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]sac]: yL.lukw];lqw]n}.'pQn]Kw]TQc]kn]'niUw]lgc]:Kiun];EpEntI:pgc]:An]pQn]mL;miUw]:kgn]wn];Agn]nn]."muk].sum];tc];Sgc]sum];n}.etEn;kn]tac],ApYt]:kn]yw]." An]n}.n}.' mn];kGL,pn]hqc];el, Ep,sqk],siuw]:'El:'yiUc];ma}sUiw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]nn]." mac]pgk]:mac]lG]n}.'lUw]l}:Kiun];Em;ekL,Sac]: An]l}:pQn]mL;wn];Agn]siUw];nn].pn]'nc],hiuw]lgc]:KIm}:sG]epL;eteKYL.ygm];lUc];'kiuc],tan],mI;tL,Kiun]:nL:kGL,sgm];wac];Pqn]mG],tc];la}l}:nn]." kUn];miUc];Kw]n}.tiuk].mI;w}.nG];tac];KIm}:sG]nn].w}.yU, hQt];nn]'han].etL,Aw]lgc]:l}:pQn]mL;tac];la}tm];wac];mqn]:tI:tUk];Kgc].tUk];Aqk],mn];lIyw].nn]." n}.sac]:pQn]l}:yU,' kUv];kL:mn];lUw],mI;nm]kt].tac];emLnm]eSkt].Kqn],Et.Et."

When people talk about the past in a destructive conflict, they argue over interpretations of past events. Both groups will blame each other. This encourages both Labeling and Competitive Goals. Sometimes the past events need to be reconstructed for people's anxiety to be lowered enough to move to new plans. The people remain Anxious until the events are laid out. This can be done but requires great skill.

mI;kGam];sap]:lqp]:An]niuc]:wL:'!Em;Ek:pYSnL,nn].tL.'yL,hLkGL,Em;An]ES.En;'@n}El:'Tqc];An]niuc]:wL:'!wac];Pqn]pun]:wn];miUw];nL:'Am],sG]:tL,pun]:wn];Agn]'@n}.yw]."siUw];n}.n}.' pQn]ma}mI:piun].Kam],siUw];lIhQt];sgm];miUw]:Ek:lit]:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nn].AiUw]:"

There is a saying: "fix the problem, not the blame", and another that says: "plan for the future, not the past."  These are good principles to follow in resolving conflict.

           

lgc]:pg},wac]:KGac].pn]'n}.eK;etsac]:pQn]'Am],nn]'Am],pQn]nG];fic]:Tuc];An]niuc]:nn]."Sc]wL:mn];pQn]yU,epL;n}siuc]'mn];etpQn]An]sg}:An]Tqm]'miUw]:Ek:lit]:lgc]:mat],sUk].sQp];sG]'An]l}:pQn]mL;tI:kUn];tc];la}Kw]hQt];etL,kn]' nG];la};tac];Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]sac]:yL.lukw]; lqw]nn].'yU,yw]." mn];mI;lgc]:tac];An]kuic]cam],lImn];w}.An]niuc]:yU,'tI:An]wL:hG]:hQt];yiUc]; sU;lgc]:pg},wac];KGac].pn]kn]n}nn]." mn];Agn]Aw]kUn];tc];la}Kiun];hQt];kan]sgm];kn]Tqc]:km]; niuc]:AiUw]:" mn];Sak]:SL,Kaw];yam];El:ciun];SQc]:'tI:An]wL:lUw],l}:Aw]kUn];ekL.niuc]:'Am]nn] ekL:' kUn];tc];nm]put]:tqn];SG],Agc]:tI:kUn];siUw];Agk],muk].sum];kGL,'ygn].piUw]:An]Am],Tuk],emL epL;kGam];kn]nn]." lgc]:pg},wac];KGac].pn]kn]n}.' mn];yuk].tac],lgc]:Tuk].emLkn]'lUv]:An]sI. sm]:EnwL:'kUn];kU:ekL.n}.mI;kL:mI;Kn]n}" lgc]:pg},wac];KGac].pn]n}.' lqp]:etl}:An]km].Tqm]pn] nm]TiSut];piUn]:nn].yU,'Sc]wL:sum];nn].pQn]sum];Krit]:yan],n}Et.' piUw]:wL:Krit]:yan],Kw] n}.hp].Aw]An]sw]:ey,SupUc]Sgn]pn]w}.wL:' hG]:pg},wac];KGac].pn]eS' hk].piUn]:tac],ekL.siUw]; nn].n}n}.' pQn]TiSgc]tam];sgm];tI:An]lUw]hk].TL,wrL.JPL;sw]:'n}nn].yw]."

Forgiveness may or may not be part of the culture. If it is, it is very helpful in resolving the pain resulting from the way people have treated each other in the destructive conflict. There is a good reason to work towards forgiveness. It gets people working together again. It saves the time and cost that it would take to replace that person or persons if they left the group because of the disharmony, and it promotes harmony by showing everyone is valued. Forgiveness is most likely to be supported if it is a Christian group, as Christians are taught by Jesus to forgive and that loving others is second only to loving God..

           

mn];sac]:mI;An]pgc],sG]Pit];w}.tI:' kQw],lgc]:pg},wac]:KGac].pn]kn]nn].yU," pg},wac];KGac]. pn]An]wL:n}.'mn];Am],sG]:An]pg},lium];pqt]:lum];lum];nn]." mn];Am],sG]:lgc]:An]wL:Kiun];Aw] KiUc]:piUc]tc];la}pQn]Kuin];miUn]piUc]kw],la};kw],'nc],kgn],Agn]miUw]:mn];p},l}:Et,pQn]lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nn].n}Sc]" liUw]eSnn].n}.' mn];pQn]lgc]:tL,kUn];tc];la}Kiun];hQt];kan]sgm];kn]Tqc]: km];niuc]:nn].AiUw]:" tI:tqk],mn];sm].' mI;JSL,emLEm;kL;ekL.niuc]:'mn];kGL,sac]:kUn];emLEm;kL; ekL.niuc]:mL;pQn]kqm]mn];eSsg}:mn];" mn];Tam]kUn];mG],ekL.nn].wL:'!sgc],mG];emLEm;KiUc]:JTn],S mit].SYin];mn];(transmissions)?'@wL:n}" kUn];mG],ekL.nn].wL:'!eAL:KL:'@n}yw]." piUw]:n}El: epL:lQc].nn].Aw]KiUc]:JTn],Smit].SYin];mL;pn]mn];Em;yw]." kUv];kL:kUn];mG]ekL.nn].'Am],emL Em;JTn],Smit].SYin];nn].Et.Et.Sc]El:'mn];Am],EmAn]n}.l}:" epL;pQn]nn]'epL:lQc]. nn].sac]:yiut];kan]kUn];mG],ekL.nn].pqt]:yU,yw]."kUv];kL:mn];Sm].etlUw],l}:Kiun];Et,hLeSekL.ekL.mL;sg}:mn];Tqc]:yw]." Am],nn]ekL:' epL:lQc].nn].sac]:pg},wac];KGac].pn]mn];sa};'eS sac]:etAw]mn];hQt];kan]sgm];tI:nn]:yU," kUv];kL:'epL:lQc].etAm],lium];'mn];etAm],Aw] JTn],Smit].SYin];Tqc]:An]niuc]:mL;pn]kUn];mG],ekL.nn].Em;" lgc]:pg},wac];KGac].pn]n}.'lqp]:sac]: pQn]l}:miUw]:An]kUn];mG]ekL.nn].'eKYL;wgn];epL:lQc].mn];lgc]:wL:mn];n}.lIyum],yU,wL:n}'eSEl: wL:'mn];etAm],lat]:@eAL:KL:'@n}Tqc]:'tI:miUw]:mn];Tuk],lIlat]:'!Am],sG]:'Am],emLKL:'@n}nn]." pg},wac];KGac].pn]An]wL:n}.'mn];Am],sG]:An]pg},luim];pqt]:nn]." mn];pQn]An]Ka}.pin]sU;nL: kan]mG],'lUv]:An]Kiun];Em;pUk];Et,tc]:lgc]:Kw]:Agk],kp];Siuw],kn]kGL,nn].yw]."

There can be a misunderstanding about forgiveness. Forgiving is not forgetting. It is not about returning things to the way they were before the conflict began. Rather it is about people working together again. For example, a car mechanic hires a new assistant mechanic to help him. He asks the new man, "Can you fix transmissions?" The new man says, "Yes". So the boss gives him a transmission to fix. But the new man does not really know how to fix transmissions, and he cannot fix this one. The boss then could fire the new man. But he would have to start again looking for someone to help. Or the boss could forgive him, that is, could keep him working there. But the boss would not forget; he would not give the new man another transmission to fix! Forgiveness is only likely if the new man convinces the boss that he is trustworthy, and will not say, "yes" again when he should have said "no". Forgiving is not forgetting; it is moving on to new tasks with restored relationships.

kUn];wUc]:kac]' Mediators

            tI:piUc]lItqk]:niUc];An]K}:EnmL;pL:niUc]n}.'lam];np].Sgn]wL:'lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]nn].n}.'p},l}:tn];yL.lqw]tac];yum]ym]nn].kgn],wL:n}El:" epL;Am],pL; mI;tac];yum],ym]kn]n}.'kUn];mac]ekL.etAm],K}:Enlgc]:Kw]KIm}:sG]'El:liUc]:mn];siUw];An]lUw] l}:hQt];kGL,pQn]Kk].pQn]yac]:nn].pn]'hG]:epL;kiuc],tan],kum],TUn]:lI" Kk].yac]:tgn]:siUw];nn]. ekL:'etAm],pQn]kan]l}:'Sc]siUw].ekL.pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]n}.l}:Kam],ma}Tiuw]tUv];hn]wL:mn];sp];w}.Pa},niuc]:n}nn]." kUv];eSAm],kL;'Sc]wL:epL;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nn].hqc].pQn]An]sac]:yL. lukw];lqw]nL,pUn].tI:AL:lL;nn].epL;n}ekL:'mn];etAm],pQn]kan]l}:"

The example above assume that the destructive conflict has not yet destroyed Trust. Without Trust, some people will not share enough about their Anxieties and Issues for the steps to work. The steps also will not work if the leader is strongly identified with one of the sides. Nor will it work if the conflict is too destructive.

           

epL;wL:Kk].tgn];kan]siUw];lat]:EnpL:niUw]n}.Am],pQn]kan]yw].' epL;n}siuc]' mn];et lUw],l}:hLhgc].kUn];ngk]:sum];eSekL.ekL.nn].mL;yw]." kUn];ekL.An]l}:Kam],liUk]:nn].' tk]; lUw],l}:pQn]An]kUn];siUw];Kw]:kQw]pL;sgm];lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]Kw]kU:ekL.' sac]:yum]ym]mn];l}: nn].yw]." km]:nm]tL,An]n}.n}.' mn];k}.l}:pQn]PU:Agn]hUw]Pa},PL,SL,SL,SnL,ekL.An]'mU, sum];Kgp],wUc];kUn];tI:nn]:yum],ym]'kgp]:piUw]:wL:Kw]yam]:sg}:Ek:lit]:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]mL;miUw]:kgn],Agn]tac];nn]." kUn];ekL.lIl}:liUk]:Tqc]:tac],ekL.nn].sm].'kUn];wUc]:kac]ekL.l}:mI;kan] Piuk];Sgn]w}.lIlInn].yw]."

If the above process does not work, then it is necessary to bring in someone from outside the group. The person selected must be a person everyone involved in the conflict can trust. It is common for this to be a religious leader whom the community trusts because they have helped resolve conflicts before. Another good person to select is a trained mediator. 

           

pU,SmL,Ti'Am],nn]ekL:' PU:Tt];Sin]ekL.niuc]:n}.'mn];l}:Tgm],yin];Aw]kU:pL:kU:Pa}, tac];mUt];eSyw].'sc],tqp];tt];pn]wL:ekL.lG]man],mqn]:siuw]:sG]n}nn]." pQn]hiuw]ekL:yL,'mI;pU, SmL,Tisg}:pn]w}.yU,yw].n}eStL.ekL:'mn];tiuk].etmI;w}.pYSnL,Kgc].Km]tc];nm]" An]pQn]cw]: cun];hup]:sutum]pYSnL,Kgc].Km]An]niuc]:n}.' pQn]An]mn];hQt];hG]:kUn];miUc];tc];la}Kw]'pQn]w}.Sa}ca} cw];la};KG]:EK.KQc],kn]nn]." pYSnL,Kgc].Km]Tqc]:tac],An]nn].sm].' kUn];siUw];pQn]pYSnL,Kgc]. Km]kn]w}.tc];Sgc]pL:Sgc]Pa},n}.'sac]:eK;ethan].sG]han].eKL;Kw]w}.wL:'Kw]man]mqn]:siuw]:sG]:yU,n}'(el,Ep,sqk],siuw]:sp];Pa},)" piUw]:n}El:'Pa},An]l}:Sum];n}.'etAm],mI;tac];yum]ym]tI:pU,S mL,Tinn].Sc]eS'ethLla};tac];tac],An]pin],lqk]:la}:eKL;tqp];tt];Kw]yw]." mn];etAm], mI;yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.'mQw];An]ethQt];hG]:kUn];tc];la}Kw]Kiun];mL;hQt];Sac]:sgm];kn]nn].Sc]yw]." epL;n}'tI:n}:'Am],lUw],pn]eKL:hp].hn]Tiuc]'hG]:Aw]la};lum];JtL;SmL,TiEk:K}pn]nn]."

An arbitrator or judge hears all sides and makes a decision as to who is right. However, there are problems with having an arbitrator. A central problem is that it puts the people in a competitive situation. Another problem is that both sides in a conflict can become convinced that they are right (labeling bias). So the losing side will lose trust in the arbitrator and look for another way to change the decision. There is no Interlocking Goal to bring people back together. Arbitration is not recommended.

           

kUn];wUc]:kac]n}.hQt];tL,Aw]kUn];sum];Kw]mL;hQt];kan]sgm];kn]Tqc]:nn].AiUw]:" tI:Ek: lit]:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nn].' kUn];wUc]:kac]ekL.niuc]:n}.' mn];l}:mI;nm].tgn];Pgn];lIAn] tgn];eSPU:Agn]hUw]nn].w}.Sgc]An]yU,yw]." An]niuc]:n}.sm].'kUn];wUc]:kac]n}.l}:mI;An]kUn]; kU:ekL.yum]ym]w}.nn]." n}.sm].'pQn]kgp]:piUw]:wL:kUn];wUc]:kac]Kw]n}.pQn]ekL.Am],sp];Pa},'(KG]:pgc], wL:'Kw]n}.Am],pQn]sG]pQn]Pa},kUn];ekL.lG]'Am],nn]ekL:'muk].sum];sum];lG]')'nn].El:kUn];tc];la}n}.sac]:K}:Enlgc]:An]Kw]KG]:mgk],KG]:lat]:nn].'tI:kUn];wUc]:kac]ekL.etL,ekL.eS' ekL.pQn]kUn]; wUc]:kac]n}.ekL:'etAm],Aw]lgc]:Kw]lat]:nn].K}:En' tI:piUn]:tac],ekL.siUw];An]pL;sgm];lgc]: Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nn]." Kk].tgn]:kan]la};yU,wUc]:kac]sg}:Ek:n}.'mn];sg}:kUn];tc];la}Kw]Em;Kp]. tm];liUc]:mn];siUw];Kgc].Km]kn]nn].lUv]:la};mI;tac];hUm],lUm]:lIw}." liUw]eSn}.Am],kL;'kUn];wUc]: kan]ekL.niuc]:n}.'l}:mI;An]Piuk];Sgn]pn]El:kan]TUp];muiw];'tI:tL,sg}:Ek:lit]:'lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]'eSyap],nL,nL,siUw];nn]." la};yU,wUc]:kac]sg}:Ek:n}.'mn];k}.TiUc]; eSla};lum];JtL;SmL,TiEk:K}pn]nn].'kgp]:piUw]:wL:kUn];wUc]:kac]n}.mn];Am],tqp];tt];pn]' ca}; miUn]nc],pU,SmL,TiekL.niuc]:hQt];hiuw]Ek:lit]:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]nn].' kUv];kL:Kk].tgn]:kan] la};yU,wUc]:kac]sg}:Ek:n}.' mn];hQt];hG]:kUn];tc];la}mI;hqc];tL,hp].pQn]sw]:Kgc]' lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]: tn]nn].eSyw].'hQt];Sac]:sgm];kn]pun]:tL,eKL:Ek:K}Kaw];yaw];'mQw];An]kUn];kU:ekL.sUm];Tuk],sG]mqn]:sG]sgm];nn].AiUw]:"

A mediator works to bring the group back together again. A mediator has two advantages over the leader in resolving conflict. First, the mediator has the trust of everyone. This is because mediators are neutral (meaning that they are not on the side of any one person or group), and so people can share anything they want with the mediator in private, and the mediator will not share what they said with the other people in the conflict. The mediation process helps people to sort through coflicting issues in a safe, thorough manner. In addition, a mediator has the training and experience to work with very difficult destructive conflicts. Mediation is often slower than arbitration because the mediator does not decide how a conflict will be resolved like an arbitrator does, but the mediation process empowers people to take ownership of the conflict, and work together for a long-term solution that everyone is pleased with.

           

lk];Sam]lk];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.' pQn]An]sg}:ham]:tap]:Eh.SI;yL,hG]:l}:mI; lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]nn].yw]." kUv];kL:'Sc]siUw].wL:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]: tn]n}.'l}:pQn]mL;Et.nn].n}ekL:'Sw]lk];siUw];pk];km].w}.lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]n}.'pQn]piUc]lIyiUc]:'An]lIAw]Ek:lit]:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]nn].'El:Aik],'Aw]Kiun];pUk];Et,tc]:pn]lgc]:Tuk],emLkn]'nn].yU,yw]."

The Three Pillars of Harmony help prevent destructive conflict. But if conflict does happen, the Pillars of Harmony is a good model for to resolving destructive conflict and restoring harmony.

eKL:kGam];Kiuk].tgn];siUw];lIpgc],sqc]:lqc];sG]w}.'

            pac]Aup],AUw];mQw];pQn]An]km].An]Tqm]'

pac]Aup],AUw];mQw];An]Am],Pgm].l}:sG]'

sum];mI;hqc];SUn];tUc].niuc]'

lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]'

Kk].yac]:Ek:lit]:lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]'

!Em;Ek:pYSnL,nn].tL.'yL,hLkGL,Em;An]ES.En;'@

lgc]:pg},wac];KGac].pn]'

kUn];wUc]:kac]'

Special Words to Understand

Supportive discussion

            Disagreeing discussion

            Dynamic group

            Destructive conflict

            Steps in resolving destructive conflict

            "Fix the problem, not the blame." 

            Forgiveness

            Mediator

ma}mI:la};piUc]Kp].tam];kn]st];hQt];pac]kum] Rules of Order for Conducting Meetings

            AQn];Aan];m}mI:piUc]Kp].tam];kn]n}.sm].' pQn]tL,etkm].sg}:pn]' hG]:mI;Sun],lIPQc],pQc]; miUn]kn]eS'l}:mI;eAL;sL,hUm],cm];w}.niUw]muk].sum];nn].El:' hG]:l}:mI;lgc]:AL,mKam],w}.lgc]:tL, Aw]la};tI,mUw],Ker,SI,eStqt];tt];kGL,n}nn].yw]." ma}mI:siUw];n}.' pQn]An]sg}:hG]:muk].sum]; hQt];kan]mqn]:ym]Tiuc]tI:Tiuc]tac];mn];lInn].AiUw]:'(kUv];kL:An]n}.Am],epL;lm],lgc]:tan],'An]mI;Sun],l}:PQc],pQc];miUn]kn]'El:la};tm];eKL:tqp];tt];sgm];lgk];piUc]tI,mUw],Ker,SI,)"

The purpose of Rules of Order is to provide everyone equal opportunity to influence the group,  and to assure that decisions are made democratically.  They also help the group work more efficiently (but this is less important than equal opportunity and democratic decision making).

           

tI:n}:n}.mn];mI;w}.Piun]ma}mI:2Piun]'-'An]Am],sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]'El:An]sgm];Tuc];k}. SU:pQn]" ma}mI:siUw];Am],sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]n}.' Aw]yip];tiuw];miUw]:kUn];tc];la}Kw]' np].ym]kn] eShQt];Sac]:Kw]:tin]Kw]:miuw];sgm];kn]w}.lInn]." ma}mI:siUw];nn].n}.' ATU;mn];pQn]An]sg}: An]Tqm]tL,muk].sum];Agn],tc];la}Kw]nn].Et.Et.yw]."(tqk]:'eA,eSkUn];10ekL.)" ma}mI: siUw];sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]n}.'Aw]yip];tiuw];nG];muk].sum];yG],sum];lUc]Kw](kUn];mI;nm]liUw]eS30ekL.)nn].eS' pQn]tL,hG]:mI;la};Kp].tam];kn]An]lIliUw]nn].El:Sc]' tL,Aw]yip];tiuw];hQt];sgm]; sum];Agn],Kw]kGL,'vL;miUw]:mn];mI;lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]An]sac]:yL.lukw];lqw]nn].El:Sc]' tL,miUw]:kUn];Kw]:sum];eSekL.ekL.ygn];hG]:hQt];pn]nn].El:Sc]'nn].yw]." m}mI:siUw];sgm];Tuc]; k}.SU:pQn]n}.' pQn]ma}mI:Kgt],ygt]:lUp];lc]mn];" epL;wL:ma}mI:siUw];Am],sgm];Tuc];k}.pQn]nn].'l}: Kam],An]kUn];Kw]:sum];eSekL.ekL.n}.mL;sam];eSla};la};'epL;n}suic]' muk].sum];n}.etl}:pin], Aw]hUw]eKL:yg}:An]nn].'hQt];kGL,nG];lgk];la};piUc]Sac]:sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]'nn].yw]."

There are 2 versions of the Rules: informal and formal. Informal rules are used when people are respecting each other and working well together. They are particularly helpful with small groups (e. g., less than 10). Formal rules are used with large groups (more than 30) to keep better order and with smaller groups either when there is some destructive conflict or any member requests it. The formal rules are the final rules; if the informal rules are challenged by any member, the group reverts to the formal procedure for that item.

           

muk].sum];kU:sum];tc];SQc]:n}.k}.yip];tiuw];'la};ekL,mItI,nn].kGL,pQn]pgk];pQn]KL," sum]; siUw];n}.n}.pQn]sum];Agn],tc];la}Kw]nn].yw].' siUw];Kw]n}.k}.yam]:l}:wUn].K}:sG]tUv];lgc]:A ey;An]niuc]:luik].luik].lm],lm],'eSKiun];la};can];pgc],Kaw],Tiuc]miUw]:kUn];sum];es;kn]mUt];nn]."ekL,mI,tI,An]niuc]:n}.'eK;etsac]:Kw]:pL;kUn];ngk]:ekL.niuc]:' tL,etpn]van],lUc].lqn],Aqk]; Spiut].Kw]'mQw];An]Am],l}:hn]mI;nG];muk];sum];nn].El:Sc]'Am],nn]ekL:' tLhG]:nL:kan]pun]: Pgn];nk];mI;niUw]muk].sum];nn].epL;mw]El:Sc]'nn].yw]." ekL,mI,tI,Kw]n}.l}:Kiun];la};can];pgc], Kaw],' lgc]:eKL:tqp];tt];lUp];lc]An]Kw]hQt];Sac]:w}.nn].' Tiuc]tI:muk].sum];"

All groups occasionally use committees. These are smaller groups, used to consider a matter in more depth and then to report back to the full group. The committee may have people from outside the group to give special expertise not found in the group or to reduce the workload of the group. Committees report back their conclusions to the group.

PU:nc]:siuc]:' The Chair

            muk].sum];n}.etmI;eSekL.ekL.'!nc]:siuw]:@pac]kum]nn].pn]" puc],man],mn];n}.Kw]nc]:' (tI:nc]:PU:Agn]hUw])Am],nn]ekL:'suk];tI:An]sac]:hn]tUw]El:yin];SQc]Kw]l}:ca}:ca}:nn]."

A group will have someone "chair" the meeting. They generally sit (in the leader's chair) or stand where they can be easily seen and heard.

            pun]:Pgn];nL:kn]PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.mI;Sam]An]'

The duties of the chair are three:

1.       hac]:hqn];Kp].ma}pac]kum]" n}.pQn]An]hQt];Sa}ma}lgc]:wL:pac]kum]nn].etmI;lgc]: tL,Aup],AI:Sc]la}la}nn].' El:etKp].tam];kn]Aup],kGL,siUc].hiuw]n}nn]." puc],man],mn];sm].' mn];k}.Et,'lUv]:An]lUAan],el:An]mk];mn]:minit].Puin]ma}tgc];pac]kum]km];liun];Sut];nn].'siUw];n}.yw]." An]lUAan],n}.'mn];sg}:hQt];hG]:kUn];kU:ekL.l}:yin];Kiun];lgc]:An]l};pQn]mL;nG]; muk].sum];nn].Tqc]:mG],mG],km];niuc]:nn]." eKL:mk];mn]:nn].sm].'pn]hG]:kUn];eSekL.ekL.n}.sac]: l}:sI.sm]:EnAn]vL;hQt];Pit];w}.nG];minit].Piun]ma}tgc];pac]kum]km];liuun];Sut];nn].yw]." wa}; eSnn].n}.sm].' muk].sum];etAgn]kn]wUn].K}:sG]tUv];kan]kw],kw],'pQn]An]mI;w}.nG];hUw]eKL:yg}: kQw],lgc]:siUw];An]muk].sum];l}:hQt];yw].mL;Agn]tac];nn]." Kgt],ygt],luin];Sut];mn];n}.sm].' pQn]tL,kan]mG],mG],kU:An]'siUw];pQn]An]Kw]:pL;nG];hUw]eKL:yg}:An]muk].sum];Am],l}:wUn].K}:sG]tUv];w}.TL:Agn]tac];nn].yw]." An]Aup],AUw];kn]'El:An]Pgm].l}:sG]sgm];' Kp].ma}sqn],pac]kum] An]mI;w}.nn].n}.' pQn]kan]An]muk].sum];lUw],l}:hQt];kGL,km];Agn]tac];Sut];Sut];nn]."

2.       st];hQt];pac]kum]" PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.hQt];sgm];nc],Kp].ma}sqn],pac]kum]mI;nn]. eS'sg}:Tqm]muk].sum];Aup],AUw];liUc]:mn];liUc]:lG]liUc]:nn].kGL,'eSEl:Ek:lit]:kGL,sgm];la};Sac],Tuk],mn];nn].yw]." tI:nG];muk].sum];Am]sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]siUw];nn].n}.sm].'ekL.PU:nc]:siuc]: n}.ekL:Kw]:Aup],AUw];sgm];kUn];Kiun]:pac]kum]Kw]'kL:sUw]:An]PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.Am],kGL,kum];kgn];lgc]: Aup],AUw];El:An]Agk],pQn]mL;tI:pac]Aup],AUw];nn].'w}.hQt];nn]nn]." tI:nG];sum];An]sgm]; Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]siUw];nn].n}.sm].'ekL.pQn]PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.w}.StilIlIeSst];hQt];pac]kum]kGL,' pun],tL,hG]:epL;mI;AL,mKam],lgc]:wL:'kU:ekL.n}.l}:Kam],hQt];etL,sgm];JtL;PQc],pQc];yU,n}nn].'eSEl:'mn];Am],mI;Kaw];yam];tL,etKw]:sim]Aup],AUw];sgm];Sc]" (nG]sum];yG],sum];lUc]nn].'mn]; tiun];etmI;eSekL.ekL.mL;Tqm]SG],tI:Aup],AUw];kn]nn].' ca};miUn]la};An]PU:nc]:siuc]:ekL.niuc]: lUw],hQt];nn].yU,' Sc]wL:mn];mI;mL;siUc].nn]siuc]' PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.sac]:liUk]:pn]pun]:Pgn];PU: nc]:siuc]:sUw]:Kaw];ekL.niuc]:'ekL.etSiup],st];hQt];pac]kum]kGL,pun]:tL,hUw]eKL:yg}:Kp].ma}sqn],pac]kum]'An]PU:nc]:siuc]:Kam],sL;nG];sG]wL:tUw]mn];ekL.lUw],lw]:lat]:tiUc],kaw]Tiuc]pac]kum]n}nn].")

nc],An]nL:kan]PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.' pQn]tL,AL,mKam],pn]hG]:mI;lgc]:lat]:sLhQt];Sac]: etL,kn]PQc],PQc],pQc];pQc];kU:ekL.nn].' PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.'Am],Aw]sn].kan]w}.Sc]eSAn]" ekL.pQn]PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.Am],mI;Kqp];Em;tL,tgt]:'(pqc],liUw]eSlUw],Kw]:Ek:vL;miUw]:PG]Am],ep.PG]taw].kn]w}.siUc].nn]')

3.       hQt];hG]:mI;lgc]:AL,mKam],w}.' An]wL:' eKL:tqp];tt];An]muk].sum];tm];wac];kGL, siUw];nn].n}.' hG]:Aw]hQt];Sac]:ePL,nm].eP,tUw]kGL,sgm];kU:nn]n}nn]."

1. Prepare an agenda, listing what the meeting will cover and in what order. Generally, it starts with the reading and approval of the minutes of the last meeting. The reading helps refresh everyone on what has been happening in the group. The approval allows someone to point out any mistake in the minutes of the last meeting. Next the group considers old business, which are all items that the group has worked on before. Finally is any new business, which includes items not previously considered by the group. Discussing and agreeing on the agenda is the first task of the group.

            2. Conduct the meeting. The chair follows the agenda and helps the group discuss each issue and resolve them as appropriate. In informal groups, the chair will enter into the discussion along with other members of the group -- so long as the chair does not control the discussion and outcome. In formal groups, the chair carefully conducts the meeting to be sure everyone is treated fairly, and has no time to  enter into the discussion. (In large groups, there will almost always be someone who will add to the discussion in the way the chair would have; if that is no so, the chair can appoint a temporary chair who conducts the meeting for the one agenda item the chair feels the need to address.)

            As the chair's task is to ensure equal treatment for all, the chair does not take a position. The chair has no vote (except to break a tie).

            3. Assure that any decisions reached by the group are carried out.

tUc].tac],lat]:' Motions

            yiUc];Aan];"tL,pn]eKL:hp].hn]Tiuc]kQw],lgc]:tUc].niuc]hQt];Sac]:An]niuc]tI:muk].sum]; nn].n}El:'sc],l}:hQt];An]!tUc].tac],lat]:@An]niuc]:" tI:tqk]:mn];n}.sm].' An]tUc]. tac],lat]:An]niuc]:n}.' pQn]An]Aw]siUw];lUw],l}:Aup],AUw];kn]nG];pac]kum]nn].mL;hQt];pQn]w}. nn].yw].'(Kp].ma}sqn],pac]kum])"

Purpose:  To recommend an action to the group, a "motion" is made. For example, a motion is made of what to discuss in the meeting (the Agenda).

            Kp].ma}sqn],pac]kum]" An]n}.n}.' pQn]Sa}ma}hUw]eKL:siUw];etl}:Aw]Aup],AUw];nG];pac]kum] nn]." An]n}.l}:tqm];sn]Kp].w}.kgn],Agn]tac];miUw]:p},pQn]pac]kun]nn].eSyw].'l}:Aw]tac], Tiuc]tI;pac],kum]nn]." epL;hQt];nn]yw].ekL:' An]Aw]Kp].ma}sqn],pac]kum]mL;tac],Tiuc]n}.' l}: pQn]mI;mL;An]tUc].tac],lat]:An]niuc]:tL,muk].sum];' An]wL:ethp].hiuw]' Am],nn]'etKG]:Em; pin],lqk]:la}:Km].ma}sqn],nn].hiuw]n}nn].yw]." tqk]:'!nc],l}:pQn]PU:nc]:siuc]:pac]kum]n}.nn].' kw]KL:tUc].niuc]kGL,pun]:tL,hG]:hw];hL;hQt];sgm];Kp].ma}sqn],pac]kum]' An]tiuk].sc],hLpn]SUKw]w}. nn].yw]."@

Agenda: This is the list of topics to be discussed in the meeting. It is drawn up before the meeting and presented to the meeting. The presentation of  the Agenda is then a motion for the group to accept or change the agenda. E. g., "As chair of this meeting. I move that we follow the agenda that has just been given to you."

            ekL,mI,tI," ekL,mI,tI,An]niuc]:n}.' puc],man],mn];'l}:la};can];pgc],Kaw]Tiuc]pL;tc];eKL: hp].hn]Tiuc]An]niuc]:nn].eSKgt],ygt]:lUp];lc]kGL," Sc]wL:pQn]siUc].nn]siuc]' eKL:hp].hn] Tiuc]nn].'pQn]An]tUc].tac],lat]:nn].kGL,hc];kUv];mn];eS'pQn]An]etl}:Aw]Aw]Aup],AUw];'El:tgt]:Kqp];Em;tqt];tt];pn]nn].yw]."

 Committee: A committee report generally concludes with a recommendation. If so,  that recommendation is automatically a motion to be discussed and voted on.

            tUc].tac],lat]:tac],An]siUw];nn].' kUn];Kw]:sum];ekL.niuc]:n}.' etsac]:hQt];An] tUc].tac],lat]:An]niuc]:l}:'miUw]:wL:mn];kp].ka},kn]tc];hUw]eKL:yg}:Kp].ma}sqn],pac]kum]'An]tiuk].Aw]Aup],AUw];kn]yU,nn].yw]."

Other motions: Any member of the group may make a motion if it is relevant to the agenda item being discussed.

            Am],sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]" PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.eK;etsac]:' Aic]niUw]lgc]:Aup],AUw];kn] nn].eS' etpiun]Paw],Agk],'An]tUc].tac],lat]:An]niuc]:yU," tqk]:"!lgc]:Aup],AUw];kn] n}.pn]van],tI:hw];wL:' nG];hw];km]:Pgc]:n}.KG]:sac]:mit].StL,kYOn];mL;pQn]kUn];pt];PQw]wL:n} yw]." piUw]:n}El:' nn].pQn]An]tUc].tac],lat]:' An]lUw],Aw]Aup],AUw];nn].yw]."@

Informal: The chair may, based on the discussion, declare a motion. E. g., "The discussion suggests that some of us want to hire Mr. Jones as janitor. So that is the motion to discuss."

            sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]" kUn];Kw];sum];ekL.niuc]:n}.ekL.hQt];An]tUc].tac],lat]:nn]." tqk]:'!sw]:nc]:siuc]:hw];KL:'kw]KL:tUc].niuc]kGL,pun]:tL,hG]:hw];hL;hUp].TUp];kn]kU:liUn]kU:liUn]'PiUw],tL.ethUp].kn]Kqn]:liUn]nn].KL:eAL:"@ ekL.TiSgc]sgm];' eSekL.ekL.tk];lUw],Pgm],l}:sG]tL km].Tqm]sgm];An]tUc].tac],lat]:nn].' lUv]:An]lat]:wL:'!kw]KL:ekL.TiSgc]sgm];An]tUc]. tac],lat]:'eAL:'@"n}nn].yw]." epL;wL:Am],mI;ekL.TiSgc]sgm];'n}Et.' An]tUc].tac],lat]: nn].' etAm],lUw],l}:Aw]Aup],AUw];kUv];Am],kL;Am],lUw],tgt];pn]Kqp];Em;pn]nn].Sc]"

Formal: A member of the group makes the motion. E. g., "Mr. Chair, I move that we meet every month instead of every other month." Second: Someone must agree to support this motion by saying "I second the motion." If there is no second, the motion is neither discussed nor voted on.

Aup],AUw];sgm];An]tUc].tac],lat]:' Discussing the motion

            yiUc];Aan];" An]Aup],AUw];kn]n}.' mn];lUw],l}:mI;kgp]:piUw]:tL,hG]:kUn];ekL.lG]ekL.nn]. sac]:l}:tac],Tiuc]lgc];tac];hn]Tiuc]Kw]siUw];nn].' pqk].wL:mn];etpQn]nG];tac];An]Tuk],mqn]:sG] hiuw]' Am],nn]' nG];tac];An]taw].KQc],Kt];Kiun];nn].'etL,muk].sum];n}ekL:yL,tL." An]Aup], AUw];n}.mn];etsac]:pQn]lgc]:mn];tac];mn];nn].lG]' Am],ekL:' lgc]:Kam],sL;nG];sG]nn].lG]' siUw];n}.yU," mn];lUw]l}:pn]hG]:mI;Kaw];yam];kum],TUn];lI'pun]:nc],hiuw]kUn];kU:ekL.epL;l}:mI;km];lI mn];' pun]:tL,wUn].Sgn],tUv];eSmgk],lat]:sgm];An]tUc].tac],lat]:w}.nn]." pac]Aup],AUw]; lIliUw]n}.pQn]miUw]:epL,mI;mL;An]Aup],An]AUw];kn]Et.nn].yw]."

Purpose:  Discussion is needed so each person can present their views -- whether in favor or opposed -- to the group. These may be facts or feelings. There needs to be ample time so everyone has a chance to think about and speak to the motion. Better decisions are made when discussion occurs.

            PU:nc]:siuc]:" PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.hQt];hG]:mI;AL,mKam],w}.An]wL:'kUn];kU:ekL.n}.l}:mI;km];lI tL,Aup],lat]:yU,n}nn]." PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.' pG].pL;tUv];lUpn]'hG]:An]Aup],AUw];nn].pQn]An] Aup],lat]:sgm];lgc]:hUw]eKL:yg}:nG];Kp].ma}sqn],pac]kum]'An]mI;etL,nL:sum];w}.sc],n}.nn].kUv];"

Chair: The chair makes sure everyone gets a chance to talk. The chair keeps the discussion to only about the one agenda item currently before the group.

            sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:hQt];" ekL,mI,tI,El:Sc]'Am],nn]'ekL.An]tac],Tiuc]mL;An]tUc]. tac],lat]:nn].El:Sc]' etekL.Sac];lac];EnAn]nn]."

Formal: The committee or person making the motion explains it.    

ham]:tap]:An]Aup],AUw];" lgc]:ham]:tap]:An]Aup],AUw];n}.'l}:hQt];miUw]:mn];pQn]pac]kum] An]sgm];k}.SU:pQn]nn].kUv];" An]n}.n}.mn];lm],lgc]:tL,muk].sum];yG],sum];lUc]nn].Et.' kgp]:wL:sum];yG],sum];lUc]n}.sac]:k}.Aup],lat]:epL;Sut];wn];Sut];Kiun];mn];nn]." Kaw];yam];hUw] hup]:tc];mUt];pun]:tL,Aup],AUw];kn]nn].El:' Kaw];yam];mk];Kan];w}.pn]tL,ekL.lG]ekL.nn]. Aup],lat]:n}.' mn];Kw]:pL;w}.nG];Kp].ma}sqn],pac]kum]nn].w}.yw].eSEl:'PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.ekL.SG], hqc];AL,nL,pn]kGL,sgm];nn].yw]." nc]hiuw]epL;etlp].lgc];tI:wL:'hG]:pa};muc]:hn]An]mI;w}.la}la} mQw];siUw];nn].epL;l}:tac],Tiuc]mL;n}eSEl:' pn]hG]:ekL.An]Tuk],mqn]:sG]sgm];An]tUc].tac], lat]:nn].Aup],lat]:km];Agn]tac];' wa};nn].yw].sc],hG]:ekL.Kt];Kiun];nn].lat]:'epL;hQt]; nn]yw].pn]ekL.An]Tuk],mqn]:sG]nn].lat]:' eSSiup],pn]ekL.Kt];Kiun];Tqc]:tac],ekL.nn]. lat]:' hQt];nn]kGL,han].etL,epL;Am],mI;PG]Agk],sG]KG]:lat]:Sc]Tqc]:nn].el:Sc]' Am],nn]' etL,Kaw];yam];mn];epL;mUt];SQc]:kGL,yw].nn].El:Sc]' siUc].nc],nn]" kUn];ekL.lG]ekL.nn]. n}.sac]:l}:lat]:pgk]:lQw]kUv];' Sc]siUw].wL:Am]mI;tac],ekL.Tam]Kw]eKL:Tam]nn]." epL;wL: Kaw];yam];mn];yc];tiuk].mI;yU,El:' nG];sum];Pa},niuc]:n}.Am],mI;PG]KG]:Aup],KG]:lat]:Sc]Tqc]:eS ekL.yw].n}siuc]' kUn];Tqc]:tac],Pa},nn].sac]:l}:Siup],lat]:kGL,yU,yw]."

Restricting discussion: Restricting discussion is only done when a meeting is formal. It is important in large groups because a large group could talk all day. The total time for discussion and the time limit for each person to talk is included in the Agenda, and then enforced by the chair. To be sure a variety of views are presented, a person in favor of the motion speaks first, then a person opposed, then one in favor, then another opposed until no one else wishes to speak or the time is gone. Each person can speak only once unless another person asks them a question. If there is still time and one side has no one else wishing to speak, people for the other side can continue to speak.

            tL,etAw]Kaw];yam];Aup],AUw];nn].pgt]:' El:tL,hG]:mI;AL,mKam],lgc]:wL:' An]km]. El:Kt];siUw];l}:hU.w}.nn].epL;l}:mgk],Enw}.mUt];yw].n}nn].' nG];Puin]ekL,mI,tI,la};can];pgc], Kaw],n}.' ethQt];eKL:eyL:lgc]:km].El:Kt];siUw];nn].w}.pn]nc],mn];l}:hn]Kw]mI;nn].yw]." wa};eSnn].' kUn];tac],siUw];Kw]etsac]:Tqm]SG],elL;tac];muc]:hn]Kw]nn].yU,"

To shorten discussion time and to assure that known pro's and can's are mentioned, a committee report may summarize the pro's and con's as it sees them. Then others may add their views.

mUn].Em:An]tUc].tac],lat]:' Amending a Motion

            yiUc];Aan];" mn];k}.mI;An]Aup],AUw];nn].pn]eKL:van],wL:' hG]:pin],lqk]:la}:An]mI; nG];An]tUc].tac],lat]:nn].n}yw]." An]tUc].tac],lat]:n}.mn];pQn]An]sac]:mUn].Em;l}:' tL,hG]:hQt];sgm];nc],An]KG]:pin],lqk]:la}:nn].yU,"

Purpose: Often the discussion suggests a change in the motion. The motion can be amended to make that change.

            Am],sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]" PU:nc]:siuc]:El:ekL.tUc].tac],lat]:n}.' sac]:pin],lqk]: la}:pn]yU,' Sc]wL:KLPgm].l}:sG]tc];nc]kn]nn]." epL;Am],nn]Et.' etl}:hQt];etL,kGL, eSEk:lit]:kGL,' nc],l}:hQt];etL,An]tUc].tac],lat]:tac],An]kU:An]siUw];nn].yw]."

Informal: The chair and the person making the motion can change it if they both agree. Otherwise it is treated and resolved as any other motion.

            sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]" lgc]:pin],lqk]:la}:An]pn]van],mL;nn].' etl}:Aw]hQt];pQn] An]tUc].tac],lat]:An]niuc]:" tqk]:'!sw]:PU:nc]:siiuc]:hw];KL:'kw]KL:tUc].niuc]kGL,pun]:tL,hw]; hL;mUn].Em;An]tUc].tac],lat]:nn].'lUv]:tc];hG]:Aw]An]wL:'mk];Kan];w}.ciun];etL,lL50pYL;($50 limit)n}nn].'Em;la}:SG],wL:'ciun];etL,lL100pYL;($100 limit)nn].KL:yw]."@ epL;wL: nn]yw].ekL:' etl}:Aw]lgc]:nn].Aup],AUw];eSEk:lit]:yw].tUw]:kGL,' kgn],Agn]miUw]:p},Kiun]; mL;sU;tI:Aup],AUw];An]tUc].tac],lat]:w}.cw]:piuc];mn];nn].yw].' (mUn].Em;kGL,Sc]wL:eKL:mUn]. Em;nn].pQn]An]hp].tUk];lUc];epL;n})"

 Formal: The change suggested is made as a motion. E. g., "Mr. Chair, I move we amend the motion by replacing the $50 limit with a $100 limit." It is then discussed and resolved before returning to discuss the original motion (as amended if the amendment passes).

Aw]An]tUc].tac],lat];nn].SUc],pn]tI:ekL,mI,tI,An]niuc]:'

Sending a Motion to a Committee

            yiUc];Aan];" pac]Aup],AUw];n}.etsac]:EnmL;lgc]:wL:' An]tUc].tac],lat]:w}.cw]:piuc]; mn];n}.Am],sG]:An]lUw],nn].'kUv];kL:'tI:Et.mn];n}.'epL;pin]lqk]:la}:n}ey:KQn];pQn]An] elL;El;SUn]San]la}mQw];' nL,liUw]eSmQw];An]eKL:mUn].Em;yiun]:ygn];n}.'sac]:etAw]tac], Tiuc]'nn].kgn]yw]." epL;wL:An]tUc].tac],lat]:nn].l}:Aw]SUc],pn]Kiun];tI:ekL,mI,tI,epL;n} siuc]'sum];Aup],AUw];n}.etKa}.Aup],hUw]eKL:yg}:mn];Tqc]:An]niuc]:nn]." ekL,mI,tI,nn].Kiun];Em; tqm]:An]tUc].tac],lat]:nn].eS'Aw]An]nn].Ka}.kGL,w}.Aup],tI:pac]kum]km];etmL;nn].yw]."

Purpose: Discussion may show that the original motion is not what is needed but, rather, that the change is more complex than what the proposed amendment is able to address. If the motion is sent back to the committee, then the group moves to the next item. The committee rewrites the motion and moves it at the next meeting.

            Am],sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]" PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.etSUc],An]nn].pn]tI:ekL,mI,tI,'(etL: nc],mn];etpQn]ekL,mI,tI,kUn];ekL.lQw]n}ekL:')" Sc]wL:mI;eSekL.ekL.San]Kt];siuc]'epL;pQn] nn]ekL:An]ygn];hG]:SUc],An]nn].pn]tI:ekL,mI,tI,n}n}.'etl}:hQt];etL,kGL,wL:mn];pQn]' An]tUc].tac],lat]:An]niuc]:'nn].n}yw]."

Informal: The chair may send it to a committee (even if that be a committee of one person). If  someone objects, then the request to send it to a committee is treated as a motion.

            sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]" kUn];ekL.lG]eSAm],wL:' mn];sac]:tUc].niuc]kGL,'tL,Aw]An]tUc]. tac],lat]:nn].SUc],pn]tI:ekL,mI,tI,An]niuc]: 'wL:n}nn].yw]." An]tUc].tac],lat]:siUc]. nn]n}.'lUw],l}:mI;pL;lgc]:tac];mn];An]wL:'ygn].Sc]El:lUw],hQt];nn]n}nn].sgm];" An] tUc].tac],lat]:nn]lUw],mI;ekL.TiSgc]sgm];ekL.niuc]:"

Formal: Any person may move that the motion be sent to a committee. The motion needs to include the reason. The motion requires  a second.

tgt]:Kqp];Em;niUw]An]tUc].tac],lat]:' Voting on a Motion

            yiUc];Aan];" tL,ethp].mk];mn]:pn]'Am]nn]ekL:'TQc]pak]:pqt]:'An]tUc].tac],lat]: mL;nn].eSyw].' muk].sum];n}.sac]:l}:Ka}.kGL,Aup],Tqc]:huw]eKL:yg}:Kp].ma}sqn],pac]kum]mI;w}.nn]."

Purpose: To approve or reject the motion so that the group can move to the next agenda item.

            Am],sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]" PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.etsac]:piun]Paw],Agk],kGL,wL:'An]tUc].tac], lat]:nn].Agc],pUn].yw].'Am],nn]ekL:wL:'Sum];kan].yw].'n}!lUv]:tc];SQc]tk].ym]sUm];hp].tgn]:'@nn].pn]'miUw]:An]kU:ekL.n}.lqp]:etTuk],mqn]:sG]'(Am],nn]kU:ekL.n}.lqp]:etKt];Kiun];)nn]."nc],mn];pQn]lgk];la};piUc]An]Am],sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]nn].yU,yw].El:'kUn];Kw]:sum];eSekL.ekL.n}.sac]:etygn];wL:'hG]:tgt]:Kqp];Em;sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:hQt];nn].Aw]n}yw]."

Informal: The chair may declare that the motion is passed or defeated "by acclamation" when every one seems in favor (or every one seems opposed). As with an informal procedure, any member may ask for a formal vote.

            sgm];Tuc];k}.SU:pQn]" An]tgt]:Kqp];Em;n}.sac]:pQn]'lUv]:pn]SQc]'lUv]:An]yuk].En miuw];'Am],nn]ekL:lUv]:An]tgt]:lik]:mG]Kqp];em;lp].lp].nn]." ekL.pQn]PU:nc]:siuc]:ethgc]. sG].hG]:pn]SQc]tgn]:Kqp];Em;' epL;wL:mn];lqp]:Sac];lac];sqc];lqc];lIw}.tI;An]wL:' kUn];Pa},pL, nm]n}.ettgt]:Kqp];Em;pn]'Am],Pa},niuc]:ekL:Pa},niuc]:eSPa},Pa},nn].Am]hac].n}" epL;wL:mn]; lat]:yap],tI:tL,etwL:'An]tUc].tac],lat]:n}.Agc],pUn].yw].hiuw]'Am],nn]'tUk];Sum];kGL,yw].hiuw]n}nn].' epL;pQn]nn]ekL:' PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.ethgc].sG].yuk].Enmiuw];'(Am],nn]ekL:hG]:kUn]; tc];la}luk].suk];)'eSnp].Aan],tUv];kGL,km];ekL.ekL.'eSyw].El:'An]Aan],l}:mL;nn].Aw]la};can];pgc],Kaw],Tiuc]tI:sum];" kUn];Kw]:sum];eSekL.ekL.n}.sac]:etygn];hG]:yuk].Enmiuw];'Am], nn]ekL:'tgt]:lik]:mG]Kqp];Em;lp].lp].nn].yU,yw]."

Formal: The voting can be by voice, by a show of hands, or by a secret ballot. The chair calls for a voice vote if it seems that a clear majority will vote one way or the other. If it is hard to tell whether the motion passed or failed, then the chair calls for a show of hands (or for people to stand), each is counted, and the count reported to the group. Any member may request a show of hands or a secret ballot..

            tac];nm]Kqp];Em;An]etlUw]," Sc]siUw].wL:nG];' ma}mI:Kgt],Pgt]:muk].sum];' piUc]pa}elL; muk].sum];' Am],nn]'la};hQt];tac];Sac]:muk].sum];' siUw];nn].n}.' epL;Am],mI;l}:w}.tac],la};n} Et.' An]tUc].tac]lat]:mL;kU:An]tc];mUt];n}.etl}:Agc],pUn].kGL,'lUv]:An]kUn];Pa},pL:nm] kL:nG];kUn];tgt]:Kqp];Em;Tuk],mqn]:sG]sgm];siUw];nn].yU,yw]." Sc]wL:Kqp];Em;Kiuc]:niuc]:n}.pQn]Pa}, km].'El:'Kiuc]:niuc]:Sm],pQn]Pa},Kt];'w}.tqt]:tqt]:etL;etL;n}nn].'ekL.pQn]PU:nc]:siuc]:n}.'ettgt]:Kqp];Em;Kw]:Ek:vL;miUw]:taw].kn]'(tie-breaking vote)nn].pn]yU,yw]." muk];sum];eSsum]; sum];n}.' kgn],Agn]tac];miUw]:p},tgt]:Kqp];Em;nn].' sac]:ettqp];tt];wL:'lUw],hG]:l}:mI;Kqp];Em; nm]liUw]eSAn]pQn]Pa},pL:nm]nn].kgn],' sc],etsac]:hG]:An]tUc].tac],lat];An]niuc]:Agc], pUn].kGL,'n}nn].yU,yw]." tI:tqk]:mn];n}.sm].' sum];sum];niuc]:n}.sac]:eK;ettqp];tt];wL:' tL,etekL,Sac];hUc];tUik]:mG],n}.' epL;mn];mI;An]km].Tqm]nm]ep,sG]ep,eKL;TUn]:nL,nn].kgn], sc],etl}:hQt];'n}eS' piUw]:n}El:tI:eA,Sut];mn];n}.'lUw],l}:mI;Kqp];Em;Sgc]pun]:Sam]pun]: nn].kgn],' sc],etpn]hG]:Agc],pUn].kGL,l}:'n}nn]."

Number of votes needed: Unless the group's constitution, bylaws, or practice is otherwise, all motions pass if a majority of those voting are in favor of it. If the vote is exactly half for and half against, the chair will cast his or her tie-breaking vote. Any group may, before a vote is taken, decide to require more than a majority to pass a motion. For example, a group may decide that a new building be built only if there is overwhelming support for it, and so require at least two-thirds of the votes to pass.

            Kqp];Em;ekL.Am],mL;tgt]:" nc],An]pac]Aup],AUw];nn].sac]:etpin],lqk]:la}:tac];muc]: hn]tc].nm]'El:Aik],' nc],An]tUc].tac],lat]:nn].ekL:sac]:l}:Kam],tac];mUn].Em;nn].' kUn];tc];la}n}.sac]:tgt]:Kqp];Em;' epL;wL:Kw]l}:mL;mI;sgm];tL,Aup],AUw];w}.nn].kUv];'El:eS Am],kL;' tgt];Kqp];Em;l}:miUw]:An]'piUc]mI:Kgt],Pgt]:muk].sum];'Am],nn]'piUc]pa}elL;n}.Am],tqm]: mgk],lat]:w}.tac],la};nn].kUv];yU,yw]." puc],man],mn];n}.'pQn]miUw]:lUw],mUn].Em;piUc]mI:Kgt],Pgt], muk].sum];'El:'piUc]pa}elL;nn]." Kk].tgn]:kan]siUw];n}.n}.' puc],man],mn];lUw],l}:hG]:Aw]An] tUc].tac],lat]:nn].mL;Aup],AUw];'/mUn].Em;tI:nG];pac]kum]nn].eSEl:'Aw]SUc],pn]kU:ekL.ekL.'hQt];nn]eSyw].sc],kg}:tgt]:Kqp];Em;pn]' (pL;lUv]:An]wL:Am],pn]mUn].Em;Sc]Tqc]:') tI: pac]kum]km];etmL;' miUw]:An]etnp].Aan],pL;' Kqp];Em;ekL.Am],mL;tgt]:'(absentee votes)' siUw];nn].kuik];pL;sgm];Kqp];Em;siUw];mL;tgt]:nn].'hUm]:kn]tc];mUt];'nn].yU,yw]."

 Absentee votes: As the discussion may change views and as a motion may be amended, people can only vote if they are present for the discussion and the vote unless the constitution or bylaws states otherwise. Generally this is only when a constitution or bylaws are amended. This process generally requires the motion be discussed/amended at one meeting, sent to every one, and then voted on (with no amendments allowed) at the next meeting at which time absentee votes are counted with the votes of those present.

eKL:kYam];lik]:Krit]:yan],' Christian Scriptures

nc],An]tqm]:tgc];ma}w}.nG];kn]puk]:1nn].KL:yw].' kw]KL:Kw]:hLhQt];Sac];tqm]:Agk],' hUw]eKL:lik]:siUw];n}.' nc],An]pQn]ekL.Pgc];cm];Tam];kan]sw]:ekL.niuc]:'El:'pQn]PU:emLSa},kUw], pa};sG]mU,sum];Puc]kUn];' nn].eAL:" kw]KL:yum],wL:' kw]KL:l}:mI;eKL:Kgt],ygt]:lUp];lc]An]yG], lUc]kQw],lgc]:Agn]hUw]' luk].Aw]tI:tac];muc]:hn]Sgc]pL:Sgc]Pa},tc];nc],kn]w}.yw].'n}KL:eAL:" An]nn].sm].' pQn]An]hG]:mI;w}.tac];muc]:yiUc];Aan];l}:' Et,tI:miUw]:wL:' JPL;sw]:Pan],SGac]; pQn]hw];mL;w}.yw].eS' Kiun];piut],Enpn]lgc]:An]hw];Tuk],lIl}:hQt];etL,piUn]:tac],ekL.sUic]. hiuw]n}nn].'El:sc],wL:' tac];hU.emLSa},kUw],pa};sG]mU,sum];Puc]kUn];n}.' pQn]An]lQp]:hQn];lgc]: An]' JPL;sw]:hQt];hG]:hw];hL;siUw];n}.pQn]w}.siUc].hiuw]nn].'El:tc];An]wL:' hQt];hiuw]eSel: hw];hL;siUw];l}:pQn]kUn];mI;ApYt]:'nn].nc],kaw],KL:yw]." lgc]:pQn]Krit]:yan],n}.'sqk],EPpn] Sgc]An]n}.Pat],kn]w}.pQn]Sgc]Pa},"

As note in Chapter 1, I approach these topics as a minister and as a social psychologist. I believe that I come to the same major conclusions about leadership from both perspectives. That is to be expected since God created us and reveals how we should treat others, Social psychology thus studies how God made us, and how we are sinners also. Christianity separates the two.

tac];muc]:hn]Sgc]An]n}.'pin],pa},hQt];hG]:mI;nm]yiun];yaw];tc];nc],kn]kGL," Tm],mkYam]; lik]:lat]:w}.pn]nG];la};tac];' An]lat]:pn]kUn];miUc];tc];la}kU:ekL.tc];SQc]:tc];mUt];'tI:nG]; kU:Kaw];kU:yam];tL,eS,nn].yw]." kUv];kL:mac]pgk]:mac]lG]n}.'mn];yap]:tI:tL,etAw]'ma}mI:piun]. Kam],man],mqn]:siuw]:sG]:siUw];mI;nG];Tm],mkYam];lik]:nn].'hG]:Pat],EPkn]w}.tc];fic]:Tuc];kUn];hw];n}'El:An]' tL,etAw]hqn];tm];kGL,sgm];tI:nG];An]pQn]yU,siUw];nn].n}.mn];yap],Et.Et." eSAm],kL;'tL,hw];hL;siUw];l}:yG],mL:kL:Suc]mL;nG];pan]pQn]Krit]:yan],n}.'hw];l}:Tgm],l}:yin];Apum],tc];nm]lUc]'la}pgk]:la}km];nL,nL,wL:' hw];sac]:lut]:pw].mn];kGL,n}nn]." tac];muc]:hn]' S}a,kUw],pa};sG]mU,sum];Puc]kUn];' An]pQn]tac];muc]:hn]mI;yU,pQn]yU,yam];lQw]El:An]mG],mG],siUw]; n}.n}.' mL;Tqc]:Tqm]elL;SG],pn]tI:tac];hU.pgc],sqc];lqc];sG]hw];hG]:tiUw];Kuik].liuk].lm],lIw}.yw]." sc],wL:nn].yw].' epL;Am],mI;lgc]:pQn]Krit]:yan],n}.' hw];hL;etAm],sac]:lp].lgc];l}:wL:' An]pL;mI;nG];Sa},kUw],pa};sG]mU,sum];Puc]kUn];n}.'An]lG]pQn]An]luk].tI:'hun],hac]:TL,wrL.JPL;sw]:'(Image of God)mL;nn].el:'An]lG]pQn]An]luk].tI:'SPL,wkUn];tuin];mI;ApYt]:'(Sinful Nature of People)mL;n}nn]."

The two perspectives enrich each other. The Bible speaks in a manner that speaks to all people in all times. But sometimes it is difficult to separate the true Biblical principles from the culture and setting in which the events occur. And for those of us raised as Christians, we have heard the stories so many times that we can miss the point. Then social psychology's contemporary and fresh perspectives adds depth to our understanding. Of course, without Christianity we would be unsure what in social psychology is from the image of God and what is from the fall.

pp].Agn],pp].n}.' l}:tqm]:w}.pn]pun]:tL,kUn];miUc];tc];la}kU;ekL.El:' Am],Aac]:Aic] niUw]tac];yum],mat]:nn].Sc]' mn];l}:tqm]:w}.sgm];tac];muc]:hn]S}a,kUw],pa};sG]mU,sum];Puc]kUn]; nn].KL:yw]." eKL:kYam];lik]:An]pL;mI;w}.tI;tG]:siUw];n}.' pQn]pgt];tgn]:pL;sgm];'siUw];An]kp]; ka},tc];kn]puk]:lik]:puk]:lG]puk]:nn].'nn].KL:yw]."

This small book was written for people regardless of faith; it is written from a social psychological perspective. The following Biblical scriptures are samples of those relevant to each chapter. 

eKL:kYam];lik]:siUw];Aw]Aac]:Aic]     Scripture References

Tuk],emLkn]]   Harmony

mqt]:tiw];'5;9'        Matthew 5:9

luk].kL,'10;27'    Luke 10:27

1ekL;rin].'13;4-8' 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

yum],ym]]   Trust

mqt]:tiw];'15;14-40'   Matthew 15:14-40

kYam];cw];km],PL,'27;41'  Genesis 27:41 

kYam];cw];km],PL,'31;1-2' Genesis 31:1-2 

kYam];Agk],pa}:'20;16'      Exodus 20:16

mqt]:tiw];'2;1-23'     Matthew 2: 1-23 

kYQm];'5;12'     James 5:12 

mqt]:tiw];'25;20-21'     Matthew 25: 20-21

mqt]:tiw];'18;21-22'       Matthew 18:21-22 

rUw];m'12;19'     Romans 12:19 

rUw];m'5;8'  Romans 5:8 

KIm}:sG]      Anxiety

Pilip].pi'4;6-7'  Philippians 4:6-7 

kYam];SL,lam],'23'  Psalm 23 

kYam];SL,lam],'34;4'        Psalm 34:4 

kYam];SL,lam],'246;1-2' Psalm 46:1-2

 

kYam];SL,lam],'46;11'       Psalm 46:11

rUw];m'8;28' Romans 8:28 

 

1ekL;rin].'13;4-8'    1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

mqt]:tiw];'18;23-27'       Matthew 8:23-27 

 

kYam];cw];km],PL,'7'     Genesis 27

kYam];cw];km],PL,'28'        Genesis 28 

kYam];cw];km],PL,'33;1 - 34;20'        Genesis 33: 1 - 34:20 

mqt]:tiw];'6;24-25'        Matthew 6:24-25

liUc]:mn];'    Issues

mak].'12;14'    Mark 12:14

mak].'10;25'     Mark 10:25 

kn]puk]:'5'el,Ep,sqk],suiw];'     CHAPTER 5:  Labeling

kYam];cw];km],PL,'3;1-24' Genesis 3: 1-24

Pilmn],'17-17' Philemon 16-17

1ekL;rin].'3;2-7'  1 Corinthians 3:2-7 

klL,ti'3;28'        Galatians 3:28 

 

luk].kL,'10;29-37'        Luke 10:29-37 

mak].'12;14'    Mark 12:14 

 

yiUc];ma}siUw];KG]:EK.kn]Aw]'   Competitive Goals

mqt]:tiw];'6;24'   Matthew 6:24 

 

mqt]:tiw];'20;20-21'        Matthew 20:20-21

mqt]:tiw];'20;26'  Matthew 20:26

2hUw]hup]:puin];pQn]'10;13-16'       2 Chronicles 10:13-16 

 

yiUc];ma}siUw];Kw]:kn]w}.'     Interlocked Goals

1ekL;rin].'12;14-26'       1 Corinthians 12:14-26 

mqt]:tiw];'20;20-24'        Matthew 20:20-24

mqt]:tiw];'20;24-28'       Matthew 20:25-28

1ekL;rin].'13;4-8' 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ekL,Sac]:hQt];hG]:Tuk],emLkn]

kgn];w}.lgc]:Kgc].Km]tiUk]:tn]

(lk];Sam]lk];piUc]lIyiUc]:)

rit].KYt].EA,l]kUw];Sat].KY]' (PI,AQk].KY]tI<)'

hUc];hQn];Sa},kUw],pa};sG]'

sum];Sqm]mI,nL,la};tI,AUw],elL;kYIKiut];kap]:sn].sgm]fU;lL;'

pL;lUv]:lgc]:km].sg}:tI:Aqm]piUw]pEl;Sqn].'el:'lL;mL;erL;pt].'(PI,AQk].KY]tI<) '

epL;SUKG]:Aw]lik]:n}.pin],EpkGam];SUsiuc]' tqm]:lik]:AI;em;l]Tiuc]mL;tI:' Rgorsuch@Fuller.Edu' n}.tL.'

Sun],sw]:Kgc]' mI;miUw]:liUn]nUw],wqm],pL,'pI2011'

(Sun],mik]:ma}kun],mI;w}.')

Build Harmony

Manage Conflict

(The Three Pillars Model)

Richard L. Gorsuch, PhD

School of Psychology

Fuller Theological Seminar

With the assistance of Amber Pleasant and Lamar Robert, PhD.

If you wish this translated into your language, e-mail Rgorsuch@Fuller.Edu

Copyright Nov. 2011

(All rights reserved)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------